bakerstreet | (no subject)

Dear self - never forget that Caroline was the most exquisite sex we've ever had.

I suppose "What are you wearing?" is always a good place to start.

A suit, though it won't be on for long. Blood is not my color.

You were right. Thor's dick is HUGE

[misfires or the very foolish seem likely.]

hey baby, let's turn your murkin into my toupeé

I sincerely hope that this text was meant for someone else.

Hope away, but know it won't reach my ears.
C'mon. I'll get you to un-clench

A noble sacrifice, I'm sure. But I am hardly in need of your services.

Oooh that's a noble sacrifice on your end, too

Not at all. I see that you're still as humble as ever.

[ota for wacky misfires.]

ATTACHED: image.jpg

[ THIS TIME FOR SURE, lucy is bound to have the right number (just how in the word did her contact list get erased anyway?!) and THIS TIME FOR SURE, natsu will be forced to admit just how effective the Super Sexy Strategy (TM) can truly be! she'd done her research, okay! and all the teen sorcery magazines point to how alluring this pose is!

SHE CAN'T LOSE ]

ha!

what do you think of THAT?!

Edited 2014-09-12 05:09 (UTC)

[ just casually checking his phone...

he doesn't look at the sender at first, and judging from the text contents, he assumes it's Toph bragging about something.

oh, hmm, a picture... ]

[ oh... ]

Hey! I don't know who you are, but I don't think I was meant to get this...

My favorite thing on a dessert is whipped cream. Would you let me put it on you?

[ Because he wouldn't be Haru if he didn't bother Yuki. ]

hey bby. a/s/l ?

You know all of that already.

What a boring reply, yuki.

Generic text message = generic answer. What about "how was your day"?

[Yuki might not be 100% on the whole "sext = sexy text" thing.]

But that's still boring.

How about What are you wearing?

Clothes. Of course.

That's hot. Tell me more.

They're pajama's. They have a jam stain on them. Because of jam. It's the middle of the night.

. . .

Okay I give up. You win. I'll stop.

I'm sorry. It's not you, it's.

[There's a long pause until the next message.]

I'm horrible at this sort of thing.

Maybe you should borrow one of Sensei's books.

[Give him a moment to do just that:]

Your kisses take me away to another place where sensation rules and conquers, takes control and welds my heart and mind into one.

You're a mind-heart welder.

[ . . . ]

Part of me wants to laugh and part of me feels my heart fluttering.

It goes on to compare female anatomy to no less than four types of shellfish.

[ Haru can't help but be amused over here. ]

oh man I think you were doing better before.

well whatever. what are you doing anyway?

It suits me better, doesn't it?

I'm outside now. The phone has a very loud notification sound and I don't know how to turn it off.

It's too cold outside. You shouldn't be out there, Yuki. But um... I think there should be a switch or a button on the side of your phone depending on what kind you have.

Also if you dont maybe there is a settings in your phone? Volume control is usually there I think.

[ This is the sexiest sexting ever ]

I have a blanket. It's a nice night, too. You should come and see.

[That was sexy...ish? Right?]

Sharing a blanket with you has always been a dream of mine.

That's a very specifically-worded fantasy, Haru.

But doesn't it sound romantic?

[Can only go two ways: genuine sexting or awkward but determined attempts at it on her end.]

[Misfires are ota!]

[ Attachment: lookwhatyoumademedo.png ]

hey
if you dont hurry your sweet ass here im gonna have to waste another load of dave spunk and nobody wins then

That's really tempting but you just don't look like you really need me enough! But I'll save that pic and take good care of myself until you try again.

[It's really so much easier to resist him over a phone. Who would have thought!]

god damn it
look riko im dying here
my dicks busy putting fucking diamonds to shame and youre being more elusive than a ninja trying to escape debt collectors
jesus christ

[The picture was taken at the slightest angle, Nariko was laid out on her bed, shirt pulled up, the cups of her bra tugged down. Her jeans were popped open and teased down her hips just slightly, free hand between her legs, despite the self satisfied grin, there was no hiding the excitement in her eyes, though it was far more playful than usual.]

true but this is kind of fun. How many of these can I get away with before you cum again or man up and come get me yourself? take too long and your face becomes my new throne for at least an hour!

[misfires most likely. m/f for anything serious.]

