they live inside us

[thememening]

FIGHTING YOUR INNER DEMONS

Everybody has them. Some are louder than others. Some are stronger. Some are overwhelming, and sooner or later you just give up fighting. But there are other people around you who want to help you - maybe they're suffering too, either because of your inner monster or their own. Or maybe they're one of the lucky ones with demons that don't howl so much.

You can help each other. It's better than the alternative.

• Leave top levels with your character name and info.
  
• Specify what you're running from, or if you're running at all, or if you just want to help.
  
• Details may be useful, but are certainly not necessary.
  
• Tag around for great drama and profit.

Warning: responses to this meme could potentially contain triggering material.

Comments

[luculence]

[Viewing things through his distorted lens, Touma honestly isn't intending to ask Aoba to be responsible for his happiness. Rather, he only needs affirmation of the truth of the matter.

[But he's not thinking of that now, as he clings onto his boyfriend for dear life. He's not even aware of the shift of things, and--

[He's still unconscious at first, but he stirs as he feels contact along his hand. He squeezes back in reflex, and slowly, hesitantly, opens his eyes. It takes him a few seconds to fully wake up, not really a morning person if he can help it, so for now, he just blinks sleepily at Aoba.]

Oh... did I... pass out? I'm s... [He catches himself, stops, starts again.] I guess I needed it.

[Smiling shyly, he squeezes Aoba's hand again, and then reaches out to pull him close into a hug, so he can bury his face against the younger man's shoulder.]

Aoba...

[Although he's just tasting his name, so to speak, there's no denying the raw affection seeping through his voice.]

Just... for a little bit, okay? I'm tired....

[He still feels cold, a little shaky (though his trembling has massively subsided,) but the weight of a panic attack is heavy. His whole body still feels the impact of it, even rid of the source as it is. It still happened, and it was still hell on his body.]

Panicking always makes me bone tired. I'm...not gonna sleep. I just. Need a moment.

[But there was something about the moment he was passed out....]

I dreamed a little, I think. There was a very adorable cat made of fire, with eyes just the palest color of your hair. Like it carried a bright, warm world in its heart.

So cute....

And you were there, too, I think. I don't remember what I heard, but it was definitely your voice.

Definitely.

[cosmo_call]

[ Touma opening his eyes gives Aoba an instant wave of relief that brings a light smile to his face.. one that only widens when he blinks sleepily up at him. It's.. painfully cute, so Aoba goes into the hug easily, nestling his nose under the rounded part of Touma's jaw. ]

It's alright, take as long as you need. [ Aoba says quietly, shifting his knees just a little so that he can sit half between Touma's legs and half to the side of the wall. It makes it clear that he has no intention of moving any time soon, not until Touma is ready to leave. He won't make the mistake of refusing his wishes twice.

His expression goes fond when Touma describes his 'dream' and Aoba hums in thought as he hides a knowing smile in the hair at the nape of his neck. ]

You even dream about cats, huh? [ He lets out a gentle laugh, squeezes Touma a little to make it clear he's playing around, and then continues: ] You're the cute one.

[ He wonders if perhaps he should tell Touma about his ability, about what he'd done.. but he figures there's always time for that later. Right now Touma has been through enough, is exhausted in a way Aoba can't even begin to imagine, so he'll save it for a time when he'll be able to process such impossible information a little easier. He wonders what Blossom thinks of him now, if she understands any of what just happened. He should probably get Ren out and make sure all his own vital signs are doing okay - his eyes ache, there's a dull throb at the back of his head - but he's loathe to move even an inch away from the warmth of his boyfriend. ]

Mm, I'm glad I could be there. Even if you don't remember what we talked about.

[luculence]

[Blossom is honestly just happy that his companion is doing better. Whatever happened, it did for a reason, and he can tell that Touma's own signals have substantially calmed down. So for now, he doesn't comment on the fact that whatever happened between them made it seem like a sudden case of narcolepsy as far as appearances are concerned.

[As it is, Touma just huffs at the "cute" comment.]

Of course I dream of cats. I adore them.

