shocksock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2017-07-14 12:01 pm
shocksock) wrote in bakerstreet2017-07-14 12:01 pm
Entry tags:
a. I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4 am, I swear to God, I will push you in front of a fast running rhino.
b. Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our mission?
c. I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
d. Or text her!
b. Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our mission?
c. I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
d. Or text her!
If anything, I'd think it wasn't forward enough. You know how he can be.
the captcha question was "If a person is called Carol, what is their name?" :')
punybanner
- 2017-07-16 23:57 (UTC) - Expand1. All the doctor said was why
2. I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
3. Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
4. i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
5. Text her!
2. I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
3. Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
4. i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
5. Text her!
Oh please, you barely weigh anything at all. Yawn~
1. Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
2. Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
3. Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
4. There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
5. text her!
2. Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
3. Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
4. There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
5. text her!
I bought it for you, yes. You seemed like you might be hungry when you woke and I could make sure it did not go bad.
Because you thoroughly threw up all over everything you, me, and that blonde guy were wearing. Everything. I got you back to your place, and into the shower, then to bed, and left once you seemed to no longer be in danger of choking to death.
The burrito was an afterthought.
Because you thoroughly threw up all over everything you, me, and that blonde guy were wearing. Everything. I got you back to your place, and into the shower, then to bed, and left once you seemed to no longer be in danger of choking to death.
The burrito was an afterthought.
1. You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
2. Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
3. I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
4. Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
5. Text her!
2. Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
3. I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
4. Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
5. Text her!
1. Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
2. I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave...
3. The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
2. I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave...
3. The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
1. I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
2. Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
3. Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry.
4. If jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked you in the face, that's how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
2. Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
3. Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry.
4. If jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked you in the face, that's how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
a) Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
b) I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
c) I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
d) I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone.
e) [text him]
b) I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
c) I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
d) I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone.
e) [text him]
1. Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
2. Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
3. I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
4. text him because no one cares about anachronisms
2. Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
3. I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
4. text him because no one cares about anachronisms
Edited 2017-07-14 22:47 (UTC)
Whatever, I'll dance on the bar, don't try and act like you're above it.
fear not friend I know nothing of castlevania besides this we will learn together
totallywhipped
- 2017-07-15 16:29 (UTC) - ExpandI played the games. I imagine they just kind of gently harass each other
draculabackwards
- 2017-07-15 16:33 (UTC) - Expand1. I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
2. I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and Pizza Hutt.
3. Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
4. Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
5. Text his dumb ass
2. I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and Pizza Hutt.
3. Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
4. Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
5. Text his dumb ass
1) Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
2) Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
3) I was woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now I'm pretty sure I'll never be clean again.
4) I just had to ask the gas station attendant what state I was in. Winning at life. ...It's Missouri, by the way.
5) text him!
2) Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
3) I was woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now I'm pretty sure I'll never be clean again.
4) I just had to ask the gas station attendant what state I was in. Winning at life. ...It's Missouri, by the way.
5) text him!
Edited 2017-07-14 22:53 (UTC)
1. I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
2. i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me
3. All the doctor said was why
4. 3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
5. 'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
6. Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
7. Lucky you? Text her!
2. i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me
3. All the doctor said was why
4. 3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
5. 'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
6. Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
7. Lucky you? Text her!
1. Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
2. I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
3. I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
4. text her
2. I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
3. I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
4. text her
Edited 2017-07-14 23:03 (UTC)
1. if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please!
2. condoms and ice cream, that's all we need
3. did you high five my face last night?????
4. on a scale of 1-10 how well do i give head
5. you're alive right now right?????
6. [Text Beth.]
2. condoms and ice cream, that's all we need
3. did you high five my face last night?????
4. on a scale of 1-10 how well do i give head
5. you're alive right now right?????
6. [Text Beth.]
1. don't give them hell for getting kicked out of a strip club
happens to the best of us
2. if i can still walk on my own after tonight, take me to another bar
3. it's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them
4. she has a tiny mouth but huge vocal chords
5. this thing better not have a dress code
6. [Text Logan.]
happens to the best of us
2. if i can still walk on my own after tonight, take me to another bar
3. it's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them
4. she has a tiny mouth but huge vocal chords
5. this thing better not have a dress code
6. [Text Logan.]
Edited 2017-07-14 23:11 (UTC)
1. Listen, i'm watching Earth Sphere Federation Idol and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
2. You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
3. Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
4. So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
5. So explain again why I'm purple.
2. You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
3. Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
4. So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
5. So explain again why I'm purple.
(1) You had one job.
(2) They brought you back in a wheelchair last night.
(3) I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
(4) They kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me.
(5) The stitches are on the house.
(2) They brought you back in a wheelchair last night.
(3) I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
(4) They kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me.
