bakerstreet | what's your number?

Jeez, this is the real problem with girls trying to date you isn't it?

[ It should say something that girls keep trying, too. ]

I'm sure I've got a far stronger will. Or I'll just enjoy it, because surely you have good taste in... tests.

Look, it's not my fault girls are just so... girly!

[She's not 100% sure if that came out right.]

Guys can at least usually enjoy a good kung-fu movie and a pound of steak! Girls are usually into... salads, and sappy romance flicks that are embarrassing!

[So it's not just a matter of whether or not girls have what she's looking for in a partner physically, they usually have vastly different interests than her. At least Yukiko was willing to humor her Trial of the Dragon obsession.]

[ Umi laughs at that again. Oh, it's about kung-fu movies after all! ]

Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. I might like a sappy romance every now and then, but I like to let a little variety into my life. I would say I'd like Jackie Chan better for being hilarious, though.

[ Bruce Lee is a little too much raw testosterone to marathon... ]

...and I'd much rather gorge myself on noodles first and foremost.

I can respect that. Noodles are pretty good, especially if there's some meat with said noodles.

[That's... not quite she said Chie, but whatever.]

Not gonna lie, I do like my comedies quite a bit too! Not as much as my friend Yukiko perhaps, but after watching so many of each others favorite movies together we started to get a taste for them.

Like tonkotsu ramen with extra pork...

[ How does she fit that in her tiny body??? ]

Branching out is good. I've watched more science fiction and classic samurai movies lately after making new friends.

EXACTLY!

[Psh, forget samurai movies and science fiction we've got pork bowls to talk about!]

Oh man! I'm so hungry right now, I could eat a llama!

[Because it's a weird off the rack kind of animal that most people don't eat? And random enough that she probably wouldn't think of trying it under most normal circumstances.]

...do people eat those?

[ They must, right? ]

Hey, people will even eat people. I'm sure somebody out there must have been curious enough to eat a llama. Besides, why else would people farm llamas?

[She's pretty sure it's not milking them, and... they are mammals right? Not egg laying or anything?]

Wow you really do think about meat a lot. Even people meat.

[ ...still teasing. ]

Aren't they mostly used for their... wool or... hair or whatever?

[Haha, just teasing! ~~Unless...~~]

I think Yousuke said something about this one time when I'd lost my mind and wanted to literally eat him, but I don't know how much of that I should believe. Guy can be a total perv sometimes.

[Some of the manga is weird like that.]

Is that what they're used for? So they're kind of like sheep... except people still eat sheep.

[ All a scheme to devour Umi's flesh :O ]

Eat hi-oh! Ha. I get it.

[ Dudes... ]

I guess that's true, huh? So they probably get eaten sometimes.

[Gasp! The real reason Chie doesn't have any lovers has been discovered! Run Umi! Tell the people! TO SERVE MAN IS A COOKBOOK!]

I mean, why let all that meat go to waste? If something dies you might as well figure out if its edible.

[They're still talking about llamas right?]

That's kind of the fate of most cattle animals.

[Okay, yes.]

[ ...eh, she's not gonna kinkshame. ]

Right, right. Animals that you raise, for a purpose.

[ Not your pet, or your friends. ]

Wonder what it tastes like...?

[... I mean... if she were getting sexual gratification for it? In Chie's case it's probably more about appetite than sexual appetite.]

It does make you wonder if cats and dogs just taste awful, and that's why nobody eats them.

[Chie! Chie noooo!]

Huh... good question! It's a pretty funny looking animal, but it's got a lot of properties like a sheep? Maybe it'd taste something like a cross between that and a cow... but maybe a little more gamey?

[ Chie seems pretty vanilla, to be fair. ]

Oh my GOD you said it! I was thinking it but you actually said it.

[ Umi laughs. ]

I bet llama's a lot better. Or at least less mentally damaging. ...probably lean.

[Looks can be deceiving, you should see what a crazy bdsm nut her Persona looks like. ~~And hey, more power to someone if they want to be her food?~~

Okay Chie is feeling a bit embarrassed about being called out on this.]

Wh-what!? It's a valid question! I mean with cats they eat mice and rats which carry diseases so it's understandable, but if your dog dies it seems like fair game!

[Mind you she'd probably murder anybody who suggested that her dog should be eaten. She loves her doggo.]

Yeah... I think that's the big reason. Llamas seem pretty stupid, but cats, dogs, horses, they're all really smart. So ethically we respect that, and try to eat things that are too stupid?

Edited 2020-03-26 04:58 (UTC)

[ Now THAT is a side Umi needs to bring out. ~~Or feed herself to Chie.~~ ]

W-wow, no, I mean, I respect the boldness! Not everyone is willing to just come out and say it, because of how much people love cats and dogs.

