bakerstreet | Only one bed

[The displeasure is mutual; Alivian lets out a deep groan of disappointment, shivering with the stimulation from movement alone. The urge to put something back in there makes him whimper, but he does comply with Logan's attempt to move him.

[The embrace hits... different. Warm, and soft, and... he doesn't know what words fit.]

Awww. Pulled out so soon...

[It's the only thing he can think of at the moment.]

Edited 2024-09-16 23:03 (UTC)

[ Logan grumbles something that sounds like 'yeah'. He dislikes himself for making that choice, at least temporarily. He grips a little tighter to him, holds him closer, and can't help but kiss him quickly and softly. ]

You felt so damn good.

[ Words! He finally managed a coherent sentence! ]

Edited 2024-09-16 23:26 (UTC)

[As it shows, Alivian really just can't help but melt when kissed. Though he feels almost too warm, the cuddles are too good to resist.

[Even without a Command, the praise makes his tail immediately start wagging against the floor with excited thumping. Even as all he does is widen his eyes.]

I, um... yeah.

[Flustered, he clears his throat, and then finally moves his legs with a very quiet hitch of breath. Ow.]

You.. you felt really good.... I don't have the words for it.

...are your legs okay? Should we move?

[ Yes, he's more concerned over that obvious pain than the compliments that they have for each other, though those are good. He just wants to make sure Alivian is okay at all times. Even when it's probably going to be inconvenient for him, he's always going to do it. ]

The coat wasn't enough padding, is all. But they would hurt worse without.

[He wiggles his feet a bit, breath very quietly stop-starting with it. He needs to keep moving them a bit, though, and he leans a bit more into Logan with a deep sigh.]

We're fine where we are. I don't want to pull away to get up.

...yeah, okay. But don't push yourself too hard.

[ They haven't had countless repetitions of Alivian telling him that, yet, so he doesn't feel hypocritical saying it. He reaches out and rubs Alivian's leg a little, trying to see if that helps. ]

Tell me if this hurts.

[Alivian thinks to give a cheeky response, but just sighs and nods, a muscle jumping as Logan starts touching his leg. He takes a slow breath.]

Always. More to the point, you're not making it worse. That's what matters the most to me, right now.

[He melts a little more into Logan's arms with a soft sigh.]

My life is close to the end of the line as it is. There's bound to be pain at such a stage.

...But it's a little better than it was yesterday. Not as sharp.

No. It's not, remember?

[ Logan keeps rubbing his leg gently, but he's determined to contradict that. ]

I'm bringing you home, and my ex is going to find a way to treat you. You're going to survive longer than you think.

[ He believes this. He has to believe this. If he stops having hope... then he doesn't know what he would do. ]

Alright.

But I mean it, when I say it's softened.

[He stays relaxed, curled up with him. His eyes drift partly closed at the continued contact.]

My condition is reversible, technically speaking, but I don't have the required "nutrition" to stop the medicine yet. To do so too quickly would just accelerate my deterioration, as you saw before when... when it hurt too much to move.

What happens if you get low on the medicine? How much do you have left?

[ Logan has been worrying about this, but not sure how to ask. It's been one of those "out of sight, out of mind" things - if he focuses on everything else they're going through, then maybe this won't be a problem.

It tends to be a bad habit of his, not helped by the fact they've had a lot going on. ]

You saw what happens if I miss a dose. If I get low, I'll have no choice but to ration it.

[He shifts a little, and his tail starts to restlessly wiggle.]

My ability to move will be greatly impaired. It feels like walking on glass with the longest, sharpest ends pointing up. My body will also start to lock up, and I've head to deal with fever before in the earlier stages when it wasn't suppressed.

...I don't carry much on hand. I have enough for... two weeks, if I don't take the full dose.

[After a moment, his hand seeks Logan's Shaking, it squeezes.]

...I... don't want to go out like that. Every day I've walked, expecting to die that way.

[His ears fold tight, his tail curling against himself in a gesture of self-soothing. He doesn't dare look at Logan, but his hands shake.]

If... if it doesn't work, if don't succeed in loading down on what I need before that time comes, I don't want to die that way, stuck in my own body, unable to help myself and dig myself out anymore.

[To his credit, he'd deliberately not asking Logan to do anything on the matter. Just that that's the one result he doesn't want.]

If it gets that bad, we'll figure something out.

