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the only one who can fuck me is me.

would you fuck your clone?
a crack meme for pondering the impossible...

A question as old as time, or at least as old as Buzzfeed. How many intellectuals over the years have pondered the very same question you're being faced with now? Did Socrates wonder about the moral quandaries that accompany clone sex? Did Plato? Does a dilemma so complex have a right answer? If so, does your character know it?

how to play

1. Your character has been posed the question, 'Would you fuck your clone?' Top-levels should be responses to this question. Blank top-levels will be deleted.

2. Chat around with others and debate over the ethics of engaging your hypothetical clone in such a way.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Who's asking?! Why do I have to answer?!

[ Who PUT HIM HERE??? ~~I did and he has to pay for my chaos.~~ ]

In any case, the answer is hell no.

Really? Why not? I would've thought you'd be the perfect catch for yourself.

Absolutely not. The feedback from our powers clashing would probably cause brain damage...

[ That or make the sex absolutely incredible, who knows? He sure doesn't. ]

........Maybe if the clone was a woman.....

Good point. You don't want to fry that useful head of yours like an egg.

[Though perhaps he would taste good baked??]

...oh~? So is that the real main hurdle? You just prefer the soft touch of a woman?

The smile you're giving me screams "Actually, I'm curious to see what might happen..."

[ He snorts, smiling after. ]

I mean, maybe? I haven't been with that many guys. Even if he's a clone, it could still be awkward for me, I guess.

Well, yeah. If it didn't end up being a sensory overload then think how amazing that'd be! You'd get some kind of horny feedback loop.

[She can only imagine what life is like for an empath, though maybe it's sort of similar to the armatus?]

That would take some getting used to, I suppose. Even if it is essentially just masturbation. ...it would be, right?

A horny feedback loop...

I suppose there are worse ways to go.

[ Kaito shakes his head. ]

I guess it would just be like masturbating? What kind of frame of reference do we really have?

[ The empath's eyes flash blue as a water clone floods into view next to him. Despite being a translucent glowing liquid, it's shaped exactly like its creator. ]

For the record, this is the best I can conjure.

Right? I think I'd choose that over getting stabbed or the like.

[Folding both hands behind her head, Rose hums in thought.]

That's a fair point. I guess it would depend on if your criteria for it required you to be alone. .....although would it could as having someone else around when it's still you?

[Ugh, she's giving herself a headache... Though her frown disappears as the clone forms beside Kaito. Unable to help herself, she reaches out to lightly touch it's shoulder.]

That's still not bad! I'm sure there's plenty you could do with that. Can you feel whatever touches it?

[ Amusement glimmers in Kaito's gaze as he watches Rose poke the clone. Its 'skin' is soft but definitely solid—at least, until a slight amount of pressure leads to her finger pushing through the surface to feel warm... slime??? It's definitely thicker than water.

Is this a slime clone??????? ]

There is. [ Hm. ] No, I haven't learned how to extend my sense of touch to detached water, but..

[ Lifting his hand, he transforms it into a liquid fist before patting Rose's head. It is unfortunately quite wet all around, unlike the clone. Enjoy. ] I can feel this just like normal.

[Wow, talk about a weird feeling. It's not far off from flan, she'd say, at least until her finger is inside the damn thing. Eughhhh it really is like prodding a slime! So much for water??

...though after cringing at the initial sensation, it starts to actually feel kinda... nice? And since Kaito doesn't get any sort of feedback from it, Rose goes the whole hog and sticks both hands in there, wiggling her fingers about.]

Hey, y'know, this could make for a relaxing bath or something. It's gooey, but pleasant to the touch once you get used to it.

[In turning to glance his way she gets a large patch of wet hair, leading her to hunch up her shoulders as the water runs down her face.] Man, I bet that'd be great if you're into sensation play.

[ As soon as Rose shoves her hands into the clone, Kaito clicks his tongue and its composition changes back to pure liquid. Its shape is still mostly retained, but now the Goop is Gone...

If the clone had visible facial features, it'd probably be cringing. ]

I've learned that I can manipulate my water into various states, but I'm most comfortable with liquid and... That. [ He doesn't dare call it slime. Kaito shifts his hand back to normal before twirling a finger to draw the water that accidentally got on Rose away. ]

I can say with reasonable certainty that it is, in fact, pretty great.

[ Seven hundred hours of experience... ]

[Despite her initial misgivings about the substance, Rose's reaction to being left playing in water is one of major disappointment, with a full blown pout making its way onto her lips. Spoilsport. Determined to be a pain, she continues swishing her hands around in the water anyway.

Sorry, water clone. You're just too much fun.]

The gloop? ["Gloop" is a slightly better term than "slime", right? Not that she really cares what it's called. It's all just a name for something enjoyable anyway.

Once the water is removed from her head, she flashes Kaito a smile of thanks that turns into a knowing, shit-eating grin. Oh, he does now does he?]

Maybe someday you and me can have a bit of fun in it. I think I'm starting to get used to the sensation on my skin.

[She wants a turn at it, dammit!]

[ Water Clone #1 blows a sigh, which ends up loosing some bubbles towards Rose's face. ]

I suppose "gloop" is the lesser of several evils... [ Kaito grins, acquiescing to the reality that there's no good way to say it. At her cheeky little suggestion, he flicks his hand—and his arm from the elbow down transforms into a tendril of liquid (solid? goop???) that he stretches around Rose's shoulders before booping her lips. ]

Are you sure you want to see this side of me?

His tone is teasing, but there's more than a mere hint of insecurity behind it.

[Watching the bubbles for a moment, Rose huffs and puffs to try sending them back towards their maker, grinning.]

Yeah, don't make me list all the worse ideas I had, because there's a lot of them. [Simply because there's not a lot of positive terms for such a substance, though in this case Rose thinks there should be. As Kaito's arm transforms into the... stuff, she watches it warily just in case he plans on being a huge tease about it.

When all it does is tap her on the lips, she smiles, eyes flicking towards his as she leans forward to kiss the tendril. Hmm... Not bad.]

I think I can handle it. It sure as hell beats you being some kind of insect or ghost. The thing is, are you comfortable with it?

[Bringing up one of her hands, she reassuringly strokes his liquid one gently. It really isn't such a gross substance when it's not trying to eat her, and in fact it's rather comforting.]

Spare my dignity, please. [ Kaito huffs a laugh before freezing up. The shiver starts from his liquid limb and spreads all the way along his body. It's light but clearly visible.

His smile grows. ]

...Admittedly, it's not something I've shown other people. At least, not in a, er. Intimate capacity? [ The tendril feels a bit like the clone, but with a firmer surface that would likely take much more effort to break open and feel all the gloopy bits inside. How did I get to this point? ]

In any case, I wouldn't mind. Not with you.

Consider it spared, then. [The possible naming schemes are all going by the wayside as Kaito goes still, that ever o slight motion not going unnoticed by Rose, whose smile becomes knowing.]

I can understand that. It is different, but I don't consider that to be a bad thing. It just takes some getting used to. You're still you, though, Kaito, so it doesn't bother me what shape you take. [Just to prove her point she takes the tendril in hand, carefully placing a kiss to what she hopes is the top of it. Since it is a part of him, she wouldn't dare try breaching it without his go ahead in case it were to cause him some kind of pain.]

Well, for what it's worth, I certainly wouldn't say no to the offer, either.

Of course I would! She's me, and who wouldn't want to?

[Oh no. This is one of those lies that's such a deep un-truth that it circles back around to being honest again... but only in certain circumstances.]

I like your attitude. Who indeed.

Funny you say that because I finished fixing that part of the lab...!

No.

[If only because she feels like it wouldn't work out the way SHE wanted it to.]

Oh, that was fast! [He wondered just what sort of impression she had of his false bodies. The attention to detail, he supposed, would be impeccable but she already knew he had twisted tastes when it came to the artificial personalities.]

Then, what if it really was you and not a virtual intelligence?

You're not satisfied?

[Honestly, truly, she'd probably hate herself. The irksome self-loathing quality her petite vessel had ran so deep that it manifested easily in Ereshkigal and a bit in Ishtar as well. Though, if it was less two Ishtars and instead One Ishtar and One Ereshkigal... maybe it could work...

Two halves becoming a whole.]

I'd wonder if you simply needed a break from me. [A little slip of a smile and he shrugged, voice colored by curiosity.]

...You and I know deflection calls attention to itself more than outright denial.

Hmph. You're just disappointed you won't get double head.

[She can swerve back!!! Just watch!]

As if I'd deny that. It was absolutely the first thing that came to mind.

[More importantly! He wouldn't be swayed by the channel with programming designed specifically for him!]

Would you only prefer that I worship you? I'd be overly tempted to thrust a mirror upon you while I play between your thighs~...

Perhaps that would be a more worthwhile endeavor were I still in my original body.

[Though it's this Ishtar he fell for. This amalgamation of goddess and girl. A unique combination that created someone so vibrant and colorful.]

I know--you spoil me. [His Ishtar.

More gentle than usual, he dipped to brush a kiss against her cheek.]

So, I'll spoil you more... until you shove me away.

[A sigh, but even if it sounds exasperated she doesn't try to swat him aside. Instead she lets him linger and cards her fingers through his hair.]

Aren't I always shoving you away, though?

[Girl, get real. You're practically clingy the moment he plays keep-away.]

[Humming, he sunk into her more gently to leave another kiss at her jaw just shy of her ear.]

I'd be remiss to not feel dejected when you flit away from me but I'm always overjoyed when you return, demanding to be held.

[Just imagine TWO...]

I don't do that.

[Said without her usual bite because she knows she does. Ishtar tries nuzzling back, but his stubble scratches against her soft cheek. It makes her squirm a bit and make a little noise in her throat, but she doesn't hate it.]

[For a little while, he worried she was in a melancholic mood after that topic but when she returned his affection, he could only think she'd been particularly darling that afternoon.]

Whether you demand it or not, I'll fulfill whichever craving for touch you have, though... [Deliberately, he slid his hand up from under her arm to hold Ishtar when he reached up to touch his cheek.] Should I be shaving more often? Your skin is so fair, I'd hate to keep making you brave the barbs of my stubble to bless me with your company.

Hmm? Maybe I should just pluck them out one by one~

[She pinches one of the hairs between her nails and gives it a little tug. A gentle threat.]

