bakerstreet | tfln.

help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something

Edited 2013-05-26 17:06 (UTC)

It's too late to get him to stop, using a robot voice will only agitate the situation. Your best bet is to redirect his focus.

Find a woman with an incredible figure. Or something that could pass for a hot woman, either can work at this stage.

Edited 2013-05-26 20:29 (UTC)

um ok i'll try

Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

It needed to be moved.

I almost stepped right on it!

Should I have left them under the broken shelf they fell off, then?

But why the shower?

There was space available. The other trophies and displayed items are elsewhere, again, where there was space available.

I guess I should step lightly huh?

Watch the refrigerator.

Maybe I'll just go buy new shelves today.

If you want.

im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid

The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.

I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak

good to know youre into cannibalism I'll alert the masses

hey I never said that!

close enough

you know what I meant :\

[ wow consider his ego bruised as fuck ]

Tell me something new, why don't you.

sorry yosuke-kun but steak will always be my 1st love

You know you're not supposed to enjoy them in the same way, right? ;)

well yeah! of course

sheesh :(

Hey, you're the one who started playing the comparison game.

both together would be great

but i dunno how that would even work

steak sauce maybe?

Only if you're sure you wouldn't be tempted to bite.

i guess licking is ok

The guy would probably appreciate it a heck of a lot more.

what guy would even let me do that tho

I don't know. But I'm sure some of them must be into that kind of thing.

and then after we can eat a real steak
it'd be awesome

Yeah, maybe try not to let him know you're more interested in that part. Most guys' egos aren't built for that.

hey guys get hungry after sex too!

Well yeah, but they're at least usually not thinking about that part while they're having sex.

well I wouldn't SAY I was thinking about that

come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs

n o judt pissed. wishing i had a baggage xart

Receiving texts at three in the morning about your personal life is a bit much, Martin.

well i onlu just

waitw ho is this

Let me tell you who I'm not. I'm not Douglas, and it is a very good thing for you that I'm not. Does your mother know where you are?

home but she knows im at home why would i need t tell her if i'm hme

so if you arnetn douglas then who

wait

oh god no

Oh yes. You are aware we have a run tom-- later today and we need to be ready by 11:00 am.

but we aren't leavng until 16800!!

You are thinking of the charter we have on Wednesday. Tomorrow we need to be ready by 11.

tomorrow isnt wednesdy???????

Indeed not, my lazy Captain. Tomorrow is Monday.

i'm not LAZY but i just thought

ahhhHH

this is the last time im ever letting the students talk me into drnkgig anythign

Edited 2013-05-27 02:34 (UTC)

Perhaps it is good you sent me the text after all. I promise I won't hold it against you.

[Of course that doesn't mean she won't tease him horrendously about it, it just means she won't tell Douglas - right away.]

no but theres something worse isnt it there's alwys soemthing worse

you might as well tell me anyway

also i'm sorry

Martin, I'm telling you this for the sake of your job and your pilot's license: Drink lots of water, take two aspirin and go to bed.

[She has a heart... sometimes she actually uses it.]

oh um

right

yes i'll do that excpte stairs are otu of the question at the moment so

ok mayeb the counter

There's a good lad. Want me to send Arthur over?

[She would, he's good at taking care of people - whether they like it or not.]

UH NO that uh

won't be necessry it's all right thank you nonethless i'll manage smehow

It's really not a problem. He does need his full sleep, but I'm sure he'd fit right in with your other housemates.

carolny no its really okay EVERYTHGHN IS OKAY i'll skp the stairs tonitgt

the kitchen coutnter is reallyu rather comfortable besides arthur should be asleepe n o need to wake him

If you insist. Sleep well, Martin.

y esi do really

you too carolyn i'll seeyuo tomrorrow

i mean later afterwards

Now, stop texting and let me get some sleep too.</font. [Or she will send Artur over.]

sounds wild.

it isnt really

a cart wouldnt' move quite as fast as a truck

saying that automatically makes it so.

