Love me tinder

[lovemod]

the tinder meme Maybe you can't find a date. Maybe you don't want to find a date. Maybe this whole thing was set up by your well-meaning friends, or your prank-playing enemies, or your over-involved mother. Whatever the reason, you're on a swipe-based dating system. Call it tinder, cuddlr, e-harmony but for shallow assholes... you're on it. What's the worst that could happen?

FORMATTING
<center><table style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 2;"><tr><td width="260" align="center"><img src="IMG URL HERE" style="width: 245px; border-radius: 15px; border: 1px solid #7F7F7F; box-shadow: #8D8D8D 1px 1px 1px;"><br /><b><big><big>CHARACTER NAME (CHARACTER AGE)</big></big></b><br><div align="justify"> CHARACTER BIO <br><tr><td><center><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#2EB82E;">✓</span> <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span></div></center></td></tr></td></tr></table></center>

Comments

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

It's a relief that it hasn't gotten to that point. Otherwise, given the state of the healthcare system, you might need to find some back alley surgeon for the work.

You have a very nice voice so I'd say you're doing very well.

[pilfeline]

And I'm from Gotham so just imagine how that might turn out.

I'm glad you like it.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Probably about as well as it would work out in my old neighborhood. At least before the rebranding and gentrification. Hell's Kitchen.

I appreciate you being flexible on this whole thing. I wasn't sure where to lead on the "I can't actually see your profile picture" part of this app.

[pilfeline]

How do you even rebrand a place with a name like that? But I guess rich people always find a way to do whatever they want.

I'm flexible in other ways too.

[ She laughs. ]

Sorry, couldn't resist. The fruit was just hanging so low.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

You start by deciding that instead of Hell's Kitchen, you should start calling it "Clinton" or "Midtown West" and then jack up the rent and force out the established businesses that have been there for generations. This is a personal rant of mine that I will spare you.

I am never opposed to low hanging fruit. I'm flexible that way too.

[pilfeline]

You'd be preaching to the choir anyway.

I think I might like hanging out with you, even though you're a lawyer.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Oh good, because I have a whole opening argument in my back pocket for when I do tenant's rights cases that I would've had to pull out otherwise. It's a solid one. 9/10.

Okay, but I'm a really good flexible lawyer.

[pilfeline]

Not sure if that's hot or unbelievably dorky. Maybe a bit of both.

"Flexible lawyer" kinda sounds like someone who's willing to bend the law.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

You might have to listen to my argument in full before you decide which one it is.

Powerful people bend the law all the time. It's not technically flexing it when you just give it back to them in kind. All by the book, of course.

[pilfeline]

If you start giving me closing arguments I think I'll take it as a sign you'd like the conversation to end, actually.

I'm not a very by the books person, but I like your thinking there.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

That's my opening argument though, so I think we're safe for now.

Sometimes there's nothing wrong with not being by the books.

[pilfeline]

Oh, right. Guess it's a good thing you're the lawyer here and not me, huh? Getting things mixed up already.

The books don't really cover everything anyway, do they?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

This whole conversation might be my opening argument from a certain perspective. How am I doing?

No, they don’t. Not even close.

[pilfeline]

Depends on what you're trying to accomplish with it.

Must make your job real frustrating sometimes, working within a system that was never designed to take care of everyone but likes to pretend that it was.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

I've gotten the phone number so now I'm gunning for a date.

It's endlessly frustrating but I had no delusions about the system that I was working in when I decided to take this course in it. Me and my fancy degree are better equipped to deal with those frustrations than the person who needs the help.

[pilfeline]

Oh really? Your law partner won't let you hear the end of it, I bet.

But if that's what you're after, you're doing pretty well.

You know, you actually sound like the kind of guy who really wants to help people.

[ She remains skeptical, but it would be pretty nice to be wrong. ]

Do you have any allergies?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

She must never know the truth. Ever. I’ll never hear the end of it.

There are dozens of us who actually mean it. I’m being facetious because I really do think that there are more than you’d expect but I know the lawyer stereotype.

An interesting question. None that I’m aware of.

[pilfeline]

Your secret is safe with me. Unless you turn out to be a lousy date, then I might snitch on you.

I don't expect most people to really mean it, lawyers or otherwise.

As for the question, I have a lot of cats. Probably wouldn't be much fun to go on a date with me if you'd end up struggling to breathe during.

Well, at least not for that reason.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

I would be very deserving of that snitching if I end up being a bad date. I accept these terms.

I think most people are inherently good or trying to do the right thing but I can understand why that might come across as pathological optimism.

How many is a lot of cats? Just out of curiosity.

See, now you're just teasing.

[pilfeline]

I'm thinking you might be a little into the element of risk.

Nah, people only want to do the right thing as long as it doesn't inconvenience them too much.

Eight cats, for now.

I like to tease. You're a lawyer, go ahead and sue me.

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

What gave it away?

I don't know about that. People help strangers all the time and that seems like it would be inconvenient.

Okay, that is a lot of cats. Are they rescues? Do they have names?

I'm going to have to draw up grounds for a suit and know where to deliver the paperwork. I might have to serve you documents so I should probably know where and how to do that.

[pilfeline]

I could hear that you were smiling.

Some do I guess, but you said most. In my experience what most people want to do is look away.

Yes, they're rescues, and of course they have names.

Hmm, how do you feel about serving me some dinner along with the documents?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

I was definitely smiling and I'm glad even the limitations of technology picked that up.

Bystander effect is a theory that I subscribe to only in certain instances. I think with ability and resources, most people help.

I never had a pet, let alone eight of them, so I wasn't sure if you named rescues. The 'adorable pet videos on the internet' trend passed me by for obvious reasons.

These terms are acceptable. Do you want me to cook or pay?

[pilfeline]

So am I, I liked the way it made your voice sound.

Seems like maybe we've had some pretty different experiences when it comes to people.

Everyone deserves a name.

Offering to cook for me on a first document serving? You know how to make a girl feel special.

You any good at it?

[thedevilsworkisneverdone]

Maybe I'm blushing a little but with the phone, I'm afraid you'll never know.

It sounds like we might have. Actually, a lot of my experiences were pretty lousy but I guess I still keep trying to find good in people.

I agree. Is it hard to keep track of eight cats?

I'm not a world class chef or anything but I can throw together a decent meal. My cooking has had no complaints. Though that could be a blind pity thing. If I fuck it up, I have a lot of delivery menus.