The slowest burn is the most painful

[reversesock]

Arranged Marriage Turned More To have and to hold, you said, till death do us part, all while the sharp, swinging pendulum of obligation hung overhead. But how could you have truly meant those words? This union has been tainted from the start, forever bearing the chains of an arranged marriage. It would be understandable if you couldn't bear to look at your new life partner, eternal reminder of your stolen future that they are, much less like them. Much less love them... Still, things can change. You could realize that they are in the same boat as you or, that when compared to others around you, they are the lesser of evils. Perhaps you even open up to the idea of a friendship; at the very least, an alliance may be in order to become a power couple in a perilous world. From that innocent decision or sense of self-preservation, a new feelings sparks. Something like affection. Something, you realize in the wake of speeding heartbeats, like love. Will you acknowledge this? Can the two of you have a happily ever after - happier than if you'd met in another fashion - or will you hold firm in your distaste? how to play. - Everybody loves "couples forged by less-than-ideal circumstances" tropes! - Comment with your character, prefs, all that good stuff. - Reply to others. - IDEC where you set your threads, it's wide open. Fantasy world with hairy hobbits, old-timey lands, future AUs, do a space marriage for all I care. I'm sure they're still getting married in Star Wars or whatever.

Comments

omg you poor dear

[forcevisions]

[ He turns away from her and Rey feels her heart sink in her chest. It's not the nature of the plea for authenticity that gets her; she can understand it. Rather, it's the assumption that just because she used it to their advantage, that means it didn't mean anything to her. That she hadn't been wanting to kiss him for far longer and resisting and only stopped resisting because she had a cause to get behind.

But maybe that's what he means. If so, it feels a little like damning their shared goals for something personal — or at least demanding that those goals be intertwined with trust he hadn't yet earned back in full.

She sits back in her seat and her gaze drifts down towards Hux, who looks rather smug that Kylo had been the first to write that kiss off, effectively maintaining control of some kind and squashing Rey's efforts on his terms despite the positioning Leia had won for her side.

More than anything it just makes Rey realize how infuriatingly like a pawn she feels. Her hands ball into fists on her knees, and as soon as the music takes up again to drown out the sound of the crowd, she gets to her feet. ]

I'm going to sleep.

[ Her friends are clamoring for her, but she doesn't heed them. She beelines for their accommodations. ]

Its all good. I use it to summon ANGST

[vaderstan]

[ Rey you are still the queen of mixed signals right now. THINKING ALL "IT MEANT SOMETHING" while also going "I can't have anything with you because of feelings". Like really you two.

I mean the hilarious thing is that Leia is probably watching this all going down-- she's the one who has the clearest picture of what the fuck is going on right now from an objective point of view


And she is thinking the exact same thing as us muns which boils down to "these fucking virgins".

I'm gonna let you write Leia's reaction to this scene because by god I'll let you write Leia.


Kylo in the mean time realizes it's like-- not a great look that she's just. Got up and Run from the table. Like he lit her ass on fire. The crowd covers it, but Hux is just sitting there looking pleased as punch.

Well-- that's good at least. Again, Hux thinks his plan is working (IT KINDA IS RIGHT NOW), but on the other hand all of her Resistance buddies now hate him even more. She kissed him and now is running from him. Cool.

Coolcoolcool.

Some stuffed up politician approaches him to schmooze him up, liquor heavy on their breath when Kylo has decided: He is done with socializing. Super done. Standing to his feet and rudely dismissing himself done. Not many will notice his exit immediately, it's not as if he's the center of a party anyway (Leia is watching this all going down and just sipping on her champagne tho, u better believe). He won't go back to their room yet. He finds the roof to brood on for a good half an hour, just frustrated and trying not to remember what kissing her felt like and--

Not great. This is all not great.

Kill him.

Unfortunately this is not a top 10 anime betrayal. No one's followed him to try and murder him, or give him the "DONT YOU BREAK REYS HEART" speech or any of that and he's just. He just knows he's earned this. He's earned being alone.

Well-- wits gathered. Existential crisis affirmed. He makes his way back down to the floor their room is on and-- one deep breath before he enters.


I'm seriously gonna laugh if these two do not fuck before their marriage. You are every Abstinence programs dream right now. ]

so much angst

[forcevisions]

[ Honestly, Leia recognizes that she's not one to instruct people on how to navigate their relationships, but the fact that she feels that way at all shows that she understands this isn't just a political arrangement for the two of them. If it were, she'd know exactly the advice to give her idiot son.

But then, he wouldn't want to hear it from her anyway.

