laying in bed all day (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
f6f6f6) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2024-04-26 12:00 pm
f6f6f6) wrote in bakerstreet2024-04-26 12:00 pm
Entry tags:
[OOC: Assumed CR and misfires are fine!]
A. I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
B. Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake.
C. I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
D. Text Guin.
A. I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
B. Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake.
C. I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
D. Text Guin.
Edited 2024-04-26 16:00 (UTC)
1. I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
2. My only contacts are booty calls and the beer league hockey team. Who are also at least 50% booty calls.
3. I treated a guy that got his head stuck in a fishbowl tonight. No, I don’t have any fucking idea how he did it.
4. I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
5. Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a cowboy hat
6. Bring your own text!
Edited 2024-04-26 16:01 (UTC)
one. Who is this?
two. I want him carnally. [ alternatively: "I want her/them carnally." ]
three. I'm sorry I stabbed you last night. It will happen again.
four. [ Just a picture of a bakery window. It's like one in the morning. You're drunk, Nanami. ]
five. [ or text him! ]
two. I want him carnally. [ alternatively: "I want her/them carnally." ]
three. I'm sorry I stabbed you last night. It will happen again.
four. [ Just a picture of a bakery window. It's like one in the morning. You're drunk, Nanami. ]
five. [ or text him! ]
[ why is kiritani even awake rn... ]
Looks like they're closed...
Looks like they're closed...
1. At what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
2. This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
3. Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
4. I love you with all my boobs. I would say heart but my boobs are bigger.
5. I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
6. Bring your own text!
1 ► They're letting me teach a freshman class now. This university needs better background checks.
2 ► You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
3 ► At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
4 ► There comes a time every man's life when you ask yourself "Will I fake love for blowjobs?" and the answer is always yes
Looks like men and women have something in common, don't they?
I won't ask names, but been successful?
I won't ask names, but been successful?
one. How bad does the situation have to be before it's OK to attempt "catastrophic event" sex
two. I gave up drinking but airports are like international waters anyway, they don't count
three. You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have
four. It's not toxic masculinity if I treat men and women equally shittily
five. [ text him! info. ]
two. I gave up drinking but airports are like international waters anyway, they don't count
three. You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have
four. It's not toxic masculinity if I treat men and women equally shittily
five. [ text him! info. ]
1 ► I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs, however, are perfectly acceptable.
2 ► Yeah, a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
3 ► Okay everyone share your shitty customer stories because I just had a grade A 100% BITCH on the phone
4 ► luofu fanfic writers treating jing yuan as this perfect written-by-a-woman lover eternally devoted to his muse and ignoring that he is a walking red flag is so funny to me
Okay you're not wrong but you're also admitting to reading that much Jing Yuan romance RPF that you can form a solid opinion? Like girl what were YOU doing at the devil's sacrament
i. What you figure horses dream about?
ii. You don't understand. I got to keep a steady black out going the next few weeks, I reckon. He says we're going to Philadelphia.
iii. False claims. If you didn't want me worrying, you wouldn't go off and do dumbass branded shit.
iv. Let's say, for argument's sake, God is bonafide real. …you think that son of a bitch takes days off?
v. (idk, idk. if you'd rather, shoot a text his way. 😣)
ii. You don't understand. I got to keep a steady black out going the next few weeks, I reckon. He says we're going to Philadelphia.
iii. False claims. If you didn't want me worrying, you wouldn't go off and do dumbass branded shit.
iv. Let's say, for argument's sake, God is bonafide real. …you think that son of a bitch takes days off?
v. (idk, idk. if you'd rather, shoot a text his way. 😣)
Men calling out greetings but never bringing out hey.
It's a nightmare!
It's a nightmare!
1. Call me cute again and I'll just have to prove to you how not cute I am.
2. You could make me pancakes and our night would be so much better.
3. Do you ever just want a hug? Like, just a hug, nothing else.
4. Love running from the police while the bad guys get away. Great night, let's not do this again.
5. I've been rethinking that suit choice since I was a teenager. We all make mistakes when we're young and stupid.
2. You could make me pancakes and our night would be so much better.
3. Do you ever just want a hug? Like, just a hug, nothing else.
4. Love running from the police while the bad guys get away. Great night, let's not do this again.
5. I've been rethinking that suit choice since I was a teenager. We all make mistakes when we're young and stupid.
1. sorry abouts your sharpie. murderface wanted to shaves the left sides of his body so he hads me draws a line overs him with a ruler
2. we didnts means to puts a petting zoo ins the elevator.
