Love me tinder

[lovemod]

the tinder meme Maybe you can't find a date. Maybe you don't want to find a date. Maybe this whole thing was set up by your well-meaning friends, or your prank-playing enemies, or your over-involved mother. Whatever the reason, you're on a swipe-based dating system. Call it tinder, cuddlr, e-harmony but for shallow assholes... you're on it. What's the worst that could happen?

FORMATTING
<center><table style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 2;"><tr><td width="260" align="center"><img src="IMG URL HERE" style="width: 245px; border-radius: 15px; border: 1px solid #7F7F7F; box-shadow: #8D8D8D 1px 1px 1px;"><br /><b><big><big>CHARACTER NAME (CHARACTER AGE)</big></big></b><br><div align="justify"> CHARACTER BIO <br><tr><td><center><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#2EB82E;">✓</span> <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span></div></center></td></tr></td></tr></table></center>

Comments

[pilfeline]

✓

Don't need one yet but if it comes to it, might as well have a cute one.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

It's just one of the services I provide.

[pilfeline]

Feel like telling me a couple of the others?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Semi-decent conversationalist who actively tries to avoid the lawyer stereotype of being a total asshole is a service, right?

[pilfeline]

I'd personally file that under "the bare minimum" but considering how difficult that seems to be for a lot of people to achieve maybe it should count as a service, yeah.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

If the general population was capable of more than the bare minimum, I'd expect that people would be meeting in the traditional ways besides the app that I was peer-pressured into using. The transactional nature of it seems to allow for weeding out less than the minimum.

[pilfeline]

Most things are transactional in one way or another. We live in a society etc. No pressure to keep talking to me though, hon. Promise I won't take it personally.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Apologies if I came across as judgmental. I'm more accustomed to meeting women the old fashioned way in person so the whole thing is strange and makes me feel at a distinct disadvantage.

[pilfeline]

You're fine, getting judged by a stranger on an app wouldn't exactly ruin my day even if that was what you were doing.
What's the distinct disadvantage?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

I'm blind so not meeting in person sort of removes all of the other senses that I have to make my own judgment calls. A picture-heavy app does nothing for me and what if you have terrible bad breath or a third nostril that whistles every time you talk? I have no way of knowing.

[pilfeline]

You're blind and someone thought this was the move to get you out more? You sure they weren't just trolling you?

No third nostril but I do have six nipples. They don't whistle though.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Honestly? 50/50 odds of trolling are probably generous. Or it was a real desperation move on their part. Either could be true. I recognize that calling it that makes me sound like anything but a catch but I just work a lot of hours.

Oh, as long as they don't whistle, that's fine.

[pilfeline]

I'm mostly on this app to waste some time to stave off boredom and you're keeping me pretty entertained so far, so that's good enough for me.

If you wanna talk over the phone or some other kind of voice chat we can, btw. Still can't smell my breath but at least you'd be hearing me.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

I'm glad my struggles could bring entertainment. My partner will be pleased to hear that, at least.

That would be nice, thank you. I don't know proper etiquette for this so I wasn't sure if that would be too forward.

[pilfeline]

I don't mind being a little improper every now and then.

So, you wanna give me your number or use something else?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Good. I try to have some semblance of manners all the same.

I'll send you my number and hope for the best. Hopefully you don't find my voice to be grating.

[pilfeline]

[ When Matt picks up, he'll be greeted by a snort. ]

Sorry, should have mentioned that none of my nipples whistle, but one of them does do that.

[ She knows it's a stupid joke, she just can't resist making those sometimes. ]

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

[Stupid as it might be, he laughs all the same.]

You might need to consider a medical intervention for something like that. It doesn't sound altogether healthy.

[pilfeline]

[ And she is actually genuinely pleased that he does. ]

In this economy? If it starts screaming I might consider it.

Anyway, hi. I'm Selina.

[ Introductions might not be entirely necessary since their names were on their profiles, but it just feels like the right thing to say anyway. ]

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

No, that's fair. I imagine that it would be considered elective at this stage and not properly covered under insurance.

Hi. I'm Matt.

[pilfeline]

I mean yeah, it's not actively growing teeth and trying to eat me or anything so if I want to do something about it that's on me.

No grating voice so far, Matt. How am I doing?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

It's a relief that it hasn't gotten to that point. Otherwise, given the state of the healthcare system, you might need to find some back alley surgeon for the work.

You have a very nice voice so I'd say you're doing very well.

[pilfeline]

And I'm from Gotham so just imagine how that might turn out.

I'm glad you like it.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Probably about as well as it would work out in my old neighborhood. At least before the rebranding and gentrification. Hell's Kitchen.

I appreciate you being flexible on this whole thing. I wasn't sure where to lead on the "I can't actually see your profile picture" part of this app.

[pilfeline]

How do you even rebrand a place with a name like that? But I guess rich people always find a way to do whatever they want.

I'm flexible in other ways too.

[ She laughs. ]

Sorry, couldn't resist. The fruit was just hanging so low.