So she sort of sighs into her champagne because this would be much easier if any of them had better ties and supports in place, but they have to make due with what they've got. She's been running a ship on half its parts for half her life, dammit, and she's not going to let this slip past. So when Rey blows off Finn and Poe and Rose, Leia swoops in to work with them on how they're going to salvage this.

Meanwhile Rey explores the suite for the first time. It's … huge. Like, this could be its own shuttle huge. The space is mostly open, though there's an archway that leads into a tiled refresher off to the left, and some pillars with sheer linens hanging between them to give the illusion of privacy around the space where the bed is, serving to somewhat separate it from the general living space where there are chairs arranged in a sort of sitting area for tea.

And then there's the balcony, which overlooks the calm ocean. She stands out there, staring into the dark ocean as it rolls up onto the rocks below. The air smells of salt, but it's warmer here than on Ahch-to. She almost feels guilty for tainting it with the First Order's presence, now.

How could Ben Solo have ever left this place?

Questions for later, I guess. She starts taking her hair down. He'll be at the party a while yet so she strips out of her clothes and leaves them slung over one of the chairs as she heads into the fresher for a shower. She has to rinse the slime off her somehow. That whole experience was just … unpleasant for her. Inauthentic.

It had bothered Kylo, too. But it had only really bothered him when he thought she had done it. She splashes water up onto her face, trying to shake herself out of some unpleasantness. The shower is like some kind of natural cove — or designed to look like one, all dark stone and lacking metal features. She's never seen something so polar opposite to where she grew up. And it's huge. She could fit a whole family of wookiees in here.

So anyway she's still showering when he gets back, obviously, and the evidence of such is out there for him to find even if he doesn't hear the water. ]

[vaderstan]

[ Yeah he-- spied those clothes and can hear the shower and he's just. Cool. Hopefully she won't masturbate loudly this tim-- WAIT WE ARE PRETENDING THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

In the meantime, he's just going to nervously get settled. His own wardrobe has already been brought and he's just. Looking at his sleeping clothes wondering if he should go shirtless or not because no matter how much he loves flustering Rey, he feels as if being shirtless in person would be crossing some weird line.

Just as he starts stripping off his gloves there's a chime that goes off from the comm system built into the wall and-- it's a droid.

Sent by General Hux. With booze. Something about congratulating the young couple and he could honestly shoot the man right now. Kylo's never revealed Rey's heritage, but he has a feeling the man probably dug up that information somehow... as well as probably knows about Han's drinking habits (Certainly not a drunk, but not behavior Kylo would even emulate)... So he turns the droid away.

Hux really was working overtime on this, a symptom of waiting for this type of moment your entire life.

He'll just start stripping. Fuck it. Kinda wants to take a shower but is too exhausted by everything. And for now? No shirt, Rey'd probably think it was weird if he wore one and--- Maybe he can just use this as an excuse to sleep on the couch or something.

(or just KISS HER LIKE YOU MEAN IT KYLO)


Also nope. NOt describing his repeating thoughts about the kiss because it's definitely on loop and he's definitely just kicking himself for not savoring it more. But we all knew that. ]

[forcevisions]

[ Rey emerges with a towel wrapped around her, all nonchalance and distraction and slick, shining tanned skin. This is around the time she realizes that she doesn't OWN sleeping clothes and she sure isn't putting her other clothes back on, they were so uncomfortable!!! But then she catches sight of shirtless Ben Swolo and she sputters a little bit.

Should have brought her old clothes into the bathroom and put them back on. Should have. She just didn't think he'd follow that fast. ]

Uh.

[ She has something for this, probably. Maybe. Not really. So she just looks away and heads for the closet to dig through and see if the First Order officers had brought her other clothes down.

They haven't. Go figure. But the Resistance did, and so her older outfits are in here, along with something she doesn't recognize. She grabs it and reads the attached note -- from Leia, it says she should at least try to make herself comfortable. It's, loosely defined, a silk night dress. Not a sexy one, except for its length and straps, but something comfortable and fine and hers. Rey smiles.

It's a nice sentiment. And frankly, she could use the reminder that people are looking out for her. She pulls it off the hanger and turns because there's not?? Privacy here??? Guess she'll... Change in the bathroom... ]

Were you waiting on me? [ To be done. So he could shower. ]

[vaderstan]

[ Yeah, like. As soon as she exits the shower and he looks up and sees her he's turning away. Like No. How could this night get more awful. Maybe he does need a shirt. But he's committed to this bad idea now, so. Follow through bud.

