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...Mm. Yeah, it's.. it's done.

[Alivian starts to move, but hesitates, accepting Logan's reach for his hand. They're both different, now that he's really looking. His own are long and tapered, their backs marked by prominent veins. Logan's are broader, their backs much hairier than his own.

[He squeezes their hands, and uses it to let Logan move them where he wants them to go.]

How do you want me?

[Oops, it sounds lewder than he means it.]

[ Logan looks at him with a hard look, and can't help but answer it the way it sounded, rather than the way it was intended. God. ]

Any way you'll give yourself to me.

[ Dammit. ]

[That. Just gets another little put-out huff, but the way Alivian looks at him? It's... softer. Searching.]

Not what I meant, and I'm certain you know it. That is a dangerous answer.

[His tone is gentle, if anything. He gives their joined hands a squeeze, lingering with the pressure, more along his first knuckles, and far gentler further along his fingers.

[Rather than judging, he simply observes, trying to piece together the puzzle that is Logan.

[Gods know whatever makes that response so tempting, makes his instincts want it. It couldn't possibly be the touch starvation. The desire for any attention that doesn't hurt. If that's all there is to it, he can't afford to get closer. For both their hearts' sake.]

Not what you meant. But it's what I want you to mean.

[ Any form of touch is not helping at this point. When Logan works up and denies himself, it never goes well, eventually he breaks. That man, breaking to hormones, is what's happening now. He huffs in exasperation at himself. ]

I'm fine with danger, if it means getting close to you.

Gods--

[Alivian's quick to look away, but not fast enough to hide the almost heartbroken expression on his face. He blinks rapidly to chase off tears before they can start. His brow remains furrowed when he thinks he mostly has his expression back under control. He doesn't, but he's so used to the mask that he doesn't realize he's showing more than he means to.

[The look of someone who realizes that he's made some nasty mis-steps and wants to make it right. He still looks like he wants to cry.]

I've hurt you with my behavior before, with my carelessness. I don't want to do that anymore.

I don't want to offer you what I want to... only to realize that it was only some-- fucked up desperation with no meaning behind it.

Have I hurt you? With mine?

[ because of course, Logan is going to think he's the one who fucked up here. It's what he always does. he never sees that someone else could have done something wrong. It's always him, in his mind. Always. And he sees that heartbroken expression, and he... well. He takes it to heart. ]

I don't care if you offer it and then back off. At least then there'd have been something for a little while.

[ Logan, that's - no. ]

You haven't hurt me. Not in ways I either didn't want or didn't deserve. You only gave me the wake-up call not to take your feelings lightly, because those are... They're yours. To take them lightly would be a disservice to you. It hurt to realize I was hurting you.

[Realizing the effects he had on Logan was all the hurt that he could claim to. And that was his own fault. Logan had just made his side clear.

[Since they're still holding hands, Alivian takes that advantage, and carefully clasps his free hand over the back of Logan's. Holds his hand in both of his with no intention of accidentally letting go.]

When wolves like me choose someone, it's for life. You-- you deserve something real, and substantial. I want to make sure that that's what I'm offering you first.

And you've been... kind, to me. It's not something I receive often. Well, not from people I don't know well.

I went in with the assumption that it was just... physical compatibility at play. You informed me otherwise. It's only right that I give your heart the gentle, due care it deserves.

[His gaze hardens slightly, but not unkindly. He still searches Logan's expression, wanting to make sure that his words and meaning are abundantly clear.]

Do you understand me?

[ Logan tilts his head a little, looking into his eyes with an odd expression. Almost a curious one? Like he's not sure why Alivian is saying this, he truly can't grasp it, but he wants to. Even if the words are all there, the heart of it is so different than what he's ever experienced in treatment before that it's completely foreign to him. ]

You're actually giving space for what I want.

[ That's so. Odd? ]

Yes.

[He gently squeezes Logan's hand, some part of him relaxing a little now that he's at least understood, even if it's so strange for Logan to hear.]

You've made yourself clear. You're... already attached to me. To treat that flippantly is a cruelty I cannot fathom. And to know that I did, at first?

[His brow furrows as another wave of sadness hits him, but like before, he blinks through it and steadies his expression again.]

I won't do it again. I don't want to give you fragments when you deserve so, so much more than that. I want to make sure that it's not just because I'm so touch-starved I could cry.

But, I won't leave you without an answer. So. You're stuck with me.

[Another squeeze, and after a few seconds, he looks to their joined hands with a thoughtful stare. He really doesn't want to let go...]

[ Logan squeezes his hand in return and then holds it up to his chest. He looks like all of this means so much to him that he's not sure what to say, and it's absolutely true. ]

...thanks.

[ One word, but he says so much more with his eyes and the gratefulness on his face. ]

[For a moment, it feels like he's looking into a mirror, and it's... absolutely heart-wrenching. Is this what others see when they look at him, grateful for every little scrap of kindness he's given in return?

[It takes effort to block out his own negative self-talk as it rears its ugly head behind all of that. He's not sure what possesses him, but it feels right when he offers something simple.

[He shifts his grip slightly on his off-hand, if only to have the space to lean down and press a kiss to the backs of his fingers, close to the second joint.]

I do feel affection for you. That much I can tell. And... I am attracted to you.

But that's all I know right now. I.. hope you will be patient with me while I figure out the rest.

I'm over two hundred years old. i have the patience of glaciers.

[ Logan exhales as the kiss happens. ]

But I'm also affectionate. If I do too much -

[ The implication is to hit him, as he makes a gesture with his free hand. ]

[Immediately, Alivian's mouth presses into a line, disapproval lining the entirety of his face.]

No. I have words. I'll use them.

