The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Comments

[knightray]

. . . . let's head back, then!

[flips]

Okay.

[knightray]

[ ....WHOA THEY'RE REALLY HEADING BACK JUST TO HAVE SEX IN THE LIBRARY??? THAT'S MESSED UP but he's too horny to complain about that now-- he will eventually, just you wait.

pulls his hand and marches back in :T ]

[flips]

[ WELL IT'S ELLIOT'S FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE FOR BEING A HORNBALL

but it's ok leo wants it too so he doesn't resist but hey, do you really want people to see you holding your servant's hand and marching into the library, elliot ]

[knightray]

[ HE CAN ACTUALLY HOLD BACK AND TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF THANK YOU but it's hard when leo's teasing him about it :T

whatever it's not like people don't know he drags leo around everywhere. he walks inside and doesn't stop, walking to the aisle at the far back with boring difficult books nobody reads anymore. ]

[flips]

[ it's elliot's fault for being easy to tease jsyk.

well this is kind of. transparent and obvious. now he's just wondering if people actually know what they're here for. because elliot looks way too flustered to be looking for a book. ]

You think we're gonna get caught?

[knightray]

--!!

[ he turns, angry and about to yell "IF WE DO, IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT!" but... that would be awful, huh? the one who'll get the most shit about that would definitely be leo, so... instead, he actually considers it. ]

. . . do you wanna go back then?

[flips]

I didn't say that.

[ if they get caught it would be because elliot is way too loud about this anyway. ]

[knightray]

[ once they're on the right aisle and away from everyone, he lets go of leo's hand, thinking about it deeply. ]

Maybe we shouldn't.

[flips]

...


I want to.

[knightray]

. . . you'll-- know what happen if someone hears, right?

[ or if they see but he doesn't wanna say that and jinx it. ]

[flips]

Then we just have to be quiet.

[knightray]

[ BUT........ NOISES..... ]




. . . you're a real pervert, you know?

[flips]

[ WHO'S THE PERVERT HERE ]

I am.

So what?

[knightray]

[ jldhtfhlkf what happened to shy and cute leo?????

oh wait he never existed!!!! ]

So. So nothing.

[ looks around-- making sure no one's close by.... ]

[flips]

[ lol shy and cute leo only exists in your wet dreams elly.

he looks around too, and as soon as he's sure nobody's around to see or hear, he just presses elliot against the nearest bookshelf. ]

[knightray]

[ oh....... hm. ]

. . . What? Are you trying to take control now?

[ YOU THINK I CAN'T JUST BECAUSE I'M CAUTIOUS OR SOMETHING????? ]

[flips]

No, I'm trying to start what you're too scared to.

[knightray]

Who's scared!?

Back off.

[flips]

What if I don't wanna?

[knightray]

Who cares what you want?

[ reaches for his face and holds it in place for a bit, annoyed.

then he just slides his glasses up to his head. ]

[flips]

Don't toss them.

[ reaches up to cup elliot's cheeks too, pulling him down for a kiss. ]

[knightray]

[ oh-- now he's in an awkward position-- holding his glasses over his face and paralyzed after being kissed. it takes him a second, but he does respond back to it, with an annoyed noise. ]

[flips]

[ the kiss doesn't last long - just a few moments as leo runs his lips over elliot's before he pulls back but not away completely, keeping their lips close. ]

[knightray]

[ oh..... well that kind of sucks. ]


. . . what is it?