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bakerstreet2020-08-21 03:18 pm
freeshavacados) wrote in bakerstreet2020-08-21 03:18 pm
Entry tags:
1. i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
2. I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow.
3. I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so you're uncomfortable at work.
4. Is being in jail an excusable absence?
5. any interest in drunk sword fighting later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
6. [ send him a text, anything goes! ]
1. So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
2. To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me. Not an ideal birthday present.
3. It's what I'm here for. Critiquing penis photos.
4. What do you want to swallow? Press 1 for dark liquor. Press 2 for clear liquor.
5. You can fuck me but I'm keeping my jacket on.
6. Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
1. She then told me, and I quote: "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react"
2. If it makes you feel any better, I almost got kicked out of the cantina for yelling "Enjoy your celebratory incest!"
3. I didn't need to know that my uncle described my eyes as being "sad" and "pretty". But I've yet to find a way to unread what was just said.
4.
[ literally just a series of emojis which seem possibly vaguely distressed ]
5. ( text him! )
Edited (ADDED IN THE EMOJIS) 2020-08-21 19:21 (UTC)
honestly the emojis could have been his first reaction to hearing that
vaderstan
- 2020-08-21 19:51 (UTC) - Expand1. I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
2. If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
3. It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
4. She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
5. [ text her! ]
2. If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
3. It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
4. She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
5. [ text her! ]
1. Does this new restaurant have a theme? Everyone's dressed as pirates.
2. I apparently took a 45-minute shower and became best friends with his mom.
3. I am currently eating pure cake frosting. I'm not sure how I was ever considered responsible.
4. On the last problem of the exam, I just drew a picture of a cat and left
5. I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
or text him
2. I apparently took a 45-minute shower and became best friends with his mom.
3. I am currently eating pure cake frosting. I'm not sure how I was ever considered responsible.
4. On the last problem of the exam, I just drew a picture of a cat and left
5. I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
or text him
Edited 2020-08-21 19:21 (UTC)
But
Will it stop at glancing?
Or do I need to hold you back
Will it stop at glancing?
Or do I need to hold you back
1. Getting a high five from your dog is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
2. There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
3. I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
4. You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
5. He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure determination.
6. text her!
2. There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
3. I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
4. You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
5. He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure determination.
6. text her!
01. You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgment comments to yourself.
02. I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react.
03. I was a psycho gf all the time... I'm sorry.
04. Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again.
05. [ text her! ]
02. I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react.
03. I was a psycho gf all the time... I'm sorry.
04. Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again.
05. [ text her! ]
1. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Ah ha ha ha ha!
2. Quite bold of you to assume trivial details like death or the law could stop me, but do go on...
3. Why that’s wacky nonsense! Complete buffoonery! Hooey, I say!
Shall I keep going?
4. Dear, you insisted alcohol would be the death of you, then proceeded to order ten shots of tequila.
5. You may text him, if you wish~
2. Quite bold of you to assume trivial details like death or the law could stop me, but do go on...
3. Why that’s wacky nonsense! Complete buffoonery! Hooey, I say!
Shall I keep going?
4. Dear, you insisted alcohol would be the death of you, then proceeded to order ten shots of tequila.
5. You may text him, if you wish~
Edited 2020-08-21 19:22 (UTC)
1. You left me a voice message at 5AM. It made no sense.
2. READ @ 01:07AM
3. I'm not "mad". I am considering setting you on fire.
4. It's my car so I'm not sure why you have it.
5. He wasn't supposed to have a gun in the first place.
6. ( text him -- crosscanons/mediums/ocs, misfires, etc etc etc ✔ )
1 Do not put that in your mouth. Don't even try.
2 And why would I give up a secret like that?
3 You owe me. You know what that means.
4 Cut the apologies and just spit it out already.
5 What do you mean, you thought of me?
6 ( text him )
Edited 2020-08-21 19:21 (UTC)
What are the chances you'll tell me what that means because I don't remember anything from the other day.
2; honestly she probably asked him if he thinks Zack is cute
aflowers
- 2020-08-22 01:46 (UTC) - Expand1. The sooner you admit in your heart I'm adorable, the more peacefully this goes for everyone.
2. Okay, but the ninth wine flask was an accident.
3. I have a gift for you, it's looking after my every need and whim for the rest of your life, you're welcome.
4. You know we wouldn't even be discussing this, if he'd just been reasonable and set yourself on fire.
2. Okay, but the ninth wine flask was an accident.
3. I have a gift for you, it's looking after my every need and whim for the rest of your life, you're welcome.
4. You know we wouldn't even be discussing this, if he'd just been reasonable and set yourself on fire.
1. If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
2. Because, after all, nothing quite says life than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have underwear.
3. My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked.
4. I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
5. That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
6. [ text her! ]
2. Because, after all, nothing quite says life than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have underwear.
3. My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked.
4. I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
5. That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
6. [ text her! ]
1: you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on
2: Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
3: Run that by me again? You're 'so horny that you're legitimately concerned for my safety when you see me tonight'?
