bakerstreet | what's your number?

[ All a scheme to devour Umi's flesh :O ]

Eat hi-oh! Ha. I get it.

[ Dudes... ]

I guess that's true, huh? So they probably get eaten sometimes.

[Gasp! The real reason Chie doesn't have any lovers has been discovered! Run Umi! Tell the people! TO SERVE MAN IS A COOKBOOK!]

I mean, why let all that meat go to waste? If something dies you might as well figure out if its edible.

[They're still talking about llamas right?]

That's kind of the fate of most cattle animals.

[Okay, yes.]

[ ...eh, she's not gonna kinkshame. ]

Right, right. Animals that you raise, for a purpose.

[ Not your pet, or your friends. ]

Wonder what it tastes like...?

[... I mean... if she were getting sexual gratification for it? In Chie's case it's probably more about appetite than sexual appetite.]

It does make you wonder if cats and dogs just taste awful, and that's why nobody eats them.

[Chie! Chie noooo!]

Huh... good question! It's a pretty funny looking animal, but it's got a lot of properties like a sheep? Maybe it'd taste something like a cross between that and a cow... but maybe a little more gamey?

[ Chie seems pretty vanilla, to be fair. ]

Oh my GOD you said it! I was thinking it but you actually said it.

[ Umi laughs. ]

I bet llama's a lot better. Or at least less mentally damaging. ...probably lean.

[Looks can be deceiving, you should see what a crazy bdsm nut her Persona looks like. ~~And hey, more power to someone if they want to be her food?~~

Okay Chie is feeling a bit embarrassed about being called out on this.]

Wh-what!? It's a valid question! I mean with cats they eat mice and rats which carry diseases so it's understandable, but if your dog dies it seems like fair game!

[Mind you she'd probably murder anybody who suggested that her dog should be eaten. She loves her doggo.]

Yeah... I think that's the big reason. Llamas seem pretty stupid, but cats, dogs, horses, they're all really smart. So ethically we respect that, and try to eat things that are too stupid?

Edited 2020-03-26 04:58 (UTC)

[ Now THAT is a side Umi needs to bring out. ~~Or feed herself to Chie.~~ ]

W-wow, no, I mean, I respect the boldness! Not everyone is willing to just come out and say it, because of how much people love cats and dogs.

Buuut horses... if I'm being honest are pretty stupid. Horse meat is common enough in Italy and France, and you can find it in Kumamoto too.

Hey, I mentioned that people will even eat other people didn't I? Eating cats and dogs is pretty tame in comparison.

[Somehow though... hearing Umi talk about people eating horses pulls at her heartstrings.]

Hey! You take that back! Horses are way smarter than you think!

[Then again pigs are actually smarter than dogs, so that probably blows her earlier argument out of the water. Then it finally clicks and she feels a little sick admitting this.]

You know what? I think it's probably the cuteness, prettiness, and usefulness that determines whether or not it's a food staple. I mean cats and dogs are way more useful to people than pigs, and horses were our primary mode of transportation for thousands of years. Cows are useful because of milk but they're also uglier, stupider, and bulls aren't as useful.

I guess, compared to cannibalism, it's a lot less weird.

[ And more likely to happen in times of famine! ]

Please. Pigs are smarter than horses you know. And that - that's really hitting the nail on the head, more than anything. Dogs guard you from predators, cats keep mice out of your food, horses are for riding.

[ People are for friend. ]

Pigs don't do anything else. Or like, fish. Fish are just... there.

You know... it's actually kind of horrifying how close to humans pigs are. They're incredibly smart, they're about the same size, our consistency is close enough that in the case of weapons testing they'll often use pigs bodies...

[Because using live pigs would be cruel. Speaking of cruel, you ever see the inside of a slaughterhouse? Hear pigs scream in terror before being butchered? Yeah... her dad may have wanted to curb her carnivorous nature a bit, but it may have backfired slightly.]

Apparently according to records with cannibalistic tribes and other sources, humans also taste the most like pigs. Just... sweeter? Kind of a scary thought right?

As well as medical research.

[ So they're just talking about this now. Okay. Umi's never seen a slaughterhouse, because that is not proper for a refined young lady. ]

Ah-oh, I do already like pork too, huh? I-I think I'd rather let you have a nibble on me, though, as much as you love meat.

[ Is that the most awkward attempt at turning a conversation flirtatious? Talking about cannibalism? ]

Oh man, I almost forgot about that one. Makes you wonder if all those religions that have pork as a no, no were on to something.

