bakerstreet | Overflow

You could. You're drunk. It's a good excuse.

Depends on if you knock him out "on accident" or something. Dunno if you're too hammered to make plans like that tho.

You just drank a whole bottle of wine. If you wanted him drunk, you should've been talking to him this whole time, not me.

What, you afraid someone'll know you got wasted on wine?

See, you're making sense and being logical. I don't care for that right now. And I never said I wanted him drunk WITH ME. Just drunk so, you know, he'd be hung over too.

Say! I bet you could come up with a killer plan like that. But that would require me to execute it, wouldn't it? I don't think that'd turn out great either.

And yes, I'm worried that everyone's going to gripe me out for being irresponsible. Even if they're technically correct.

Too bad. That's what you get for calling someone who's not drunk.

If you want him hung over, hit him with the bottle. Faster, worse headache. Just say "oops" after.

Tell them to fuck off. They're not perfect. M'sure they've done worse in other life areas.

You do this often or just on this, uh... V-day thing?

That's not hung over, that's a concussion. I'd feel terrible if I actually hurt him. He'd probably need a Healer and then they'd be hurting too. Besides, I'd probably miss. That would get awkward.

They don't mean any harm by it. They just treat me like a kid because I spent so long in the lab.

This is a first. I just thought things would play out differently today, that's all.

Same-ish results. You'll both have headaches and fuck the morning plans.

Whatever. Do what you want. Say you're sick.

Bitching at someone for what they do just deserves getting bitched back at. If they can't handle it, they should keep their mouths shut.

How the hell different did you think it'd turn out? It's alcohol.

If the hangover's as bad as you're saying, it wouldn't be a lie.

I don't think I've ever talked back to anyone before. I'd feel awful about it!

[A sober Pandora would probably not send the next text message, or at least direct it to a more sympathetic ear. But good sense went to bed without her somewhere between glasses four and five.]

I didn't even plan to open the wine at all. I thought I'd have that amazing Valentine's Day experience everyone talks about and it didn't happen. So I'm drinking and texting you about assaulting my best friend.

Ugh, seriously? Grow up. You just let everyone walk all over you or talk to you however they want?

[Yeah, "sympathetic" is not a word in his dictionary. He's a proud asshole for reasons and makes no apologies for the rudeness.]

Uh-huh. Got not idea what that "amazing experience" is. It's just another day. Unless you made plans and got dropped or something, you can enjoy it however you want.

The scientists who raised me said horrible things every day. I don't ever want to make anyone else feel like that.

And I can stand up for myself just fine! [Clearly, given she got enabled into polishing off a whole bottle of wine.] I just don't think growing up means being a jerk, that's all.

You say that now, but I bet if someone you liked took you to dinner and gave you a bunch of presents you'd be happy too.

[Pandora's friends call her a "relentless optimist" for a reason.]

There's a big difference between insulting and talking back. Might want to look into that.

As for whoever raised you, fuck them. Hope they got run over in traffic or something.

[Having been used as a captive test subject against his will for a long time, Zero hates "scientists" with a passion.]

If you can stand up for yourself, then you're gonna talk back to people.

I don't "like" anyone. I think I'd want to know why they're doing that before accepting.

[Meanwhile, Zero's described as having a "nasty personality" for similar reasons.]

They won't be able to hurt anyone else. I'm grateful for that.

Perhaps you're right, but I also want to remain true to myself. I swore I would never act like them. If people want to see me as weak because of that, I'll live with it.

If they asked you out, it just means they like you and want to be more than friends. And I'll bet the only reason you don't like anyone is that you haven't met the right person!

[Among her friends she's probably simultaneously the least equipped to deal with that attitude and the only one it wouldn't push away. Poor Zero.]

Good.

As long as you're not some pushover who can't stand up for yourself, then whatever. Do it as pansy as you want.

Yeah, no. I got a number of "more than friends" people. Friends with benefits, but less friends and more the benefits. Hang out, mostly fuck.

I don't want or need someone always hanging around me. That's just uncomfortable and weird.