in any case, why would you need a cart to move as fast as a truck? i would think that a plane can't leave without its captain.

oh no iwas just saying it woudlnt

anyway we arent flyign today so thats all right i sppose

Edited (accidentally my html) 2013-05-27 05:34 (UTC)

a shame.

good, good. you shouldn't text while driving, and i'm sure that goes double for flying an aeroplane.

well

if youw anted wild there are always mtorbikes

adn no ofcoruse not we arent' to use mobiles on planes thts far too dangreours

Edited 2013-05-27 13:34 (UTC)

[ the mention of "motorbikes" makes her pause for a moment to check that this really is martin texting. not one of those yahoo suitors that steal her phone number in an attempt to get close to her. ]

motorbikes?

then what are you doing that's causing such horrendous spelling and grammar mistakes?

yes motrobikes those loud lttle zippy thingds okay maybe not so little but yes

and i

well

you kno w ithikn it may be the scothc but i could be wron g

yes, those are what i had in mind. i just never presumed you were the type to ride those.

that's logical to assume, yes.

well iwasnt and I dont' drink a lt eithre but th lads aer so insitetnt

aparently one of them spottdm e at cryodon and now theyre all like

PILOT CHAP GOT HSMIESELF A GIRLFIREND and with thats the asusmption that i know how to

"live a litte"" hencet he drinks and the joyrifding

but I DONT' shes not my girlfriend shes reallu really ncie though

so... she's not your girlfriend? was this just an act to see how long you could pull one over the princess of liechtenstein? AM I THE BUTT OF YOUR JOKES?

[ she's in vaduz, but martin can probably hear her roaring. ]

n o but iwish s she was

i guess

ahgn on youre

OHN

NO I DIDNT MEAN

T HERESA??????????????????

yes, that is me. but please do continue. i'd love to hear what you think about your girlfriend, and the offers you've gotten from various medias.

[ liechtenstein may not have a military anymore, but the vast population can still kick the asses of adorable, hotshot pilots like him. ]

NO YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG I SWEAR i mean it

wait media WHAT MEDIA

theresa

theresa are you there I'm so sorry I'm an idiot please don't be angry

that's not to say you can't because it's completely in your right to be but

but please don't all the same

[ n o p e she's ignoring that. clearly, he's just trying to cover his tracks. his ruse has been discovered, the cat's out of the bag, the curtain has been pulled back. and it's not a nice man there; just a git. ]

did you know that people are at their most truthful while inebriated?

and don't play dumb please. the media: newspapers, telly, radio, the internet. you know full well what i mean.

[ WELL he's also capable of scrolling up and so he does

to see what he's said right up there before he lost the ability to be calm BUT HE IS, HE IS --

and there it is: "I wish she was" and - and -

this is far too embarrassing because he's just sort of admitted he does like her but she's obviously not seen it, thank goodness for small miracles (or is it, really?) and anyway why would she even like him back? obviously there isn't much point in bringing that up, and so all he says, after a while, is - ]

I didn't tell a soul.

[ with as much as her mother acts like a princess and has a fiery temper, theresa has one just as hot and blinding. so, of course, she doesn't remember the "i wish she was" bit. while martin gets a serious case of "foot in mouth"-ivitis, theresa gets "blinding rage"... -ivitis. of course, a woman gets mad when a man tells her they aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. ]

but you were, weren't you?! yes, of course.

i'm just glad i uncovered your little subterfuge before i really started to like you.

