they live inside us

[thememening]

FIGHTING YOUR INNER DEMONS

Everybody has them. Some are louder than others. Some are stronger. Some are overwhelming, and sooner or later you just give up fighting. But there are other people around you who want to help you - maybe they're suffering too, either because of your inner monster or their own. Or maybe they're one of the lucky ones with demons that don't howl so much.

You can help each other. It's better than the alternative.

• Leave top levels with your character name and info.
  
• Specify what you're running from, or if you're running at all, or if you just want to help.
  
• Details may be useful, but are certainly not necessary.
  
• Tag around for great drama and profit.

Warning: responses to this meme could potentially contain triggering material.

Comments

seragaki aoba | dmmd | ota

[cosmo_call]

[ well....... ]

[deepvoice]

[ sooo would you like to do something with Ren here? :> ]

[cosmo_call]

[ AH ABSOLUTELY! i'm new to this and very nervous but if you're okay with that, i'd love to get something going! <3 ]

[deepvoice]

[ no worries! it's been a while since i played ren so i may be a bit rusty, but i'm def glad to see another dmmd rper around!

awesome, so do you have anything in mind? :> ]

[cosmo_call]

[ ME TOO! we can be brave together! o9

as for ideas, not really!! but looks at the meme, looks at my hands... did you have a preference for anything? angsty or hurt-comfort-y? ]

[deepvoice]

[ hell yesss c:

hmmm with these two i'm a sucker for cute shit so maybe something hurt-comforty? god knows they've both been thru enough shit to need some of that. ;; ]

[cosmo_call]

[ that is MORE than fine with me! i'm pretty fantastically bad at figuring out thread starters, would you like to discuss over pm? ]

[deepvoice]

[ sure! c: ]

let me know if you want anything changed :>

[deepvoice]

[ It had been some time now since Ren had woken up in that hospital bed with Aoba there next to him. He's still not used to it. He's learned how to function in a human body, of course, but he sometimes wonders if he's going to wake up inside the Allmate one day and find that this had all just been a dream.

It's wonderful to be able to walk by Aoba's side, to touch him and hold him with actual hands, to be able to protect him and take care of him and not be limited by a small, ineffectual body.

Still, lately he's been feeling strangely guilty. While he was still getting used to things like walking it was understandable that he couldn't get a job, but now that he's stronger and in good physical condition... he wants to contribute more. He does do a lot of household chores when Aoba is at work, and he's found that he really enjoys cooking, but Aoba and Tae aren't exactly wealthy and so he feels bad for not contributing financially in any way.

Those are the thoughts whirling around in his head when he hears Aoba unlocking the front door after his work day. He goes to the hallway to greet him, all the while trying not to look troubled. ]

it's perfect!

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba is finding all of this just as strange and wonderful as Ren is; while Ren has always been at his side, now their connection is physical as well as emotional, and every touch is exciting, scary, exhilarating in a way Aoba is slowly getting addicted to.

Possibly the strangest part of it all, though, is the separation he suddenly feels.. Now that Ren has a body of his own, Aoba can't carry him around wherever he goes and be comforted by the weight of him in his bag, can't talk to him whenever he has a question or just wants to chatter aimlessly.. Getting a new AllMate is also something he's struggling with, because it just doesn't feel right, but he knows it's necessary. Even Haga-san has brought it up, questioned where Ren is, and Clara is very upset to have not seen him for a time... He wishes he could tell everyone Ren is alive and well and not in for repairs as is his go to excuse, he wishes he could take him places and not keep him hidden in his room near constantly, he wishes he could-- Well, there's a lot Aoba's heart wishes they could do, but it feels more like a series of dreams than anything else.

He's a little bogged down by it, clouded with thoughts of it, and though he tries not to bring it into the house he's feeling particularly untethered today, and the expression on his face as he steps through the door betrays that entirely.

When he sees Ren standing there, like he always is, he's both elated and immediately ashamed for how gloomy he seems. Like a whip-crack the excuse is formed on his tongue and his troubled expression goes to a dramatic pout. ]

Whaat, Granny isn't around the one time I remember to lock the door?

[ It's not entirely a lie, since he is actually a little disappointed she isn't here to be grumpily proud of him.. but he's also glad for a little alone time with his rapunzel. ]

What a joke, right? [ He asks, looking at the man in question... and as he does his face softens into a smile, his eyes going warm. ] ... Hi Ren.