4: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5: long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
6: [bring your own text]
2: Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
3: Run that by me again? You're 'so horny that you're legitimately concerned for my safety when you see me tonight'?
4: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
5: long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
6: [bring your own text]
[Sorry not sorry for a new Au]
I'm sorry who is this?
I'm sorry who is this?
- 1. i didnt mean that as an expression im literally asking if you want to watch netflix and do nothing
2. someone asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he'll use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date??
3. cant come. theres a weird drunk guy passed out in the hall
4. im getting tired of you "accidentally" texting me when youre doing illegal things
5. ( text him! )
1: You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
2: My datapad just said I messaged someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I messaged them an hour later and said thanks.
3: I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
4: I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
5: Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
6: [bring your own text]
2: My datapad just said I messaged someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I messaged them an hour later and said thanks.
3: I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
4: I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
5: Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
6: [bring your own text]
1: Don't come in the kitchen - Mythra was 'cooking'. I took over after she said, "You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. YOU'll LOSE THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS."
2: Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
3: NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
4: I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
5: So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
6. [ Misfire's welcome! ]
2: Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
3: NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
4: I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
5: So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
6. [ Misfire's welcome! ]
1. so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered spinner in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
2. I snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. i got muffins in my pocket.
3. Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
4. Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
5. or text him! misfires welcome~
2. I snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. i got muffins in my pocket.
3. Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
4. Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
5. or text him! misfires welcome~
Good for you. Now go try sticking it in a light socket.
1: She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
2: I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry.
3: I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
4: I don't know. Sometimes I can be a wild card with my emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
5: Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
6: [bring your own text]
2: I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry.
3: I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
4: I don't know. Sometimes I can be a wild card with my emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
5: Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
6: [bring your own text]
(a.) So... this sinner I've been chatting with said he would love to paint his new bedroom wall using my blood as the color. I...should probably bail, right?
(b.) I ate cake in bed. Felt great!! 🌈❤️⭐
(c.) Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos. 😊 😊
(d.) Did I leave my panties with you again? Look, I promise I'll remember to grab them next time. PINKY SWEAR!!!! No panty leaves!
(e.) text her
(b.) I ate cake in bed. Felt great!! 🌈❤️⭐
(c.) Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos. 😊 😊
(d.) Did I leave my panties with you again? Look, I promise I'll remember to grab them next time. PINKY SWEAR!!!! No panty leaves!
(e.) text her
Edited 2020-08-21 19:25 (UTC)
1. This is what I get for listening to an Ascian.
2. Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute elezen tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
3. Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and having sword fights. I think I'm in love
4. [ text her! ]
2. Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute elezen tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
3. Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and having sword fights. I think I'm in love
4. [ text her! ]
What makes you think I have thongs, let alone clean ones?
1. I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
2. I can feel your judgement through the phone.
3. He started talking about getting a puppy together, so of course I went down on him.
4. Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
5. [text him!]
2. I can feel your judgement through the phone.
3. He started talking about getting a puppy together, so of course I went down on him.
4. Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
5. [text him!]
1. currently sunbathing with a sock on the cock. sock's argyle, i'm classy
2. do you understand how much easier life would be if bum bags were normal
3. would santa beat peter pan in a fight?
4. this was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: i'm going so FAST! why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! then I pissed in a bush and passed out on the ground
5. i'll be there in 5 min. if not, read this again
6. text him!
2. do you understand how much easier life would be if bum bags were normal
3. would santa beat peter pan in a fight?
4. this was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: i'm going so FAST! why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! then I pissed in a bush and passed out on the ground
5. i'll be there in 5 min. if not, read this again
6. text him!
Edited 2020-08-21 19:25 (UTC)
1: After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
2: I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
3: with great strapon comes great responsibility.
4: YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
5: I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
6: [bring your own text]
2: I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
3: with great strapon comes great responsibility.
4: YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
5: I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
6: [bring your own text]
1. There is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
2. You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
3. Longest 30 seconds of my life
4. [ wildcard! ]
2. You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
3. Longest 30 seconds of my life
4. [ wildcard! ]
longest thirty seconds of my life involved two strippers and a half pound box of thinmints
still can't really stomach those, to this day. and you know i loved me some thinmints
still can't really stomach those, to this day. and you know i loved me some thinmints
a)Longest 30 seconds of my life
b) drinking whiskey to get that taste outta my mouth. You?
c) Dunno if I'm in the mood to argue or getting aggressively shoved against a wall? Am I being needy if I said both?
d)What do you want to swallow? Press 1 for dark liquor. Press 2 for clear liquor.
e)You can fuck me but I'm keeping my jacket on.
f)any interest in drunk sword fighting later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
g) text/letter him
b) drinking whiskey to get that taste outta my mouth. You?
c) Dunno if I'm in the mood to argue or getting aggressively shoved against a wall? Am I being needy if I said both?
d)What do you want to swallow? Press 1 for dark liquor. Press 2 for clear liquor.
e)You can fuck me but I'm keeping my jacket on.
f)any interest in drunk sword fighting later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
g) text/letter him
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