[ beyond that, though, she's depressed and angry as hell. god, she just wants to drown in some ice cream now ;; ]

Edited (typo i'm the worst sometimes askjd) 2013-05-27 17:57 (UTC)

[ there's a reason why he isn't very good with the girls.

and well, there you've done it, Martin Crieff. gone off and ruined everything like a right old sod. ]

no I honestly didn't tell a soul I promise

I know it's

it's not convincing at all and you'd be fully justified in ignoring this but I really didn't I promise it was just

the chaps I share the house with, they said they'd seen us at Croydon and they don't normally see me out and about because of work so this was sort of

well sort of a big thing I suppose so they obviously asked who you were and I didn't say you were a princess and I said you weren't my girlfriend because I wasn't sure if you were interested or if I was too boring or silly because even if I was you wouldn't say anything you're too nice to do that

and I know we did go out a couple of times but what if you just wanted to be friends or or something like that

so

so what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry and I understand if you never want to speak to me again I won't blame you and I won't ask you not to be angry that was colossally unreasonable of me so you can if it makes anything better at all

I'll stop talking now

Edited 2013-05-27 18:14 (UTC)

[ it takes her a few minutes to respond; perhaps a tad bit longer than what's comfortable or even necessary. but, oh, she does want to draw it out. ]

well of course, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. i thought - i assumed that was obvious.

[ they have, after all, gone on five or six dates together, and, while they haven't progress to that yet, there has been some snogging and light petting. and that's when they've had the chance to see each other. martin's busy with mjn air, theresa's busy with her princess duties, but there's been long conversations via telephone and text message. you don't just engage in those kind of activities with "friends." ]

so... this wasn't just an act then? you weren't just doing all this to get famous or or to get into my knickers?

cos if you're lying, while i can't answer "you and what army?", i know people who can. i'm friends with prince william. i was at his wedding.

alright. well.

i'll be in london next week, we can get together. more than friends, fyi.

[ this is theresa's way of apologizing and accepting his apology. this was all just a huge misunderstanding, on both their parts. and, really, there's no use in prolonging this stupid thing out. she likes him anyways. he isn't prince charming, but she doesn't want that. all her life, she's been showered and forced to interact with men that only want power and prestige. with martin, all it seems like he wants is her companionship and he seems to like her for her. theresa would be an idiot to let that go over a simple matter of labels. ]

[ get into your knickers Theresa how positively scandalous. Martin's ears are hot. ]

no

as in no i'm not acting or or trying to

trying to um

NO i'm not acting just know this and I'm not lying either

[ -- but it feels like a great weight off his shoulders, all of a sudden, and he's letting out a breath he never even realised he was holding. ]

and okay yes excellent

I'll ah

see you then? [ here, despite himself, it's still just a little difficult to believe this is happening, even after all that. ] what brings you to London, anyhow?

[ it's hard for theresa to trust others. most people are paid to hang around her, or for money and prestige. but, she feels like she can actually trust martin. ]

i believe you. and thank you.

yes, i'll see you then too. and my mother is getting a check-up from a surgery she had a few months ago, and, i volunteered to go with her.

[ it was either that, or take the king to a birthday party. and, uh, no. theresa would take the dragon over the king any day of the week. ]

oh. sorry to hear that, is she all right? had a scare with my mum a while back but she's a bit better now..

also there's apparently this quiet place in sutton that serves really good brunch. i mean i don't really know about this myself since I hardly eat out but I heard about it last week on a job so there's that

if you'd like to that is if you don't then we could always go somewhere else

no, she's well. she just had some face work done; pretty routine.

oh no. i'm so sorry. is she fine?

[ why didn't he mention this before? she would've visited his mum or... sent her some flowers. or something at least. ]

sounds lovely.

[ theresa doesn't really mind where they go. just being with him is nice. ]

oh I see I didn't ah. know that.

yes she's a little better. we're still keeping an eye on things though, popping in between jobs - I am at least.

no you don't. as far as you're aware, the queen of liechtenstein has always had that nose. she was born with that nose. she hasn't had any work done on it.

send my warm wishes to her, please.

in fact, why don't we stop to visit her sometime next week?

none whatsoever. got it.

that's a thought actually -- yes, she'd be delighted, if you'd like to. wokingham's just under an hour out of london.

i'd love to. though don't expect to meet my mother on this trip. she'd kill me if she looked less than stellar for my boyfriend

I'm sure it isn't all that bad --

[ says the bloke who kicks up such a fuss over his pilot's hat... ]

but I wouldn't want to upset her, certainly.