H-H-H-Hold on a moment! [He leaned in because she must have known to pick a hair on a sensitive spot.]

The soft skin of the cheek is much more sensitive than the chin--wait, I'll pinch your bottom so you can see--!

Hah! As if you haven't already done that before! Take this!

[SHE'LL PLUCK OUT THREE HAIRS JUST TO BE A BRAT]

AAA!

[Half in awe at her precision and half doe-eyed over her being moody because he loves it. Obviously, he needed to pull her in for another smooch--that next time being playfully messy just to raise her hackles.]

I get it! Was I not giving you enough affection?

[ AAA ]

Stop! Stop! You're getting off topic! Don't make me file for divorce!

[The emptiest threat a Rinface has ever made.]

[Grinning at her woefully empty threat, Kisuke grew bolder. If anything, the noise was guaranteeing nobody was going to come to the sitting room for the rest of the afternoon as he tried embarrassing smooch after embarrassing smooch.

Ishtar was without backup.]

Oh, you want to go back on topic? What makes you think I'll be more merciful then?

Edited (idk how i snuck a line in there) 2023-09-29 02:36 (UTC)

[Lets see if he can smooch when she SQUISHES HIS CHEEKS with both of her palms!]

The mercy would be needed for your feelings. I would not survive two of me, as I can barely survive being one half of a pair already.

[The barrier she created with her hands--he'd just kiss her palms instead.]

Oomf! Concerned for my feelings? Really--I'm flattered that you think I'm so delicate.

Hoh? Are you saying that if you were to create a second, and we both perished at each other's hand, that you would not have hurt feelings over the result?

[DO YOU WANT HER DEAD LIKE DUMUZID DID? Well, that's the implication at least.]

My, well, then I'd be devastated if either of you perished, both real and artificial. Even the image of you lost in a foggy mirror is a great tragedy.

[He could make the metaphor worse or--]

Terrifying a proposition as you're suggesting it is, I think I'd be more of a nuisance and use every unfair tool to keep you two safe. That said, I'm certain a more creative soul would know what to do with the notion but I believe it would be an excellent test to see if I could make you twice as happy as you are, right?

Hahhhhh... you're really married to the idea, aren't you? Just continuing to make excuses. I think you'd better off trying to ask my sister!

[Ahahaha. He could never. She's safe that way at least...]

My love for you comes with the realization that you'll be new and different with each day in increasingly wonderful, unpredictable, potentially dangerous, and dazzling ways. As such, there's the wrinkle--my imagination pales in comparison to you and I'd never truly be able to pay you tribute that way.

[Another embarrassingly dramatic smooch--]

I can do that in thousands of different and much more flattering ways after all.

Hey, I already fuck myself every day so why the hell not?

[Have an alternate universe version of yourself... Jason blows a kiss at his alternate, and jokes,] Hey, baby! You could sound more enthused, you know!

Oh, I'm real fucking enthused. I give great head.

Of course you do. We're a natural at it.

We don't look the same though, what's up with that? I mean... I've got way better lips and no receding hairline.

Rude little bitch! [Jason laughs. He fluffs his own hair, to demonstrate that it's shorter, hence why it's showing more of his forehead.]

We're from different universes, not clones. You know there's a world where Bruce is a vampire? Things go really different in different universes.

As if you're not?

[if he really is another Jason Todd, he sure as hell is.]

A vampire? And what the fuck were we?

No, I totally am. Ask Dick.

[That's why he was laughing.]

Werewolf, I think. Dick in that universe was a vampire hunter, and Babs was a vampire.

I'd rather not.

Sounds like a lame ass universe. I'm good where I'm at.

Yeah, other universes are a total headtrip. It's better to stay home.

In some universes we don't even exist.

Never sure if we don't exist, or if we were just smart enough to stay away from the cape and cowl crowd.

Smart enough? That sounds like a big fucking lose to me.

Maybe it goes different for you. I don't know your life, so I can't judge.

But me? This life took a lot from me. [Jason gives a wry sort of smile.] And I'm only starting to put the pieces back together, years later.

This is the best shit has ever been for me. Wouldn't change any of it. What'd you do to fuck it all up, huh?

[cause yeah, it's always him. them. whatever.]

I tried to save my mother's life.

When you were a kid?

When I was Robin.

My biological mother is not the one who raised me. I only found out about it after... being adopted. I wanted to meet her, and... when I located her, it turned out that the Joker there already, making threats. I went in to help her, to save her... and the Joker ambushed me.

[The telling is sparse, certain details omitted. Even after everything, there's a part of him that wants to protect his mother.]

I haven't been the same since. There are things... wrong with my brain.

...Are you sure you're me, dude? Cause that sounds like a whole lotta shit that doesn't have anything to do with my life.

...you ever meet the redheaded Jason Todd?

Now you're just fucking with me.

Hand to my heart, he's real! There's a couple worlds where the second Robin is a redheaded kid named Jason Todd. I have no idea why we have the same name and the same role but are such different people.

I mean, not that red heads are a bad thing... I fucking love 'em. But it's still weird.

Yeah, I... definitely hear you on that... [Jay murmurs, thinking on one redhead in particular. And not his alternate.]

We have wandered far afield of the original topic.

[ wow, so they have red heads in common. that's hardly a lot of things. ]

I never got adopted, though.

[ that part still stands out. it bothers him a lot, actually. ]

Uh huh. Would you fuck your clone?

It apparently took forever for Dick to get adopted. Like, I guess B was worried it'd look like he was trying to replace Dick's parents? [Jay shrugs after offering up that tidbit.]

Uh, depends on what "fucking" entails. Cos, like, I've been with few girls but I haven't done much with guys.

But you said something about a birth mother. Wait... you meant Bruce adopted you?

Do you wanna fuck a guy?

My dad, Willis, cheated on his wife, Cat, and I'm the result of that. But they both raised me as theirs and never told me about my birth mother.

I only found out the truth after they both died. After I'd been adopted by Bruce.

[He's getting better at condensing things down. He used to ramble endlessly when telling stories... At that second question, Jay shrugs.]

I'm interested but kind of intimidated by the idea? If I actually was gonna fuck my clone, it'd probably be... I dunno, trading awkward handjobs? [He gives a dismissive, snorted laugh directed at himself.] Not exactly something to brag about, y'know?

Well that's not me. No fucking way.

[last thing he needs is another mess. another person to think he's a fucking mistake. jesus christ. he also can't imagine Bruce would ever want to adopt him, and that part just makes him jealous.]

Yeah, I'm not that much of a loser.

[Jay just looks confused by that comment.] Exactly what did I say that makes me a loser?

[How he responds is going to depend on what part brought down his alternate's disdain.]

[no part of it really makes this older Jason a loser, but this little fuckhead is upset about things now.]

First of all, all of it. Second of all, awkward handjobs?

[Jay shrugs.] I might be attracted to men, but I haven't gotten intimate with a guy before.

~~[Rushed alleyway blowjobs to make money so you don't starve... they don't count. He does not say this part out loud. It is too shameful to share.]~~

And if my clone is brand new... [He pauses, sighs.] Dawn says I take these hypothetical situations too seriously.

It would be your clone, though. Not just some rando.

Yeah I mean, clearly what I said about it was just a fucking joke. Or a commentary on how shit in my life goes.

Your life isn't mine.

All right.

[Moment of silence, and then...]

...Did something particularly shit happen to you lately? Our lives aren't the same, and I get that, but I don't mind listening if you need to vent on shit.

I don't vent. There's no reason for it. The worst fucking thing in the world is to unload your bullshit on someone.

Unloading on someone who's not ready for it, or just out of the blue, yeah. But I offered to listen. That makes a difference.

And sometimes talking about stuff out loud helps you figure out what's wrong. Like... rubber duck debugging!

Edited (formatting) 2023-09-15 00:38 (UTC)

Nah. I'm good. Doesn't really make a difference.

Oh yeah? You big on talking?

Eh.

[Another shrug. No skin off Jay's back if this guy doesn't want to talk.]

It all depends. Time and place and topic, you know?

Shit that's wrong. We already established the topic.

[Another look of confusion, then Jay rubs at his temples with one hand.] Eds is right, I gotta stop chopping up my sentences.

That was a broad answer to what I thought was a broad question. Like, am I big on talking in general? You already said you didn't want to talk right now.

And I'm saying, bet you don't like to talk about what ever shit is wrong with you either.

I'm not asking for your life story.

If the girl at the coffee shop says "Hey Jay, you're lookin' kinda down" I'm not going to tell her my life story and how I'm deeply traumatized over taking on adult responsibilities as a child while trying to keep my sick mom alive and that's affected my entire life afterward to the point where I take on responsibility for everything, even shit I can't change.

I'm gonna tell her my job is stressful and I've been dealing with a parade of dumbasses. Or my boyfriend and I had a fight. The stuff that happened recently, the stuff she can relate to.

[Okay, maybe that tendency to ramble is still there. It's a work in progress! Jay is definitely still a work in progress.]

You're missing my point, man. But really, it's whatever.

[ Jason does ramble, but never about personal things. which was kind of his point, but like he said, whatever. ]

You got a boyfriend?

[If the point were important, then Jason would have explained it. Since he didn't, Jay's not going to pursue whatever the fuck his alternate meant. Tough cookies, poor communication happens.]

Yeah. Sweet guy, better than I deserve, but I wants to stick with me. And I want him happy, so...

[ his second point is that he clearly wants to change the subject, so whatever he meant is a moot point either way. ]

You do you, I guess. Thought the idea of being with a guy intimidated you, though.

We don't have sex.

The sex is the intimidating part.

So you're just not gonna do it?

Probably not.

Eddie says it's not necessary and we can take our time. Figure out what works for us.

Eddie, huh? I used to know someone called Eddie. Think I scared him away, though.

Your guy sounds super chill, though.

[That mention of another Eddie gets a sympathetic look, but Jay's not sure what to say.]

My Eddie had some bad experiences in the past. He wouldn't push for anything I'm not comfortable with.

[ yeah. he gets that look a lot. ]

That shit's all that really matters.

You're still intimidated though?

Yeah.

[Jay hunches his shoulders a little.] Well. The... stuff with penetration. I've never done it, Eddie had bad experiences, it's just... a lot.