[A beat, and he opens his eyes for a moment before closing them again.]

...I adore you. And I've never met a dog that was even half as adorable as Ren.

[Frowning a little, he murmurs,] So.. I still have some recovery to do. From... my experiences. But, I've been thinking, lately... it might be nice to be... physically intimate. With you. N-not... not that I'm intending to sound pushy about it. I don't... want to go too fast. Or, well. I don't know how fast is too fast or too slow and I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

But even though my chromosomes are XY, my body...is weird looking. My abuser... he thought that he could continue his family line using my body. Because.. I have most of the anatomy necessary to do so. I don't have everything necessary either way, and so, even if I wanted children of my own genetics, that's... impossible. So, um, if you ever decide that you want children, I... I can't give you biological ones. I mean, even knowing you're a guy and I'm a guy and that was an obvious thing... ahhh...

[Although he's nervous, he doesn't let go of Aoba.]

And, uh. Anyway. I rely on injected hormones just to function. Because I don't... exactly have testicles at all. I get stabbed in the ass about once a month and I get a little hyped up for a few weeks and...

I get... really... excited super easy.

And it's embarrassing.

...Um. I guess I'm just really tired. And lower hormones since it's been a bit. My thoughts are all over the place right now.

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba's breath catches at that, because even though he knew it was true before this and even though he still has that nasty-voiced claim rattling around his head, that makes his heart race despite the situation it had come from - You're in love with Aoba? - he still finds it amazing and wonderful and a host of other things he doesn't have the words to articulate. He's been special to someone before, to Granny, his parents, Koujaku, but.. like this? It's different. His heart is in his throat, stopping him from replying but if he could, if he could, he'd say--

But then there's.. that. And Aoba's face erupts into color, flushing right to the tips of his ears so that they burn with heat. Touma just admitted to being sexually attracted to him, to wanting to have sex with him or at the very least.. mess around.. and Aoba swallows as his mouth suddenly becomes very wet. It makes him smile, though, the kind of smile a kid might have at the news that he's being taken to a theme park, a tentatively excited smile, a smile that wonders is this too good to be true?

He draws back, just a bit, just enough to look at Touma's face as he rambles (cute, Aoba thinks again, he's so cute) then when the words die out, he lifts Touma's chin and presses their lips together in a chaste kiss that's full of intention, a promise. ]

I'd like that. All of that. All of you. [ Do these two just.. ramble when they're nervous? It seems so. Aoba chews a bit on his lip, and then.. ] I like you. A lot. I'm still.. figuring it out, in my head, but I don't think there's anything you could do, say or be that would make me feel any other way.

[luculence]

[Even when he feels Aoba pull back a bit, he doesn't follow, preferring his position right now. Even so, he's a little surprised (but not startled) when Aoba lifts his chin. He lets him, of course - Aoba's touch is familiar enough that he sees no reason to deny him - but the kiss.

[The kiss promptly brings a rush of blood to his cheeks, and he's struck silent for a moment. It's enough for him to remain quiet while he listens to Aoba, the blush on his face darkening further in a hurry.

[No, he thinks. There are definitely some lines you probably won't cross, if I did those things, but fortunately...

[That train of thought quieting, Touma very carefully cups the nape of Aoba's neck, mindful of his hair (he was paying attention whenever he saw that Aoba didn't like the contact to his hair) and gently pulls him back into another kiss.

[His isn't a one-and-done, but something a bit more long-winded. At once, he realizes he really likes how Aoba's lips feel against his own. His single kiss transitions into another, and even a third.

[Even so, he's keenly aware of Aoba's body language and any tension. If Aoba shows even the slightest sign of not wanting to continue, he'll stop.]

[cosmo_call]

Mmh- [ Aoba makes a soft sound of surprise at being pulled back in quite so quickly after their lips part, but he definitely isn't complaining. That much is evident from the way his shoulders curve in, making his body lean in so that he's pressing just that little bit closer to Touma's chest.