[ He pushes the door shut behind him, then opens his arms for a hug. Look, okay, he's missed being able to bury his face in Ren's fur.. it's always been a great source of comfort for him after a tough day. ]

[deepvoice]

[ Ren almost forgets his troubled thoughts when Aoba walks through the door and a soft, affectionate smile forms on Ren's lips. He does, however, have time to pick up on Aoba's own troubled expression before it changes and he makes a mental note to ask him about it later. He's always been more concerned for Aoba than he is for himself. It's kind of been his sole purpose in life to be until fairly recently so it's not something he can just snap out of. ]

Tae-san had to visit a patient. She did not think she would be back until tomorrow morning.

[ Ren feels his heart flutter a bit when Aoba's expression changes again, into something so warm and loving. There is no hesitation as he approaches Aoba and wraps his arms around him, enveloping him into a warm embrace. ]

Welcome home, Aoba.

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba buries his nose in the long hair behind Ren's ear. He's taller, so Aoba has to reach up on his tiptoes but that only means he has an excuse to push his whole weight against Ren; their embrace chest to chest and lingering as they stand in he hallway. Aoba seems loathe to move, as he merely hums a sound of thanks in response to Ren, and tucks his nose in a little more. When he inhales he smells a scent that is familiar and yet different. Curiously Aoba tilts his chin till his lips are against the soft skin of Ren's neck. Clearly pleased by the warmth he finds, he hums again. ]

Work was tiring... [ He whines quietly, which means that it wasn't all that bad, probably just a few annoying customers. ] I could fall asleep right here.

[ But once the words leave his mouth he's drawing back, looking at Ren's face instead and scanning his features as if running a mental diagnostic. ]

How was your day?

[deepvoice]

[ Being hugged like this seems to temporarily drain all the worries and concerns out of Ren. He sighs in contentment, pressing his own lips to the top of Aoba's head. The lips against his neck followed by Aoba's low humming makes his skin tingle a little in a decidedly pleasant way.

He caresses Aoba's back and smiles. He knows that tone of voice very well. ]

I could carry you to the bedroom if you would like to lay down. [ He's being playful, but he really would do it if Aoba wanted him to. He had done it once before, at a moment when he was very eager to show Aoba how much stronger he'd gotten. ]

Ah... my day was fine. Uneventful. [ Aoba's question has made him remember his earlier troubled thoughts and it's likely noticeable in his voice when she speaks. ]

ooc

[luculence]

[Happy to see Aoba about! Are you alright with OCs? Touma here is older than Aoba by 9 years as well, but he does have, well. Heavy shit, detailed in his journal. Alternatively, if you want someone lighter and much more playful to help out, I have... another OC named Ren. rennotrin. XD; I just enjoy writing out Scrap-verses (partially as a result of previously playing Aoba, myself.)

[Alternatively, I'm more than happy to play out one of them trying to help Aoba attempt to coexist with his other self more harmoniously. <3

[I tend to stare at everything with shipping goggles. I am also totally cool with Aoba being part of a harem ending for himself.

[Ah, I'm going to cut myself off here before I ramble because of nervousness and "omg I should cover each and every aspect I'm worried about /fussfuss."]

[cosmo_call]

[ i'm more than okay with OCs! i'm just nervous because i would hate to disappoint since aoba is quite a new muse for me in public circles, and especially since you've played aoba previously.. so please be gentle with me! ( ; v ; )/

i'm fine with exploring some of his demons if you're interested in that, he seems like an interesting character! and don't worry about those shipping goggles, mine are firmly plastered to my face so if you'd like to ship these two if they get on well enough then that is fine with me ♥

do you want to pm to talk about thread ideas? ]

[luculence]

[Don't worry! I'll of course not look at things harshly. Besides, everyone has their own personal preferences as to how they view a character, and how they portray them. <3<3

[And thank you! Touma basically sprung from a one-shot and I was like "fuck this canon, I'll write him a better ending, myself."

[I'll PM you shortly!]

annnd the generator I used made Blossom's personality interesting. XD

[luculence]

[With date night upon them, Touma was happy to attend the local Matsuri with Aoba. With some sunlight to spare even as dusk approached, Touma unapologetically held the younger man's hand in his own as they walked, bright eyes taking it all in.