[Sometimes is the blithe one who can "argue" the jaded one till they're red in the face.]

You'd be amazed what a kind word and a pleasant smile can accomplish! Of course, it doesn't always work. Particularly on hardened criminals.

But that's why I'm friends with people who speak really REALLY well with their fists. Or feet. You know what they say! Speak softly and befriend a seven foot tigress with anger management issues.

[Speaking of red in the face, the nice thing about text messages is that Zero can't see her flustered she gets over the "friends with benefits" stuff. She doesn't need "prude" added to her list of characteristics.]

It would be nice to have someone to hug or a shoulder to cry on when you need it. I mean, it sounds like you have people around when you need them too. It's just sort of. Different. I suppose.

You sound like you'd be amazed what those things can hide. Or fake.

Can't say I disagree with the whole friends who can fight thing though.

If that's your way of confronting the world, you do you.

[Can't see. Wouldn't care if he could. Not everyone's got filters between brain and mouth. Or not everyone's as selective on their filters.]

For you, maybe. I got done with crying a long time ago. Hugs are case by case, I guess.

Yeah, if I want to fuck, spar, play a game. Took a long time after I escaped to be comfortable with that though.

And only on my terms.

My best friend's a thief and con artist so I don't trust just anyone. He's probably the best person I know at faking smiles and not just when he's working a scam, either.

Actually, you remind me of Owen sometimes. He's the same way about doing what he wants. You just don't hold back and hide stuff.

I'm only one year outside the lab after eighteen years in, so maybe one day I'll be more comfortable. Maybe. It does scare me to thinkg about it, though.

[The typing is good, but the oversharing and introspection is one hundred percent fueled by the wine.]

Kay, I'll ask before I hug next time I see you. If I remember anything we're talking about in the morning.

Kind of oxymoronic to say that when you trust a thief and con artist.

Hey, in the end, all you have is yourself. So do what you want. And be ready to suck up the consequences if you're stupid.

I don't remember anything before the damn lab and now I'm done talking about it.

[No good memories, not a good topic, and he's pissy that it even got brought up.]

Yeah fine, whatever. If you do remember anything, it'll be pretty warped.

Owen taught me all the tricks, and I know he'd never try to con ME. He's a good person! Well, unless you're one of the people he steals from. But he only takes things from people who deserve it!

I don't agree. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have friends to rely on. I hope that one day you can find someone to put your trust in.

[While Pandora is really open about her trauma, even after a whole bottle of wine she knows enough to drop it. Everyone has their own way of coping, and though she's still worried (she worries about everyone) she'll keep it to herself.]

Just remember. No mentioning this to anyone else. Partially because I know a few people will think it's hilarious and try to get me drunk again.

Uh-huh. Sure. Could just be the long con until your use runs out. I don't trust people that much. It's safer. Less effort.

And he decides who deserves it, I bet.

Some people wouldn't be here if they relied on "friends" in the first place. I rely on myself; that's who I can trust.

[Yeah he is not open about his. Just reacts badly when people bring it up so it's obvious he's got trauma and issues. Still, though his attitude's all "shut up, you" at her, she's free to do what she wants.]

Already said I wasn't going to tell. But you're probably right. You're pretty yacky when you're drunk.

That doesn't make any sense. He's risked his life for me several times, and he's my best friend in the entire world. What sort of con would he be running that he'd be willing to die for? It doesn't make any sense.

[Completely illogical! Too bad in her inebriated state it sounds strangely plausible.]

Well, yes. But I can't say I've ever disagreed with his choices. Stealing from other criminals makes sense.

In that case, you can always call on me if you need help. Just in case. It'll even be our little secret if it has to be.

Am I? I guess I'm a little more chatty than usual.

[He should thank his lucky stars he's not in the room with her. It'd be even worse.]

It's called a long con. Takes months or even years to pull off. Like the family butler serves the family for 40 years, then gets access to the will and makes off with the fortune.

Just saying, he's a thief and a conman and you trust him with your life. That's stupid.