And even if we don't do that, it's like... what if I screw up what we do agree to? I dunno. I worry about shit like that all the time.

[ well ok, shit. this definitely vibes with him more... though he wouldn't want to admit it. ]

Yeah.

...me too.

[Jay chews on the inside of his cheek for a little before venturing to say,] I do screw up things a lot. S'kind of a pattern, even when I try not to.

So I'm... real careful with Eddie.

[ hitting a little too close to home again, but he's not gonna get all angry and defensive this time. it just makes him feel real fucking sad. ]

Doesn't that make you feel like shit though? Like, always watching your back? Waiting to screw it up?

Sometimes. A lot of times.

When I tell Eddie that I love him, sometimes it's because I need to hear it back from him. You know? He loves me too, so I haven't screwed things up yet.

Drives me crazy, always having that in the back of my head, though. Like, how the fuck can you even do anything like that?

How can you tell someone you love them just cause you need to hear it back? That feels... I dunno. Real fucking shitty. Poisonous.

It'll wear on 'em eventually.

I say it back when he says it, too.

[It's just how they talk to each other. Don't judge when you don't have all the details, Jason.] And we promised to be honest.

[Jay lapses into silence, thinking about what Jason said. It'll wear on 'em eventually.] Maybe. No reason to stop trying to be good for him, is it?

Well yeah, but that doesn't mean you're not doing it for the wrong reason.

[ hey man, you said you wanted to talk. give all the fucking details then. ]

Sure. Honesty.

And if all that trying leads to fucking him up in the end anyway, then what?

What's wrong about saying "I love you" when you mean it? Or saying "I love you too" when you mean it?

[Give all the details like you, then? It's not an all or nothing proposition, rude little shit.]

I suppose... if he wanted me to leave, I'd leave. And if he wanted me to stay and help him fix things, then I'd stay.

Cause you said you say it cause you need to hear it back. That's fucking different.

[hey, he's not the one who said he can be all open and shit. THAT'S the point he was making earlier. let it bite you in the ass now.]

That wasn't really my question though, was it.

You said "then what". I answered about what comes after.

If you meant something else, then clarify.

[You really think you're doing something here, huh Jason? What does winning in this context even get you? Some stupidass sense of superiority?]

[ he's not trying to do something here and he's not trying to win. it's a legitimate question that seems to be flying over this dude's head because he thinks it's about doing something or winning.

apparently older Jason isn't wiser after all. ]

I dunno how much more I can black and white this. Seems like you'd just keep on fucking him up just so you can have some validation. I dunno, man. That's some shady shit to me, that's all I'm saying.

But I guess whatever works. If your guy knows what's up and signed up for this, then... that's great. More power to you both.

[The propensity for the worst case interpretation (no matter what) has just fully thrown Jay off. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what conclusion some alternate universe version of himself has drawn from partial information. It doesn't really matter if Jay can't communicate with him, as long as the people who Jay has to live with know what's going on.]

[He just shrugs, and doesn't say anything else in reply. Saying things has gotten them here.]

[ not a very active participant in a conversation then, huh. especially with a younger version of himself who could probably use some help.

then again, it makes sense. they're better at loose ends and fucking people up, rather than stepping in to help when they can. Jason's a teenager so at least he has a little bit of an excuse. this older Jason, well... maybe his excuse is that he's Jason Todd, and they're fucking trash in all universes.

or maybe this older Jason realizes that there's some logic and truth to his words. not that that's a good thing. real is better than good, though.]

My bad. I know the realization sucks. Even more when someone else calls it out. I punch people all the time. You probably do too, so you know how much it helps.

Not when you punch the wrong people.

[It was mentioned in passing earlier in the conversation, but this Jason is brain damaged. By definition, his brain doesn't work normally. Poor impulse control and emotional regulation are the major signs of it -- not that his alternate should know that, just... it's a fact. So, indeed, older is not wiser when older has a TBI.]

Anyway. Eds has friends who look out for him. I'd never isolate us so it was only me and him.

It's not like I want to be bad to him, but my brain damage can make it hard for me to make the right choices. Which is a fact I have to live with, and why I have doctors.

I don't punch the wrong people.

[ maybe he will in the future, but even then it won't be about the punching. it'll be about all the shit in his head even before the brain damage. he's already got those things. ]

All I've got is myself. I don't think... I mean. The people I date don't really have friends either, so I dunno how that would go.

What kinda doctors?

Hmm. Might be a good idea to get some friends. Even just... bein' cordial with people in... the same line of work. Social network, more folks to notice if things are off. [Another shrug.] Maybe you don't need it, but it's a thought. If isolation is a problem.

Mm, neurologists, mostly. Keepin' an eye on the actual brain function. Eds goes to a therapist for his own stuff.

Oh yeah sure, I'll just go get some friends along with a six pack of beer at the corner store.

[if only it was that easy.]

I've always been on my own. Haven't you?

You don't go to a therapist?

Shockingly, the less of an asshole you are, the more willing people are to be friendly.

Even just allies work.

[Jay shakes his head.] Counselor for short term stuff works. I've got... an alternate ID for getting healthcare.

I'm not an asshole, dickhead.

Bruce is an ally.

I've got an alternate ID for beer. And counselors probably suck even more than therapists.

['Everything a Goddamn Ordeal in Area Family' pops into Jay's head because of the way his alternate has to argue about every single thing that comes out of Jay's mouth.]

Failsafes. Fallbacks. Redundancy. [Jay scratches at the back of his neck, to ground himself and keep from snapping too sharply.] Shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, even a rich guy's basket.

Not just a fake ID card. I'm legally dead. So it doesn't matter what stories I tell if I use different names for everyone. Oracle set it all up.

Been fine all my life on my own. Doesn't gotta change now.

[his eggs are definitely not all in Bruce's basket, but right now it's the best thing he's got going for him.]

Legally dead? How'd you fucking manage that, huh? Oracle the computer?

I thought we were talking about being in a relationship? [Jay sounds genuinely lost, unsure if he's lost the thread of the conversation.] By definition, being in a relationship isn't 'on your own'. But it, like, can't just be the two of you, because that's codependent... and codependent isn't healthy. It's better for each person to have their own friends. A safety net.

[He ignores the other questions -- how did he manage becoming legally dead? why, by actually dying! -- in favor of trying to figure out if they're even talking about the same things anymore.]

Thought we were talking about having friends. My bad. I mean, I'm not in a relationship anyway so I guess it doesn't matter.

Hope yours works out, though.

Oh. Sorry.

I... guess I got confused.

It's cool, man. I was probably just talking shit anyway.

At least we can look at it this way: One version of me has good relationships.

It's not always easy. Being in a relationship, or a friendship. People misunderstand, they don't say things right, wires get crossed. I had to learn... and it wasn't easy.

Even if... I don't have any good guidance for you. [He offers Jason a small, sheepish kind of smile after admitting his own limitations.] Getting it right is worth all the difficulty. Just... maybe reminding yourself of that will help, when it feels really frustrating to have friends.

It's always me doing all that shit. It's always me.

What was it like when you were eighteen?

But it isn't always only you. Sometimes it's them, too.

[Jay drops his gaze to the ground when Jason asks that question.] I died just before my sixteenth birthday. The next thing I remember is being pulled out of a Lazarus Pit by Talia.... Talia al-Ghul. When I was eighteen... I was trying to take over Gotham City by controlling the criminal underground through the gun and drug trade.

Doesn't feel that way.

...You died? Like for real died? Is that what happened to your head?

[ all that bravado is falling away now, because, well. that's not something anyone wants to hear. but also realistically he's always known that he would probably die way before his time. there are a lot of differences in their lives, sure. but death is there, he can feel it. ]

You didn't go back to being Robin?

[that part feels pretty fucking devastating, too.]

[Jay smiles wryly and imitates the Batman growl when he replies,] "Feelings aren't facts."

[But any lighthearted vibe to the conversation fades with the next round of questions. Jay closes his eyes briefly and nods, then reopens them and says quietly,] Yes. I died for real. I was beaten to death and I remember hearing my skull crack.

I couldn't. Everyone thought I was dead.

There... there was a new Robin already, by the time I was... alive again, and back to myself. And I... I got angry.

[Jason has to give the smallest snort at that. ok, so this guy really does know Bruce. for some reason that was never really a question, though.

this next part... it curls inside of him in a bad way. the first part is bad, but the second part is somehow worse, and he can already feel his sadness coiling into anger. probably a similar kind of anger that Jay felt.]

That would never happen to me. I'd never let that shit happen.

[It isn't really a question of letting it happen or not -- there was no chance for Jay to stop the world from changing, to keep the family from moving on without him. But despite everything, he knows why his alternate is saying those things... it's not an attack on Jay, it's just fear.]

[Fear of abandonment. Fear of the same thing happening in a way that Jason can't stop either.]

I hope it doesn't happen to you, [Jay says sincerely.] The Joker is dangerous. More dangerous than the rest. Do your best to never get cornered alone with him.

[ if anyone would know how Jason feels, it's an older version of himself. that fear of abandonment has to be the same across all universes, doesn't it? ]

Like I said, never gonna happen.

...But thanks for the tip.

[There's a way that this version of Jason put it into words, some other when and some other where... "You gave me Robin at the same time you gave me a home. I thought... taking away Robin meant taking away the home, too. And I was so angry... you were throwing me away like everybody else threw me away!"]

[So, yes. Abandonment, one way or another.]

I hope you're right. I hope you don't go through it.

[Jay's voice is rough when he says the next part, like he was trying to keep his voice steady and only halfway succeeded,] Bruce isn't the same. Like something in him broke, too.

[ it'll inevitably happen to this Jason too. one thing leading to another- though maybe Jason will be more aware of the Joker. or maybe he'll be pumped so full of Crane's reverse fear toxin that he won't care. ]

Universes are different, anyway. You're hardly even me.

[he can tell himself that all he wants, but he's pretty sure he's meant to die anyway.]

So what happened with him when you came back?

[[ OOC: Apologies for the delay in getting back to this thread. ]]

I thought I could force him to choose. Between me and the Joker. I thought I'd covered every contingency... but it went wrong. Jay rubs a hand against his shoulder, and the end of a thick scar along his neck can be seen when the motion pulls down the neckline of his shirt.

