The Meme Sock -- THE SOCK OF DREAMS (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thememesock) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2012-01-17 06:50 pm
thememesock) wrote in bakerstreet2012-01-17 06:50 pm
The Awkward Sex Meme
The Awkward Sex Meme
Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!
How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!
2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.
1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.
4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.
5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.
6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.
7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.
8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.
9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!
II. OOPS?
1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?
2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?
3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!
4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!
5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.
6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.
7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?
8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!
III. OBSTACLES!
1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?
2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!
3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -
4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!
5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|
6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?
7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?
8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!
no subject
like a feast, she looks interested. And he wants her undone right here, in the Great Hall, wants everyone to hear her cry out in wanton pleasure and no who gave it to her. Even the thought assuages his ego a little. ]
That I want to use my tongue instead? Because that's exactly what I mean.
[ He leans in again to kiss her neck, nuzzling there as he unties the laces of her bodice, plucking them open with deliberation now that he can be trusted not to tear the expensive dress in his need, and presses his face to the swell of her bosom, greets each full breast with a flutter of kisses as he draws them out to the air. ]
I love you so, Guinevere.
[ It's breathless, like a confession, even though they both know. And he raises his eyes to hers as he sits back into the chair that had been so hastily abandoned before, pushes at her skirts so he can see her pink and wet and shadowed. ]
Let me show you.
no subject
gently, she cups his cheek in her palm, thumb stroking across his cheekbone. her husband, and she had almost given up hope that she would ever be his wife. a smile curves across her face, all invitation and anticipation. ]
Alright, Arthur.
[ and afterwards, they would try again for him. perhaps the passing of time would alleviate whatever it was that troubled him and the touch of her hand would be enough to bring him off as well. ]
no subject
[ He starts first with her thigh, nuzzling up it to the join of her legs where he can breathe in the heady scent of her. His fingers knew this place, and he lets them go ahead, stroking over her slit, opening it. ]
[ There's no hesitation, because a king cannot be struck by indecision or cowardice. Arthur just follows the path of his fingers with his mouth. But it's tentative, learning; he may talk brash but this still all feels so new. His hands slide restless over her hips and thighs, holding and caressing and pushing aside the fabric that keeps trying to fall down over his head, like this intimate kiss is a secret. ]
Let me hear you.
[ The taste of her is bitterness and salt and musk, and she's already so wet for him, lewdly so. He's only adding to the slick as he licks at her folds, tongue flat and rhythmic and so very eager. ]