3. i thoughts since you asked to sees my dick i might as wells say hi
4. thens she just started hittins me with a loafs of bread.
5. [text him!]
2. we didnts means to puts a petting zoo ins the elevator.
3. i thoughts since you asked to sees my dick i might as wells say hi
4. thens she just started hittins me with a loafs of bread.
5. [text him!]
1. You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One Cheez-it. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
2. Is 1 AM too late or too early to make bacon?
3. No stitches, just platelets and will-power.
4. You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion.
5. I don't know if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. Either way, it's purring.
6. text her!
2. Is 1 AM too late or too early to make bacon?
3. No stitches, just platelets and will-power.
4. You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion.
5. I don't know if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. Either way, it's purring.
6. text her!
1. I think I'm high? I don't exactly know what it's like, but...yeah. High.
2. I tried to have just one dance party and it all went to hell. Never doing that again.
3. The nice nurse in the ER said I'm the most cheerful patient he's had all day.
4. I left my heels at your place. You can throw them in the trash.
5. I had a dream that you were mad at me for eating the last slice of pizza, so I think I'm just going to order us one to be on the safe side.
2. I tried to have just one dance party and it all went to hell. Never doing that again.
3. The nice nurse in the ER said I'm the most cheerful patient he's had all day.
4. I left my heels at your place. You can throw them in the trash.
5. I had a dream that you were mad at me for eating the last slice of pizza, so I think I'm just going to order us one to be on the safe side.
if you're lucky sweetheart you'll feel like everything couldn't be better
and have a hankering for something to eat
and have a hankering for something to eat
a. Messing with me means you better put on a jacket cause it's gonna be cold on the floor.
b. And give me one good reason why I ought to wear this dress you picked out for me tonight.
c. Now what in tranation was that? I heard a crash.
d. Ya busy? Come have a drink with me.
e. Sugar, you're about as intimidating as a butterfly. You gonna have to try harder to get me to carry you to the bar.
f. [ text her ]
Don't mind that ma belle, just taking care of a small pest that tried sneaking in downstairs.
one. fuck you guys, i'm tryna nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in PEACE
two. i was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore
three. the bad thing about being great at twerking is that i'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when i'm drunk and in public
four. yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you werent a bad person LOLLL
five. we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
six. answer my fuckin text you professional douchebag
[misc.] or text him. au/misfires friendly.
1. You need to stop spanking me on the ass in public. Now everyone thinks they can do it.
2. I wasn't violent, I threatened violence. There's a difference.
3. I appreciate you not letting me shave my head to prove I'm better at it than my brother. I have nothing to prove to him.
4. Hello, why am I in your bed?
5. I don't make weapons, I make dreams come true.
2. I wasn't violent, I threatened violence. There's a difference.
3. I appreciate you not letting me shave my head to prove I'm better at it than my brother. I have nothing to prove to him.
4. Hello, why am I in your bed?
5. I don't make weapons, I make dreams come true.
1. If that guy asks you about me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behavior consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up.
2. So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
3. Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
4. be right there i have to get my cape
5. The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
6. [ text her! misfires/assumed cr welcome! ]
[ info & permissions! ]
2. So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
3. Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
4. be right there i have to get my cape
5. The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
6. [ text her! misfires/assumed cr welcome! ]
[ info & permissions! ]
[tl,dr: detective whose significant other/co-worker was a dirty cop and now she's out for revenge -- bringing her back after a super-long rp break, so appreciate literally anyone who wants to hang out with her. misfires and/or assumed cr are also cool.]
001) Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight.
002) His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
003) On a scale of one to America, how free are you this weekend?
004) Text Grace -- open to assumed CR / misfires / whatever else!
001) Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight.
002) His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
003) On a scale of one to America, how free are you this weekend?