He's not the same anymore. He sees us as chess pieces more than people.

((ooc: it's all good!! i've been pretty busy too! ))

[ he fucking hates this. he hates hearing it. he can feel the dread curl up his spine and he has to cross his arms as his hands curl into fists, nails pressing into his palms. ]

So he chose the joker over you?

Yes.

[Blunt and rough. There's no softening this.] I wasn't even asking him to kill th-the clown anymore. I said, watch me do it. Let me do it. And you'll have to kill me to stop me.

[Jay pulls his shirt collar down, a violent jerk that breaks part of the seam -- exposing the scar along his shoulder and the base of his throat. A long slash made by a thrown Batarang -- unmistakable, and a serious wound. ] Pretty sure it's only luck that I didn't die again.

It was fucking stupid. I know it. But I thought... [Jay's voice drops to a whisper,] I thought he'd choose me.

He wouldn't do that. He couldn't. Bruce would never fucking do that.

[it's what he says out loud, but deep down he knows it's true. no one ever chooses him. no one.

the thought that Bruce might actually do this to him one day is starting to get too heavy, and there thoughts of skipping out on him entering his head before he can stop it.]

What's the point then, huh? What are you even doing anymore?

I hope your Bruce is different than mine. I truly, truly do.

[Jay takes a breath, and another, forcing his tears back down. He is not going to cry in front of his alternate. There'll be time for crying later.]

Keeping drug dealers away from sellin' to kids. Keeping the supply clean, and not cut with poison, because nobody deserves to die that way. Funneling money into addiction treatment. There's always more to do when it comes to helping Gotham City, but it's something.

Are we really all that different? You fucked up.

[and isn't that always what they do?]

I'm probably gonna fuck it up too, aren't I.

If you go it alone? Probably, yeah.

And if that's the only fucking choice? Then what?

Then maybe fucking don't do it at all.

[This kid's a riot, ain't he? Throw insults like he knows everything, then beg for answers like Jay has anything worthwhile to give.]

I don't know. If you're determined to do it, nothing I say will make a difference. You see how it turned out for me, and I'd love to stop you from making that mistake. But nothing would've stopped me then.

[ maybe the kid just needs some guidance like the kind he never had. but if Jay wants to fuck this up too, by all means. it's like he said. they fuck things up. it's consistent across all universes.]

Whatever then, I guess.

Naturally.

( ianthe, please. )

Well, obviously I'd need to know how good I am. How boring must you be to miss out on that kind of opportunity?

Edited 2023-09-13 01:08 (UTC)

Of course, I would! It's basically just masturbation, and who knows you better than you?

Exactly! You get it!

Yeah! If you both agree to it, why not?

[She flashes Lin a grin.]

I'd definitely like to be pressed between you and your clone.

I've tried a lot of fun things, but I've never tried that.

Same... though I might have a way there could be two of me? I've never tried it before, but I think it's probably possible?

...Tell me more.

It's hard to explain, but I have a power that manifests as a part of myself. I think I can make that part look like a copy of me, I just never thought to try it before, since it wouldn't be useful for helping my friends.

Is this a magic thing?

[Lin isn't good with magic, but if it lets her have a threesome she's willing to accept it.]

Basically, or at least, there really isn't a good way to differentiate it from magic. Even if that's kinda annoying.

[Futaba is the kind of person that liked to have all the facts, but Personas and facts do not run smoothly together.]

Is that okay?

For something like this, I think so.

[But the minute Futaba starts cackling about her destiny to rule the world Lin is OUT.

Look she’s met some sorcerers and all of them were either smug cryptic assholes or cackling lunatics.]

Alright then let's give it a try. You're going to see some surprising things, but just try to roll with it until you've got two Futabas standing here.

[The first thing that happened was Futaba's outfit changed right in front of Lin. She was now wearing a skin-tight black outfit with green circuitry, along with a visor.]

That's part one done. Now...

[She closed her eyes, focusing.]

Al Azif, I am thou, thou art I?

[Normally, her Persona took the form of a giant spaceship, but that's absolutely not what she wanted right now. So she concentrated instead on what her Shadow looked like. An Egyptian priestess, a headdress, chest wrapped in bandages, intricate, colorful jewelry, and a skirt.

Her other self appeared almost exactly as she remembered it. Except that skirt was a lot more see-through now, giving a hint of the panties that were beneath.]

I did it! Lin, check it out, there's two of us now!

[Lin saw some surprising things. Magic was always like this: arbitrary and nonsensical. At best, she was willing to put up with it, which was what she did right now.

In the end, though, there were indeed two Futabas, one of them dressed up like something out of one of her nighttime fantasies. All she needed now was some minimally dressed manservants fanning them with palm fronds and the evening would be complete.]

Wow! There sure are!

Edited 2023-09-13 05:22 (UTC)

[The other Futaba, the one called Al Azif, moved in with a smile, getting in front of Lin and reaching around to squeeze her butt.]

So, what would you like us to do? Futaba did this to please you, she wants to do something that'll get you to praise her.

[The original's face went bright red.]

H-hey! You didn't need to tell her that.

[Al Azif just smirked back at her.]

What did you expect? I'm an expression of your innermost desires.

All this just for me, huh?

[Lin sat down on the couch we’ll say is provided, pulling Al Azif down after her and into her lap. She played with the clone’s hair idly while she could considered the possibilities. They were considerable, especially given Futaba’s closet full of toys.]

...I don’t suppose you have a strap-on in that treasure chest of yours, do you?

Yes, Futaba is very taken with you. Which means I am too

[Al Azif happily fell into that embrace and cuddled up to Lin. Futaba was doing her best to shake her feelings of embarrassment.

Which was a bit easier when Lin made that request.]

Y-yeah! One sec.

[She went to the toy chest and pulled out a couple of options, holding them up.]

Do you want something double-sided or the classic single side?

[At least Futaba assumes Lin wants to be the one to wear the strap-on.]

That’s up to our new friend here! She’s the one who’s going to be wearing it, after all.

[Lin patted Al Azif on the shoulder as she snuggled against her.]

What do you think? Then you can decide which of us to use it on.

[That was the one option Al Azif didn't expect, but she didn't dislike it. She gets off of Lin and goes to take the double-ended toy. Then she guides Futaba over to the couch and into Lin's arms.]

Oh, that's easy. Lin, get undressed and lay on top of Futaba. I'm fucking you both.

[Following Al Azif's implied instructions, Futaba dismisses her outfit so that she can get undressed. Which she does rather quickly. Meanwhile, Al Azif works the double-ended toy into her pussy with a brazen moan.]

[Lin patted Al Azif on the butt as she got up to retrieve her equipment, then got up as well and started undressing. As she had mentioned, previously, Lin did have a number of marks from old battles. Scars from sword and bullet and sorcery. The most noticeable was the bruise shaped like a handprint right in the middle of her chest, between her boobs.

She hadn’t seen Futaba fully naked before, and took a moment to admire her before getting down on her hands and knees on top of her. Her face was hovering inches over hers.]

So she’s your innermost desires given a voice of their own, hmm?

I think this is gonna be fun~

[Futaba looked at Lin, took in those scars. Especially the one on her chest. Then she had Lin on top of her and she swallowed heavily, face flush as she looked up at her.]

Y-yeah, basically.

[She stroked a hand over Lin's chest, palming one of her breasts.]

I want to say this one myself, though. I still think you're pretty. Really pretty, and I like the way it feels to be in your arms.

[With the toy firmly on, Al Azif settled in behind Lin. She gave the woman's bottom a swat, groping it almost possessively. She spread out Lin's ass cheek as she teased the tip of the toy against the entrance to her pussy.]

Alright, Lin, make sure Futaba hears how thankful you are for her gift.

[There was no other warning from Al Azif before she plunged the toy into Lin's pussy, pushing it in as far as it would go in a single thrust. She'd keep going until the reasonably-sized toy was hilted inside the martial artist.]

[Lin had a lot of confidence. What she didn’t have was a lot of experience. At least, not with things regarding sex. She’d been kind of taking charge up to here, but suddenly felt that draining away as Al Azif got ready behind them.

Also what Futaba was saying was really sweet, and Lin couldn’t help but to start matching her blush. Her response was a little quiet, and full of surprise and wonder.]

You really mean it, don’t you?

[Lin pushed a lock of hair off of Futaba’s face, tenderly, and leaned down to kiss her...

...And then felt Al Azif grab her ass and slam that monster toy into her.

There wasn’t a problem with friction, at least. Lin had already been kinda horny when she’d shown up, and the previous conversation leading up to this moment had only made her wetter. But there was just so much of it! She felt filled to the brim, and the force of that first thrust actually shoved her forward a bit so she missed with the kiss and ended up bumping her nose against Futaba’s forehead.]

Oh fuck!

[Not wanting to lose the moment of tenderness entirely, Lin shoved her hips back against Al Azif, her pussy twitching as she felt the toy shoving against her insides. It also got her back into position so thaT she could kiss Futaba.

It was an enthusiastic kiss. Forceful, sloppy, and eager. It was a kiss that said “When Bai Lin kisses you, you STAY kissed.”]

Yeah... I... really like you...

[Futaba admitted this right before their lips were supposed to meet. Then the force of that thrust misaligned the kiss, leaving Futaba flustered and confused for a moment.

Of course, Lin quickly made up for it with that eager kiss. Futaba returned it as best as she could, moaning just from the sheer force of the kiss.

Al Azif grins at everything that was unfolding. She grabbed Lin's hips to keep her from sliding too far away this time. Once she has a firm grip she begins to thrust, slow at first, but building up speed as she went.]

[Lin sighed happily as Al Azif started thrusting into her. The first thrust had been a lot, but now that she was taking more time to build up momentum, Lin was feeling pretty good about the situation.

She kept kissing Futaba, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close. She didn’t feel like dirty talk or sweet nothings were a strong point of hers, so she tried to make Futaba understand how she felt through the passion she kissed her with, or the tenderness she held her with.]

[Even for somebody who was bad at reading social cues like Futaba was, she got the message loud and clear. She'd still like to hear it out loud later, but this worked for the moment.

Other than trying to keep up with the kiss, she embraced Lin too, and began to run her hands up and down the woman's bare back.