[Wouldn't that be a 'fun' field trip. Chie probably won't bring it up cause that can be a hell of a mood killer, but she's a bit caught off guard by Umi's suggestion.]

Wh-what? What are you saying? You can't just go around eating people! Even if you don't mean it literally, that's still way too intimate between friends! Friends don't nibble friends! Hell, lovers often save that kind of thing for later!

[Did Umi Umi forget to say not? Or did she really want Chie to nibble on her? Either way, Chie's warped brain was going places she really wished it hadn't.]

Oh that's a weird thought, huh?

[ It's fun to watch Chie's brain pinball around from topic to topic. Cute, a little concerning that she's taking it literally too - but would Chie enjoy that anyways? ]

But you're curious, now that I've said it, aren't you? What I might... taste like?

[ Umi leans in even closer, eyes half-lidded, sultry. ]

Do you think you could eat me... raw?

WH-WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

[Chie actively back pedals there, a little alarmed that Umi is taking this line of conversation so far. Granted, Chie brought it up in the first place, but Umi was the clearly more sexually active of the two of them, so she may have accidentally stumbled onto one of Umi's kinks.]

Okay, back it up a bit girl!

[She might be actively pushing her hand against Umi's forehead to literally make her back up. She takes a deep breath to calm herself down, removing her hand from Umi rather bashfully.]

First off, people are like pigs in that they're really unsafe to eat raw... or even eat at all.

[Why does she know this? Well someone here clearly was a bit too curious at one point in her life and did some research.]

Secondly, even if you mean it as an innuendo that's still waaay too forward even if we were dating! Thirdly, I'm still mostly straight so this is all kinds of levels of weird for me! Fourthly, friends don't kill friends! I went out of my way to hunt down a crazy killer a little while back, I'm not about to become one! Fithly, I think I would die of embarrassment before I even tried!

Besides... you're really nice and I wouldn't want to hurt you or lose you.

[Aww, Chie might actually be starting to like Umi! Just a bit mind you since she's still hiding in the closet sexually.]

But I mean... purely hypothetically, if we became close enough, and you had like... a million extra lives or clones or something... and no one ever would find out about it... and if you were really into it... I might be a little... curious?

[All the turtling up here. Yeah... apparently Chie has weird kinks she wasn't fully aware of.]

[ Umi has a super smug grin at the freak out, pushing against Chie's hand. Again. It's interesting how much Chie has looked into it though! She probably knows way more than the average person about meat, including people.

Enough to be slightly concerning - and yet Umi is weirdly not as bothered by this line of thought as she is absolutely sure she should be. ]

Oh, I suppose you couldn't just take a bite out of me after all. And killing and eating people is, yes, kind of illegal and immoral for so many reasons. ...I could just cut a little bit of meat out of me but that would hurt...

[ ...she does flush a little at the part about Chie not wanting to hurt her though. ]

That... is all very unlikely to happen...

[ Chie's into it?? ]

Uh. ...if it does though... you'll be the first to know?

Yeah no... I could bite you, but that would probably just be some kind of weird foreplay and I'm not doing that. Taking a bite out of you or cutting off a portion of you to eat is just... nope... not gonna happen.

[Well now that this Pandora's box is open, she might as well talk about it. Hell, she's had some weirder conversations with some of her friends before. If they're both okay with discussing it, then there's no problem.]

You would probably be kind of scarred by such a thing, and wouldn't want to do that. Plus I'm a greedy bitch when it comes to meat, so I wouldn't be satisfied with just a piece of you. Certain parts of you would probably taste vastly different than others, so I'd want to have my choice.

[Is she being serious or playing around here? Because her tone of voice sounds kind of serious.]

Besides, I tend to prefer my meat grilled and tender, and I don't think you want to be cooked.

[ This might as well happen with someone, right? ]

Ugh, and it'd have to be a big enough chunk to make it really hard to move, so I wouldn't be able to fence or anything.

[ ...because of the whole greedy Chie thing. ]

Especially if you're just gobbling down a whole pound of me, when there's so little meat here.

[ Umi - blushed? At the thought of being cooked? What was with that? ]

Y-you could just cook the parts of me! You don't have to roast me whole if you don't want to.

[Chie blinked in surprise. She really was into this! She thought maybe this was some sort of elaborate teasing, or just innuendo, but Umi was actually blushing at the idea of being Chie's food! ... And at being cooked apparently. She might be making a note of that for later if she's ever feeling kinky enough.]

Wow, you're taking this more seriously than I thought you would. I thought I might turn you off of the idea if I pointed out enough of the sheer logistical problems, but this is something you're actually into almost as much as I am.