He lets out a slow breath between kisses, a kind of ahh sound that spills hot air between their lips and captures pockets of it with every kiss. Aoba is fast becoming familiar with Touma's firm upper lip and his plush lower one, finding that he likes to press the purse of his own lips to Touma's bottom one to feel the bounce back and.. and to feel where his lips part, feel the entrance to the inside of Touma's mouth that Aoba can't stop thinking about.

The thought alone makes him lick his lips, and only when he tastes something unfamiliar does he double take. He just.. he just licked Touma's lips. By accident, but also entirely on purpose. His ears are burning again, but he doesn't draw away or apologise because.. well, he doesn't want to. In fact, after a short pause, he does it again. ]

[luculence]

[In answer to the lick, Touma lets out a soft groan, and then again when Aoba repeats it. He licks him back, shivering as restraint slowly takes the back seat, and he tugs Aoba a little closer, using a hand on his boyfriend's lower back. Dimly, he's aware that he could have picked a better place than an alleyway, but right now, he just wants to feel him.

[Even as every kiss stirs something familiar, low in his hips.]

Aoba... ahh...

[He kisses him again, and again, and, shyly, tries to find Aoba's tongue so he can lick that, too.]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba also has very little restraint when it comes to something he wants, and what he wants right now is pulling him closer via a slender hand on his back, is kissing him deeply, licking his tongue, gasping his name albeit quietly..

Aoba shifts, moving himself better in front of Touma, edging between his legs and raising a hand to press over his chest as they kiss. He's clearly not concerned about the location nor the situation they're currently in.

He lets his mouth open so Touma can follow his tongue inside, and gasps out a half-groan-half-moan at the feeling of it sliding across his teeth, meeting and twirling with his tongue. There's a similar heat awakening in Aoba, though he isn't worried about the concequences.. he'd much rather get as much kissing done as he can. ]

Mmm- T-Touma..!

[luculence]

[Touma lets him move closer, spreads his legs a bit in invitation, too. Touma's kiss is not particularly refined - rather than going for any sort of smooth move, his touch is soft and curious and eager. The pressure against his chest feels good without being overwhelming (his chest - nipples in particular - have always been embarrassingly sensitive) and hearing his name on Aoba's lips makes him shiver.

[Fuck.

[He doesn't even care that Blossom is still awake and probably staring at him, too. Tasting Aoba's words on his tongue is heaven, even if those words are only half-focused. His own body eagerly reacts, and, giving Aoba's tongue another firm lick, he pulls his tongue back a bit to see if Aoba's will follow.

[He should.. speak up about this. Talk it out before they get too taken in by each other. The weight that he's likely to be asking Aoba to tolerate just because he's---

[Strangely, his worries don't feel quite so heavy. Not quite so oppressive.]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba of course follows Touma's intention, chasing his tongue with his own like he's hungry for it.. and as he makes contact once again and feels a shudder ripple down his spine, he realises that he is hungry for it. His mind is rattling with pink-tinted thoughts about what Touma had said to him - Show me, later, I need to see that my body doesn't disgust you - and how he'd said he would, and how Touma had confessed to getting excited easily and how he himself still has the libido of a teenager and can get going with very little encouragement most times--- Ah, this is so dangerous.

Aoba has this constant feeling of everything being so good but nowhere near enough all at once, and it's dizzying enough that he almost feels like he has a headache, like pressure building in not only his head but his body, too. He wants to move and go and do more but he can't bring himself to make this stop, even as his fingertips creep under Touma's collar, past that unfastened button, hot points of his fingers laying against his collarbone. Like he's asking for permission. ]

[luculence]

[Feeling Aoba's touch against his lightly-exposed skin, Touma remembers himself. He softens the kiss, panting, and gently pulls his lips away with a shiver.]

I'm... not too keen on doing more than this in public. And I'm likely to want to do more if we keep going.

[There's no way he can hide how his breath his heavier than usual, how the flush of arousal has darkened his eyes. How the flush spreads along his neck and even past the collar of his shirt.

[At a glance, he can see that Aoba's similarly affected, and he flashes a soft, shy, little smile.]