Al Azif was eagerly fucking Lin, but she did have some mischief to cause now that she had the pair eagerly enjoying themselves now. She suddenly pulled out of Lin, and plunged into Futaba instead.

Futaba cried out against Lin's lips, holding on tight as her double fucked her quick and hard.]

[Lin made a little whining sound when Al Azif pulled out, confused. It was downright rude of her, pulling out before she was done!

But when she felt Futaba flinch beneath her, her half blissed out brain put together what had just happened and she decided that she would make the heroic sacrifice and let her have a turn. Just so long as Al Azif switched back to her before too long.

As Azif pounded away, Lin gently caressed Futaba's face.]

Look at you, having sex with your clone. You really did it...

And she's got a LOT of energy.

A-ahn... It feels so good...

[Futaba tilts her face into Lin's hand.]

Probably gonna be super tired when we're done. Mmh... I hope you'll stay until I wake up.

[She even leans up and kisses Lin's cheek.

Al Azif took this as a cue to swap back to Lin. She slips out of Futaba and right back into Lin while barely missing a stroke. Clearly feeling like giving Lin more, she grabs Lin's ponytail and gives her bottom a gentle swat.]

It's that stamina problem she told you about before. We're better than we used to be, but if we push ourselves too far, we can end up sleeping for days. I think you'll be good at getting Futaba to "exercise" more.

Edited 2023-09-15 14:13 (UTC)

What? No. Definitely not. I'm already anxious enough in bed, two of me is at least one too many.

Honestly, I think I'd rather team up with my clone to have fun with someone else. The most coordinated pincer attack ever!

One of you is already a handful, but I'd do my best.

I think you'd be able to keep up fairly well, at least until we brainstormed new and exciting ways to have fun.

Which is probably at best ten minutes after you made sure you were really clones.

[Because Rose definitely likes her plans, and teasing Jaune.]

There are definitely fun things you could do with another you. Imagine being sandwiched between two of me.

[Jaune was a cuddly lover, and also an eager to please one. Rose would probably have issues walking after dealing with a double dose of Jaune for too long.]

That's true - it would be a bit until we trusted one another enough to get along, but then all hell would break loose.

[She's a troublemaker and she not only knows it, but embraces it.]

Hehe, that'd be like being loved on by two adorable golden retrievers, but better! I'd get one to kiss all the time and another to boss around~

[She's just teasing; it'd be much more fun to just let (both of) him have free rein.]

Yeah, but definitely leave it to you two to work out how to confirm it to each other.

[He smiles down at her, amused.]

Boss around, huh?

[Jaune grabs Rose by the hips and lifts her up to be eye level with him.]

Did I accidentally start dating a dominatrix?

It be round after round of questions followed by rock-paper-scissors, I think.

[Because clearly that's the best way to solve any dilemma.]

Hey!

[Laughing, Rose wraps her arms around Jaune's neck with a playful smirk.]

You might say that. Since I am the boss of a guild, I'm used to having my orders followed. ...though it could be fun to mix things up and trade roles.

[Jaune laughs at the thought of them playing rock-paper-scissors.

He pulls Rose in close, hands moving down to support her from under her legs.]

I did have a leadership role in my team. It got a little murkier when we started working with others, but I've still got a knack for picking up people's good points.

[Jaune hums thoughtfully.]

Y'know, I probably gave you the impression I'm mostly brawn. Which I am that, but it misses out on the fun stories, like the time I made a plan to ruin a fancy dinner party to distract the snob minding it.

[Snickering along with Jaune, Rose hooks both legs around his waist to help support herself.]

I'm relieved that you managed to see past my headstrong tendencies to find the good points!

[She knows full well how overwhelming she can be.]

That you did, but now you're making me see you in a new light. These are my favorite kind of stories, you know. I wanna hear about this dinner party you guys crashed!

I think your headstrong tendencies are a good point! I'm sure there's stuff we'll butt heads about, but we'll work it out together.

[That much, he's sure of. Relationships, any kind, were never absolutely perfect. The important thing was working it out together.]

I don't mind breaking the rules for a good cause, so I definitely want to hear your stories later, too.

[Rose wasn't aware of it yet, but Jaune would absolutely come on board with the non-mercantile aspect of her guild. After he saw her methods for making sure the information was accurate.]

To keep the background brief, Weiss Schnee is a friend of mine, her father is, or was, an affluent businessman. We had reason to believe he was doing some shady things in the background, and Weiss was going to search her old family home to snoop.

Problem was, her younger brother Whitley, a snob at the time, was keeping a close eye on her and keeping her tied down with conversation. So I had Ren and Nora put on a two-person act. Nora piled on a huge tower of food, and Ren made a show of bumping into Nora. She flings the food.

It was supposed to land on Whitley, but a guest walked in front of him. Luckily said guest then dumped her wine on him.

[He pauses for dramatic effect before adding.]

The Schnee family all have white hair.

Glad to hear that! Since it's not something I can really fix, haha~

[Try as she might, it's just an aspect of her nature that's inborn, just like her desire to roam.]

Heh, I'll keep that in mind as it could come in handy. But sure! Though some of mine I might have to save for when we've grown closer.

[Not that she doesn't trust Jaune, but it's not something she likes to drag innocent people into if she can at all help it. That'd make them complicit in the act.

Listening intently, Rose nods along, all too familiar with those sorts of fancy dos. At the point where the food goes flying and the ensuing chain reaction, she breaks out into a cackle of laughter.]

Oh, man! That's so great! Your plan went awry but you still got him in the end! And I bet his hair was a mess! Nicely done!

Sure, just tell me what you're ready for. I'm a pretty open book, but I've got to be ready to talk about some things still.

[The boy has mountains of trauma he probably should talk to someone about, but that also means reliving it to some extent. A vulnerable place to be in.

He grins as she joins him in being amused about the story.]

Oh, it absolutely was. I don't know how he managed to wash it out. It gave Weiss more than enough time to collect the evidence she needed and bust her dad.

[Jaune frowns some.]

That guy was a real piece of work. Handed control of the city's heating system over to a known terrorist in exchange for having an election fixed in his favor.

Maybe sometime here soon we can trade some of our more challenging stories. I just don't want to spoil what we have.

[And that's the honest truth along with her fear for those she holds close. So it's best to take every relationship in small steps, to watch for warning signs that it might be best to keep certain things secret.

Snickering, she partially covers her mouth.]

Maybe somebody beat him against a rock. But I'm glad it all worked out in the end for you guys.

[Though the next bit of information earns a troubled frown that matches his.]

Seriously? He'd sacrifice people's safety just for a political position? Ugh... What a bastard. That must have been hard on her to learn that. Hard on you all, too.

[He smiles, bringing a hand up to stroke through her hair.]

Don't tell me until you feel like it, but I promise you won't spoil anything. I'd be a pretty lousy boyfriend if I didn't try to work through difficult things with you.

[Jaune left it there. She wasn't ready to tell him, but he wanted to reassure her when she was, he'd still be there.

He does laugh at the imagery of putting Whitley's head against a rock.]

He's not a bad kid, he just needed a better environment.

[Jaune shakes his head.]

It wasn't any mystery Jacques Schnee was a horrible man. Least of all to his family. He seduced Weiss's mother Willow when they were young, all to gain control of the family's company. Even bleaches his hair to match the distinctive hair color. He kept up the facade for a while, but he probably didn't feel a need to pretend anymore once Willow's father died, and cemented his ownership of the company.

[Jaune didn't have high opinions of Jacques Schnee.]

I heard Jacques didn't show up when the city was evacuated. I hope he got what was coming to him.

[It's the meanest thing Jaune has said about anyone in Rose's presence, but he definitely meant it. Knowing all those people he put in harm's way for his own gain.]

[Leaning into the touch, Rose lets her eyes fall closed.]

Maybe sometime soon. Just... not right now. I'm enjoying this too much to weigh it down with heavy matters.

[It's always good to have his reassurance that he'd stick by her, but she's been betrayed before and it takes time to build up the level of trust necessary to divulge that kind of information.]

That's good. I'd hate to think he was a hopeless case that'd turn out like his father.

[The Schnee family tale leaves Rose cringing in disgust at what a horrible person the father was. All too often those business and political types leave a trail of sadness and pain in their wake, and it sounds like this case was no different.]

One can only hope, huh. It'd be much easier if he was dealt with in that manner than having to try to track him down and punish him properly after the fact.

[Shaking her head, she draws Jaune's down to her level so she can plant a kiss on his forehead. She doesn't have many words of support that aren't blistering insults about the man they stopped, but hopefully her actions shine through.]

Yeah, when he had a chance to do good, Whitley contributed and helped out how he could. All he needed was some positive reinforcement to try.

[Jaune eases into Rose's touch, calming as she showed her affection. The reassurance does come through and he responds by kissing her cheek.

Deciding to divert the topic, he thinks of something related.]

You probably owe Weiss some thanks. She took the bullet when it came to idiotic teenaged me trying to attract a girl's attention. I had the worst crush on her when we were going to school together. I showed up to her dorm room door with a guitar to try to serenade her into going to a dance with me.

While I can dance, I can't sing, and I can't play guitar. She also was not into me, something I didn't get until later on. We're good friends now, but I was probably a headache for her.

Sounds like there's promise for the kid after all. Sometimes that's all anybody needs, a little push in the right direction.

[That news along with the kiss has Rose smiling as her cheeks tinge faintly pink.]

Haha! You were always the type to try going all out to woo those you're interested in, huh? I like that in a guy. No beating around the bush or half-assing things. Just pick your goal and go for it, possible bad results be damned!

Though I think your attempts were pretty sweet even if they weren't the most skilled. It's not every guy that would put themselves out there for their lady love. Shame she wasn't into you though, but I can't feel too bad about it since that means I get you instead. I'll definitely have to thank her for that once we meet, heh.

Yeah, I tend to go for direct approaches with a lot of things.

[It's just how Jaune has always been, find a path and take it. Even if there are consequences. Though, having experienced those consequences, he had gotten better at planning over time.]

I can't really blame her, I'm sure she's been dealing with guys chasing after her money so she preferred pursuing somebody she thought was interesting rather than getting pursued by a guy she didn't know much about.

[He gives a shrug before going in to kiss Rose's lips again.]

Can't be too upset, I found you instead.

We're similar in that regard. Though my luck in love up to this point hasn't been quite as successful as this attempt.

