The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Comments

[dontbeboring]

I don't know how to be otherwise.

[Perhaps that will change, but right now, Sherlock can't comprehend than sex has no logic or sense to it.]

[wealldosillythings]

You must be the only bloke in the world who doesn't think with his other head...

[Molly giggles, stealing a kiss from him before she gets off him (oh don't worry, she's coming back) and turns her back towards him. Gah that stupid skull again!

She squeezes her eyes shut and moves her hair over one shoulder] ..Can you unzip me, please?

[dontbeboring]

Other head?

[He doesn't get it, doesn't understand, but then Molly's moving away and asking for his assistance with undressing. He can't explain what makes this so different from being exposed to Irene Adler's naked body, but whereas Irene had made him feel nothing other than awkward, there's actually some stirrings of excitement within him as he reaches for Molly's zip.]

[wealldosillythings]

[She'll clarify later, Sherlock.

Molly feels internal relief when she the zipper at the back of her dress begin to move down. Her light skin contrasts with the dark fabric of her bra that comes into view at the unzipped dress parts. Before she can try and second-guess what she's doing, Molly pulls the straps of her dress down and lets it fall to the floor. It forms a dark puddle of fabric around her feet.]

Thank you. [She glances over her shoulder and smiles at him before turning around so he can look at her scantily-clad form. Her face may be a bit pink from excitement. Or nerves, unsure of how he'll respond to her body]

[dontbeboring]

[His eyes slowly take in Molly's barely covered body, stopping himself when he realises he's taking her measurements, considering her motives based on the fanciness of her underwear. That's not what's going on here, tonight, and he doesn't need to be doing it.]

You're... very pretty, Molly.

[And even if it sounds awkward, he means it.]

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly's upper measurements may be a bit smaller compared to those of a certain dominatrix, but she is quite blessed in terms of her hips and legs. She smiles, stepping closer and easing onto his lap. Actually hearing those words from him makes herself feel beautiful] ...Thank you.

[Molly ventures to kiss him again, tugging a little on his shirt] This needs to go. Then I can teach you.

[dontbeboring]

[Looking down at his shirt, Sherlock is silent as he concentrates on the buttons. He can't deny the nerves he's feeling now, uncharacteristically shy as he pushes his shirt from his shoulders. He may well have gone to Buckingham Palace in nothing but a sheet, but he didn't think his body would be on display then. Now, he feels like an exhibit in an art gallery.]

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly notices the shyness, waiting until he's pushed the shirt off his shoulders to grin at him.] I always knew you were fit under there... [It's extremely odd to see him be so shy, but she's not exactly surprised either now that she knows his circumstances. Her hands slide up his chest appreciatively, and she leans in to kiss his neck again whispering softly] The neck's an erogenous zone, you know...

[dontbeboring]

Yes

[The response is meant to be simple, but he surprises himself with the way the word catches in his throat. Molly's lips at his neck again, combined with the increased skin-on-skin contact, is having an effect on his body he's never truly experienced before. Not to this extent, at any rate.]

whoops late tag is late

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly can't stop smiling between the kisses she places against Sherlock's neck. She's sure, or pretty sure at least, that he's reacting positively to her touch. Which makes her all the more eager to continue. Her lips trail a bit lower, towards his collar bone before the tip of her tongue presses to his skin and she licks her way back up]

No worries!

[dontbeboring]

[Feeling close to being overwhelmed already, not used to anywhere near this level of touch and stimulation, Sherlock finds himself squirming beneath Molly, over-stimulated mind warring against his aroused body.]

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly moves to kiss further down his chest, noticing how he's moving and pauses.] D'you want me to stop?

[dontbeboring]

No, no. I'm... sorry, Molly.

[He doesn't like not being good at anything, and this is no exception.]

[wealldosillythings]

Sherlock, you've nothing to apologize for... [Yet. I mean whoops mun commenting away. She frowns a little. She just wants to enjoy this with him, but he's making things a tad bit difficult. She tilts her head at him]


...Kiss me.

The way I just did you. Kiss me.

[dontbeboring]

[He's still tense as he tries to follow Molly's instructions, head ducking down to press his lips to her throat. He doesn't know how to be anything other than the best, at anything he puts his mind to. To be anything else would be mortifying for him.]

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly's eyes close at the feel of his lips against her skin] Just stop thinking... If you have to, just observe what; mm, makes me react....

Go a little more to the left?

[dontbeboring]

[A puzzle, something for him to investigate. Something to understand, through scientific experiment. He can understand things in those terms, and he relaxes visibly.

Moving his lips to the left, he's now thinking in terms of investigation, looking for the areas of Molly's skin that are the most sensitive to his lips.]

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly gasps softly when his lips graze the suggested spot, arching her neck towards him] Mmhm, like that....

[dontbeboring]

[Taking that as a good sign, Sherlock continues to kiss at that spot for a moment longer, learning the noises Molly makes, the way her body moves, when he finds the sensitive spots on her body.]

[wealldosillythings]

You can..go lower, i-if you want. [She whispers, a hand sliding to his neck. Things felt so much better when he relaxed, and his lips were a joy against her skin.]

[dontbeboring]

[Following Molly's instructions, he kisses down to her shoulder, slowly exploring her skin, lips pressing into the hollow above her collarbone. He's not thinking about this in the same way as Molly, not at all, but it's a huge improvement on him being frozen to the spot.]

[wealldosillythings]

[She hums pleasantly, the sound reverberating in her throat. Her other hand moves to take one of his and guide it near her shoulder to loop a finger through her bra strap. She gives him a look of encouragement to tug it down]

[dontbeboring]

[Carrying on doing as he's told, Sherlock slides Molly's bra strap off her shoulder, quickly followed by the other. That's followed by a hand sliding around to the clasp at the back, though... yeah, he's not attempted that before.]

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly watches him with anticipation, reminded of his lack of experience when he tackles the clasp of her bra.] I-I can help.. [She offers, her hands sliding from his neck to reach behind her back and guide his fingers]

[dontbeboring]

Thank you.

[With assistance, the clasp is undone, and the material falls from Molly's breasts. Remembering to think of this as just another science experiment, Sherlock's fingers move to touch, feather light, the exposed skin.]