Friend, I am close to penetrating your defenses. These dragons are weak to my will... all but yours, that is. Conquering it and taking its essence for my own would be a worthy enough challenge that I might consider leaving the others alone in exchange for the opportunity.

I'm not exactly willing to let anyone touch my dragon so easily.

Do you suppose you could be convinced to change your mind?

Depends on what you had in mind on trying.

ATTACHED: image001.jpg

[ this hideous misfire brought to you by lucy heartfilia, who is patting herself on the back right now because there's no way she'll fail at the Super Sexy Strategy (TM) with this outfit!

take THAT, natsu!! ]

[The poor innocent victim opens the attachment certainly not expecting that, practically almost dropping the phone when his cheeks are burning up.]

Uh, that's quite a picture you've got there.

eh??

IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY???!

[ natsu you punk she had virgo bring that outfit straight from the celestial spirit world, YOU SHOULD B BESIDE YOURSELF WITH LUST...! ]

[Wha--? Why am I getting yelled at!?]

Uhh, nice pigtails? I'm a little bit confused as to what you're looking for from me.

Discovered a new species of dragon that seems to enjoy living in my underwear! Think it might be Tidal-class, it really enjoys getting wet. Send help ASAP? ;)

[ yeeeAAAAHHHHHHHH, smooth. ]

If that's the case, I think you might want to get Fishlegs to help you out with that one.

[You terrible human being.]

[ !!! ]

But every time I say your name, it pays attention. :o

I guess you must have it trained to like me then.

Funny thing is, it didn't even need training for that.

Oh, does it perk up when I'm around then?

From a professional point of view, it definitely seems lonely without you.

You might want to give it a good petting to console it then.

ooh i amm I am, milady

I'll be sure to kiss it better when I get the chance.
Give it a few strokes under the head for comfort.
Make sure it stays satisfied.

oohgo ds

wWoul you really? How would you strokee it?

I'll try to be gentle. Though I've got rough hands so it might get a little tight.

didn't you mention kissinng? It seems v friendly ...

A nice kiss on the tip for good measure. But be warned, I have a tendency to use my tongue sometimes.

Looks liek this little dragon is suddenly really happy, he rreally wants me to stroke him h harder godsso hard

Tidal class, right? Is it getting wet yet?

makin a mmess on my hand

Gets a little bumpy beneath, jus rbbbing him there too

think he's as big as he;s gonna get

Big enough for me to ride? I don't think I'd mind taming this one.

yeah please rideit hard and fast astrd gosds yorue so beuatifl so strng

tell me how yu ride

I'll pin your hands down so you dont get in my way cause Im the trainer now
Locking you in with my knees rocking down fast with my hips
pressing down hard with my thighs
hard and fast just how you lik eit

ohgh yea fuck me elike tghat i lovce it.;/8 wont be easy to train, rough ride foryou

mm i love how you think you can challegne me
if you play nice i mihgt let yor hands go
so you can touch me

let my hands go astrid i want to feel yor breasts and hips, so full and perfect, i knoe you like my rough hands thumbing at your nipples,, makin you whine

my mouth sucking your breasts and rubbing circles between your legs getting you wet and soft as you ride me hardr

astrid aatrdd aahjg onna come insdie eyou

hiccuup gods touch me everywhere
youre the only one who can get me this wett

im rocking so hard on you
screaming your namme
hiiccup im close

godsaaa aaavn

i am im not stoppin g

astrid snja fuc k alwaysso tigthhh an hhotfhg''.....';^7 66;

[Just gonna settle doooooown before texting again.]

Oh, I'm gonna kill you.

[ Give him a couple more minutes. Wow, that ... that is a real mess, right there. ]

You just did, Milady.

That was not how I planned to start the morning and now my pants are ruined.

YOURS are ruined? Hah. It's on the INSIDE of my leathers.

Well, that's YOUR own fault.

And delete all of those messages. Now.

What if I need a pick-me-up later? :(

Hiccup, I will make it so you won't even have the ability to be "picked up" ever again in the future if you don't get rid of those.

[ Well, then. ]

Ahaha okay! Just joking.

Good. As long as the evidence is gone, I'll still be willing to give you a sample of the real thing later.

Until later then, Milady. x

I must admit - You and I should find a private booth sometime. So I can comment on whatever clothes your team puts you in this time.

And give you insider information? Tut, tut. If you just wish to see me naked all you have to do is ask.

A friendly conversation is hardly insider information. Oh? Is that so?