[Those details are part of the stories for another time, so she just shakes her head to clear the thoughts away.]

Aah, yeah, in that case I'm almost surprised she didn't string you up with your instrument and toss you out a back door into an alley. Or at least punch you in the face, heh.

[Grinning, she accepts the kiss and returns it, letting one hand play with his hair.]

Glad to hear that. My feelings might be a bit hurt if you were still pining after her.

[Jaune notes what she says about her past love, but assumes rightly that it's one of those stories for later.

So he just smiles and laughs.]

Yeah, I'm lucky it wasn't that bad, she just shut the door in my face.

[He leans into the hand in his hair.]

You don't have to worry about that. When it comes to romance, I only have eyes for you now.

[Jaune was a committed sort of person. He'd admit if he found someone else attractive, but that could never replace the relationship he and Rose had built up in this surprisingly quick span of time.]

And she managed to miss your cute little nose, too.

[Rose pauses in her petting to boop Jaune on the nose with a laugh.]

Heh, it's fine if your eyes wander. I just like knowing where we stand in regards to each other.

[Some people were exclusive, some just enjoyed looking, others liked to have several people to flit between like a butterfly. All three are fine by Rose, so long as she knows what she's getting into that way she can change her pattern to match.

Leaning back, she offers a teasing smile.]

Though I guess that means you wouldn't mind if me and my clone were to have fun on our own?

No fucking way. I'd assume it was the one shapeshifter I know and when people talk about not sticking your dick in crazy, she's exactly who they mean.

You're such a jerk, you know. The king of jerks.

Best news I've heard all day.

[If it'll keep her away, at least. His paranoia simply does not leave any room for her hijinks.]

You could ask nicely. But if it's necessary, then there's nothing to be done about it. Sorry~.

That's... like a doppelganger, yes?

[ The firm line of her mouth contrasts the faint redness about her ears. ]

I— Perhaps. [ Code for 'of fucking course'. ] If I can't love myself, how am I supposed to love anyone else?

...

Terribly baffling question, though.

I don't like your language, but yes! Whyever not?

Sure, why not? [ Well— ] As long as my clone's into it, and it's a clone that's naturally aged to adulthood with its own life and experiences. Not like a... fresh [ ??? ] clone. That's too weird.

I believe these stipulations undermine the framework of this hypothetical. In this instance a clone would merely be a separate human male who shares your appearance, not a duplicate of yourself.

This does not address the moral or ethical complications of clone fucking. It only clarifies that you find yourself attractive, which was not in question.

Spock.

Did you just say "clone fucking"?

[Wh--what? Wait, this is not the subject at hand. He's fairly certain he hadn't misread anything. The hypothetical was about having sex with a clone wasn't it???]

Is...that terminology incorrect?

It is correct, but I'm just surprised to hear such a ... vulgar vernacular out of you. I would think, like—

[ he considers. ]

I dunno, 'copulation' is scientific, or if you're feeling romantic, intimate clone contact.

[Spock cocks a brow at him.]

Very well.

I will rephrase so that the criticism is more palletable for delicate sensibilities.

You have not sufficiently answered the question about clone copulation.

[Better?]

I am uncertain how romance would play into clone copulation, but I cede that you may feel otherwise.

I think you could be plenty romantic if you tried.

[ Washing over delicate sensibilities, since he knows Spock is just as likely to be giving him shit as anything else. ]

And I think I did answer, anyway. A clone's a clone, if that's how it's made. Even a twin isn't a clone, despite genetics. Morally, I don't mind on principle, but ethically, I'd have reservations about the clone's psychological development into a consenting adult.

I had been personally envisioning this hypothetical less as growing of a secondary being and more akin to a transporter duplication.

In that instance, while I am capable of romance, it would not be required. Logic would be the swiftest route to any outcome.

Would you find it necessary to romance yourself?

Is that a clone, though?

Maybe. If that was the mood.

Technically? No. But the word "clone," in this instance, appears to be a more generalized abstraction denoting the concept.

If it were specifically in reference to cultured cloning, more parameters would have been included in the hypothetical.

[He is taking this too seriously but he is also from the planet of people who take things too seriously. RIP Vulcan.]

In the event that cultured cellular cloning is the assumption, I would admittedly share several of your stated reservations.

I definitely took it as a literal clone. In our line of work, I figure distinctions like that are important, especially considering how many of those we've come across. I definitely wouldn't fuck a transporter incident guy, for the record.

[ No thanks, mirrorJimPrime. ]

Yeah, I honestly think age and experience gaps would be weirder than the clone element.

I would certainly be more likely to fuck the transporter incident guy than a cultured clone. I find far less objection with that scenario.

[But his experience with alternate reality versions of himself has been largely neutral to positive. Mitigating circumstances notwithstanding.]

This is an interesting but ultimately unhelpful theoretical exercise.

That's the only thing that would make it weird?

You might find this hard to believe, but I've long gotten the potential for an existential crisis out of the way.

...I can't say I'd rule it out.

[She is, after all, quite attractive.]

Hell yeah I would.

~~[Bold of you to assume they haven't.]~~

If there were two Sampos roamin' around instead of one, we'd be getting up to a lot more than just fooling around. Being in two places at once? That's twice the business!

( in true sampo fashion, he does.... not answer the question. )

Should I be preparing two prison cells?

Captain! I’m disappointed in you. Shouldn’t everyone have a chance to prove themselves as moral and righteous before the face of the law~? After all, my clone could be twice as upstanding as I am.

( zero times two is still zero. )

But, now that you’re here… How would Belobog’s Finest take on this clone dilemma? Hm?

Even were you clone 'twice' as upstanding, that would put him squarely in wanted criminal territory.

[ sigh... ]

If we are speaking about clones in general, while it would be beneficial for there to be two of me on the frontline, I think it wholly unnecessary and too confusing.

[ no, he will no address the original question. ]

Had I the capability, I'd clone myself as many times as it takes to land myself on your good side and on the right side of the law. Four clones should be enough, no?

( sir, excuse me. )

Yes, but would you...

Geez, don't make me say it! Vulgarities before a Silvermane guard? How many days in the slammer would that land me? Maybe gestures would suffice...?

( he raises his hands, like he's really about to shadowpuppet out the birds and the bees. )

Four clones? You can’t keep yourself out of trouble when there is one of you.

[ no, it would be absolutely disastrous. the worst thing to befall belobog since the eternal freeze.

imagine the amount of scams that would be floating around.

…actually, gepard would rather envision such a possibility than what sampo is trying to gesture to him. ]

Stop. I am not about to watch you mime out obscene acts. I absolutely would not. I will certainly not entertain the idea long enough to even consider it.

Well, how else am I supposed to get the attention of my favorite guard? You are not an easy man to get in touch with, my friend. You don't leave a fella many options...

( his smirk should be enough to give him away, but even if it isn't, chances are gepard knows sampo well enough by now to know when he's amusing himself. he's a free man! enjoying his freedom! freely!

and maybe, possibly, poking a hornet's nest, as is his aeon-given right. )

Obscene? Psh, no. Nothing could be more natural! Hey, I heard that the beloved Guard makes you take a vow of celibacy in order to better serve the people. I normally have a pretty good ear for these things, you know. Or was that just a rumor from a jaded vagrant..? Let me check my notes.

Edited 2023-09-13 23:31 (UTC)

[ excuse you, he is plenty easy to get in touch with if you are not trying to evade the law while doing so!

what curse has been laid upon him for gepard to be sampo’s ‘favorite’ guard… ]

A vow of- That is certainly not a requirement. How would we enforce such a thing?

[ for the love of all that is good, please stop this line of inquiry! ]

It is simply a choice that some dedicated members of the Guard choose to make.

[ some… dedicated… members… who will not be named. ]

I assumed it'd be on the honor system. Honor is something your guards have no shortage of!

( gepard is right insofar as that there's no way to really enforce a thing like that, but the silvermane guards are so devoted to their cause and their leader, sampo didn't think to question the authenticity of such a rumor. )

Then again, after seeing what some guards get up to on their off-hours down in the Underworld... I'd have to imagine some within your rank take their choice more seriously than others.

I woooould ask which side you fall on, but I think we both know the answer to that one~★

[ oh, gepard knows very well what some of his men get up to on their off-hours. he’s not a fool, but he also does not want to entirely destroy an already-tenuous morale. he does not like the stories he hears, but there’s really no way to prove anything, and if anything illegal happened, he certainly would not turn a blind eye, so… some things he has to let go.

even if he would prefer not to know about it. ]

I would thank you not to slander the reputation of my fellows with your rumors, Sampo.

I would also thank you to not speculate on what I may or may not do when it comes to… intimate relations.

[ yeah, it’s pretty obvious what side gepard falls on. ]

All this thanks from the Captain himself? Is today my birthday~?

( he's flattered, truly. )

But, worry not. Your secret is safe with me.

...

For a price, that is.

[ ?!?!? ]

What secret are you talking about? I would never, ever share a secret with you.

And blackmailing a Silvermane Guard is decidedly illegal.

( he does his best to look hurt by this. )

Blackmail? Please. Gepard. Buddy. We're not talking as law enforcement and civilian; we're speaking as friends!

Friends.

[ skepticism. gepard doesn’t think he would consider them ‘friends’. ]

You are not trying to extort me, hm?

You really think that little of Sampo Koski, huh?

( he wouldn't use a word like extort. like gepard's view on the word 'friend,' sampo finds it a little too strong. )

It's true that the people of Belobog would love to hear all the juicy gossip regarding what goes on behind the gilded doors of their beloved Silvermane Captain... but keeping that little nugget of knowledge between us is the least I can do for you.

[ that is exactly the amount of thought gepard thinks sampo koski deserves. ]

Juicy gossip. When did I tell you anything about what goes on behind my doors?

[ considering gepard is one of those who has uh, sworn himself to the cause, what goes on would be: nothing. ]

You didn't have to.

( what's sampo saying with that small smile of his? )

Who should have the honor of being the Captain's first, I wonder...

[ what is he saying????? ]

I beg your pardon?

[ that isn't how this works! ]

Geppie, please. This is a compliment! I know plenty of folks who'd line up at the door to have a chance with a real Silvermane Guard, a Captain no less.

You know how much a thing like that would be worth at auction.