[He gives Logan's hand one more squeeze before softening his grip. He doesn't let go, though, but leaves room for Logan to, if he wants.

[He clears his throat, gaze softening in turn and cheeks flushing.]

...If I strike you, I want it to because it feels good to you. I don't want to hit you for something as stupid as that.

Besides, I think you underestimate how much I want to be touched.

[He lightly wiggles their joined hands for emphasis.]

[ Want to drop his hand? Hell no, he doesn't do it at all. Alivian will have to be the one to let go first, or Logan will have to become preoccupied with suddenly remembering what they originally meant to do. Which he hasn't yet. ]

You've been that deprived.

That's - I object to that.

[Alivian, similarly, has forgotten for now.]

You object...?

[It takes him only a few seconds after trailing off to realize what he means.]

...Very well, I accept your objection. I have-- been pretty deprived.

[He casts his gaze downward and off to the side, mottled silver, black, and white eyelashes lightly shadowing his gaze. (His peripheral vision happily informs him of what he indirectly looks at in the gesture, and his cheeks lightly flush anew as he recalls what they're so close for.

[He clears his throat.]

I-- we? -- should.. um. Scent....

[He pulls away only his offhand to gesture towards his rear, looking redder in the face by the second.]

What I mean is, that shouldn't have happened.

[ He almost laughs at how red Alivian is. It's amusing to him and he doesn't even feel bad for it, but he manages to repress actually making the sound. ]

Alright. But just so you know, I'll immediately have to resist the temptation to put my scent all over you again.

I understand.

[He looks down to where their hands are still held, gives another squeeze, and then reluctantly lets go so he can use his hands to brace himself when he moves to kneel close to the stream - hands first, then knees. As soon as his knees hit the ground, he shifts his weight backward enough to sit down. As much as it probably would be easier for someone to clean him out in doggy style posture, his limbs have made it clear that it'll just hurt.

[Incidentally, he winds up sort of presenting himself like he would if he was being commanded, legs spread a bit in a way that would definitely invite touch for other purposes, otherwise.]

I'd normally use a different posture, to let gravity do most of the work, but that's unwise for my pain threshold.

[His gaze flicks away, a little embarrassed, but he soon looks back to Logan again, and spreads his legs a little wider so he can at least-- get started. His fingers slip into that softened hole, knowing that the muscles are still fairly relaxed. It's a lot easier to push two in to start to dig around a bit, fingertips soon dragging out remnants of Logan's spend.

[...It's definitely an easy opportunity to fuck into him again, if they both go for it, Alivian's hindbrain reminds him.]

[ Logan is - he said he'd help him. He said. But all he can do is kind of stare, shocked at how appealing this looks. He's never been this attracted to a man before, not even Scott, not even that time he took a peek in the locker room after a mission. He instantly, instantly knows that if he actually does take even one further step towards him, he is going to try to do something. ]

...

[ He is at a loss for words, but everything reflects on his face in raw emotion and want. ]

[A third finger soon enters, curling as he keeps trying to drag more of that spend out of himself. It sounds as wet and lewd as it feels, his face and ears still bright red.

[It's then that he notices Logan staring at him, and not helping. But fuck...

[His cock definitely starts to show how much he appreciates that stare. Even if for the purpose of cleaning, he's doing something completely debauched while being stared at....

[He's still not sure how far Logan can hear, but that's definitely the sound of his heartbeat ramping up with his arousal while he tries to avoid rubbing his prostate when trying to drag the mess out.]

You're staring...

[It's less of an accusation and more of a shy acknowledgement.]

And your heart is beating faster.

[ Yep, he can hear it, and he's not going to let him escape the fact he knows. That he can tell that the whole thing is getting to Alivian at least a little, if not necesarily as much as it's affecting Logan himself. ]

If I touch you, if I try to help -

[ It's a warning, that he'll be way too tempted to do what he probably shouldn't. ]

[That statement gets another hard twitch of Alivian's stiffening cock, his heart feeling like it wants to match the beat of a frenetic dance. He imagines, immediately, that Logan's fingers replace his own, stroking his insides and driving him nuts--]

--I need to find a reason to tell you "no"....

[He doesn't quite realize he spoke that aloud yet.]

Edited 2024-09-01 01:08 (UTC)

Find it. Find the reason.

[ He takes steps closer, his hand hovering just over Alivian's bottom without touching. ]

Within the next two seconds -

[ He makes it sound like a warning, like once he starts, he won't be able to stop himself no matter what. It's not true, he's not that kind of guy. But he feels as if he would be like that right now, and that's what matters to communicate. ]

[Alivian's head is blank. Touch. He wants touch. Wants fingers in him, stroking him-- let Logan learn what it's like to feel him open around more than his cock--

[--Point-five seconds--

[Logan's hand is so close to his ass that he could also touch his perking-up cock--

[--One second--

[Logan's scent permeates his senses, and he almost tries to press up into his touch.

[--One-point-five seconds--]

I can't--

[--One-point-seven seconds--

[--One-point-nine seconds--

[Two--

[Alivian forces his body to move, and uses what energy he has to roll off the edge of the bank and right into where the creek meets the lake.]

Edited 2024-09-01 01:25 (UTC)

[ Logan exhales a laugh. He just can't help it. The fact it was exactly two seconds - ]

That was fucking close.

[ You know, how they close were to fucking. ]

Don't get water in your ears again.

[ Because there's no way he's getting close enough to help get it out again. ]

[Alivian just stares flatly at Logan once he surfaces, having taken a full-body dive into the water. After a moment, he squints after Logan's lips stop moving, raises a finger, and then tips his head forward a bit while remaining seated, to try to shake out water from his ears.

[Clearly, he already got water in his ears.]

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