[ not to mention his lipstick. ]

you're sweet. has anyone told you that?

[ you better watch it, martin. you might have a beautiful, wealthy princess fall in love with you if you aren't careful. ]

wh

what? um....

[ well excuuuuse me princess you don't pull this SURPRISE COMPLIMENT thing and expect him to deal with it. ]

um no i

i don't think so you're probably the first

it's my personal business to tell you that more often then. it shall become an official edict if i should ever fail in that.

[ oh well, she's the princess and she can do whatever she wants. but, besides, how sweet and nice he is a fact and she is legitimately surprised that he doesn't get told that often. or once.

just because he and others hold him in such low regard doesn't mean it's true. ]

[ well Theresa he isn't exactly an angel... ]

official?? no no no no i really really don't think it's necessary but it's um

it's really nice of you to say so. thank you

[ oh yeah. martin deserves to be on interpol's most wanted, yeah sure. so bad. he's going to hell, don't you know? ]

i was joking martin. if i did that, then the king would do the same with all his little girlfriends. and we really don't need a "jackie is hot but bobby is a git" edict.

but you're welcome all the same.

[ o-oh of course she didn't mean anything really serious - his time with MJN, however, has made it so he can't really tell any more. ]

oh. well no i didn't really think it was but just in case... can't hurt to be sure!

[ they get themselves into small, little hijinks, it's not exactly like ocean's eleven.

this sort of makes her roll her eyes because geez. theresa isn't one to abuse her power -- that's her mother and brother's thing --, thus it would never happen. ]

it's a joke. i'm serious. i was merely implying that, since you're so sweet, it needs to be mentioned more often. and that your sweetness is so serious and great that it requires an edict.

[ more of the Fitton Four tbqh. ]

i know i know sorry things are just a little bit

hazy right now

not as bad as before though I mean earlier i couldn't even spell right

AND IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING I'M SO SORRY I REALLY AM

[ she laughs a little. it's four o'clock in england right now but it's five here. and theresa is sitting on the edge of a private pool at the royal family's castle. ]

don't worry. i'm already up, but, you mister, get to bed. i don't envy the headache you'll sure to have.

well no reason for us not to go back to bed even then

I mean you to yours and me to mine and of course I'd go back to it if I was in it in the first place

no, no. some of us have an early start today.

[ well, she usually has an early start everyday. meetings to go to, lectures to give, kings to take to his afternoon fencing lesson. ]

oh

oH NO NO I really didn't mean to say you weren't doing anything of importance I just thought I'd woken you up because of you know, um. earlier

i would've gotten up even if you hadn't texted.

and i'm talking to you. that's important to me.

interrupted your morning routine, then. wouldn't have done that on purpose

oh

well um that's

thank you

it's important to me too

i mean getting to talk to you not your talking to me

no actually it was the talking it was all the talking

so what if i miss my morning swim? i'll simply pass on desert later.

well. good. i'm glad the pleasure isn't one-sided.

yes it's definitely pleasurable

NO NOT PLEASURABLE i mean it's

it's nice

it's very nice

isn't that... what pleasurable means?

yes and no

or well it's um

according to the dictionary it just means gratifying but it has ah

i don't really know how to put this

but it also means, enjoyable, agreeable, pleasant. you don't get these feelings then?

OH NO i do i do

it's just that nowadays the word pleasurable has a

um

more sexual connotation than it technically should

[ omg he isn't there with her but his face is SO RED RIGHT NOW ANYWAY ]

well... i didn't use it in a sexual context.

