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bakerstreet2020-08-01 01:28 am
1sts) wrote in bakerstreet2020-08-01 01:28 am
Entry tags:
1.) Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
2.) WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
3.) all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
4.) Helsa thinks she's SOOOOOOOOOOO great. Did you know she sucked her thumb until she was a preteen? I should put THAT on instagram.
5.) Where this milkshake place everyone's been talking about? It looks like a fun place!!
6.) I need some help. Razzle won't stop throwing up! You know any remedies?
7.) group text: There's blood on the floor, a crayon drawing of stick people holding hands with the word "FART" on the wall, and fat nuggets rolling around and covered in glitter. Can anyone explain? (**)
8.) text her.
(** = feel free to threadjack/threadhop for extra whacky shenanigans.)
2.) WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
3.) all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
4.) Helsa thinks she's SOOOOOOOOOOO great. Did you know she sucked her thumb until she was a preteen? I should put THAT on instagram.
5.) Where this milkshake place everyone's been talking about? It looks like a fun place!!
6.) I need some help. Razzle won't stop throwing up! You know any remedies?
7.) group text: There's blood on the floor, a crayon drawing of stick people holding hands with the word "FART" on the wall, and fat nuggets rolling around and covered in glitter. Can anyone explain? (**)
8.) text her.
(** = feel free to threadjack/threadhop for extra whacky shenanigans.)
1. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
2. I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over.
3. You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
4. I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and an undiscernable name written in... i don't even know... on my chest... what happen lastnite??
2. I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over.
3. You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
4. I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and an undiscernable name written in... i don't even know... on my chest... what happen lastnite??
1. We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
2. He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
3. He warned me he may piss the bed...
4. you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's outfits to keep as your booty.
2. He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
3. He warned me he may piss the bed...
4. you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's outfits to keep as your booty.
1. Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
2. You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
3. you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
4. He just found another high guy at wal-mart. They're now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
2. You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
3. you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
4. He just found another high guy at wal-mart. They're now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
1. You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
2. You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
3. he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
4. We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
2. You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
3. he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
4. We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Operator 6O ❀ Nier: Automata | OTA gen, f/f shipping
jupitersfortune
2020-08-01 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
1. I don't care what it's called, I don't want to see it on my work computer!
2. If you made a machine lifeform out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow machine.
3. This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
4. [text her!]
2. If you made a machine lifeform out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow machine.
3. This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
4. [text her!]
[Continued from here.]
No, I guess it wouldn't be. Are you somewhere with a lot of humans then?
[she's a little jealous but more importantly she wants to know everything
... even though he's basically a stranger. she should probably cool her jets, but! humans!]
No, I guess it wouldn't be. Are you somewhere with a lot of humans then?
[she's a little jealous but more importantly she wants to know everything
... even though he's basically a stranger. she should probably cool her jets, but! humans!]
1. Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
2. feeling groggy, babe? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
3. I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
4. If you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
5. TEXT HIM
2. feeling groggy, babe? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
3. I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
4. If you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
5. TEXT HIM
01. He kept lifting MY SKIRT up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". Needless to say, he's at the top of my great-great-great-great-great grandfather's SHIT LIST right now.
02. Please meet me at the hospital. Not an emergency, but I need to REATTACH MY HAND.
03. I really appreciate you TAKING THE TIME to blur out my under-boob for Instagram.
04. I found you walking along the STREET hammered. You walked up said, "Hi" and handed me a beer.
02. Please meet me at the hospital. Not an emergency, but I need to REATTACH MY HAND.
03. I really appreciate you TAKING THE TIME to blur out my under-boob for Instagram.
04. I found you walking along the STREET hammered. You walked up said, "Hi" and handed me a beer.
Uhhhhh
What?? I don't
Know who this even is but that sounds
Do you... need help... getting there... ??
What?? I don't
Know who this even is but that sounds
Do you... need help... getting there... ??
Hank Anderson | Detroit Become Humane or some shit like that
heavymetalgears
2020-08-01 06:30 am (UTC)(link)
1. let's drink tonight. I promise I'll make it out of the house this time.
2. hey, you get my picture of my bread or what?
3. how'd you take my pants off without taking my boots off?
4. is there a fucking card for hey, thanks for the bj on our dog walk???
5. ( text him! )
2. hey, you get my picture of my bread or what?
3. how'd you take my pants off without taking my boots off?
4. is there a fucking card for hey, thanks for the bj on our dog walk???
5. ( text him! )
Edited 2020-08-01 06:30 (UTC)
1. Little spoons don't ask big questions.
2. Close your eyes, stop texting, and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
3. My textbook just quoted Pokemon.
4. Teach is bleeding. Boss has a black eye, and his brother is fully-clothed in a koi pond.... Updates from whatever Sanada Family business Teach and Boss are doing....