004) Text Grace -- open to assumed CR / misfires / whatever else!
a] In the words of your poets, "run your mouth, but I'm on your lips."
b] Update: you're running for mayor of Toronto and ahead in the polls. Don't fuck it up xxx
c] He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me so it's kinda perfect.
d] I'm entirely certain she's the reason tarot cards and petty crimes get me hot under the collar.
e] [text him! whatever corner of the multiverse etc etc]
b] Update: you're running for mayor of Toronto and ahead in the polls. Don't fuck it up xxx
c] He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me so it's kinda perfect.
d] I'm entirely certain she's the reason tarot cards and petty crimes get me hot under the collar.
e] [text him! whatever corner of the multiverse etc etc]
1. She spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it".
2. She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
3. Reasons why I love plants more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
4. He obviously doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered.
5. text her
2. She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
3. Reasons why I love plants more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
4. He obviously doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered.
5. text her
obviously
im already dead and i know that. are you gonna kill him?
im already dead and i know that. are you gonna kill him?
1. I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl.
2. There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
3. What the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
4. I wish I could understand how you function in society.
5. text her
2. There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
3. What the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
4. I wish I could understand how you function in society.
5. text her
1; I really need him to stop saying people are "spunky" and "full of spunk".
2; Don't freak out about all the blood. It's mine.
3; Got told to mind my language after being hooked. And they say nothing new ever happens in the fog.
4;When I die use my limbs as weapons and kill the killer.
5; [ text him! ]
2; Don't freak out about all the blood. It's mine.
3; Got told to mind my language after being hooked. And they say nothing new ever happens in the fog.
4;When I die use my limbs as weapons and kill the killer.
5; [ text him! ]
1. the bees like the sound of the engine. i wouldn't move your car right now.
2. he told me that i have a cute "deer in the headlights look", and that it's what made showing his penis to me for the first time so disconcerting.
3. dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
4. it's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. i understand now.
5. i just ate a handful of salt
2. he told me that i have a cute "deer in the headlights look", and that it's what made showing his penis to me for the first time so disconcerting.
3. dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
4. it's not ok to announce to a group of people that a man put his finger in your butt last night. i understand now.
5. i just ate a handful of salt
discgusting!
probably you want to drink some water to balance that out my guy
probably you want to drink some water to balance that out my guy
1. I just accidentally texted the wrong guy for a dick pic and still got one…
2. Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
3. If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I could graduate so wealthy that I’d never need to work.
4. I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
2. Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
3. If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I could graduate so wealthy that I’d never need to work.
4. I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
(disclaimer, i'm mostly canonblind but i'm just getting into haikyuu & suga is my FAVE)
northmagnet
- 2024-04-27 16:27 (UTC) - ExpandI'm so excited to watch more, he's such a cutie ;o; <3
northmagnet
- 2024-04-27 17:36 (UTC) - Expand1) Have you been drinking? Sustained a concussion, perhaps?
...Yes, I would still (love/like) you if you were a worm.
2) You said you were going to teach me how to dance, twirled around once, and threw up on the floor. I was offended and disappointed at the same time.
3) Consider yourself warned: the next time you yell "bombs away" when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me.
4) Stop being dramatic. I only stabbed you a little.
5) The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning.
6) ( text him! misfires and assumed cr are very welcome. )
...Yes, I would still (love/like) you if you were a worm.
2) You said you were going to teach me how to dance, twirled around once, and threw up on the floor. I was offended and disappointed at the same time.
3) Consider yourself warned: the next time you yell "bombs away" when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me.
4) Stop being dramatic. I only stabbed you a little.
5) The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning.
6) ( text him! misfires and assumed cr are very welcome. )
I can appreciate that.
Thankfully my place is underground, so the sun won't bother you here.
Dante might
But not the sun.
Thankfully my place is underground, so the sun won't bother you here.
Dante might
But not the sun.
1. Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
2. Being a pessimist is great. I’m always either right or pleasantly surprised.
3. Don't be alarmed by the blood on me, it's not mine.
4. How drunk was I? funny drunk? or "touchy-touchy trying to make out w ppl" drunk...?
2. Being a pessimist is great. I’m always either right or pleasantly surprised.
3. Don't be alarmed by the blood on me, it's not mine.
4. How drunk was I? funny drunk? or "touchy-touchy trying to make out w ppl" drunk...?
Look man
You wanna drink, you're wearin' clothes
Bar rules
You wanna drink, you're wearin' clothes
Bar rules
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