bakerstreet | what's your number?

Yeah no... I could bite you, but that would probably just be some kind of weird foreplay and I'm not doing that. Taking a bite out of you or cutting off a portion of you to eat is just... nope... not gonna happen.

[Well now that this Pandora's box is open, she might as well talk about it. Hell, she's had some weirder conversations with some of her friends before. If they're both okay with discussing it, then there's no problem.]

You would probably be kind of scarred by such a thing, and wouldn't want to do that. Plus I'm a greedy bitch when it comes to meat, so I wouldn't be satisfied with just a piece of you. Certain parts of you would probably taste vastly different than others, so I'd want to have my choice.

[Is she being serious or playing around here? Because her tone of voice sounds kind of serious.]

Besides, I tend to prefer my meat grilled and tender, and I don't think you want to be cooked.

[ This might as well happen with someone, right? ]

Ugh, and it'd have to be a big enough chunk to make it really hard to move, so I wouldn't be able to fence or anything.

[ ...because of the whole greedy Chie thing. ]

Especially if you're just gobbling down a whole pound of me, when there's so little meat here.

[ Umi - blushed? At the thought of being cooked? What was with that? ]

Y-you could just cook the parts of me! You don't have to roast me whole if you don't want to.

[Chie blinked in surprise. She really was into this! She thought maybe this was some sort of elaborate teasing, or just innuendo, but Umi was actually blushing at the idea of being Chie's food! ... And at being cooked apparently. She might be making a note of that for later if she's ever feeling kinky enough.]

Wow, you're taking this more seriously than I thought you would. I thought I might turn you off of the idea if I pointed out enough of the sheer logistical problems, but this is something you're actually into almost as much as I am.

[Which was weird as hell to Chie who couldn't even imagine wanting to be food, but she supposed some people were just that masochistic. She had something of a sadistic side to her beneath all her warmth and friendliness, so despite the same gender thing, Umi might be a perfect match for her. Actually she was pretty sure a girl would taste better anyways, since they're more tender? ... But that's a little too fucked up.]

Well if I'm going to be eating you... I suppose hypothetically the safest option would be one of your butt cheeks. It would have enough meat, and you could probably most safely survive missing a chunk if your butt. Sitting down might be a bitch and a half for a while, especially in the bathroom, and you probably would want to avoid most swimsuits, but otherwise? You could probably still fence, although no more horseback riding.

[What a strange train of thought.]

[ ...it had started off as teasing, but once they got going Umi was actually kinda... finding out new things about herself. That was fun. ]

That just made me think about it more. It'd probably be better to just wait until we have, oh, say, a magical solution to part of our problems...

[ Also, skinny little ass wouldn't be nearly as exciting as some butts. ]

A-and I just... there's a lot of other things I'm thinking about? Do you like offal? I mean if you did cook me whole... hm...

Yeah... waiting is probably for the best since you're clearly into this on a different level... and in a different way than I think I'm ready for just yet.

[A part of her was kind of terrified because she might actually know a 'magical solution' thanks to her time in the shadow world. Was it really worth either one of them, or potentially both of them risking their lives? No one had ever seen how Chie's subconscious would have shaped the shadow world... could it perhaps be shaped to reflect her darkest desires Umi was brushing up against? It was a part of herself she would never let see the light of day, but that didn't mean it didn't exist deep inside.]

I don't know if I want to think about it too hard. That's a dark side of me that I think is best left unexplored.

[At least for now... maybe if Umi got her in a ridiculously kinky mood and Chie was trying to scare Umi into submission? Although a few stray thoughts did make it through the filters from her mind to her lips.]

There would almost certainly be parts of you that would go to waste if I wanted to cook you alive. If I wanted to get the most meat out of you, I'd probably have to...

[She shuddered realizing what she was about to suggest.]

I'd probably have to butcher you.

Who said I was into it? I'm just being... practical and considering all the necessary options.

[ And has eaten a lot of very fancy meat and animal parts and stuff. Umi's also been healed with magic, but that doesn't involve regrowing limbs... or reversing death. But like, if she could regrow a leg, that's still a lotta meat. ]

It sure is pretty dark, though, yeah. I mean, have you ever butchered an animal to begin with? Let alone... you know, figuring out how to butcher a person? That'd be a pretty rare talent.

[ ...plus she'd probably have to already be dead for that part. ]

Come on, we both know you're kind of into me, and I feel like it's only fair for the feeling to be mutual before I even consider eating someone who is.

[Because clearly the only rational reason she'd do it is because she's got some sort of masochistic thing going on. If Umi wants to go through some sort of horrific body butchering experience for her, she feels the least she can do is to do it lovingly for Umi?]

Believe it or not... I know how to butcher pigs and as we established earlier, humans and pigs are more similar than you'd think. More frightening yet... I might know a way for you to be brought back from death in a certain place.

[She had been killed a few times in the shadow world herself and brought back... so it's theoretically possible if she brought Umi there... then again it might be too dangerous without Teddie or the others, and none of them would ever approve. Hell, even she wouldn't approve.]

Okay, well, yeah, now that we're talking about it... now that we're... talking about it, it's kind of appealing, sure. Coming from you, especially.

[ And if like, Hikaru or Fuu wanted to eat her, not they seemed like the type nearly as much. That's not something you can just offer to your friends either. ]

Wait wait, really? I mean, do you have a butcher shop and a kitchen there you can fire up too?

[ Now it's sounding more and more likely to actually work... ]

If we've come this far without bailing on the topic we should try it.

I'm... kind of flattered, but also a little disturbed.

[And possibly a little turned on, which worries her to no end.]

I mean... it probably DOES!?

[Especially if there was a portion of the shadow world that was shaped after her consciousness.]

Only it would probably be a bit more industrial scale, filled with monsters, and be slightly terrifying. I... might be able to make a deal with someone to make it work but...

[THIS IS SO CRAZY!]

You do remember all my earlier objections right!? Most of those still haven't been alleviated, and it would take a lot of work! I don't mind discussing it, but actually doing it!? Do you have any idea how many things could go wrong?! Not to mention even if I can bring you back, I'd still have murdered you!

I really think we should probably just put this on the back burner, maybe as like... a special occasion thing if you're that interested.

Right. Right right.

[ They should probably do a lot more planning and normal things first. ]

Especially if we're gonna have to fight or dodge monsters.

[ That's a pain. ]

So we'll just set this aside, yeah. For now. ...and see where things go.

For what it's worth? I did just ask the custodian of that world if she was cool with it?

[It's going probably about as well as you'd expect.]

You never know... if she's down with it, we might not have to worry about the monsters?

[Because you know... asking a goddess you beat up once to help you with the freakiest kinks in existence is totally the responsible thing to do... right?]

Oh. ...well. We'll, uh, see how... a goddess feels about this.

...we're gonna so get cursed.

[ Umi is willing to fight gods but still. ]

Well... I've beaten her once before, so if push comes to shove and she wants to unleash an unholy... or holy? Some sort of curse on us, we can totally take the fight to her!

[Granted, she had at least three other people backing her up the last time... plus a god... but hey, semantics right?]

We're fine then.

[ Umi has fought... well, some pretty powerful dudes? ]

what's your number?

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