The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Comments

[trageteas]

[He gestures to his face... still not in the mood to move from his rather comfortable position.]

Come over here if you'd like a distraction.

[ladyliberty]

[She crawls over and pokes her nose at his.]

Like this?

[trageteas]

[With a peck on the nose:]

I was thinking of your other end, but this is also acceptable.

[ladyliberty]

Oh, well. I think I can manage that too. [She returns his peck on the nose before turning around and lifting her rump in the air with a playful wiggle.]

[trageteas]

[What with her ass now being in reach, he takes a moment to admire it, slowly running his hands across the surface.]

The view is wonderful from here.

[ladyliberty]

Mmmmhm. Are you just going to look?

[trageteas]

That is tempting.

[Nonetheless, after a bit of readjusting, he pushes her labia out of the way with two fingers. She's still somewhat wet, he's pleased to see, and he fully intends to increase that.

He begins with soft licks and kisses around her clit, taking the time to appreciate the taste of each one.]

[ladyliberty]

Mmmm. [She lets out a low murmur of pleasure and closes her eyes, leaning back into him and spreading her legs further to present herself entirely to him.]

[trageteas]

[He put his arms around her and takes her clitoris between his lips, not teasing her any longer but taking his time to please her slowly. His own body is still unattended to and it's even harder to ignore as he sucks.]

[ladyliberty]

[Amelia lets out a groan and arches into him, squeezing her shins against his shoulders and curling her toes.

After a moment she decides she may as well reciprocate-- he's doing such a good job, after all. She wraps a hand around his erection and draws it toward her mouth, running her tongue teasingly along the shaft.]

[trageteas]

[That is incredibly distracting, but he's not about to point it out and risk her stopping. He moans against her, trying to focus only on her pleasure with deeper kisses and sucking.]

[ladyliberty]

[Hasn't he ever heard of multitasking? She's kind of an expert at it, wrapping her lips around the head of his cock and humming with pleasure.]

[trageteas]

[Not so concerned about his choice of photographs now, is she? He traces his fingers in little swirls over her ass, adding a playful little pinch.]

[ladyliberty]

Ooh! [She lets out a pleased little yelp, giving his thigh an answering pinch. It's probably a good thing she doesn't know he's still thinking about that picture, huh.]