I think your place is closer, but.. if you don't mind the extra walk, we can hit my apartment for guaranteed privacy. If you want to.

[While he quite enjoyed Tae-san's company as well, there was just something about not wanting to have her in the house if he was going to be heavily making out with - and possibly having sex with - her grandson.]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba's lips tingle without the feeling of Touma's against them, and they feel cold despite both of them panting out gasps of hot air. It's probably got something to do with how wet they are, glistening and pink from their efforts. Aoba runs his tongue across his bottom one, tasting his boyfriend and - perhaps on purpose - looking a little sultry as he does it.

He nods his head, offering a little mmhmm in response to everything Touma said. He wants to, he doesn't mind the walk, he's also going to want more if they keep at this... Honestly, the idea of being lewd in public is becoming a much smaller problem the longer Aoba looks into Touma's lust-darkened eyes. But as much as he's loathe to stop and as pleasure-drunk as he feels, above all else he wants Touma to be comfortable.

He shuffles back on almost wobbly legs, then gets to his feet with only minor difficulty given how tight his jeans suddenly feel, before offering both hands out to help the other up. ]

If we go down this alley a little more, and turn left- [ He sounds like he's run a marathon, but his brain is alert enough to recall shortcuts Ren has taken him down on delivery drop offs. Most of all, though.. he sounds eager. ] -We'll get back to the main road quicker. And we won't have to push back through the festival crowd.

[luculence]

Mm. Alright.

[Touma accepts the help up, and then bends back down to gently lift Blossom back up (who absolutely is still alert) and back into his bag before setting the large AllMate into sleep mode. He takes just a moment to make sure that his AllMate will be comfortable when he wakes up before lifting up the bag and hefting it over his shoulder.

[Once he's sure that they're both ready to go, Touma reaches out in turn to try and take Aoba's hand, if he'll let him, so that they can remain in contact while they walk.

[Aoba, after all, isn't the only one visibly aroused. Touma's not dressed up for work, after all, so even his own jeans feel tighter than usual. Furthermore, he knows his boxers are soaked from it. It's a miracle it hasn't soaked through to the denim at this point.]

I'll try to remember this route. It'll make things easier for me in case there's another crowd.

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba is only a little shy as he watches Blossom's very present form being appropriately stored for travel. He knows there's probably AllMates out there who've seen worse - Ren has accidentally seen a lot worse once or twice - but the knowledge that it's stored on their system till manually locked or deleted is.. Well. He knows Blossom wouldn't bring it up to embarrass him, he doesn't have that kind of personality, nor will he really mind... but still Aoba feels a little guilty over it.

He takes Touma's hand happily, lacing their fingers in a way thats fast becoming natural, and starts to lead the way. ]

You'll have to thank Ren. I tweaked with some of his map settings so he'd be able to give me real time updates, so when I'm running late with deliveries I don't get too told off on the other end.

[ He laughs, softly. It's.. kind of surreal to be talking about something as mundane as Aoba's habit of being late after what they'd just been doing, and in the state they're in.. but it also feels kind of nice because there isn't an inch of awkwardness between them. Once they make it to the main road, Aoba gives Touma's hand a squeeze. ]

Lead the way. [ Then, after a pause. ] I'm kind of excited to see where you live. I wonder if it's like I imagined.

*I don't actually remember what the distract close to where Mink and the like were is called, sorry!

[luculence]

[Honestly, Touma doesn't like to tamper with Blossom's memories if at all possible. Blossom is more than just an AllMate to him - they're partners. Touma's in charge of Blossom's care, and Blossom is in charge of helping Touma take care of himself. As they're off, Touma idly strokes Blossom's fur for a few seconds to help ground himself more. His fur is so soft to the touch, the synthetic fibers feeling like the real thing.]

I'll have to check Blossom's settings. His feedback has a few minutes' delay, but I'm sure his processors could handle something a bit more active.

[He squeezes Aoba's hand back, and nods, raising an eyebrow at what he says next.]

Only kind of? I see. [The soft smile he sports hopefully conveys the fact that he's only poking fun at his choice of words, but not the sentiment, in spite of his deadpan tone. Hopefully.] What have you imagined about it, if you don't mind me asking?