Letting you see my outfit is, but I'm sure you'd rather it off of me anyway.

It's properly simply a straw g-string anyway. I might.

Better, painted on scales and a string of them to cover the good bits to represent my fishtail.

Since you're likely to die any day, I just thought you should know that I'd climb you like a tree if given the chance.

A hot, naked tree.

oh. Wow.

Carpe diem, Becket. Or should I say carpe ME.

Edited 2014-09-10 17:00 (UTC)

Important question Rals. Silk or lace?

Whatever you like more.

This is actually about whatever you'd like more.

I don't really know dress fabrics that well.

Looks like I'll just have to be naked then.

Oh. Well I won't argue that.

Where are you right now?

My bunk.

Odds of getting you to come down to mine?

ur a beefcake!1 ;))) no homo

Um. Thanks.

[ attachment.jpg ]

I'm downtown HK shopping right now, and the saleslady just took this picture of me. She insisted on it because she says I'm famous.

As always you look beautiful.

[ Raleigh, you old charmer, you. ]

Really? You think so?

Should I model anything for you that I'm trying on?

[Well that's an offer and a half.]

I always do. And I'll gladly take any and all pictures of you. Whatever you're wearing.

[ just for that, he gets another one. ]

[ attachment.jpg ]

How about this?

Lovely, as always. Gives me an idea though. You should go on a shopping spree and whatever you buy, you can show me in person.

[It isn't that she needs his approval or he's trying to objectify her, but he much prefers to have her in person.]

ATTCH:

well thats a uh fine set of wings youve got there maam

[Oh. Look at that. The contraption was making noise. And it had words. It would be about an hour before there was a reply.]

WHO IS THIS? WHY ARE YOU TRAPPED IN A BOX?

[What the--?]

ay you texted me first, birdy

WHAT IS THAT?

[Well, if he isn't going to get a proper answer ...]

this is your conscious reaching out to you

NO IT IS NOT [Someone did not like this talking box.]

ay ay aaaay no need to get angry at your conscious now
just doing my job ):

MY CONSCIENCE WOULD HAVE BETTER WIT

woooow way to be RUDE
im the big boss you gotta be a lot nicer to me you know

I THINK NOT

geez you text me first and then you go on yelling at me
why you gotta be so mean :(

YOU ARE MAKING NO SENSE LITTLE BOX

im not a box
im a person
well sort of

YOU ARE TRAPPED INSIDE THIS BOX? HOW?

im not IN the box
im communicating THROUGH the box

how do you have a phone and not know how to use it

WHAT IS A PHONE. I FOUND THIS BOX AND THEN YOU MADE WORDS.

how the heck do you not know what a phone is
did YOU live in a box this whole time

I LIVE IN THE MOORS. IT IS NOT IN A BOX

geez alright
you could turn the caps off too you know

WHAT ARE CAPS AND WHY SHOULD I TURN THEM OFF?

see how your letters are huge
and mine are tiny?
you press a button somewhere at the button of your screen with an arrow to fix that

WHY WOULD I WANT TO MAKE THEM TINY?

cause you look like youre just shouting

YOU CANNOT LOOK LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING WITH WORDS, SILLY BOX.

stop calling me a box
im a ~winter spirit~

YOU ARE A SPRITE? WHY ARE YOU IN A BOX, SPRITE?

[Jack... Someone doesn't get it.]

[This is such a headache. Best to take the more fun route.]

ah yes im the winter sprite
they call me jack frost
it appears ive become stuck in here somehow
only a magical spell can break me out
oh woe is me
please help my poor soul

[This is where Jack should really figure out who's on the other end of the phone before he goes being all smartassy.]

DO NOT WORRY, LITTLE SPRITE. I WILL FREE YOU. [Does Jack feel a tingling? Are there gold sparkly tendrils wrapping around him? It's entirely possible that Maleficent has cast a spell to 'save' the little sprite in the box and might just accidentally pull him through to where she is. Oops?]

[He's about to respond with some more of his genius wit when he feels that sudden odd sensation as though he's being pulled. He tries to make an attempt to fly away from whatever this force, but it's to no avail, already too late as he's "freed", as she would put it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened?] Uhh ... who are you?

[Oh, well, how lovely. Now she doesn't have to use the box.]

I am Maleficent, little sprite. And you are welcome.

[Okay, now that was not what he was expecting.]

Hold on, you ... you actually pulled me out?