Just gonna read through his datapad as if he hasn't read all the messages before this moment and sit on the bed and try to look like he isn't freaking out about all of this.

This is all just

really swell. ]

No, it's fine. [ SO PAINFULLY CASUAL ] I'll shower in the morning.

[ Save water. Shower together.

Also dear god this is so awkward. Painfully so. On one hand, at least Hux can't just barge in here. On the other-- He's holding back a torrent of thoughts involving kissing her.

Smdh, Leia you really did fuck up cause ya boi here should be making moves RN. ]

[forcevisions]

Great.

[ Terse and breathy. Just the way Rey likes to be when she's in proximity of Kylo Ren's arms. She glances away, tries to figure out if she should be saying something else about this situation they've found themselves in, and then hastens back into the bathroom to dry herself off and get dressed.

What made her think to ask for this? In what universe was this better than Hux killing her in her sleep? That sounds way better.

She recognizes now, looking in the mirror, that maybe this nightdress is a little accidentally sexy. Like, in the way that anyone who's barely clothed and not wearing a bra under something might be. It's flimsy. But it's comfortable and it's clean and it's a gift from Leia for someone who has literally never owned pajamas in her life.

So she comes out in that and approaches the bed sort of uneasily, the way one might approach a hippogriff. ]

I should have warned you. [ She concedes that point instead of dealing with the immediate awkwardness. ] I'm not … [ Hm. ] I didn't think about it. There's not a manual for any of this, and I've never done it before.

[vaderstan]

[ Maybe Hux would spare them both by blowing up their suite. How wonderful a world it would be.

And like.

He looks up as she enters and-- SHE IS NEVER ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE EIGHT PACK BEING OUT AGAIN. She's just all legs and arms and dear god if her nipples get hard from friction he's definitely gonna see them. Like. Hes already seeing some definition SO BACK TO INTENSE CONCENTRATION ON HIS DATAPAD



And wow. He thought they were just going to pretend the kiss didn't happen just like the masturbating never happened, just like him pressing her against a wall and sweating on her never happened. But You know. Cool. This is fine. He can handle this conversation.

Maybe. ]

I over-reacted. [ ... Kylo Ren's definition of over reaction to a kiss is apparently immediately communicating a boundary he needs held. Like, at least you didn't murder anyone dude. ] I-- understand why you did it [ And probably why she hadn't warned him. It's not as if they had a lot of alone time before the dinner party.

ANd I mean if he had been warned he probably would have acted ~weird~ tbh. But like hell he's going to admit that.



Speaking of making things weird. ]

It wasn't your first, was it?

[ He's actually going to look over to her when he says that because he wants to gauge her reaction. ]

[forcevisions]

It was.

[ She doesn't look hard up about that, though. Investing value into firsts is a function of being around people and learning to value things like that, and Rey hasn't. If anything, she's assuming he's asking because maybe it was a bad one ?? Like, alright, no, she hasn't had a lot of practice. She's not going to be an expert the first time.

Not that there will be subsequent times. At least, not with each other. That would be … off-book.

In fact, if anything, she looks mostly surprised by the segue because it implies that somehow that's more important than the boundary that he set that she was trying to apologize for?? What a weird set of priorities he has. ]

[vaderstan]

[ The dude who hates being sentimental is in fact secretly really sentimental about stupid shit and get ready for more confusion Rey-- You're going to feel guilt just kind of... pour from him.

y i k e s

It's a confusing time in Kylo's head right now. On one hand, he knows first kisses aren't anything to write home about. It isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. On the other-- her first kiss had to be under the pretense of having to marry him not for love but for political arrangement and he's just--

She should have given it to someone more deserving. ]

I'm sorry. [ Is what he'll manage. Which is dumb, he knows. It's not as if he kissed her, she gave it willingly. But that doesn't assuage the guilt he's feeling.

Ugh. Lighten it up a little Kylo. ] Hopefully it doesn't put you off of kissing entirely.

[forcevisions]

[ Does that mean he hopes he still has a chance for himself, or that he's assuming that they will in their lives be kissing other people? This whole weird political marriage situation just complicates everything for them, twisting their words into something more than they are. Rey grapples with it, still hovering at the edge of the bed. ]

Wouldn't be a crisis if it were. [ She shrugs loosely. ] Who else am I going to kiss?

[ Like, she's not trying to set them up for some kind of weird political marriage with all the side hoes they want. ]

[vaderstan]

[ Don't ask him that Rey. And unlike when he was like "CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE", he's now sort of. Hers. And she's kind of His so


The truth is "No one ever please." So he settles on. ]

Artoo.