[He hasn't been to a festival in years, what with work, and his own personal journey to recovery from a year's worth of abuse, it's only in more recent months that he's felt anything close to happy. Blossom sits in a large tote bag that Touma has on one shoulder, his chin propped up on large (for a cat) paws as he idly looks around, bright blue eyes honing in on even little things.

[Even so, as the cat begins to warn Touma of close passers-by, they bump into his partner, anyway, as they speed along in front of him, prompting Touma to try to push himself closer to Aoba, his grip on his companion's hand tightening.

[People bumping into him from the front is far less of a problem than from behind.]

Touma. Your heart rate is quickly rising. Please be aware that this situation--

I know. [Touma's somewhat sharp, exasperated answer has a quivering sound to it. Even so, he gives Blossom's head an affectionate, and restless, petting, prompting the AllMate to purr loudly for him in answer.]

I'll be alright, you'll see.

[Even so, in the middle of pulling himself out of his brief anxiety, he needs a minute to better focus on his surroundings. Turning to regard Aoba, he smiles shyly, in spite of the fact that he's definitely lost a little bit of color in his cheeks.]

Sorry. I'm fine.

[Although he's not looking at Blossom, his apology is for him, too. He doesn't want to burden his date with such things. There's nothing he can do about the age gap, but acknowledge it, and know that at any time, Aoba may very well find someone more interesting to be with. Someone less scarred on the inside, where everything doesn't have to be a constant ask-and-answer state of consent and comfort levels. Someone with a more accepting mind for spontaneous action.]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba, on the other hand, has been to almost every local festival he could possibly attend - mostly out of habit, but partially because he honestly very much enjoys himself when he does. The food, the atmosphere, the events and stalls and spectacle of it all, and the way everyone seems to come together almost like a family is right up Aoba's street.

It's usually an excuse for him to pile all his often flighty friends together in the same space... but he's never been to a festival with a date before, so this aspect of it is new to him and is making the whole experience feel a little more.. poignant. Or maybe that's just Aoba overthinking; it's been a while since he's actually enjoyed going on a date with someone enough to plan a second and a third, after all.

Ren is also in a bag slung around Aoba's shoulder, but in sleep mode. His old systems can't withstand the same kind of constant use as the newer models of AllMates, but Aoba doesn't think he'll mind much. He's seen this scene before countless times, and Ren always gets a little strange around extended contact with other AllMates.

The sound of Blossom's voice calls him out of the thought-haze he'd found himself in, gazing blearily at a little girl trying to fish out a golden plastic fish from a pool of orange ones, and he turns his attention to the pair beside him, to Touma's body suddenly so much closer to his. He can't deny that the realisation makes his heart skip a bit. Touma is attractive for a start, but the fact that he's a little more wary about physical contact makes the times he blesses Aoba with it all the more special, and Aoba is so hopeless when it comes to romance that he's too flustered to notice the reason why Touma moves closer until he turns and apologises. Then, what Blossom said finally registers in his brain, and Aoba's eyebrows quirk.

It's almost like watching a conversation through glass, some childish part of him petulantly suggests, where you are so close and yet kept out from something you desperately want to take part in.

Aoba smiles, though, and it's genuine despite it all. ]

It's alright. The crowd, huh? [ He asks, since they are currently trying to weave their way through a pretty large mulling crowd as patrons examine the games stalls and the prizes to be won. ] Do you want to get something to eat and sit down?

So uh, I just realized. Touma's birthday comes the day after Aoba's. /laughing

[luculence]

A little, yeah. I'm fine if I can see before someone bumps into me. But...

[The alternative is another situation entirely. He squeezes Aoba's hand in the hopes of conveying his appreciation, among other things, and lightly presses his forearm closer to Aoba's, craving his companion's contact all the more. He shows Aoba a still-shy smile, unable to help but be keenly aware of his current shortcomings.]

You okay with that? We just got here. I wouldn't... I wouldn't want to bore you to death, or--

[Pausing, he bites his lip, and thinks. If Aoba was the one uncomfortable, he knows he sure as well wouldn't be upset if they had to take a break. He shakes his head.]