[ martin or theresa shouldn't feel embarrassed because others have added sex to it. ]

[ it's martin. he's embarrassed by a lot of things. ]

I know you didn't it's just a bit um. funny I suppose since that's gotten so common...

for what it's worth I really do like talking to you though if that wasn't clear for any reason whatsoever up there

thank you. i really like talking to you too.

this is a mass text
does anyone know where I am

Edited 2013-05-26 17:20 (UTC)

Not since you went up to the roof three hours ago...

this is no roof, i know roofs
frankie
frankie
i think i am scared

Okay, okay, Rochelle, don't blow out a fuse! You're going to be fine. Dead serious. Just tell me what it looks like where you are.

it is some kind of portal
made of wood
a moment, s'il vous plaît, i will test it

[A few moments later:]

i am inside
nothing happened

So... a door?

yes, it is remarkably similar to my own

Are you in your house?

It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.

I don't know whose chaps I'm wearing but you're not getting them back.

I have made a fort entirely of Nuka Cola bottles and coffee cups. If you look good enough in the chaps, you can come in. Maybe.

Okay ignoring the fact that I look good in damn near anything short of Enclave power armor, of course I look good enough.

Wait how long did it take you to make all that did you drink all of them first?

You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining.

I didn't break anything.

Which means you've done that before or you were lucky.

A little of column A, a little of column B.

No wonder you were so graceful then.

What? Never seen a swan play hopscotch before?

Can't say that I have. Especially not a full grown male. It was a very amusing way to end the night.

Enough to merit an encore?

And before you say anything, I'm married.

If your body can handle it.

And what was it you imagined I was going to say?

You're the beautiful red-head. There are many things that can be said.

True, but I don't intentionally sleep with married men outside of work.

I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to break my arm.

It's a possibility if you can't keep your hands to yourself.

Married, remember? I don't need two women pissed off at me.

Consuming large amounts of alcohol can make people forgetful.

Not me.

Well then, we won't have a problem with round two.

I'll get my swan costume.

That sounds very entertaining to watch someone try and do. Was anything broken?

I just got invited to go home with a married couple.

I am never wearing a dress again.

Edited 2013-05-26 18:20 (UTC)

I need to see this dress.

It's just a plain red dress, but I was - uh, complimented.

Pics or didn't happen.

Happened.

Hot. Red's a good colour for you.

Edited 2013-05-26 22:55 (UTC)

Thanks, I think.

I'd never steer you wrong when it comes to fashion.

You'll steer me wrong with other things?

Probably. No one's perfect.

Do I get advance notice on things you might steer me wrong with so that I can be prepared?

Probably not. I don't plan out my bad life choices in advance.

I think the worst part of mine is that after, I always feel like I should've seen them coming.

Hindsight. It's always easier to see problems after the fact.

I feel the same way.

Still doesn't help with my current problem that I feel naked in this dress now.

Should I say something zen like, 'we're all naked under our clothes?'

They're still here and they told me to think about it.

Pros and cons: go!

NOT PLAYING.

Oh, so you're turning them down?

You didn't get that from the start?

I got that you weren't wearing that sexy dress again.

That too.

That's a tragedy.

It's a retirement. I am retiring it.

You'd better donate to a second-hand store instead of stuffing it in your closet only to be dug out fifteen years later.

Edited 2013-05-27 05:58 (UTC)

You don't think it'll fit fifteen years from now?

Maybe. But will it still be in style?

Do I strike you as someone who cares about style?

In that dress? Yeah.

I bought it because it was on sale.

Also, I needed it for work.

You have a super sexy sheriff day? I'm jealous.

Nope, it's a leftover from working as a bail bond agent.

Sexy bail bond agent works too.

Not the best part of the job, but sometimes I had to go with whatever worked.

And you want to get rid of this dress... why?

I'm attracting threesomes. Awkward.

I suppose that could be a valid reason.

I might be generous and get some additional use out of the dress after all, but after that?

Fire.

What a waste. You should donate it and give some other lucky girl a chance to look smokin' hot.

I think now is an appropriate time to comment on the unfairness of the world.

Were they at least good looking?

Am I supposed to feel less uncomfortable because they were attractive?

I would.

I don't.

So they were.

Stop imagining it.

The couple or the dress?

Both.

Were they seriously bothering you about it?

There were compliments. It was weird.

You were wearing what I assume was a nice dress, and compliments made you uncomfortable.