[ Super reasonable. ]

[forcevisions]

[ She actually laughs at that. It only serves to make the situation feel more strange and uncomfortable though. She looks away from him, shaking her head. They're truly a mess. ]

That won't be the last time we need to do it. [ She should get that out of the way while they're talking about it. ] It gives the people who miss the Republic a sense that this is real. They need hope and happiness. Not just gloom and necessity. That's what your mother thinks.

[vaderstan]

[ And this is the thing he kinda hates most. And he suspects she doesn't care for as well. Arranged marriages were never about the people in them, but the needs of the people who arranged them. It's frustrating on so many goddamn levels. Like- even if he was in a romantic relationship by choice with Rey he wouldn't want to kiss in front of people because it's no one else's business. But now, of course, it's everyone's.

Great.

So you know. That's what spurs this comment. ]

Maybe we need to practice then.

[ I should add, This is complete Dry As Fuck Kylo Ren Humor which really isn't funny at all BUT HE THINKS HE'S A GODDAMN RIOT. ]

[forcevisions]

[ It helps to think about this as something they are doing together. A task, a mission, a purpose. No different than killing Snoke, really. It unites them in a common singular purpose, whereas when she had first agreed, she'd seen him as an adversary. Just a few short days have changed a great deal.

He trusts her a great deal more than she trusts him, she realizes now. Despite what he had done on Crait. Something must have made him realize what he'd turned his back on. But could it still be salvaged?

Rey's almost surprised, so lost in her thoughts like this, when he makes that comment that she doesn't readily process it as sarcastic humor. Instead her eyes widen slightly and her gaze drops briefly to his mouth, like she's considering it.

His lips had been so warm, soft against hers. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been thinking about that feeling ever since, trying to chase it away. ]

Was it that bad?

[ She blurts it out stupidly, not sure what else to say. She hadn't thought there was that much to it, really. It wasn't one of those complicated kisses. Nothing passionate and open-mouthed. How could she mess up a simple kiss? ]

[vaderstan]

[ There's just this moment where He's just-- realizing how ridiculous this is. He's in a bed with Rey, they're now to be wed within a week, he made a joke about kissing for practice and now she's just--

They're insecure messes. That's what they are. She can't comprehend how much Kylo Ren cares about her, thus why this arrangement is tearing him apart-- and he thinks he's worthless so he feels like she's toying with him-- And she honestly thinks that she was so bad that he's making commentary on it.

Baby Anakin Skywalker. Just FUCK ALREADY YOU TWO. ]

No. [ His answer is immediate. And like-- maybe he could specify it was a joke??? But that sees to be bad manners. SHIT. JOKING ABOUT KISSES IS BAD MANNERS ISN'T IT. ] It was --[ Do not fucking use the word fine, Kylo. ] --good.

[ He thinks??? Like honestly his emotions are so mixed up it's hard for him to pick out the kiss and how it felt easily. Just that its what he wanted and he got it in the exact opposite way he'd wanted it. Publicly and for show. ] I'm really not one to judge.

[forcevisions]

[ A terrible thought strikes her. He's so much older than her that she hadn't considered it, but— ]

It wasn't your first, was it?

[ if that sort of thing mattered to him and she had taken it from him, no wonder he'd been so distraught up there at the party. A sick feeling twists in her gut. She really should have talked to him about it. They couldn't keep things from one another if they were going to be on the same page. ]

[vaderstan]

[ I really wish someone had installed confetti into the ceiling which i could trigger to burst above her head and shower down upon them rn. With a sign that said "She's finally starting to get it"

And his jaw just. Tightens. Slightly. ]

No. [ He has a feeling that's..... not going to appease her line of questioning. So he continues to clarify ] It was my second.

[forcevisions]

[ Oh.

She sinks onto the bed beside him. ]

I'm so sorry.

[ There's no qualifications, no clarifications, no efforts to justify. All she can be is sorry. It hadn't occurred to her even once — and how could it? With the way he talked, the scathing remarks he made, the innuendo, there was nothing to indicate that he lacked familiarity with—

But then, familiarity with those things wasn't always the same as intimacy, wasn't it? She looks thoroughly ashamed of herself, though. ]

[vaderstan]

[ He's kinda shocked at her response because... well obviously he'd just apologized to her and now the tables have flipped. Thinking too hard on any one part of this is going to cause his head to explode. To him it just feels as if she's flip-flopping between caring about what he feels and then tossing it aside completely and it's taking everything in him to not just emotionally shut down. ]

I'll have to get used to it.