Sorry. Bad habit. Thanks.

omg.. NO THATS CUTE.. how ever will they organise birthday sex /shot

[cosmo_call]

[ When Aoba first considered going on a date with an older guy, he had all these ideas in his head about him being gruff and massive, taking charge of the situation and letting Aoba trail along behind him. He was into that - well, less so the trailing part, but that was something he'd planned to work on - but Aoba quickly found out that while Touma could be a little gruff at times, underneath he was much softer than he'd first anticipated.

He's gentle, shy at times, considerate in a way that is genuinely surprising in it's intensity.. so it's really no wonder that Aoba is finding himself kind of hooked on the warm feeling that accompanies them when they go on dates. Even when Aoba does something wrong, like he did on their second date, where he greeted Touma by clapping his hands on his shoulders from behind to surprise him.. it's something to be worked on, something to get accustomed to, never a deal-breaker for either of them.

It makes Aoba smile to hear him make excuses and ultimately apologise, and he squeezes his hand back in silent reassurance. ]

You're apologising to me a lot today, eh? [ He teases, the soft smile on his face dousing any misconceptions about whether or not he means it viciously, because clearly he doesn't. ] You don't need to, you know. There's two of us on this date, not just me, and we have to both enjoy ourselves for it to go well, right?

[ He tips his head, gesturing with his chin at a little sectioned off seating area surrounded by three or four food stalls all displaying different kinds of street food. ]

Besides, I wanna try the takoyaki from this vendor. They have a shop downtown, they're supposed to be the best.

On Aoba's birthday, clearly! In the evening. So by the time they're still doing it, it's midnight!

[luculence]

[Aoba's gentle in his own right. Enough that he innately feels that he's right in thinking that his companion is only teasing him, and not serious. Even with their height difference (mild as it is, knowing that he has to look slightly upward to meet Aoba's gaze is shyness-inducing on its own!) He immediately blushes when he's reminded that it's a two-person thing, a date.]

Just. Dating you is... a series of first ever dates for me. Ever. So. I'm self-conscious. I feel like... I'm not sure what to do. And seeing you enjoy yourself makes me happy, anyway.

[Squeezing his hand again, he nods.]

Let's go. Takoyaki is good. And if this one's really good, and you like it a lot, um. I can always bring some back next time I go downtown. If I'm in the area.

[He doesn't have to move much for work, but when he does, it's nice to bring stuff back. And it'll be nice to bring more back than just his usual cat-shaped trinkets.

[Yeah. He really likes the idea of bringing stuff back for Aoba, and even Ren. Heck, he even does that with Blossom, though they're usually little things, like.. a bug-shaped hair pin, or something like that. Or a fancy cat toy (Blossom does enjoy playing, even though he doesn't get any feelings of exertion. It's partially because playing with Touma makes Touma happy in ways he rarely shows. The endorphin surge is really good for helping him manage his stress levels.)]

oh, two birds one stone! o9 then there's the morning for special occasion round two~

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba clearly has more experience in the dating area, he knew this already, but to be told quite so clearly that Touma is sometimes at a loss for what to do is both heart-breakingly endearing, and exciting for Aoba. He likes to take control of situations he's a part of, if only to ensure that it never gets boring or weird, so if Touma would prefer Aoba to lead the way then he's more than fine with that. He'll just have to ask more questions, or suggest more, to avoid seeming like a control freak. ]

You don't need to be self-conscious, either. [ Easier said than done, Aoba.. ] Just be yourself. I'm not going to judge you for anything, especially not for feeling kind of lost in all this. It can be a lot at first.. but you'll get used to it more and more with every date we go on.

[ Which means, yes, Aoba is fully intending to squeeze in as many as he can. He'd have a date every night if their schedules didn't make that impossible.

At Touma's sweet offer, Aoba is caught a little off guard, his eyes widening as his cheeks turn dusted pink. ]

You'd.. you'd do that? Seriously? [ Aoba gives him a look that describes how joyful that makes him, but also how much it makes Aoba want to hide his face in a pillow like a school girl; a little embarrassed, but incredibly happy. ] That's really kind of you... but only if you're in the area, okay? I don't want you to go out of your way for me.

