bakerstreet | (no subject)

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[meme] crack

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Wish Fulfillment Meme
(AKA a slightly different AU meme)

ROLL IT OR DON'T WHATEVER
THIS IS NOW AN ALTERNATE REALITY
(Disclaimer: Characters don't actually have to be aware anything's different and it probably works better if they're not anyway, this is wish fulfillment right here)

SUPERHERO WORLD: Put on your capes and keep your undies on the outside kids, it's time to save the world. Only those with the coolest names and the least crappy powers can survive in a world that doesn't understand. And something about responsibility I guess.
PIRATE WORLD: Because a whole meme dedicated to pirates isn't enough, it's never enough, never. Swash those buckles and put Errol Flynn to shame.
COWBOY WORLD: More lawless outlaws and people who don't need no stinkin' badges. Just make sure you're not the kind who wears flamboyant pink or you might mess up the timeline.
ROCK STAR WORLD: Sex, drugs, and stupid-looking outfits. From Gaga to Mercury to Richards to Jones, these proud innovators of the musical world (and other guys who played music I guess) pioneer new ways to look ridiculous and still get laid all the time. CATCH A PIECE OF THAT MAGIC AND BECOME A JUKE BOX HERO.
ROBOT WORLD: I don't even know anymore I'm just throwing this in here for the hell of it. You're robots. I guess do whatever robots do when they're not fantasizing about calculators.
DETECTIVE WORLD: Hard-boiled flatfoots chase crooked criminals in the black-and-white streets of a vaguely early 1900's America because that's the only place that ever had hard-boiled detectives, shut up, it's historical fact.
POTPOURRI WORLD: ROBOT COWBOY ROCK STARS. WHO ARE ALSO DINOSAURS.

I rescind the apology I was going to give for this meme because robot cowboy rock star dinosaurs.

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I think I might be able to brave the summer sun if we have an actual destination in mind.

Your sources actually there right now?

I think so. We'll find out when we get there.

...and I think we can leave the trenchcoats behind. The fedoras will be enough.

Works for me.

[This time, when they exit, the heat is only slightly unbearable. She makes it all the way to the car this time, claiming the passenger's seat with a faint groan.]

Onward, ho?

[And he climbs into the passenger seat. Don't worry, officer, I have a license?

Unfortunately, there's no air conditioning in film noir land, so he opens his window. Only moderately helpful, really. He starts up the car and grins at Zatanna.]

Onward and...forward.

[The engine roars to life, and the licensed(?) driver hits the gas. The resultant air that blows through the open windows is a vast improvement. Her eyes close, and she reaches for her hat as the breeze sweeps her hair back]

Much better.

[Don't worry, he's a good driver.]

Nothing like the wind in your hair. Almost makes me want to grab a Coke and go to the beach. Too bad we have crimes to solve.

Reward for a job well done?

Sounds like a plan.

[He pulls up to a small bank. Crime tape surrounds it and there are cops everywhere.]

Wow, I really hope one of my contacts is here today.

Leave it to me.

[Rolling up the sleeves of her shirt, she confidently steps out of the car and right over to the front entrance. The two cops on guard duty catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of their eye. Recognition apparently sets in, because one of them even smirks.]

At ease, boys.

[A few brief moments of hushed conversation, and the cops each step aside.]

[She turns back to her partner looking about as smug as smug could get.]

All set. We're in.

[Uh...

He gets out of the car, obviously confused. He walks up next to her and whispers]

Magic or good old-fashioned charm?

[She's about to answer, when there's a wolf-whistle from somewhere behind her.]

[...which promptly earns a roll of the eyes and shout of 'Not even in your dreams', before she turns back with the most innocent of smiles.]

The second one.

[For good measure, he give the guy a BAT-GLARE, learned from the master himself. That's no way to treat a lady, dude.]

Am I supposed to do the jealous partner thing and punch him or...?

Depends. Are you jealous?

Nah. I know you like me better because I'm not a jerk. Therefore, no competition and therefore no jealousy.

I'm almost disappointed.

[Winking, she turns and heads inside]

Sorry, I'll work on being more of a jerk in the future.

[He looks around. Okay, nothing particularly noticeable from a casual glance. But, of course, even the pervy cops outside would've found something if the thieves had been that obvious.]

Hey, I said 'almost'.

See anything out of place?

No, nothing so far. If there was any obvious evidence, our oh-so-charming police officer friends probably took it away by now.

Weird.

Aren't they supposed to preserve the crime scene until all parties have thoroughly investigated.

Theoretically. Honestly, unless the commissioner is here, the quality of work can drop a lot.

Or there's some kind of cover-up. But jumping to conclusions won't help, even if it's kind of fun.

But I like fun.

Especially fun that would fit. In the event of a brownout, who're usually the first to be alerted? Aside from the people actually at the scene.

I see where this is going. We can't really talk to them without arousing suspicions and...possibly other things. [He makes a face.] So we should look around, talk to witnesses. Odds are, somebody saw something.

Right.

Think there's actually a witness report? That would certainly help us in our search.

Maybe. But if we're going on the theory that the cops might be involved, even if it's only one of them, the witness report might not be reliable.

So, what you're telling me, is that we can't really trust anyone or anything at the crime scene.

Now this was worth getting cooked alive.