And then there was the request for a threesome.

'Ha ha, we should totally have a threesome because you're hot' or 'here is our room key'?

The second one.

I officially have to see this dress.

You think I can't look nice?

I know you can. It's the linger air of 'I will shove my boot up your ass' that tends to dissuade people from saying so aloud.

You make that dress look incredible. I see why they risked it.

Right.

You're really never wearing it again?

Think I'll go home and burn it.

You're breaking my heart here.

It's not your heart that's interested.

Says the woman blaming the dress.

It's the dress' fault.

That people find you attractive?

You can stop trying to get laid now.

I'm hurt that's what you think this is about.

I know that's what this is about.

And why is that?

Because you want the dress to not die in a fire, and I already planned the fire.

That's not untrue, but I'll repeat. It's not the dress.

Shut up, Jefferson.

Just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?

Edited 2013-05-26 18:01 (UTC)

Not naked, apparently.

I might have been naked somewhere else.

I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.

How did I even come up in it?

Honestly, lieutenant, it's best you don't ask.

Though I'm curious as to why she'd burst into tears.

....tequila is a hell of a drink?

This wasn't a tequila cry, LT. More of a... Well, I don't know.

If you're worried I'll tell anyone else, this'll be between us.

[Because like hell does he believe that.]

There are a lot of lonely girls in Oceanside, Kocher. That's all I can probably come up with. But really, she cried?

Had to get her friend to take her to the bathroom.

Could have been another Nate Fick, though.

a) why was i brought up in your conversation b) i wasn't always as nice as i am now (what? she's nice. sometimes)

1. Mind your own business. 2. You mean you were worse?

a) you realize you kind of make it my business when you text me, right? b) lets just stay high school me didn't have the sparkling personality i do now (she's choosing not to get offended quite yet)

Okay, now you have to tell me.

you want to know what i was like, and i want to know why i got brought up in your drunken conversation. kind of at an impasse, huh?

Who said I was drunk?

fine. your potentially sober conversation. happy?

Sorry, you don't have clearance.

then you don't need to know what i used to be like. simple as that

I could always go ask the crying girl.

you can try, if you can get her to stop crying long enough

I can be very persuasive.

you'll have to let me know how well that works out for you

Oh, no. This is bribery material.

anything you can get probably won't be worth the time it took you to get it

You'd be surprised.

by all means. you're going to do whatever you want to do. i'm just saying it's going to be a waste of your time.

im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs

[And guess who just replied back with said pictures of your legs?]

Really, are you only 80% sure? :D

its yosuke isnt it

Then they should be arrested.

I SWEAR IT'S NOT ME

when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know

you told me we'd never speak of that again.

I thought you could be worried about me.

i really miss the days when we didn't talk about this.

[And a few minutes later:]

sorry about your back.

Edited 2013-05-28 01:39 (UTC)

Don't they say that things get more scary the less you talk about them?

And it's okay. I don't really mind.

[ Option 1 ]
you are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today

[ Option 2 ]
i caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. it was over before i realized what was going on. and then i was just confused

I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me.

i got super into the game. is that weird? i thought you'd be able to tell me since you know you play ball too

Yes it's weird! Did you think I was gonna say 'oh, I do that all the time'?!

I hope this was at home and not at an actual game.

i was in my room with the door shut

but cmon dont tell me youve never done it

One: Don't have a tv in my room.

Two: Still wouldn't do it if I did.

but that's the magic part. i didn't intend to do it at all!

I wouldn't call that magic.

If I do accidentally jerk off to a baseball game, I promise you'll be the first person I text about it.

[It'd be nice if sarcasm had a written marker.]

(°◇°;) wow it sounds really weird when you say it like that abe...

It was just as weird the way you said it.

but you promised... (⌒_⌒;)

And you actually did it. I was just making a point!

I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.

sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH

I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

Who sold you a sword?

The Internet sold me a sword! At a fair price, too!