You said you were trapped and that you needed magical help to get out. Fortunately for you that it was me who came across your little box.

[Just great. Of course, he'd have the luck of getting accidentally texted by some random magical being.]

I wasn't really trapped in there. I was just in a different place. That box? It helps people communicate over long distances.

Does it? Seems silly. I prefer mirrors or scrying bowls. Perhaps a ball? This is... well, one can hardly get one's point across.

Fine, yes. Mirrors. Balls. Whatever. Now, where'd you bring me so I can get out of here.

[At least he came with his staff. It would have been a horror to try and fly out of here without it.]

I told you, silly sprite. We are in the moors.

[Was that some transdimensional transportation going on? Might be...]

What in the ... ? [He has no idea where this is, pretty sure he's never flown over it before.]

Oh, just great, what did you do? Your voodoo whatever magic got me all messed up. Can you just ... shove me back in the box or whatever?

What is voodoo?

[Funny sprite with his silly words. She eyed his staff, not nearly as pretty as her own, then moved to continue the walk she'd been on before she'd found the phone.]

I could, but that would make me no better than your jailers, would it not?

[Of course it wasn't surprising that him and his big mouth would get him into some sort of mess. Routine, really, to cause trouble for himself.]

No one jailed me. I was in the other side by choice. And I'd very much like to go back now.

You were trapped in a box by choice? Now, why in the world would you want to do something so... confining?

Again. I wasn't really in the box. Think of the box as a door. I was on the other side of the door and when you did your hokey pokey spell, you took me through the door to here.

[He normally wouldn't go into a huge explanation, but if she was his key out of this mess, he'd have to bear it.]

Is it a portal? Well, how interesting. quite small for a portal.

[She somewhat got what he was trying to explain, though the concept was vaguely different.]

A portal. Sure, that's a perfect word. A portal. [At least that was somewhat made clear. Baby steps.]

Now I'm really not familiar with where this is, so I'm assuming you didn't bring me right across the street from where I originally was, so can you just, you know, stick me back or whatever it is you do.

Perhaps.

[She brushed her finger over a flower, giving him a somewhat sly look.]

That all depends on where you came from and if I know how to get you back. It's much easier to cast a hook and catch a fish than to throw that fish back wherever it might have come from.

What am I wearing?

[He's doing this wrong.]

Cl...othes? I hope.

No, no, no!

Well, yes, but that's beside the point.

So you're not wearing clothes? [Clarification please.]

Of course I'm wearing clothes. Aren't you?

Yes.

But why did you ask what you are wearing? How should I know?

Well, not my me. I mean other me.

Cl..othes? I assume. Unless he's gone to church.

Well, of course. That'd just be rude.

But what clothes? Looks any good? Fetching? Colour-blind?

I don't know. Do you want me to take personal inventory on your future self's clothes?

Well. If you wanted to! No pressure.

Burn anything headache inducing.

You don't pay me enough to be your personal shopper.

Oh, Clara, Clara, Clara, my Clara... There is not enough money in the world for that wage.

And you don't even pay me. Your more like... a hobby.

What a thrill though, isn't it?

Eh, it's not bad. Not as boring as knitting. [Not going to give you a big head.]

Oi! I'm way better than knitting. I'm even better than crocheting!

Book club?

I'll take you to a book club! I'll take you to a book club that has Charles Dickens, Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and Mary Shelley in it!

...maybe not Wilde, come to think of it.

Agatha Christie?

Yes! I haven't accidentally propositioned her or anything, that works.

I feel like there's a 'yet' coming.

She's a lot less suggestive than Oscar, so I think we're safe.

Probably.

What about Hemingway?

Do you want a book club or an AA meeting?

Point. Right. Well who else?

Who else do you want? Let's get JK Rowling!!!

Harry Potter fan, are we?

Who isn't?

Aside from evil, soulless people.

Rowling it is then.

Now how is this not better than any other hobby?

Could certainly be worse.

Now you're being impossible.

That's what you call me.

Well, I'd say I have a point.

What else would you expect?

'Yes, Doctor.'

'You're brilliant, Doctor.'

'You have great hair!'

For example.

You clearly don't know me.

Well, to be honest, this hardly ever works anyway. Worth a try though!

What are you going to try next?

Nothing. Nothing. I never show off just to impress people.

Well, hardly ever. Barely counts.

You do all the time!!