(5) The stitches are on the house.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i might
have tried to train potya like a lion tamer
once or twice
i might
have tried to train potya like a lion tamer
once or twice
1. We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
2. I don't know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
3. Please. Just come pick me up, I should never have come here. Everyone is drunk and looking at me like my scarf is their next sex restraint.
2. I don't know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
3. Please. Just come pick me up, I should never have come here. Everyone is drunk and looking at me like my scarf is their next sex restraint.
1. He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable.
2. I like you better when I drink, too.
3. I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
4. That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in the fetal position.
5. I want my party to be like the Hunger Games, where all the contenders for my attention have to fight each other to the death to win the prize.
2. I like you better when I drink, too.
3. I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
4. That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in the fetal position.
5. I want my party to be like the Hunger Games, where all the contenders for my attention have to fight each other to the death to win the prize.
1. Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
2. My talents include tricking people into giving me money, snacks and free drugs or taking those things when they refuse
3. Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan, especially if you don't believe in Jesus. Ask my mom for more details.
4. Too lazy to do dishes, so I'm eating cereal out of a flower vase and pancakes off of a textbook. There may be syrup in ur chem notes, btw
5. Text him!
2. My talents include tricking people into giving me money, snacks and free drugs or taking those things when they refuse
3. Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan, especially if you don't believe in Jesus. Ask my mom for more details.
4. Too lazy to do dishes, so I'm eating cereal out of a flower vase and pancakes off of a textbook. There may be syrup in ur chem notes, btw
5. Text him!
1. You were right. It hurts to walk today.
2. It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
3. I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
4. That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
2. It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
3. I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
4. That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And that's why you need to listen to a doctor when they tell you not to do something.
bioshock infinite
1. you have one guess on where i've hidden the liquor. if you fail, it's Gods way of telling you to stop!
2. they're not granny panties...
3. i still don't get why it's called a "french" kiss...
4. there was certainly no neighbors to hear us in the middle of the night. we were able to sneak in with no issue!
burial at sea
1. I thought I told you to delete this number?
2. How are you sure that shade of red on your collar was mine? I don't like to leave a mark.
3. Did you invite me to a sex club grand opening? I wouldn't even know what to wear.
4. Bunny ears? Cute, if not a little triggering.
(just list which elizabeth you want!)
1. you have one guess on where i've hidden the liquor. if you fail, it's Gods way of telling you to stop!
2. they're not granny panties...
3. i still don't get why it's called a "french" kiss...
4. there was certainly no neighbors to hear us in the middle of the night. we were able to sneak in with no issue!
burial at sea
1. I thought I told you to delete this number?
2. How are you sure that shade of red on your collar was mine? I don't like to leave a mark.
3. Did you invite me to a sex club grand opening? I wouldn't even know what to wear.
4. Bunny ears? Cute, if not a little triggering.
(just list which elizabeth you want!)
1. on a scale of 1 to 10, how concerned should I be?
2. Even the cat is judging me...and I don't own a cat. Who's cat is this?
3. I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
4. Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
5. text her.
1. Android, not robot. If you're going to flirt, you may as well use the proper terms.
2. Machines are not innocent. If you've seen what I have, you'd understand.
3. What does :3c even mean?
4. ...Is there a reason why 2 hours of my data has gone missing?
5. Use my pod as a coaster again, I dare you.
2. Machines are not innocent. If you've seen what I have, you'd understand.
3. What does :3c even mean?
4. ...Is there a reason why 2 hours of my data has gone missing?
5. Use my pod as a coaster again, I dare you.
Oh! I'm really sorry for that mistake. And, uh, :3c is a simplified version of a "nyoro~n face" which is an old meme that I don't care for, showing a sheepish/disappointed person. I see it as a cat raising its paw. Either way, you can see it easier if you imagine it turned clockwise 90 degrees.
...I thought I was being cute.
...I thought I was being cute.
THIS IS SUPER LATE, I'M SORRY. if you'd like to drop, thats fine! or we could musebox, idc :C
reupload
- 2017-07-19 01:37 (UTC) - Expand1. what does "btb" mean? cuz if it means "bring that booty"... i'll rightfully have to decline
2. i got a flat tire and forgot to pack a spare. can ya give a girl a lift?
3. we're getting together at the bar for some grease monkey shots. you're invited.
4. there's a new shipment of hood ornaments in. one's a cute lil' ol hula dancer! her hips sway and everything!
2. i got a flat tire and forgot to pack a spare. can ya give a girl a lift?
3. we're getting together at the bar for some grease monkey shots. you're invited.
4. there's a new shipment of hood ornaments in. one's a cute lil' ol hula dancer! her hips sway and everything!
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