[If only so he can mull over what Aoba's perception of him is like. He's curious.

[For now, he leads the way, and, using the landmarks and road signs as a guide, leads. Compared to the Residential District, Touma's apartment is in the space rather close to where Platinum Jail once stood, while being just shy of the notorious Northern District* as well. In the spaces between, it had a mingling of both slightly more upper-class-like folks, as well as those who, at a purely guess-fueled glance, had possibly been up to no real good. Theoretically.

[But it was his home. He'd come to the island right before the ports had closed.

[As it is, Touma leads them easily, using his senses and instinct to use the paths of least occupancy. He knows these routes well, once he finds a path he's used to treading, in his efforts to visit Aoba.]

[cosmo_call]

[ He gives Touma a soft nudge for that, though he knows he's joking. It's just nice to have this, to have whatever they say to one another be taken with only the utmost affection, to not have to be quite so tentative or wary.. like this, Aoba feels like they've opened up a new door to something much more alive. Or maybe he's just really turned on right now. Or both. ]

Hmm.. That it's clean, probably.. medium sized? Or small. Tidy. Books here and there, one of those crazy comfortable cat bed things. Or a cat tower. [ Aoba has actually thought about it much more than he'd like to admit, in that wistful way people who haven't moved out of their family home daydream about moving in with a lover, being in a place where there's no-one to tell you to pick up your laundry, where you don't have to worry too much about being quiet or polite.. ] I definitely don't think you have as many trinkets laying around as Granny does..

[ He's barely watching their surroundings as he walks, which he only realises once they've made it a good portion of the way there, and then curses himself for. He'll have to wake Ren up later and tell him to save this location so he can make his way here again some time. ]

...*district XD;

[luculence]

Hmmm. You'll have to see then, won't you?

[He's certainly not about to confirm or deny things. Let Aoba see how close or far he is for himself. He squeezes his hand with a soft laugh.]

I haven't been alive as long as Tae-san. Not as long to accrue things.

[But... that was fine. Thankfully, they arrive shortly, and it's one of the more recent-ish complexes by comparison. Some of the technology has been updated to allow for key cards, but Touma, instead, pulls out a simple key that has a black lucky cat charm attached to it. Entering the complex, they ascend a few flights of stairs - the elevator is old and makes him nervous to use it - and unlocks one of the doors. From the front, even before entering, there's a narrow veranda that they walked along, and, opening the door, he lets Aoba in first before closing up behind them both. The entryway is short, leading to a sparse living room. To the right is a small closet, and next to it, the water heater in a narrow room adjacent. In the living room, a cozy couch that has seen a few better days sprawls against the wall, parallel to a low glass table with a few cat-shaped trinkets (they look like they're made of ocean-smoothed rock) on its surface and a pristine marble ash tray. It has a little bit of dust on it. The table is also home to a few condensation stains, lacking coasters with which to mitigate them.

[A single cat bed rests next to the couch, along with a well-used, tall scratching post that also doubles as a cat tree. Touma takes a moment to gently pick Blossom out of the bag in order to set him comfortably in the cat bed on the floor, fingertips affectionately smoothing out his fur and adjusting his body's position to be comfortable, as if Blossom was a flesh and blood feline that needed assistance.

[A bit further ahead is a decidedly larger kitchen and adjoining dining room. The wall ahead leads to another veranda that looks out towards where Platinum Jail once sat, though it's without any furniture other than a clothes line.

[If one instead were to go left, instead of right, to the kitchen, Touma's bedroom is there, as is the bathroom, linen closet, and washer. Those doors are closed.

[The kitchen is the most vibrant, the countertops home to containers of loose leaf tea and several cat-print tea and coffee mugs. Many of them are matching, but it looks like only one of each set has ever really been touched. Silhouette shapes are a common theme among them. A pair of detailed stone figures of kittens are surrounding a salt and pepper shaker on the dining room table, posed deliberately to make them look like they're playing together.