Buuut horses... if I'm being honest are pretty stupid. Horse meat is common enough in Italy and France, and you can find it in Kumamoto too.

Hey, I mentioned that people will even eat other people didn't I? Eating cats and dogs is pretty tame in comparison.

[Somehow though... hearing Umi talk about people eating horses pulls at her heartstrings.]

Hey! You take that back! Horses are way smarter than you think!

[Then again pigs are actually smarter than dogs, so that probably blows her earlier argument out of the water. Then it finally clicks and she feels a little sick admitting this.]

You know what? I think it's probably the cuteness, prettiness, and usefulness that determines whether or not it's a food staple. I mean cats and dogs are way more useful to people than pigs, and horses were our primary mode of transportation for thousands of years. Cows are useful because of milk but they're also uglier, stupider, and bulls aren't as useful.

I guess, compared to cannibalism, it's a lot less weird.

[ And more likely to happen in times of famine! ]

Please. Pigs are smarter than horses you know. And that - that's really hitting the nail on the head, more than anything. Dogs guard you from predators, cats keep mice out of your food, horses are for riding.

[ People are for friend. ]

Pigs don't do anything else. Or like, fish. Fish are just... there.

You know... it's actually kind of horrifying how close to humans pigs are. They're incredibly smart, they're about the same size, our consistency is close enough that in the case of weapons testing they'll often use pigs bodies...

[Because using live pigs would be cruel. Speaking of cruel, you ever see the inside of a slaughterhouse? Hear pigs scream in terror before being butchered? Yeah... her dad may have wanted to curb her carnivorous nature a bit, but it may have backfired slightly.]

Apparently according to records with cannibalistic tribes and other sources, humans also taste the most like pigs. Just... sweeter? Kind of a scary thought right?

As well as medical research.

[ So they're just talking about this now. Okay. Umi's never seen a slaughterhouse, because that is not proper for a refined young lady. ]

Ah-oh, I do already like pork too, huh? I-I think I'd rather let you have a nibble on me, though, as much as you love meat.

[ Is that the most awkward attempt at turning a conversation flirtatious? Talking about cannibalism? ]

Oh man, I almost forgot about that one. Makes you wonder if all those religions that have pork as a no, no were on to something.

[Wouldn't that be a 'fun' field trip. Chie probably won't bring it up cause that can be a hell of a mood killer, but she's a bit caught off guard by Umi's suggestion.]

Wh-what? What are you saying? You can't just go around eating people! Even if you don't mean it literally, that's still way too intimate between friends! Friends don't nibble friends! Hell, lovers often save that kind of thing for later!

[Did Umi Umi forget to say not? Or did she really want Chie to nibble on her? Either way, Chie's warped brain was going places she really wished it hadn't.]

Oh that's a weird thought, huh?

[ It's fun to watch Chie's brain pinball around from topic to topic. Cute, a little concerning that she's taking it literally too - but would Chie enjoy that anyways? ]

But you're curious, now that I've said it, aren't you? What I might... taste like?

[ Umi leans in even closer, eyes half-lidded, sultry. ]

Do you think you could eat me... raw?

WH-WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

[Chie actively back pedals there, a little alarmed that Umi is taking this line of conversation so far. Granted, Chie brought it up in the first place, but Umi was the clearly more sexually active of the two of them, so she may have accidentally stumbled onto one of Umi's kinks.]

Okay, back it up a bit girl!

[She might be actively pushing her hand against Umi's forehead to literally make her back up. She takes a deep breath to calm herself down, removing her hand from Umi rather bashfully.]

First off, people are like pigs in that they're really unsafe to eat raw... or even eat at all.

[Why does she know this? Well someone here clearly was a bit too curious at one point in her life and did some research.]

Secondly, even if you mean it as an innuendo that's still waaay too forward even if we were dating! Thirdly, I'm still mostly straight so this is all kinds of levels of weird for me! Fourthly, friends don't kill friends! I went out of my way to hunt down a crazy killer a little while back, I'm not about to become one! Fithly, I think I would die of embarrassment before I even tried!

Besides... you're really nice and I wouldn't want to hurt you or lose you.

[Aww, Chie might actually be starting to like Umi! Just a bit mind you since she's still hiding in the closet sexually.]

But I mean... purely hypothetically, if we became close enough, and you had like... a million extra lives or clones or something... and no one ever would find out about it... and if you were really into it... I might be a little... curious?

[All the turtling up here. Yeah... apparently Chie has weird kinks she wasn't fully aware of.]

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