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Wish Fulfillment Meme
(AKA a slightly different AU meme)

ROLL IT OR DON'T WHATEVER
THIS IS NOW AN ALTERNATE REALITY
(Disclaimer: Characters don't actually have to be aware anything's different and it probably works better if they're not anyway, this is wish fulfillment right here)

SUPERHERO WORLD: Put on your capes and keep your undies on the outside kids, it's time to save the world. Only those with the coolest names and the least crappy powers can survive in a world that doesn't understand. And something about responsibility I guess.
PIRATE WORLD: Because a whole meme dedicated to pirates isn't enough, it's never enough, never. Swash those buckles and put Errol Flynn to shame.
COWBOY WORLD: More lawless outlaws and people who don't need no stinkin' badges. Just make sure you're not the kind who wears flamboyant pink or you might mess up the timeline.
ROCK STAR WORLD: Sex, drugs, and stupid-looking outfits. From Gaga to Mercury to Richards to Jones, these proud innovators of the musical world (and other guys who played music I guess) pioneer new ways to look ridiculous and still get laid all the time. CATCH A PIECE OF THAT MAGIC AND BECOME A JUKE BOX HERO.
ROBOT WORLD: I don't even know anymore I'm just throwing this in here for the hell of it. You're robots. I guess do whatever robots do when they're not fantasizing about calculators.
DETECTIVE WORLD: Hard-boiled flatfoots chase crooked criminals in the black-and-white streets of a vaguely early 1900's America because that's the only place that ever had hard-boiled detectives, shut up, it's historical fact.
POTPOURRI WORLD: ROBOT COWBOY ROCK STARS. WHO ARE ALSO DINOSAURS.

I rescind the apology I was going to give for this meme because robot cowboy rock star dinosaurs.

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Me too.

[There's a totally not-shady group of three young men standing at the end of the alley, talking in raised voices about money owed to the West Siders.]

I think this is where we say "bingo."

Now the question is, who do we have approach first? Me or you?

Either of us will throw them off. If I approach, they might be aggressive. If you approach, they might be aggressive or hit on you. Or both.

I could deal with the latter. And maybe I could distract them long enough to give you a one-up?

I don't need long. I'll position myself above [He gestures at the fire escape overhead.]. If you could lure them closer over here, I can come down on them from above.

I can do that.

[She cracks her knuckles]

Time to put those acting classes I never took to some good use. Wish me luck.

[Whoooosh and he's vanished, but not before saying:] I think they're the ones who are gonna need luck.

[She has to hide the smirk as she approaches, trying to look as naive and bewildered as possible.]

E-excuse me? I was wondering if you gentleman could help me?

[It worked; the paused their argument long enough to see who dared interupt. At the sight of Zatanna's smile, however, the angry glares melted away into smirks.]

Well, hello, there. Little lost, are we now?

That's right. I was looking for the Cinema. Tell me, am I heading in the right direction?

Oh, you're in luck. We know exactly where to bring you.

[She has their full attention now. Which would have been frightening if she hadn't caught a glimpse of Robin coming up from behind.]

[He jumps down silently and leg-sweeps the closest guy. The other turns around and both go to draw their weapons. But before they even get their guns out of their holsters, Robin's disarmed them both with two swift kicks. He knocks them against the wall and has them all cornered

He grins at Zatanna] Nice job.

I'd like to thank the Academy.

[Joking aside, she steps up to help Robin in restraining them. Voice as sugary-sweet as during her act, she asks them as a collective:]

Like I was saying. I could really use your help, boys. My friend here's got a few questions for you, and I'd just love for you to answer.

[Robin turns on "vigilante mode" and leans in toward the guys. One chuckles a little ("What're you gonna do, little boy?") and Robin simply smiles back.

And pulls out a grapple. And strings the laughing guy to it. And shoots it into the air so that the guy is danging a good twenty feet off the ground.]

That. That's what I'm gonna do, big boy.

[Zee lingers back, still holding the one guy in a particularly painful stronghold. Smirking with approval.]

I do so love watching you work sometimes.

Right back at you. Nice hold.

[He turns to the last remaining guy who is finally realizing that he done messed with the wrong kids.]

Now. I want to know more about the West Side gang. Because, between you and me, your friends are getting off easy and I get a little...testy when I get impatient.

[The man's face turned red from the rush of blood to his head. A few mumbled words came out, but nothing coherent.]

I think he's ready to talk.

[He would make a joke about how he was more ready to pop but he must be serious. For once.]

Speak up. I want to know about the West Side gang. Base of operations, bosses, generals, the whole deal.

I don't know all that! Man, I'm just a street dealer!

Then tell us what you do know.

[She was starting to get impatient]

And hurry up. My friend's getting impatient.

O-okay, okay! I get my supplies from a guy on 45th street. Darren. Don't know his last name. That's all I know, I swear!

Right, because I'm going to believe you when you swear on something. I know you know more. Spill.

I don't know nothin' else! [Robin chucks a Batarang dangerously close to the guy's face.]

What about other customers? Any standouts? Say, girls who don't look like they belonged?

[For emphasis, Robin gives the guy a "you'd better answer this or I'll throw another Batarang" face.]

Uh, there was this one girl. Blonde, looks rich. 'scept she's not lookin' so rich anymore.

[They shared a glance. Jackpot.]

Tell us more about the girl.

Ain't much else to tell! She went the same way they all went. Got more desperate. Skinnier. Used to be a looker, 'till she finally let it get to her. Same ol' same ol'.

Where does she hang out?

Man, I don't know. I'm guessin' 46th street. Probably waiting for me.

[Shares a look with Zee. Ready to hunt down a wayward daughter?]

[Nod]

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

[She lets her thug go, brushing off her hands as she proceeds to ignore his groans of pain as he hits the ground. Turns to her partner.]

Shall we?

We shall.

[He tosses a Batarang and cuts the other guy down.]

[They walk off together.]

I've never been to that part of town before.

Yeah, it's not exactly a tourist hotspot. Just stick close; we don't want to get separated.