[Even the wall clock between the living room and kitchen is cat-themed, albeit also a silhouette shape, its forepaws serving as the hour and minute hands, and its tail swaying to keep time of the seconds. On a table just beneath the clock, a picture in a frame sits, depicting a very slightly younger Touma with an older man and woman. The resemblance between them is obvious - the woman shares Touma's hair color, if faded like an overcast sky, and streaked with gray, and the man has thinning black hair. They're all smiling brightly for the camera. Furthermore, Touma's barely taller than the woman in the picture, and the man is definitely taller than the both of them.

[The place is otherwise nigh-immaculate, even Spartan in nature, other than those little notes of individuality, almost as if Touma's worried about intruding into his own space. Either way, he doesn't say much, and just lets Aoba look around as he pleases.]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba has to hold in a whine at that, desperate to squeeze even a little something out of the other man, and tries to encourage him by clutching to the arm he has the hand of-- but when Touma opens and closes the door, Aoba finds himself a little speechless in the wake of what he finds.

It's.. simple, like he thought it would be, but the signs of life are like footprints in sand, making the place look and feel more lived in than Aoba had predicted. He walks into the space uninvited, but with a tentative and curious air like he's afraid of breaking anything, much like he was with Touma at first. He finds himself thinking this as he walks around, hands going out like he's about to touch but never quite getting close enough to make contact.

That is, of course, until he wanders down the little corridor and finds the picture frame, eyes taking in the details for a long moment as his hand finally reaches out so he can brush a finger down the face of the young man.

Then he comes back, over to the couch, and plops himself down on it as if that's his deciding vote on the matter. He smiles up at Touma. ]

I like it. [ He reminds himself of something he said before. I like you. A lot. He'd been understating then, really.. just like he is now, but the thought of saying it in full force makes his toes curl in his boots, his body feel small and delicate. He just hopes the look in his eyes is enough. ]

[luculence]

[Touma smiles a bit once he plops down on the couch, and, double-checking one last time that Blossom won't wake up uncomfortable later, he makes his way to the couch with his boyfriend to unabashedly sit very, very close. While Touma doesn't quite get Aoba's psychic projections, he does make himself at home by winding his arm around his partner's waist and drawing him nearer still.

[Unabashed, in the safety of privacy, he smiles as he kisses Aoba's ear - ever mindful of his hair even now - and makes sure any touch to his hair, using his lips, is feather-light.]

I think.. we left off somewhere earlier...? Where was it...? Here?

[Gently, he kisses a little lower - closer to where his jaw meets his neck.]

I just can't seem to recall exactly where I was putting my lips before~

[cosmo_call]

[ The moment Touma's arm goes around his waist, Aoba suddenly remembers the state he was in before, when he'd crawled shamelessly between Touma's legs, pressed up against his chest, kissed him like he was trying to inhale him whole. The gravity of the situation - seeing inside his boyfriends home for the first time, being permitted into that part of his life - had distracted him thoroughly, but when Touma's hand makes contact with his spine and he kisses his ear, it's like resuming a video game; those hot and hungry feelings from before resurface in a wave that ripples through his whole body.

It's almost ticklish, how gentle Touma is being, but at the same time it makes his blood burn as though he's being teased on purpose, and Aoba can only let it continue for so long before he's raising his hands up and directing that straying mouth closer to his. ]

I'm a little offended you can't remember. [ He says, though he doesn't sound offended at all. And there's a little smile playing around his lips before he pecks Touma quickly on the mouth. ] I'll have to work harder to be more memorable this time.

[ And then he presses forwards again for a lingering kiss, one that starts off as pressure and contact but melts rapidly into something with the same kind of heat as before, but now with much more willingness to give in considering the solitude of these four walls. ]

[luculence]

[At first, Touma worries that Aoba isn't joking, but once it's clear that they're all good, he relaxes into it all, and unabashedly climbs into the younger man's lap. The way he folds his legs, it puts Aoba right between them again, where wants them, and he kisses back with a soft, daring brush of tongue into it. His hands settle happily on the outermost curves of Aoba's shoulders.]