[ Mummy will foot the bill (￣ω￣;) ]

How soon until it arrives?

I paid extra for quick delivery, so it should arrive at first light on Monday next.

[ Which would be a couple days from now. ]

So it won't be here in time for the weekend?

No, because there's no post on Sunday and my folks won't let me walk over and pick it up in person.

But the girls would be all over us if we brought a sword with us when we went out!

Girls can wait! My enemies will be all over the floor when I claim my rightful, uh, birthright.

What birthright is that?

My sword, Inigo! Come on. I knew you had your head in the clouds half the time, but still...

Well, it's that I've never heard of someone claiming their birthright through a purchase.

cool whats her name

Well...she hasn't arrived yet, but I'll have narrowed down the choices by then! Sword of Seals is a real front-runner, if only because Shining Stone can be taken the wrong way.

I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.

I was starting to wonder why there was water coming from beneath the bathroom door.

You do realize that you will be cleaning it up, yes?

i'm sorry, this number isn't registering on the caller id
misfire; i don't talk with people who think i clean up my own messes

Stark, you are an ass.

I'm going to turn all your liquor into water.

you're saying this like it isn't common knowledge

jesus???

I just like saying it myself.

Ah no. I wouldn't lower myself to fit in with anyone from that dreadful religion.

I threw you out of a window recently. And I'm still turning all your liquor into water. Or something disgusting. I'm still debating.

Well that explains why I found the bathroom floor and nearly cracked my skull on the floor this morning. :|

i AM glad you're not dead, but in my defense i DID send the text last night

I think the general line of thinking from the rest of the party was that 'he's not actually going to do it'. Though your friend, Rhodes, seemed to think otherwise.

Wait, why are you texting me from the bathroom. And your cleaning it up.

uh, no, there's housekeeping for that

also NOW i am texting you from the bathroom but that's only because you didn't respond before i went in

But you don't actually have housekeeping...

I was busy taking the call from Coulson, the one you refused to answer.

maybe not, but i DO have a prodigious amount of money

oh, right. how was that?

Money's not going to clean your mess and there's no reason to pay anyone when you have two perfectly capable hands, Tony.

He says all bets are off. He sounded a little troubled.

What don't you know what to think about? Also I think you should clean that mess up Stark.

the night up until this point, honestly

also, i appreciate your input and value your opinion but i think i may have someone else take care of it; it's just water anyway

my dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me

someone in your family is a bit rude.

you were at r's trial. This should not be news.

bears repeating, I guess. how are you this morning?

hungover and sore. E wants me to visit R in rehab.

I think R would like that. you want to come with me? I'm dropping by this afternoon

I know he would. I don't think he should even be there. Inpatient is not good for him.

I can't go.

it isn't, which is why I've been trying to visit often tbh :( especially since E refuses to go... oh, how come?

E's been banned from the premises.

remember the reason r is in there to begin with? yeah. that.

And, I take it, that someone is not your father?

Is this a trick question?

No?

That means it is. So to appease our Fearless Leader, correct. He doesn't understand me in the least. Because I'm not incredibly hungover, or sore, or covered in sex bruises or wearing Montparnasse's shirt.

Are you sarcastically "not" any of those things?

To be honest he was only upset that we didn't have the decency to go back to his.

So, wait. Yes or no to the bruising? I'm concerned (and a little repulsed) to hear that mentioned in conjunction with "Montparnasse".

Yes. Now why are you concerned?

I would think that went without saying.

Nope. I have no idea why you'd be concerned.

[Another text.]

not sarcasm.

I just hope you aren't hurt. That's all.

I said sex bruises. What you think-- oh my god, do you seriously think he would do that to me? That my father would let him get away with that? Are you fucking kidding me?

I only know him by reputation (and Facebook profile) and I don't like what I know.

Your father is not exactly delicate with you, either.

I've been fucking him since I was fifteen. Relax.
My father wouldn't let Montparnasse do that to me. This is a guy I willingly sleep with. My entire life is not a huge giant tragedy. I can have agency in deciding who I sleep with.