[ Aoba starts to weave them through the crowd then, angling their path so he's a little in front of Touma, so that if anyone veers a little too close they'll nudge Aoba before him. The last thing he wants is to seem patronising in his efforts, but it's worth it if it means Touma's stress levels won't creep too high. ]

Yes! :3 (cw: emetophobia)

[luculence]

[Either way, Touma catches on in more ways than one. One, that Aoba intends to keep dating him, and two, that he clearly likes his suggestion more than he's letting on. The realizations make his heart flutter, but it's hard to tell if it's in joy or anxiety, even though he does feel happy for it.]

Yeah, I mean it.

[And then Aoba moves in front of him. While not a problem in itself, a tiny wave of nervousness hits him, adds on to what's already there, and he nudges himself closer again to be more alongside him again. With his side against Aoba's, he feels less exposed, rather than more.

[Doesn't stop him from suddenly yanking Aoba closer to himself with a gasp when someone brushes against his back, fleetingly, in super-fast passing. Immediately, he chides himself for overreacting to something so stupid. He's acting like a kid in a very scary haunted house, and there's nothing scary at all!! It's some kids in costume making unconvincing spoopy noises, but he's still, well, spooked. He has to swallow hard against the roiling nausea that starts to hit him, his brain immediately going to the still-somehow expected touch to his sex from behind.

[And so, just as quickly as he's trying to meld into Aoba's back, he books it for an unoccupied alleyway nearby to try and wait out the imminent meltdown. Blossom already starts trying to talk him through it, but he can barely hear his AllMate at all, even as he sits down and puts his head between his knees.

[Even as Blossom gets out of the bag and leans his big, heavy body against his legs and keeps talking to him to try and ground him again.

[This should be fine. It's just a date in a very occupied place-- why now?!

[Instead, he's fighting not to lose what little's still in his stomach while his traitorous memories take him down a lane he hates the most. It grips his throat and his voice and his heart and it feels like every breath is a step closer to puke land. His hands feel too cold and he can dimly tell that he's shaking like a leaf and it fucking sucks.]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba keeps his eye on the crowd, trying to limit any oncoming bustle or at least to make Touma aware of it if and when it approaches.. It's probably a product of being white-knighted by Ren and by Koujaku his whole life, told he's strong and then protected like he can't handle a strong breeze.. but in this instance Aoba can kind of understand that natural reaction to want to take everything on yourself, to weather the storm to protect someone you care about.

In a blur Touma goes from pulling him close to flat out disappearing, and Aoba panics.. more than he'd like to admit.

When he finds him crouched in the alleyway the sight of him doesn't do anything to calm Aoba's quickening heart, and before he can really stop himself he's crouching down in front of the pair, expression gone lost and scared as he watches on without a clue of what to do. He doesn't seem to be listening to Blossom at all, which is the first sign that there must be something very wrong, with the second being that his hands are shaking and he looks like he's about to pass out, throw up or... worse. ]

Touma...

[ Instinctively Aoba wants to reach out and touch, but something tells him that might not be such a great idea right now. He looks up and out of the alleyway, back at the crowd still mulling and getting closer and larger, the sounds of chatter overthrown with laughter and merriment. He wonders if there's a medic nearby, or someone with better knowledge of what to do here.. He has his own ability, of course, has become reasonably seasoned with using it but.. he doesn't want to dip his toe into that kind of dangerous water unless he absolutely has to. ]

[luculence]

[Touma's breath is short and quick, as if he's been running for miles, and he doesn't even notice Aoba next to him.

[Blossom turns to Aoba then, still firmly glued to Touma's legs, his ears pinned back and tail between his legs in worry. Even so, he can't ignore Aoba's worry, either. It's important that they all remain calm, for Touma's sake.]

It's both fortunate and unfortunate that it's a panic attack - it'll eventually calm, but there's no telling when. Could be minutes, could stretch as far as an hour.

I know it looks bad, and it certainly is, but it is not life-threatening. It's the mind triggering a fight or flight reflex, feeling in imminent, life-threatening danger.

Furthermore, these rarely happen. All we can do is be here for him.

[Hearing the continuing almost-drone of Blossom's voice, Touma lifted his head a bit, and noticed both his AllMate and Aoba as well. Without thinking about it, he reached out towards Aoba with a badly shaking hand, craving contact with him.]

Ao...

[He snaps his jaw shut, shaking harder and averting his gaze again as he breathes through the nausea as best as he's able.]