5. MIS/TEXT HIM!
2. Close your eyes, stop texting, and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
3. My textbook just quoted Pokemon.
4. Teach is bleeding. Boss has a black eye, and his brother is fully-clothed in a koi pond.... Updates from whatever Sanada Family business Teach and Boss are doing....
5. MIS/TEXT HIM!
1. It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
2. Ikki and Jinora half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
3. He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. I dont know how to feel right now.
4. I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the bed's way of kicking me out.
5. text her!
2. Ikki and Jinora half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
3. He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. I dont know how to feel right now.
4. I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the bed's way of kicking me out.
5. text her!
1. Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
2. Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
3. Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
4. I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
2. Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
3. Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
4. I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
1. COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
2. Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
3. Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
2. Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
3. Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
1. My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
2. how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
3. did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
4. Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
2. how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
3. did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
4. Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
1. I already slept with him twice. That's more than enough.
2. I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys. How are you? :)
3. Rooftops don't get enough credit.
4. Text him. Misfire him. Whateverrrrr~
1: I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
2: On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
3: Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
4: there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
5: It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
6: [bring your own text]
2: On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
3: Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
4: there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
5: It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
6: [bring your own text]
1: i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
2: I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
3: I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of spicebrew.
4: I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry.
5: I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
6: [bring your own text]
2: I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
3: I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of spicebrew.
4: I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry.
5: I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
6: [bring your own text]
1: I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
2: leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
3: And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
4: the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
5: He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
6: [bring your own text]
2: leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
3: And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
4: the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
5: He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
6: [bring your own text]
That sounds less like meditation and more like you got in to some spice.
1: you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
2: I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
3: Those thighs deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle for less. (And yes, I'm offering)
4: HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
5: You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
6: [bring your own text]
2: I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
3: Those thighs deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle for less. (And yes, I'm offering)
4: HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
5: You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
6: [bring your own text]
1. I'm not getting tied down, but I'm down for reruns
2. I'm purely posting this nude for dicks in my inbox
3. He said he loved me then showed me he shaved his balls...come get me.
4. you said you fell off his dick and kept riding the phantom boner across his floor...
5. ( text her! )
2. I'm purely posting this nude for dicks in my inbox
3. He said he loved me then showed me he shaved his balls...come get me.
4. you said you fell off his dick and kept riding the phantom boner across his floor...
5. ( text her! )
Remilia Scarlet (aged up) cw:drugs mention | Touhou Project | OTA
scarlet_devil
2020-08-01 07:58 am (UTC)(link)
1. Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
2. You can sing. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
3. I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
4. You eat octopus, which is also a mollusc. How is escargot any different!?
5. Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbling into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
2. You can sing. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
3. I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
4. You eat octopus, which is also a mollusc. How is escargot any different!?
5. Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbling into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Edited 2020-08-01 07:59 (UTC)
1.) I was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times.
2.) Just because its your birthday does not mean you can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
3.) Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
4.) On a scale of 1 to 10, how concerned should I be?
2.) Just because its your birthday does not mean you can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
3.) Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
4.) On a scale of 1 to 10, how concerned should I be?
Poe Dameron (AU) • Star Wars • continues and new tags welcome
poeticforce
2020-08-01 08:57 am (UTC)(link)
1. She has my name on her bucket list. I'm either getting laid or killed, or both.
2. Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again.
3. Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
4. Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
5. Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-I-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, I thought it was pretty good.
6. [ text him! switch pronouns as needed; cross canon, AUs, OCs, timeline shenanigans or EU/Legends always welcome! ]
Kylo Ren/Brianna Solo • r63!Star Wars • continues and new taggers welcome!
umbraeternam
2020-08-01 08:58 am (UTC)(link)
1. not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today.
2. I will rip it off your body in ways that are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
3. It's just a penis. It's like every other penis except it's not the one you're dating right now. Ride it or don't ride it, but don't agonize about it.
4. Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
5. I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I'm going to keep them around a while.
6. [ text her! cross canon, AUs, OCs, timeline shenanigans or EU/Legends always welcome! ]
You’re supposed to talk me OUT of these sort of things, not encouraging me holy kriff
1. I blocked them on all social media....and they found a way to connect to my 3DS.
2. At least life still likes to fuck me over
3. Shitting in tune with the eye of the tiger isn't an appealing quality.
4. Your dick doesn't qualify as a weapon of mass destruction.
5. (text him)
2. At least life still likes to fuck me over
3. Shitting in tune with the eye of the tiger isn't an appealing quality.
4. Your dick doesn't qualify as a weapon of mass destruction.
5. (text him)
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