( gepard, it's fine. )

Hypothetically, of course!

Geeeeeez, if only you could see your face right now. You don't have any faith in me at all...

[ ugh, that nickname... from him, of all people. ]

I have no intention of selling myself at auction to line your pockets, Sampo. I ought to have you fined for even considering such a thing.

[ hypothetically... sure. ]

Do you know why I have no faith in you? Need I remind you of all the times you have taken my sympathy for granted?

Is it a crime to engage in a little thought experiment every now and again, Captain? As you know, I have nothing but the utmost respect for the Guards and the hard work they put into keeping our fair city safe. The last thing I'd want to do, dear friend, is besmirch your name. I wouldn't I want to take advantage of your kindness, either.

( he even gives a little bow so you know it's real. )

Please. I was a young man back then. I've grown! I've learned! I'm even offering you my help as a gesture of good faith!

[ is taking advantage of people's kindness not your brand, sampo??? ]

Your help in what? Forgive me if I have been burned by you far too many times to take any of your 'offers' at face value.

[ when even a gullible guy like gepard doesn't trust you, that's pretty bad. ]

Help in your education, Captain!

( he's never lied ever in his life!!!! )

My... education.

[ certainly not. this man is not a qualified teacher. ]

I only want to show you what is you're missing out on.

( qualified, schmolified. )

There's a lot to learn, and I've been around the block a few times. Help me help you become the best you can be with regards to... yourself, I guess? Chances are you don't even know what you like yet... I can help with that.

[ what the hell is this ]

Excuse me? Are you- Are you propositioning me?

[ absurd! surely even sampo isn't that bold! not that what he says isn't true, but that is not any of his business. ]

( buddy, ALL of belobog is sampo's business. )

Do you know me at all? What I'm offering is a business deal: nothing more, nothing less.

A business deal. And what, exactly, do you get out of a deal like this?

[ he's not saying yes. ]

Intimacy is not meant to be a... a business deal.

( he's not saying no!! )

On the contrary! Intimacy is nothing but making deals. Two parties, coming together, negotiating their desires and coming to a compromise? That's business, friend.

But, as for what I'd be getting out of things... I get the joy of seeing one (1) Captain Gepard in a way that no one else has. That's all the reward I need.

Your views on intimacy are disappointingly cynical, but I cannot say I am surprised.

[ where's the romance in that?! ]

As for allowing you to see me in a way no one else has, and believing you would not use it as blackmail material or hold it against me in some way? You must think I am incredibly naive.

( romance..... aw, gepard! so cute! )

And you must have an incredibly low opinion of me. ( unjustifiably so. ) Seriously, buddy. I'm a relic merchant! All I want is to make sales and bring joy to others! What part of that sounds like blackmail and despair to you?

[ yes, his opinion is rather low. ]

What of the people you have swindled? Do you think they experience joy?

[ yes he is changing the topic. ]

( not so fast, bud. )

So, that's a no to my offer, then?

...Set feelings aside, Captain. You won't break my heart by acting in your best interest.

Sampo. I am absolutely not going to engage in... physical intimacy, and I fail to see how exactly it would be in my best interest.

[ this man is dedicated to his work! ]

( physical intimacy... )

You can say the word, you know. I won't tell anyone.

...You are attempting to make fun of me.

No.

( yes. )

I just want to see if you have it in you.

Of course I have it in me! I simply am not going to play your game.

What's to play~? I'm only asking if Belobog's captain can say 'fuck' without flinching.

That isn’t even the appropriate term for it.

Appropriate term for..?

For... sexual intercourse.

...

( send gepard to jail for being too cute!! )

Who knew the Captain had a vulgar side??

It isn't vulgar. It is simply a natural part of-

[ how did they even get here??? ]

You were the one prodding me to say it.

Prodding? Harsh...

( but, well, he still got something from gepard, so he's pleased. he's always pleased with am entertaining reaction. he'll consider it a loss [or a win] when he loses gepard completely, which he suspects will happen any second now given the line of questioning. )

Natural enough for you to take part in it?

[ there is no way sampo isn't enjoying himself. that much is clear. somehow, gepard always ends up in situations like this. ]

Were I to find the right person, perhaps.

( wow, he really is a romantic, isn't he? )

You'll never find the right person battling Darkspawn on the front line. ( wrong game..? ) How about going out on a date instead?

[ a reasonable suggestion, for once, but- ]

I have no time for dates.

But you have time to chop it up with li'l ol' me? ( on the topic of clone-fucking, no less. ) Geppie! I'm honored!

I- No, that is not what I meant at all.

[ is that a headache coming on? ]

You are just... a distracting presence.

[ Ah, someone finally understands the real upshot of cloning. ]

Or three times, four times, five times, even... Would there be a limit to how many versions of yourself you'd incorporate into your business?

Look at that enterprising spirit! It’s always nice to be in the company of a fellow entrepreneur.

But… there’s no guarantee that we’d all get along, is there? If I know Sampo Koski, and I think I do, I know he can be a REAL handful.

( understatement of the century. )

Five Sampos all fighting for the privilege of becoming the beloved, quirky side character? That might be too much for little Belobog to handle!

Would this be any different than meeting up with yourself from an alternate universe? If not, then I already have my answer.

Clone, or variant?

Frankly I'd expect either one to stab me first.

This guy gets it.

If they're me and I'm them, neither one of us can be trusted.

Well, I can't speak for you, but in my case there's an additional problem of deep-seated self-loathing. I'm not saying I could never get along with another version of myself, but sex certainly wouldn't be my first thought. Self-preservation would be.

Also I'm genuinely concerned that anyone who would clone me is a unique kind of psychopath so we should probably address that first.

Oh no, you definitely don't speak for me with your self-loathing stuff. I'm a malignant narcissist, actually, so — I should love myself in theory, and I do. Great fan of my own work. The trouble is, I express love in a homicidal, suicidal, regicidal, genocidal type of way. All the "-cidals."

Hard agree about the unique psychopathy of whoever's behind it, though. What game can they possibly play with a whole deck of wild cards?

Normally I don't respect honesty, as the god of lies, but in this case I'm grateful for the heads-up, so kudos for that. I shall keep you politely at arm's length. [But it's been a good conversation so far, so no complaints there.]

This is purely hypothetical, but if someone were cloning problematic mischief deities and malignant narcissists with the ability to...apparently destroy entire civilizations? The entire point would almost have to be reality-bending chaos. Either that or a Battle Royale situation that they think they can control but can't.

Would you? Ta. I'm really trying not to kill anyone today and it's just so much easier if all your vital organs are out of reach. [There's no menacing tone or vicious expression to reinforce this. If anything, it sounds pleasant and cheery. She has nothing to prove to him; powerfully indifferent to whether anyone believes a word she says.]

"God of lies", you said?

The Mistress. Missy, for short. Formerly the Master. I'm one of those weirdos who do exactly what it says on the tin. Enchanté. [Since they're social distancing, she just waves 'hello' instead of offering her hand.]

As to your hypothetical, sure. You'd hope if they were going to risk the timeline collapsing into a big spaghetti mess, they'd have grander ambitions than playing matchmaker.

[He can't not laugh at that, appreciatively, even though he's perfectly willing to believe she'd shank him given the opportunity.] The same thing gets tedious after a while, doesn't it? Even if it's murder.

[And killing is actually not his thing, but gallows humor very much is.] Yes. I am Loki, god of lies, mischief, generally making bad life choices, et cetera.

[He bows gracefully, not too deeply, because you don't want to give someone who calls themselves the Mistress/Master too much of an ego boost, but polite and rather gallant.] There are definitely lunatics out there who'd mangle the multiverse for a laugh.

Absolutely, it gets tedious. How can I call myself a lover of chaos if I slaughter people at predictable intervals? [A fox-in-the-henhouse smirk answers his laugh because she's genuinely pleased by it. Almost nobody gets her sense of humour, except her best friend/arch nemesis, who has to pretend not to find her funny for some stupid moral reason or another.]

I like a good laugh as much as the next gal, but mangling the multiverse? I would never. The civilisation I'm from was very particular about their rules for travelling time, space and other realities. I'm nobody's rule-follower, but even I have my limits. Some of the old lessons stuck.

Think it through, that's all I'm saying. We can't rule over nothing. We can't wreak merry havoc in the unfathomable void where all universes once were.

Thank you. [He makes an emphatic 'see, YOU get it' gesture, and anyone witnessing this should be very concerned.] People always say 'oh, Loki, you lie so much less than I thought based on your reputation' but I mean what's the point of lying predictably? If I wanted to be predictable I'd just tell the truth.

[Likewise, he approves of there being some lines a person won't cross. He has those too, although they're probably not where she draws them.] It's all well and good to rebel, but nothing happens without consequences. At least, not unless you do unravel the multiverse and cause and effect cease to exist.

[He gestures and in turn she shrugs affably, as though it's not that hard of a concept and she has no idea why others don't follow.] You're a god after my own hearts, Loki. Correct me if I'm wrong, Your Mischievousness, but the truth is often necessary to build up to a big lie. Without the hope of honesty, there's no hurt at deception.

[They do seem to have some troubling commonalities.]

Be a rebel without a cause, not a rebel without causality.

It's a good thing the fabric of space-time is actually sturdier than most people think. It has a way of correcting itself.

[Hearts, plural. That's an interesting detail.] I can't correct you, because you're not wrong. I always tell the truth when it's beneficial to me. Also, thank you, Your Mischievousness may be one of the best things anyone's called me for centuries.

[--oh, damn it, that other bit's even better!] Be a rebel without a cause, not a rebel without causality. I need that on a t-shirt. Or the back of a leather jacket.

I would love for you to tell the Time Variance Authority that. There's probably no point now, though. [And it would be a clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks.]

You're welcome. Shocked to hear it's been centuries. You don't look a day over a hundred. [She means well with this. Compliments aren't her strong suit, is all.]

As for me, [She does a very theatrical fake grimace, playing the part of a woman worrying about her advancing age. Outright asking how old she is would be ungentlemanly.] I'm somewhere in the region of two thousand. And proud to say I'm less mature and responsible than I was when I was eight.

It'd really suit you, that jacket. [She'd have to enjoy it vicariously through Loki because it falls too far outside the aesthetic she's chosen for this face of hers.]

