slayer of socks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sockslayer) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2018-07-20 11:15 am
sockslayer) wrote in bakerstreet2018-07-20 11:15 am
Entry tags:
1. new phone who dis?
2. Just fell down the stairs... might wanna call the ambulance just take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come...
3. do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
4. wanna warm up my nips?
5. Text her
2. Just fell down the stairs... might wanna call the ambulance just take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come...
3. do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
4. wanna warm up my nips?
5. Text her
1. There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
2. If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
3. It's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
4. Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
5. Text her
2. If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
3. It's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
4. Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
5. Text her
1. He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
2. Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
3. You walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
4. the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
5. Text her
2. Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
3. You walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
4. the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
5. Text her
1) Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
2) I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
3) I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
4) I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea.
5) He corrected my spelling during sexting.
2) I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
3) I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
4) I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea.
5) He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yep. Ribs.
Do you not remember buying all those ribs?
Haha, you musta blacked out pretty bad.
Do you not remember buying all those ribs?
Haha, you musta blacked out pretty bad.
this is INCREDIBLY late, you're welcome to ignore if you so choose
maneuvers
- 2018-08-15 20:12 (UTC) - Expand001. You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
002. I'm at the subway, this 8-year-old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
003. He busted in while I was showering, looked at me, and said "you've lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
004. The guy in front of me in Walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time
005. Text him!
002. I'm at the subway, this 8-year-old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
003. He busted in while I was showering, looked at me, and said "you've lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
004. The guy in front of me in Walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time
005. Text him!
1. The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
2. I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
3. Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
4. I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
5. Text her!
2. I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
3. Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
4. I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
5. Text her!
1. I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
2. Omg I got up from the bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
3. I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
4. I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
5. Text her!
2. Omg I got up from the bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
3. I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
4. I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
5. Text her!
1) It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
2) Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
3) Couch. On fire.
4) Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
5) Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
2) Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
3) Couch. On fire.
4) Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
5) Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
( 001 ) I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
( 002 ) I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
( 003 ) TEXT HER
( 002 ) I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
( 003 ) TEXT HER
Edited 2018-07-20 16:23 (UTC)
1. All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
2. I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
3. "It's my birthday, send me nudes" is a phrase you only get to use once a year, are you sure you want to cash it in today?
4. What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
5. [text him!]
2. I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
3. "It's my birthday, send me nudes" is a phrase you only get to use once a year, are you sure you want to cash it in today?
4. What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
5. [text him!]
001 • The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
002 • I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
003 • TEXT HER
002 • I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
003 • TEXT HER
001. Just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already.
002. You can find me on my couch, hungover, eating tuna and evaluating my life.
003. I think I died last night.
004. Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable.
005. I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
002. You can find me on my couch, hungover, eating tuna and evaluating my life.
003. I think I died last night.
004. Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable.
005. I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
Edited 2018-07-20 16:26 (UTC)
1 ] thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
2 ] when he pulled his dick out i told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
3 ] doing squats while I braid my hair.. gotta keep the booty in check
4 ] text her!
2 ] when he pulled his dick out i told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
3 ] doing squats while I braid my hair.. gotta keep the booty in check
4 ] text her!
Edited 2018-07-20 16:23 (UTC)
001. I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
002. I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
003. you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
004. I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful.
005. I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
002. I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
003. you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
004. I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful.
005. I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
1. Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
2. Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
3. Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
4. I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
5. I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
2. Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
3. Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
4. I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
5. I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1. I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina.
2. I just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. Respect me later. I'm not getting younger.
3. I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
4. How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts.
5. Why is there a porcupine in the kitchen?
6. [Text him!]
2. I just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. Respect me later. I'm not getting younger.
3. I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
4. How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts.
5. Why is there a porcupine in the kitchen?
6. [Text him!]
Edited 2018-07-20 16:27 (UTC)
01. Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?( ooor wildcard it and send your own. )
02. I don't know where I am. I made bad decisions? I think this guy is dead.
03. I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
04. I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you.
05. Can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on Google Maps for an hour.
1) This dress was meant to end up on your floor
2) I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
3) He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
4) By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
5) Text her!
2) I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
3) He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
4) By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
5) Text her!
001. OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
002. I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
003. I drunk dialed Matt last night.
004. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
005. I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
002. I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
003. I drunk dialed Matt last night.
004. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
005. I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
01. Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
02. I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
03. dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
04. [ Text Him ]
02. I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
03. dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
04. [ Text Him ]
1) It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
2) I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
3) I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
4) That butt dial turned into a booty call.
5) Text her!
2) I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
3) I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
4) That butt dial turned into a booty call.
5) Text her!
1. Can I come over and take a nap in your bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
2. Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better.
3. My dad told me that he didn't count me in the census because I’m a waste of life anyway.
4. Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
5. Text him
2. Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better.
3. My dad told me that he didn't count me in the census because I’m a waste of life anyway.
4. Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
5. Text him
Gonna take a while guess and say you might need to clean
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