[Which was weird as hell to Chie who couldn't even imagine wanting to be food, but she supposed some people were just that masochistic. She had something of a sadistic side to her beneath all her warmth and friendliness, so despite the same gender thing, Umi might be a perfect match for her. Actually she was pretty sure a girl would taste better anyways, since they're more tender? ... But that's a little too fucked up.]

Well if I'm going to be eating you... I suppose hypothetically the safest option would be one of your butt cheeks. It would have enough meat, and you could probably most safely survive missing a chunk if your butt. Sitting down might be a bitch and a half for a while, especially in the bathroom, and you probably would want to avoid most swimsuits, but otherwise? You could probably still fence, although no more horseback riding.

[What a strange train of thought.]

[ ...it had started off as teasing, but once they got going Umi was actually kinda... finding out new things about herself. That was fun. ]

That just made me think about it more. It'd probably be better to just wait until we have, oh, say, a magical solution to part of our problems...

[ Also, skinny little ass wouldn't be nearly as exciting as some butts. ]

A-and I just... there's a lot of other things I'm thinking about? Do you like offal? I mean if you did cook me whole... hm...

Yeah... waiting is probably for the best since you're clearly into this on a different level... and in a different way than I think I'm ready for just yet.

[A part of her was kind of terrified because she might actually know a 'magical solution' thanks to her time in the shadow world. Was it really worth either one of them, or potentially both of them risking their lives? No one had ever seen how Chie's subconscious would have shaped the shadow world... could it perhaps be shaped to reflect her darkest desires Umi was brushing up against? It was a part of herself she would never let see the light of day, but that didn't mean it didn't exist deep inside.]

I don't know if I want to think about it too hard. That's a dark side of me that I think is best left unexplored.

[At least for now... maybe if Umi got her in a ridiculously kinky mood and Chie was trying to scare Umi into submission? Although a few stray thoughts did make it through the filters from her mind to her lips.]

There would almost certainly be parts of you that would go to waste if I wanted to cook you alive. If I wanted to get the most meat out of you, I'd probably have to...

[She shuddered realizing what she was about to suggest.]

I'd probably have to butcher you.

Who said I was into it? I'm just being... practical and considering all the necessary options.

[ And has eaten a lot of very fancy meat and animal parts and stuff. Umi's also been healed with magic, but that doesn't involve regrowing limbs... or reversing death. But like, if she could regrow a leg, that's still a lotta meat. ]

It sure is pretty dark, though, yeah. I mean, have you ever butchered an animal to begin with? Let alone... you know, figuring out how to butcher a person? That'd be a pretty rare talent.

[ ...plus she'd probably have to already be dead for that part. ]

Come on, we both know you're kind of into me, and I feel like it's only fair for the feeling to be mutual before I even consider eating someone who is.

[Because clearly the only rational reason she'd do it is because she's got some sort of masochistic thing going on. If Umi wants to go through some sort of horrific body butchering experience for her, she feels the least she can do is to do it lovingly for Umi?]

Believe it or not... I know how to butcher pigs and as we established earlier, humans and pigs are more similar than you'd think. More frightening yet... I might know a way for you to be brought back from death in a certain place.

[She had been killed a few times in the shadow world herself and brought back... so it's theoretically possible if she brought Umi there... then again it might be too dangerous without Teddie or the others, and none of them would ever approve. Hell, even she wouldn't approve.]

Okay, well, yeah, now that we're talking about it... now that we're... talking about it, it's kind of appealing, sure. Coming from you, especially.

[ And if like, Hikaru or Fuu wanted to eat her, not they seemed like the type nearly as much. That's not something you can just offer to your friends either. ]

Wait wait, really? I mean, do you have a butcher shop and a kitchen there you can fire up too?

[ Now it's sounding more and more likely to actually work... ]

If we've come this far without bailing on the topic we should try it.

I'm... kind of flattered, but also a little disturbed.

[And possibly a little turned on, which worries her to no end.]

I mean... it probably DOES!?

[Especially if there was a portion of the shadow world that was shaped after her consciousness.]

Only it would probably be a bit more industrial scale, filled with monsters, and be slightly terrifying. I... might be able to make a deal with someone to make it work but...

[THIS IS SO CRAZY!]

You do remember all my earlier objections right!? Most of those still haven't been alleviated, and it would take a lot of work! I don't mind discussing it, but actually doing it!? Do you have any idea how many things could go wrong?! Not to mention even if I can bring you back, I'd still have murdered you!

I really think we should probably just put this on the back burner, maybe as like... a special occasion thing if you're that interested.

what's your number?

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