More news I did not need.

I didn't say that. I was just expressing concern. And you asked why. And I told you.

Wanna know how I lost my virginity?

You were implying. Sorry, I'm a raging slut. If you didn't know.

Not particularly.

Wasn't saying that either.

Good. I'm not sharing.

Then what were you saying? Spell it out. Plain English.

Thank goodness.

Whatever your level of promiscuity, on which I pass no judgment, I was more concerned that the bruising may not have been consented to.

You thought Parnasse raped me, which you could add to your ongoing list of Tragedies in Eponine's Life. Fuck you.

He has NEVER touched me in a way I don't want him to.Stop treating me like I need saving from all the men in my life.

I did not think that, at all, as I am (unfortunately) aware that you make love to him, on occasion.

Never mind. You're fine, I can tell. Please accept my apologies and cancel my concern.

We don't make love, we fuck. I've never "made love" to anyone. That's such a gross way of saying it, you sound like Cosette.

You're being sarcastic.

You have your euphemisms, I have mine.

I do not actually wish to retract my concern, so, yes.

Yours make you sound like a five year old.

What? Do you want me to sit down and confirm all of your suspicions? Tell you that i spend my weekends on the corner of 14th and houston? What has R told you anyway? I can handle myself.

On the contrary. When I was five, I refused to refer to it, at all.

I'm not sure what you're trying to do. I was only asking, in so many words, if you were all right.

For the record, R tells me nothing.

that explains a lot.

I'm trying to get you to full on admit every assumption you have about me, my friends, and my lifestyle. So I can stop second guessing and you can stop sounding stupid.

Good.

[or something like that.]

Do most five year olds speak of it?

I have no negative assumptions. I only know that you put yourself into harm's way more often than you ought and prefer that no one calls you on this.

Not terribly.

where I come from.

I call bullshit. You know my family and what we do.

For me at least.

Ah.

I stand my ground. Because I am familiar with your family.

Well, all right. For you.

why do you have so much faith in me?

You are my friend and a good person.

I'm not a good person.

Obviously, I beg to differ.

Please don't. R knows enough that it's a miracle he still can stand the sight of me.

Why do you always expect us to think the worst?

I'm used to people thinking the worst. Especially when it's true.

But we don't. I don't, at least.

Thank you. But you really, really should.

The police scanner is talking about you again...

tfln.

Nano Shinonome | Nichijou

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Sakurako Shiina | Negima

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Yuna Akashi | Negima

Fumi Kanno | Devil Survivor 2

Chie Satonaka | Persona 4

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Kogasa Tatara | Touhou Project

「ＣＡＰＴＡＩＮ」MARTIN CRIEFF ✈ cabin pressure

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SORRY CAROLYN..........

She expects it... well, from Arthur, but Martin is drunk.

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MIRACLE OF MIRACLES

XD

.... evidently i spoke too soon

What? She's totally being helpful XD

YES BY PROVIDING ARTHUR THAT'S VERY HELPFUL INDEED EXCEPT IT ISN'T...

XD Don't say she never offered to do anything for you, Martin

w...ell she could maybe I don't know give him a salary..........

If he were a real pilot, she'd pay him a real salary - that's how these things work XD

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shrieks

:3

claws at face

smooches at face

cries and obviously he has no idea who he's texting...

sobs and martin crieff; professor of awkward boyfriends 101

no doubt a trait her serene highness finds charmingly endearing, clearly

she does actually. she finds it and martin cute ;;

oh good lord she is most precious also how do you decipher this shit SORRY BTW

she's the knight in shining armor martin's been waiting for ;; and it's ok i got it.

CRYING LAUGHTER also 1/many... a few... because he never reads all the way

until now

that is

and here he's dropped his mobile

hopefully not into his drink

because that would suck also I'M DONE and jesus christ i need more icons for this

askjlds MARTIN she's going to tell their future kids about this. FYI.

this is a sobering experience and OH NO PLEASE DON'T............