The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Comments

Sawako Kuronuma | Kimi ni Todoke | OTA

[a_deed_a_day]

Ryo Miyakozuka | Otomen | OTA

[a_prince_for_me]

Yang Lee | Street Fighter

[yang_lee]

Samantha Flack || CSI:NY

[sammmy]

II-03

[thefollowingtakesplace]

Jack nuzzled her throat nipping softly. His hips had just began moving nice and slow--when his phone rang. He muttered something until he caught the ringtone. He face rested against her neck a moment. "It's Kim. I'll call her back later." He let it go to voicemail--until she called again.

Rachel Green || FRIENDS

[isabigdeal]

Sherlock Holmes >> Sherlock (BBC)

[dontbeboring]

III-05 Mood killer obstacle (feel free to roll to add to the situation?)

[wealldosillythings]

[Some serious shenanigans probably occurred for this to happen; Sherlock Holmes, kissing her on the sofa in his flat? And oh boy, hands, hands everywhere.. She ought to draw the line somewhere but this is like a dream come true for her and it's practically perfect except-]

Um, n-not that I want you to stop, but...oh, um, I-I feel like your skull's staring at me...

Britta Perry | Community | OTA

[britta_ftw]

Saika Magoichi | Samurai Warriors

[sharpshooter]

III - 3 did you not see this coming

[manhunters]

[ Magoichi is going to regret this night so hard come the morning, there's little doubt of that. Even Masamune isn't sure how he'd managed to talk Magoichi into this, or how the thought had entered his head. But he wanted this. He wanted this now. And unfortunately Magoichi had been the likeliest partner at the time. Oh life.

Fortunately, for once, Masamune isn't complaining! Or no more than usual.

Half-dressed, on top of Magoichi, and he finally opens his mouth to ask-- ]

So... How do we do this?

Alice Liddell | Alice: Madness Returns | OTA

[isnt_a_toy]

Jules de Ferrier ¤ Kaze to Ki no Uta ¤ OTA

[trageteas]

5.

[ladyliberty]

[She had been really getting into it, but something just felt... wrong. Like the hair was standing up on the back of her neck.]

Jules...? There's no one else here, right?

ii 5

[littlestdoll]

S-St. Juste-sama!

[Nanako feels her heart plummet into her stomach; she had done well to keep her strained breathing quiet, and to muffle the embarrassing little moans so far, but this. There is no taking back what she's said. Just as things were beginning to grow more passionate, she had said another's name, loudly. ...A woman's name, at that.

How does she explain...? How can she hope to explain after that outburst? He had never asked, so she had never explained her previous relationship. It had ended a while back, anyway. It's not that she isn't happy with him. So then...why did she she just think of her?

She swallows, her throat dry and face flushed, avoiding his gaze and trying to sit up.]

I...I mean...um...

Irene Adler | BBC Sherlock

[whatyoulike]

Molly Hooper - Sherlock (BBC)

[itwasntworkingforme]

3-4

[itsallfine]

[Bringing Molly by for coffee had seemed like a really brilliant idea at the time -- they were closer to Baker Street than her flat at the time, and it's been far too long since the last time they got some, uh, private time together. And normally it would be a really brilliant idea.

Except, as John realizes as he's leading her up the stairs and notices the bag by his door, he completely forgot about Clara needing a place to stay this week and taking over his room.

Dammit. He stops halfway up the stairs, resisting the urge to smack his forehead.]

Arthur Pendragon • Merlin

[king]

3 - 2/1 idek whatever timeframe you like??

[sweeping]

[ in her defense, gwen had truly meant to wait until they'd gotten somewhere more discreet. while the castle had its fair share of secluded passageways and shadowed alcoves, surely it would be easier to retire arthur's chambers instead of doing this here, where just anyone could interrupt. the great hall was hardly private and while gwen hoped they'd remembered to bar the door, she suspected they hadn't.

nevermind that scarcely ten minutes ago she'd served dinner upon this very table. she'd never be able to enter this room without blushing tomorrow. but they've gone far beyond the point of turning back, now that she's sitting on the table with her skirts pushed up past her thighs and arthur stood between her legs. she highly doubts they could make it up to his chambers now without someone seeing them. they both look a right mess into the bargain, rumpled and kiss-bitten.

the best thing to do is just carry on and hope the castle's gone quiet and dark by the time they've finished. or that's what gwen was thinking before she lost track of the more practical aspects of this location and devoted herself to the task at hand, which was pulling arthur closer, so she could slide her hands into his hair and kiss him soundly. ]

Elena Gilbert (The Vampire Diaries)

[risks]

3 | 3 ] [ never before has RNG impressed me so

[vampirebarbie]

[Honestly, how drunk were they? It's weird that it's not more... weird. She'll just blame the tequila. Tequila and the whatever was in that pan of brownies. Ohmygod they were so good.]

You smell really nice. Is that apple? [Considering her nose is right against Elena's neck, she's got a good whiff of that and.... well, Elena.]

Mello | Death Note

[gunsandchocolate]

((OOC: M/M, please, all options okay~ :D ))

leo • pandora hearts

[flips]

[knightray]

[ finally he thought things were gonna get a little saucy in the library but noooooo people had to go in and read, of all things! who the hell reads in the library in the middle of the day???? he was barely planning to reach over and touch leo's hair while's he's concentrating in his shitty book after literally centuries of hesitating-- but now he just recoils back, and pretends that wasn't gonna happen.

he's pouting though, so he clicks his tongue really fucking annoyed before going back to crossing his arms :T ]

Tch.

Albel Nox | Star Ocean: Till The End of Time | OTA

[bladeflare]

Castiel | Supernatural

[rebelledforyou]

Six as the location, you can pick the awkward.

[pinkandyellow]

Tuesdays in the middle of the afternoon weren't real heavy-hitters for movie watchers, which was all the more reason to drag Castiel along to one. The place would be mostly empty, and it was the first real day she had off of work in a week and a half. The case she'd been assigned to managed to resolve itself, which never happens, so lunch and a movie was the obvious way to celebrate.

Except, well, once they got settled in- all the way in the back of the empty theater- she decided she had less interest in what was going on with the screen, and more interest in messing with Cas.

It started with resting her hand on his knee, then shifting to push up the arm rest, to lean against his side. Then, her hand started up his leg, trailing along the inside of his thigh. Just horrible, Rose. Just terrible.

Mukuro | KHR | open... but replies may be laggy !!

[hookerthighs]

III-5

[sugaredover]

[Awkward? Byakuran doesn't do awkward, thank you very much. Even his younger self exudes calm and control, from the way he effortlessly got Mukuro out of those god-awful boots to the way that cheshire grin of his didn't once falter.

Not even when he looks to Mukuro, naked and flushed, and asks:]

I hope this isn't a rental body this time~ It might hurt my conscience to go hard on Chrome-chan.