shinysocks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shinysocks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2014-05-23 09:17 pm
shinysocks) wrote in bakerstreet2014-05-23 09:17 pm
I don't know how you get yourself into these situations but if this one involves as much glitter as the last time you're on your own.
just because i called you a glitter princess for the next week...
1) you had us pull over so you could pee. you peed in some random person's front yard while yelling "i'm not ashamed"
2) all i want in this world right now are doritoessssss
3) before i left he insisted on serenading me with a ukulele. i might be a little bit in love
1. You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
2. I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
3. Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
2. I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
3. Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Edited 2014-05-24 01:29 (UTC)
Do I want to know what you have planned, my dear? Should I bring the good vodka as well?
a)
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
b)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
c)
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
b)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
c)
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come out tonight. Even the fruitiest drink here's gotta be better than whatever you're doing.
1. No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
2. We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
3. want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
2. We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
3. want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
1. Trust me, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
2. When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
3. Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
2. When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
3. Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
a)
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
b)
hey this is shannon, i have to type for tony because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
b)
hey this is shannon, i have to type for tony because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
1) are you doing that thing where you're convinced i made a terrible decision?
2) there's a mirror laying face down next to me. a long full body mirror. by the looks of it, it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. dynamite
3) handcuffed. to. steering. wheel. fuck.
To H Stark
From Anthea
Astute.
and
You are welcome, sir.
Both keys are with me. I shall return with coffee momentarily.
I require a sacrifice. Strong liquor will do.
1. I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart.
2. I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
3. I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
4. drink your own adventure
2. I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
3. I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
4. drink your own adventure
1.There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
2.It was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different… usually the floor.
3.Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I’ve slept with.
4.[Shoot her a text]
2.It was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different… usually the floor.
3.Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I’ve slept with.
4.[Shoot her a text]
1) i've realized that i'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. this is ridiculous.
2) there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another party
3) his pick-up line from last night: "i bet you can't climb these stairs right now." needless to say... it worked.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's be real, though. *Everyone* is just 10 shots of tequila from sleeping with anyone. You, though? I'd put you at 5 shots, 6 tops.
I'm assuming you didn't mean to text me to brag about me to me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win and call it a night.babe
no
but when and where did you learn ballet???
no
but when and where did you learn ballet???
You're the last person I would contact unless it was an emergency. I'm pretty sure this qualifies.
1) i fell off the front porch last night. actually... i dove. i dove off the front porch.
2) do you think i threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? it's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
3) no, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. very different from alcoholism
To T Odinson
From Anthea
Last week was the keg stand, last night was the pole, sir. You mentioned wanting to show her how to milk a goat.
From Anthea
Last week was the keg stand, last night was the pole, sir. You mentioned wanting to show her how to milk a goat.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
It's been an hour and a half. I suggest force.
a;
b;
just saw a kid get pissed on by a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friendb;
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.Edited 2014-05-24 01:59 (UTC)
Is it weird that I feel like I won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.Edited 2014-05-24 01:45 (UTC)
I. I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
II. Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
III. also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
II. Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
III. also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You're kidding right? You have half a wedding cake. How is that not a good end?
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