[Sure that old saying "honor among thieves" is a thing, but it's just as ridiculous. Anyone who breaks the law ultimately cares only about themselves. And Zero wouldn't trust them any further than he'd trust... well anyone, so there's that. Look he's not a good role model for anything.]

Sure. You two are a regular Robin Hood and Maid Marian.

Why they hell would I need help? I'm doing fine on my own.

[And if he ever got in trouble, he'd handle it on his own. Unless he was literally bleeding out his ribs or something, he's not crawling to anyone to ask for help. Hmph.]

It's fine. I wasn't doing anything important.

[All she's doing is delaying a jerk off and an early crash. Yeah, it's a lazy evening.]

Edited (hit "enter" too early) 2020-08-04 13:55 (UTC)

Luckily for me, I'm pretty much broke so there's nothing he could be waiting to get his hands on. He had the chance to turn me over to some nasty people for a big reward and he refused. The simplest explanation is usually the best, and that means he's sincere. That's just science!

[The premise is flimsy as balsa wood, but she'll roll with it.]

You think so? I always thought she was so pretty in that animated movie. Thanks for the compliment!

I know you can take care of yourself. But we all get overwhelmed sometimes. If you ever do have to call me, don't worry. I'll tell everyone you handled it all on your own and looked super cool doing it.

Thanks. Really. I know you'll deny it, but you're a good friend. You won't convince me otherwise.

That's not science...

Whatever. Do what you want. If it bites you in the ass later, that's your problem. If not, good for you.

[No one's going to say Zero is the "encouraging" type, though he's very much about people having their freedom. Which can be pretty anarchist and dangerous as well...]

Wasn't really going for a compliment, but sure, take it that way.

You're pretty presumptuous I'd actually call you. But I guess you're telling the truth.

Right. I'm denying it. Unless you call anyone you talk to a "friend". Which then means I'm basically SOL.

[Congrats. He might just have to "ugh" and take it.]

I'll have you know that I probably had a better education than a Ph.D. student in biology. I know my science, and if I say it's science I know what I'm talking about.

And goodness, I hope no one ever bites me there. That would be painful. I don't think I could date anyone who'd want to do that.

[Ah yes. There's a bit more of the wine showing up.]

I know, you wouldn't call anyone because you're a loner. A rebel. But you never know, and it's nice to have someone to fall back on.

Okay, look. You're answering my text messages. You don't call me names for the fun of it. You agreed to not tell anyone about what we will call The Wine Incident. You've never tried to sell me out, kill me or eat me. So how does that NOT qualify as a friend?

[...and yeah, just about anyone she meets becomes a friend in short order.]

Uh-huh. That still doesn't make what you said science. More psychology.

Yeah, that's the point of getting bitten back there. Though some people like it. The softer kind of biting. Take it that means you're not much of an ass person then, huh. What if they bit your boob?

[Heh heh heh. He's just going to be a jerk for a bit.]

That's not the only reason I wouldn't call. The last person I "fell back on" for something serious tried to kill me. I'll keep shit surface level and casual, thanks.

[Nothing vulnerable or unsafe.]

It doesn't qualify me as a friend. It qualifies me as choosing not to be an asshole right now.

[Because he is usually a major asshole.]

Psychology can be science. Sort of. I will die on this hill.

THAT IS A VERY PERSONAL QUESTION YOU'RE ASKING.

And I don't really know since I've never, um, done that sort of thing before. At all. Wait, why am I telling you this?

[That would be the wine, 'Dora. That would be the wine.]

Fair enough. But I hope that one day you'll find someone you can trust again.

Someone not being a jerk is how I've come to define friendship. So we're both in the same place, we just call it different things.

Kind of a wasted death, but whatever.

You started up the topic. Don't take things so literally next time. You're free to lie or say nothing, you know.

Oh yeah? I don't know whether to be impressed or feel sorry for you. Think you'd want to do it with a guy or a girl?

[Wine. Definitely the bottle of wine. Fun.]

Don't know. Might run from that day. Or sleep through it.

So that means you're "friends" with half the damn city then.

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