Time Variance Authority? [Missy scoffs derisively.] I'm sorry. It's very hard for me to take these agencies seriously. There's literally time woven into my biodata. I've seen through all of it, and it's seen through me. My people were the fun police before it was cool. Time Lords, they called themselves, which makes me a Time Lady. Is this Authority falling apart or something? Because if so, they probably had it coming. Posers.

[Lucky for all concerned, that's a pretty solid compliment for an Asgardian. Loki was barely out of his school days at one-hundred. He gives her an appreciate chuckle.] Well, I'm a little over a thousand years old, as Midgard counts revolutions around the sun. I don't keep exact count, but I should be turning a thousand and seventy...two? Soon.

Perhaps your charisma has grown so fast your maturity simply couldn't keep up with it. [Two can play the compliment game!]

The TVA is a...complicated story. The idea was to preserve one particular timeline amidst a multiverse of infinite possibilities. Unfortunately, their entire mission was built on false pretenses. Dupes, rather than posers. It's actually a little sad, although it'd be sadder if they hadn't gone out and pruned so many variations in the timeline.

[The genuine history of her universe bears a striking similarity to the fictive propaganda touted by the TVA, right down to the catastrophic multiversal war and those Time-Keepers with their dramatic high-collared robes. If she didn't know better, she'd think someone took a little peak over the fence.]

Yep. Terra, Midgard, Earth sun revolutions — we're on the same page. You can express temporal values and measurements in any way that's natural to you. In fact, you can just say anything in any tongue, and I should hear it okay because of how I translate language and how mine is translated to you. If everything's working as it should, the translation's based on the speaker's intentions rather than specific words.

[It doesn't happen often, but every now and again she sounds almost like the other, kinder Time Lord. The one who can actually have travelling companions and friends without being a catastrophic hazard to life and limb. Loki makes it easy for her to play nice.

His flattery will go straight to her already overinflated ego. Her big smile and laughing face isn't a whole lot less sinister than her smirk. Hers is a witchy face, no way around that.] Oh, now who's being charismatic? [Her hands plant on her hips, looking at him accusatorily. All in good fun. But the moment doesn't last.]

Would you mind my asking what dealings you have with this TVA?

Oh, that makes me a little jealous. Asgardians have an innate ability to learn most spoken languages in a few words, but it has its limits. It doesn't always work across universes, for certain. [And his is a little quirky, since he's not actually Asgardian.

One thing Loki does find, with terribly dangerous people: it's easier for them to be their less-dangerous selves when you're pointedly refraining from judging them. Don't back people into corners if you don't want them to bite you.

Good people will take his more nihilistic observations as critique and blame him for being a nasty piece of work. Not-so-good people will take them as gallows humor and enjoy it.

He has his own preferences, so sue him. He winks at the accusatory look, but the question she asks sobers him.] At this point, it's a little hard to pinpoint my role, but I was plucked out of a timeline that I apparently fucked up by taking a chance to survive and running with it. My choices were annihilation or cooperation and I got talked into the latter.

It's gotten more tangled since, now that I've learned more about them...and possibly accidentally crippled their work...which I'm not entirely sorry to have done but I don't like the results, either. Basically, I can't seem to touch anything without breaking it, TVA included.

I haven't had the pleasure of visiting your home, but I can tell you that the Asgard of my universe is an absolute delight. It's a top-tier selfie spot. Features prominently on my insta.

[Neither of them are especially serious creatures by nature. That's the impression she has. If the humour dries up and their eccentricities become subdued, things must be very dire indeed.

Missy listens to Loki, actually listens, with a lot more investment than is typical for her. She has eyes fit for a stage-performing hypnotist, and they look brightly, sharply interested in what he has to say. It's not hard to imagine how easily that gaze could turn predatory, but never mind that now.]

Well. Ain't that a bitch. If you got yourself in trouble by surviving in the first place, I don't blame you for cooperating in order to survive again.

I'm inclined to believe that anything we can break must not be that important, or else we wouldn't be able to break it. If the work of the TVA is truly necessary, then it will continue in some form. Maybe with sweeping reforms and new management.

Is that so, really? I'm sorry, I'm imagining Heimdall having a fit while you take selfies in front of his observatory. That's made my day. [Sure, the chances of her universe's Heimdall being much like his own are slim, but it's still funny.

Loki is always gratified by intelligent people listening to what he has to say. It's frustrating, when you feel you have a point to make about the universe but everyone just shakes their heads and reminds you you're a villain. Yes, of course he's full of drama, he's morally grey, he's a little misanthropic, but he's not wrong about everything. He's pretty sure the same could be said of her.]

Thank you. [He looks amused, but really he is pleased by the support.] I don't think most people would just roll over and let themselves be executed. I just happen to have more faculties to fight back with.

[Once again, she's made a point he would like on the back of a t-shirt.] I know, right?? If we all just accepted every dogma we were ever fed, nothing in the universe would ever change for the better.

Wait… Haven’t you met other versions of yourself before?

Yes, but not clones. The connotations of a clone are a little more unsettling. Who would do that? Why? Does the clone have my memories? I have many questions.

But I was also concerned that my alternates would stab me at first, too, in fairness, and they were all grown as naturally as any god can be.

“Other versions of yourself are kind of like twins, right? Identical twins are clones. At least, genetically.”

That was Isamu’s reasoning. And one that Jack and Ziggy seemed to adopt as well, though they were also assuming Jack’s world was a very bleak future version of Ziggy’s. In other words, Minoru agreed with you. Thinking about the other kind of clone would be a lot weirder…

“Is not trusting yourself one of those fundamental things that makes you ‘You’ across universes?”

"Genetically, yes, but usually a twin was raised with you, so the connotations are a little more...emotionally intimate? I don't know. The way the question's worded makes it sound like someone who looks exactly like you walks up and propositions you and I would have a lot of concerns to clear up before I made up my mind."

He worries his lip, then: "At the risk of sounding like your brother, I have a lot of philosophical questions about that, which may not have answers. Having met a number of alternates, the sense of mischief, innate ability to turn good intentions godawful, and family issues seem to be consistent, but if we're talking about multiple universes we're talking about infinite variations. So I don't know. Where do I stop becoming me and start becoming someone else?"

"Apparently there's even a Loki alligator out there, so what the hell do I know?"

Using the word ‘twin’ in this connotation was a little more awkward given that he had one. The kind that shared a womb, even though they didn’t share all of their DNA.

“I mean, any other me - clone or alternate universe or whatever - would probably be as grossed out by the whole idea of sex in general that it wouldn’t even cross our minds.” He reasoned. That made sense, at least in his his head. “But yeah… at what point does an Other Me become a You?”

Not you, Loki. But You in the general sense.

“At the risk of sounding like Isamu, there’s probably a line somewhere. No clue if it’s before or after alligator… hang on. Alligator?! There’s a version of you that’s an alligator?!”

"Well, see, that's part of the point I'm making. With infinite variation, maybe there are some alternates of us who simply don't share our core characteristics or our core values. Perhaps there's a self-righteous rule-abiding Loki out there somewhere. I can't imagine it, but that doesn't mean it's impossible."

"There is, of course the ontological idea that all that exists is a single soul, moving through different motions in order to learn--" he has a point to make here, but the question about the alligator derails it, and he laughs.

"There is! I've only seen him the once. He wasn't very talkative but he did have the helmet and everything."

Yes, all deep philosophical quandaries about the boundaries of an eternal soul are immediately halted, as they should be, by alligator Loki. Minoru laughed right along with him.

“How’d you know it was a Loki? And not just an alligator with a matching hat?”

"Alligators aren't very loquacious, but he assured me he was an alternate. Apparently he'd seen a lot of other Lokis. Bit the arm off of one of them, no less. I didn't try to pet him."

“Okay, then what makes you You definitely doesn’t limit itself by species…”

Minoru scratched his head. For a moment, he wondered if he had sone kind of animal version somewhere. As much as he loved snakes, it was probably something with wings. Or at least something that got up off the ground.

“Which means race, gender, age, all of those other physical characteristics must be interchangeable too.”

This was complicated.

"I suppose not." He frowns in thought. "I never got around to asking him if he was actually a Frost Giant that took the form of an alligator because it was raised by alligators, though. That's possible."

Minoru scratched his head.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Magic…” he knew that probably wasn’t the right word for it, but he couldn’t remember what Loki called it. “That’s one of the things that makes you You too.”

And just like that, things were clear as mud. (Well, muddier.)

[ Awkward laughter. But yeah, he would, after a little dancing around and maybe some mutual goal to complete together. ]

[He claps a hand around Kirishima's shoulder.]

Nothing to be embarrassed about, dude! I'd totally do it. And you're too hot not to do it, too.

No offense, man, but I don't think anyone'd have to question whether or not you'd do it.

[ They're friends, it's totally fine to rib and call each other hot... Nevermind the bit of a blush he's got going. ]

[Kaminari scoffs.]

Why wouldn't anyone do it? How else are you supposed to know if you're good at sex or not? And it's the safest, no-feelings-involved way to figure stuff out and have fun!

Oh absolutely. That's something I've yet to experience so I would very much welcome the idea.

I may not be a clone, but maybe I could borrow one of your outfits...

I beg your pardon? That's... [...Quite...the incidental question. Considering, well,] ...I have heard tell of someone roaming around who apparently does look remarkably like me, but--

[wait why is he even entertaining this. frowns!]

--No, I think I should prefer to decline. I have an impression we likely wouldn't get along, if we ever did encounter each other...

[~~and nobody's even told him about the other parallel universe twin who's apparently War Crimes Georg yet--~~]

...

Absolutely not.

[Everyone here is insane.]

Well.. sometimes someone's asked for one of my siblings to join us. It's not the same, but I suppose it's close enough.

[ so.. probably, if one of his regulars wanted it. ]

[You guys are nasty and she's, frankly, a little concerned.]

Not even gonna consider it a little, huh?

Think about how weird this subject is for me to hear about.

[ A thoughtful moment passes. ]

Oh, yeah.

That sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Why not?

No.
I'd get my clone to go do my work for me while I fuck other people.

No one else would know how to do me as well as my clone would.

So yeah, I think I'd sleep with my clone, if she seemed into it.

Edited 2023-09-13 02:55 (UTC)

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