Pardon me, couldn't resist anymore.

[He smiles shyly still, presses another soft kiss to his lips again. Full to the brim with the desire to touch his boyfriend and never stop, he really doesn't want to hold back anymore.]

[cosmo_call]

Ah-- [ The movement of Touma suddenly shifting into his lap has Aoba feeling like a child who's finally been given a gift he's wanted for years. It's real - he knows that much because he instantly raises his hands to brave the sides of Touma's hips, in that fold where his legs meet his body, where he's warm and the fabric of his trousers has bunched up - but it still feels too good to be true. Especially when Touma kisses him so boldly and talks about him being irresistible. Aoba almost, for a second, considers pinching himself.

He's distracted enough by Touma's mouth that he doesn't, though, luckily. He lets out a shameless gasp of a whine as he opens his mouth and laps his tongue lasciviously over Touma's like he's becoming practiced at doing it, as fingers creep over Touma's hip ones and further back, around the curve of his backside. ]

Started typing this up while I waited for the game to finish installing. <3

[luculence]

[Touma shivers as he's touched, pausing for a few seconds while he gives himself time to adjust to the welcomed touch. It still can catch him off guard, so as soon as he feels Aoba's touch creeping further back, he moves both hands back to lace their fingers together. Between kisses, he gives a slightly ashamed smile as he moves their joined hands further and further back, settling still as Aoba's hands find the somewhat plump curve of his ass.

[He tentatively starts to let go of his hands then to let him move them as he wishes from there on out, dearly wanting to trust in the hope that he won't panic since he wants this.]

Mmmh... Aoba...

[Honestly, he still doesn't know how the hell his voice-deep panic attack stopped, other than the fact that he lost consciousness and woke up feeling better. The memories of being edgy whenever he sought out contact after his rape, and even now, still linger. And he really, really doesn't want to be in the grips of another panic attack. Not now. (And he knows "not ever" is impossible.)]

[cosmo_call]

[ Aoba does his best to be careful, to pace himself and to give Touma enough time and reassurance to adjust to him, to the new and frightening territory they're entering into, but.. But Aoba has the libido of a teenager, a desperate want to hear more noises escape his boyfriends lips, and the hasty rationalisation that since he's imprinted himself in Touma's mind as someone who'll protect him, keep him safe, prioritise only his happiness. Because of that, perhaps he finds it a little easier to get carried away. So much so that he has to take a breath when Touma's fingers hold his, and exhales when he lets them go. He wants to be the perfect partner, so bad it's overwhelming, but he can't just be so naturally. He's going to have to work hard if he wants this, if he wants to show Touma he wants it, and for the right reasons.

He forces his hands still except for the soft petting and gentle squeezing of his fingers, focusing on kissing Touma deeply enough that he steals his breath. Their lips are slick, their tongues dance in familiarity, and Aoba lets out soft sighs of contentedness every so often between presses and licks. ]

Show me. [ Aoba says eventually, not really even pulling away from the kiss, instead kind of murmuring it against Touma's lips. It's a request rather than a command, which is clear by the way his voice is breathless in desperation, like he might die if Touma were to refuse him. ] Show me what you want.

[ If Touma needs to set the pace to be comfortable, Aoba is happy with that. If he needs to show Aoba what he wants so that this can go well, Aoba will do it gladly. He wants this to be his choice. ]

[luculence]

[Touma makes a small sound as he swallows when Aoba makes that request. With a shiver, he starts to undo his shirt, button by button, and drops it on the floor without much care. His body is a little on the slender side, shoulders too, and he moves next to unzip his pants, then seems to think twice, and gets up. He takes his pants off, too, leaving him only in his underwear, and then gets right back on Aoba's lap. Any hair on Touma's body is more or less peachfuzz in entirety, save for the slightly more defined hairs that lead to his groin.

[With some deliberation, he guides one of Aoba's hands to his chest, and the other to the front of his underwear. Swallowing hard, he murmurs,] ...Touch me more? And...

[Frowning a little, cheeks hot, he continues,] Later, I... want to taste you.