bakerstreet | (no subject)

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[meme] crack

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Wish Fulfillment Meme
(AKA a slightly different AU meme)

ROLL IT OR DON'T WHATEVER
THIS IS NOW AN ALTERNATE REALITY
(Disclaimer: Characters don't actually have to be aware anything's different and it probably works better if they're not anyway, this is wish fulfillment right here)

SUPERHERO WORLD: Put on your capes and keep your undies on the outside kids, it's time to save the world. Only those with the coolest names and the least crappy powers can survive in a world that doesn't understand. And something about responsibility I guess.
PIRATE WORLD: Because a whole meme dedicated to pirates isn't enough, it's never enough, never. Swash those buckles and put Errol Flynn to shame.
COWBOY WORLD: More lawless outlaws and people who don't need no stinkin' badges. Just make sure you're not the kind who wears flamboyant pink or you might mess up the timeline.
ROCK STAR WORLD: Sex, drugs, and stupid-looking outfits. From Gaga to Mercury to Richards to Jones, these proud innovators of the musical world (and other guys who played music I guess) pioneer new ways to look ridiculous and still get laid all the time. CATCH A PIECE OF THAT MAGIC AND BECOME A JUKE BOX HERO.
ROBOT WORLD: I don't even know anymore I'm just throwing this in here for the hell of it. You're robots. I guess do whatever robots do when they're not fantasizing about calculators.
DETECTIVE WORLD: Hard-boiled flatfoots chase crooked criminals in the black-and-white streets of a vaguely early 1900's America because that's the only place that ever had hard-boiled detectives, shut up, it's historical fact.
POTPOURRI WORLD: ROBOT COWBOY ROCK STARS. WHO ARE ALSO DINOSAURS.

I rescind the apology I was going to give for this meme because robot cowboy rock star dinosaurs.

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But I like fun.

Especially fun that would fit. In the event of a brownout, who're usually the first to be alerted? Aside from the people actually at the scene.

I see where this is going. We can't really talk to them without arousing suspicions and...possibly other things. [He makes a face.] So we should look around, talk to witnesses. Odds are, somebody saw something.

Right.

Think there's actually a witness report? That would certainly help us in our search.

Maybe. But if we're going on the theory that the cops might be involved, even if it's only one of them, the witness report might not be reliable.

So, what you're telling me, is that we can't really trust anyone or anything at the crime scene.

Now this was worth getting cooked alive.

[He grins] It's like it was made for us.

Let's start with the safe deposit box room.

One problem. We're only legally allowed to search anything in our direct line of sight. Anything locked up is off-limits.

[And picking the locks would also be illegal. Way to take the fun out of it, laws]

Then let's see what we can legally see.

After you.

[The safe was open, thanks to the ongoing investigation. A few cops were busy checking some of the higher boxes at that particular moment.]

[Zatanna parks herself against the wall just inside]

Now all I need is some popcorn.

[He scoots on in next to her.]

And dramatic music.

[He spots something glinting from a safe deposit box. He leans forward slightly.]

It looks like there's a piece of hair stuck in that safe deposit box. And not for safekeeping, I bet.

[She takes a good look herself, then leans in to whisper:]

Black. Really black. Either a wig, or dye.

[Whispers back:]

Either is possible. But why wear a wig? Wouldn't wearing a hat be easier, especially with this heat?

Two reasons: either somebody who was suffering severe hair loss, or a woman who's just really, borderline masochistically vain.

So, our suspect so far is has unnaturally black hair and may or may not be masochistically vain.

Do you see anything else in here? I think they're bound to notice us soon.

[She bites her lip and returns her focus to the room. Scanning up an down the walls.]

...box 2396. It's clean.

[He grins.]

Good work. Let's get out of here.

And let's find out who owns that box.

This is where you take over. You're the intel guy.

Gimme a sec.

[He walks nonchalantly over to the main desk. He can't out-and-out dig through the files, but he can perhaps accidentally bump a closed file off the desk and look at its contents on the ground.

...2396... The mayor?

He caaaaarefully replaces the file and walks back over to Zatanna.]

It belongs to the mayor. This just gets more and more suspicious.

[As always, she is forever impressed by his complete lack of discretion and sheer luck at not getting caught.]

No kidding.

The question is: is he a part of this, or is he just another victim?

[He's very impressive in that regard, yes. Hey, if he can't break the law, he doesn't really know what to do when it comes to info-gathering.]

Good question. Maybe it's blackmail? Either on him or on someone else.

That would explain why the city's not-so-finest would be working to cover up a crime scene.

Now it's starting to come together. This is why these are my favorite kinds of cases.

Mine too.

Great minds think alike.

Good, because we're going to need both our minds to solve this one.

I'm certainly not going anywhere.