Oi! That's a completely unfounded if mostly true accusation!

Completely true :)

You're a cheeky one, Clara. Very cheeky.

And you appreciate the cheekiness. So we work well.

I'll just bet we do. I bet. So, this current regeneration...

Good-looking?

Why would you ask that?

Just simple curiosity, that's all.

You're meddling. You meddle. That's what you do.

Well.

Out of simple curiosity!

Now, come on! Handsome? Foxy? What am I?

Some fierce eyebrows. [And that's all you're getting!]

...that's at least better than the last one then, I reckon.

isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black here, Doctor?

Well, yes, but have you ever seen a blacker kettle?

Are you asking me if I think you are attractive?

No! No, I don't think I am. Though now that you brought it up... Am I?

You know you're not my boyfriend right? Future you, other future you made that very certain. Not that I thought it, mind. I'm just saying.

[Avoiding that one.]

Good. Good! I make a terrible boyfriend. Well, I would. I am not one. At all. But I would. Terrible, just terrible.

You came to Christmas dinner for me. That's not terrible.

I have my moments, I suppose.

Shouldn't call yourself terrible then.

So sure it's not true?

Of course I am.

Too much credit by half.

Maybe I just know you're not what you think you are. Even when you try and hide it all behind those big sad eyes.

What about my eyes?

Also, there's no hiding from myself, not really.

There's nothing wrong. You do the same thing he does though. You make jokes, and you smile. But. I can see through that, you know. And even the darkest parts of you aren't all that dark. Not when you believe in yourself.

Dark enough to affect anyone who's close for too long. Seems like you'd know.

It's a choice we make, because life with you is better than life without.

Yeah, but who showed you that?

You can't control the universe, Doctor. Some people come into your life, and they just do.

Trouble is... Everyone has to leave.

That's life. You put on your big boy pants, and you make sure every day is worth it with them.

Oh, to me it is. To me it is, Clara. But to them? Hard call to make.

But it's their choice. And you can't worry about when it's all going to end. For that day, that one adventure, they chose you, too. And that's what matters.

One way to view it. But who has to live with that choice?

Everyone does. That's how relationships work. We affect one another. You can't change that. Time Lord, human, whoever. We come into contact with one another, and for good or bad we're changed and that's it. That's life. Regardless if you live one or thirteen of them.

You think you've been changed for the better?

Course. Don't be daft. You can be a pain, but you wouldn't be my favorite hobby if I didn't think it's done me some good. Mind, I wouldn't tell the other versions. Unless you gave me sad eyes.

Edited 2014-09-16 18:23 (UTC)

Supposedly I win the sad eyes contest.

Kind of a bad contest to win, mind.

I just see them is all.

See what? Sad faces?

I see everything. That's why you have me around.

I want to take you out to dinner.

[Sex isn't really the Doctor's forte.]

Any where in the universe, and you want to go to dinner?

I didn't say where I might take you to dinner though.

Point. So where are you taking me?

Where would you like to go? I was thinking of an inter-galactic bar in the 51st century.

You wabt to take me to a bar? Is this a date?

what? no! no date. does it sound like a date? really?

Is that your cock?
So we've finally reached this stage of our friendship...

like u haven't seen it a hundred times

And yet somehow I never get bored of it.
I'm honored I was the first to come to mind when you started touching your junk.

can't help but think of you when i think of dicks
even if it's mine

(no subject)

Stiles | Teen Wolf

Klaus Mikaelson | TVD verse

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Mary Katherine | Epic | m/f

Darcy Lewis | mcu | ota

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beatrice | much ado about nothing (modern au)

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Henley Reeves | Now You See Me | m/f

peggy carter ( mcu )

Emma Swan • Once Upon A Time • m/f

natasha romanoff ( mcu )

zuko | atla | ota

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1/2

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Bucky Barnes | MCU | ota

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Yuki Sohma | Fruits Basket | OTA

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omg

it had to happen fff

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Namine | Kingdom Hearts | ota

Nariko Lunae | Original | m/f

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michael corvin | underworld saga

Rogue | X-Men

hiccup horrendous haddock iii ☁ how to train your dragon

UH yeah

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omg lucy

she's mortified... or she will be once she figures it out

whooooops

astrid hofferson ♦ how to train your dragon

im not sorry

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that icon jsfkddgsg

yea boi

tHAT one

not my fault they're all appropriate

the iconmaker is a gross human being