[ Which is the most depressing resigned bullshit he can think of. At least they won't have to have obligated sex in front of people just to inspire hope in the republic. ]

[forcevisions]

[ Rey pulls her feet up onto the bed and crosses her legs. Now that they're being more open with each other, the closeness between them feels more natural, even if she is wracked with guilt at the moment. Her defenses look to be mostly down, for the moment.

More like she was aboard the Supremacy than anything since. More Rey, less Jedi. ]

If I'd known, I never would have — [ She sighs. ] I should have asked.

I'm sure you're exhausted, but … We really do need to talk about what we want from this.

[ She looks up at him, searches him. ]

And what it's going to mean for us. This won't just … go away. We need to be on the same page.

[vaderstan]

[ Well they're having this conversation while she's in a silk slip of a night dress and he's bare-chested. I cannot think of two people who are failing to lose their virginity more than them rn. But you know. Whatever.

And he'll just take a moment-- because he really wants to just quip that they could always get divorced, but she'll, rightfully, remark that that won't look good for the union of the Republic and the First Order. And he's just stuck in this shit situation right now. ]

Which part do you want to discuss?

[ He will take politics over personal relations, but he specifies just in case. ]

[forcevisions]

All of it.

[ Because at this point, there's no separating it out anymore. It's time to lay it all on the table, or they're just going to keep hurting each other. And she can't. She can't do that. Her fingers close into fists around the hem of her night dress, holding it down in her lap — a nervous, fidgeting gesture that serves to (fortunately) obscure her underwear from view despite the open stance with which she sits. ]

Why did you even agree to this, if you hate Hux this much? [ Starting at the beginning seems like a good idea. ] You're not … trying to trap me. [ She says this with some discomfort because even considering the possibility feels arrogant, honestly, but there's no disputing that she had put thought to it. ]

I know what this means for the Resistance, for me. It means a new battleground to fight the First Order on, and a real chance to win. We were outnumbered and outgunned, despite the support we have among the people. This was our only chance to survive. [ And then, because they're being honest, she announces — ] When this is done, that's what I'm going to be doing at every turn: trying to make the First Order more democratic.

But what do you want?

[vaderstan]

[ He listens and hears her reasoning and-- yeah. Of course. She only knew him personally. She didn't know Hux, she didn't know the leadership, she hadn't been living in the guts of this monster for years.

He knew he was a tool, having it spelled out didn't make it anymore fun. ]

I thought you would reject the idea. [ Hence his refusal to agree to a non-consensual marriage. But apparently that hint was not heard. ] After that -- [ His brow tenses slightly as he works his jaw in his mouth. ] -- it was to keep you alive.

[ There's his honest answer and y i k e s ]

When I woke up in the throne room, after you left-- General Hux was there. I believe he was about to kill me. [ Not completely surprising considering. ] Like I said before, he didn't give any hint that he was going to suggest betrothal. Refusing it outright would have been all he would need to spin the narrative against me.

[ Saying he was too soft to be Supreme Leader, unwilling to make sacrifices-- Hux had to know there was something between Rey and Ren, even if he was a narcissistic sociopath. And this ensured that he'd be screwing over Kylo either way. Force him into an impossible decision.

One thing was abundantly clear. Hux was too dangerous to leave alive. ] If we want to get rid of Hux and survive this, we'll have to restructure it all either way.

[ He's fully aware this was going to bring democracy to the First Order. He's loath to think of being in the center of a bloated government, but it's far too late to chicken out now.

He swallows, trying to ease his own anxiety about the entire thing. That was in the future. Worry about it then. Now they had other things to address. ] You gave me the idea-- unintentionally. When you mentioned Dameron and the others wanted seats at the table. Adding new leadership who have a say is the best way to keep this from turning into a slaughter.

[ They were treading on thin ice in many ways. He wasn't trusted, but the First Order was held up by unsteady foundations. Get rid of Hux too quickly and the entire thing would go up in an inferno, bringing the remains of the Republic and Resistance into it. But slowly outnumbering most of the old guard carefully-- could produce reasonable results. ]

[forcevisions]

And you're alright with that?

[ She searches him as though she expects him to say no. And, well, he had said no once already — to the idea of partnering with the Resistance on anything, to letting it live. He'd rather see it burn without her than help it survive with her. And there were no in-betweens.

This digs into where she can't quite trust him. She'd been with him right up until that moment in the throne room, and she'd never seen it coming. She should have. Luke had warned her. Snoke had warned her, and yet— ]

I need to know that you won't turn your backs on us again once you have what you want.

[ Once Hux is dead, in other words. ]