I'll do whatever you need me to do, in the end.

[ He knows that he isn't asking. But he also knows what it's like to feel like that. Maybe he should explain, he thinks. ]

Did I ever tell you I was a sickly child? I had days where I couldn't move. Whole days.

I'd never wish it on anyone. I begged my father to do something about it. He said his true strength was in not following what I wanted.

[ Logan doesn't know if he agrees, though he's glad to be around now. Thinking about what it was like back then, he squeezes his hand in return. ]

...No, you didn't.

[He relaxes a little in his hold, listening, and settling his head on Logan's chest.]

...

I've always told myself, if.... I can't make it through, I at least want control over how I go. That it's a basic thing to want. It's the least we can have, since we can't control when, where, or how we come into life. Or what family we get.

[He starts to relax more, mind drifting away from the present aches in his bones, though it's still there. It will always be there.]

I think he believed you'd pull through. I'm glad you did, even if I disagree with what he said to you.

...And I'm glad I've pulled through this long. To meet you.

I can't say our circumstances are happy, but... this is the happiest I've ever been in a long time.

[He tilts his head to offer Logan a small, shy smile.]

Thank you. For surviving all of that, and doubtless even more.

[ He smiles back. It's a faint smile, with how serious what they've been talking about is. But it's still there. ]

Yeah. Thank you for the same.

[ He leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek, right on the corner of his lips. ]

I can say I finally know a little bit of happiness. I've had it fleetingly before, but it never lasted long.

This is different. And it's because of you.

[The sentiment is so warm, his heart twists about, uncertain if he should feel hope or despair, and unsure if he deserves anything but the latter.

[The wolf twists around a little in his hold to hug him, instead.]

I don't know if I deserve the hope you've been so gently giving me, but I appreciate it. More than I can say in words.

Why wouldn't you deserve it? [ Logan shakes his head and laughs humorlessly as he hugs him back. ] I know you say you've done things, but so have I. And you'd tell me I deserve hope, too.

Can you accept that if I deserve it, you deserve a certain measure of it, too? Just a little?

Ugh, you're not going to let me sit in my hypocrisy, huh? Very well.

[He hugs him tighter, sighing.]

I accept it. I'll... do my best to stick to it.

[Alivian huffs again and pats his shoulder, before promptly snuggling in as close as he can manage.

[He's not moving unless he has to.]

...we're here for awhile, aren't we? [ He grins, and now that Alivian has accepted certain things, there's a level of happiness to his facial expression. He feels he actually achieved something, even a little. ]

Eventually, we have to get you cleaned up again.

[Alivian huffs and waves briefly, dramatically, with his hand.]

...Ugh, don't remind me. The lake leaves my tail knotted, and it washes out what's left of the conditioner that keeps my fur from splitting and breaking.... Let me stay stinky....

[Look. Logan is comfortable. Let "eventually" be "later," okay??]

[ Logan laughs at that. No, he's not going to press him. But he does think that how he's acting is cute. ]

Once we get back home, I'll get you all the conditioner in the world.

[ It's a promise. ]

[This time, Logan laughing gets Alivian giggling, too.]

...Promise? Even though I like smelling like flowers and plants, and stuff?

Hell yeah. I know a great brand.

[ Sometimes he likes smelling like those things, too. Just sometimes. ]

I'll get you a different smell for every day of the goddamn week.

It'll be cute on you.

Now that's a bit much! A new scent every month or so is enough.

[Still clinging to him, Alivian hums thoughtfully.]

...Really? You think it'll be cute on me?

[He... might be fishing for a compliment. Just a little one.]

I don't care if it's a bit much, I'm going to spoil the hell out of you.

[ He's determined, okay? He doesn't think Alivian has gottne that in his life at all, and he's going to make up for lost time. ]

I sure do. Especially earthy scents.

Hmm... I'd argue that I have expensive tastes since my parents are minor nobility, but... that would be a big, fat lie.

[But this whole conversation has his heart banging around all over again. Enough that he's not quite sure what to do with himself, so he just keeps holding onto Logan for now.]

...My favorite thing to buy is bun-shaped bread with apple pieces and cinnamon baked in. I'd run by the bakery before and after work some days, and at least on work mornings, they'd be straight out of the oven, since I'd leave for work at 6am....

It was one of the few places that accepted me because I was a regular spender.

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