bakerstreet | Overflow

I feel it necessary to remind you that Emejre like me have really fast metabolisms and higher caloric intakes that the average person.

Does that make two dozen sound at least a little better?

[Look, she's depressed and she grew up barely having any sugar as a child. She's prone to make some bad life choices.

[...none of that makes it any less terrifying, though.]

Then you should burn off that alcohol a lot faster than a normal person. Might not even have a hangover in the morning.

[Look who's fancy now.]

Not really. You still ate two dozen cupcakes that didn't belong to you in one sitting while getting drunk watching a bunch of sad cartoons to make yourself feel better.

[About Valentine's day, but he's still not sure how that factor's in. Was it because she spent V-Day alone or because she had a bad experience? Not asking.]

Oh! Perhaps! That would be quite lucky.

...you know, when you put it like that it sounds really bad. Do you think she'd notice if I snuck to the Plaza and bought replacements? I don't think she baked them.

If she did, I'm doing the people at the party a favor. I've eaten her cooking, and it's not very good at all.

[She's just insanely disappointed that she didn't get asked out. She'd been pretty hopeful, though she didn't ask anyone. Despite her outgoing personality, she's weirdly shy about romantic stuff.]

Better not be thinking about doing that now. You're drunk off your ass.

[Well, no not that bad, else her texts would be pretty incoherent and ridiculous.]

If the party's not till later tomorrow, just go pick some up in the morning. Unless you can't remember what kind they were.

Then you might be screwed.

[Good thing Zero's got no clue about those "why's" of her downer mood. His opinions wouldn't be really helpful.]

[You know that whole thing about ducks looking serene in the water but there's a whole lot of paddling happening under the surface? That's Pandora right now, putting in way more effort than texting should ever take.

[She may or may not have fallen off her bed. Twice.]

Yeah, I'd probably get lost. Or not even make it out the front door.

I need to write down what kind they are, so I don't forget. That's a good plan. I'm glad I have you to think for me right now.

6 chocolate with blue frosting 6 vanilla with green frosting 6 cinnamon with butter cream 6 chocolate with peanut butter frosting.

[Guess who couldn't find the Notes app?]

[Not really. He's never been one to study ducks. Just knows they float on water and dive for food and taste good.

No comment on the bed fail. Maybe a snirk. Or two.]

Case in point.

Can you ever write legibly right now?

[Well never mind. That was kind of smart.]

It's not the cupcakes that's gonna kill, but all that frosting...

Talk about worshiping the porcelain god tomorrow.

[She'll just keep playing it cool and refusing to acknowledge that Zero sees through the effort she's putting into typing.]

That depends. Are you putting a time limit on it?

My stomach's already a little iffy.

Okay, it sort of feels like someone's using it as a boxing speed bag.

Good thing I already canceled my plans. It appears I'll have new ones anyway.

[Fine with him. He's not going to prevent her from doing something stupid, but he would prevent her from doing something that might endanger herself. Like drive around sloshed... (not that he'd admit it was for her well-being).]

Not really. Just betting it's gonna happen.

[And he's not giving any back rubs.]

Uh-huh. You know, you can always put in an order and have those things delivered. It'll cost more, so that's your call.

I really hope you don't win that bet, but I suspect you will. At least this will go down as a learning experience!

[She wouldn't even think to ask for a back rub. Maybe a trip to the store for some painkillers at most, but she's not sure she'd want anyone to see her in the miserable state she'll be spending most of tomorrow in.]

Oh! That's a great plan! I'll do that and she'll never be the wiser. The extra cost will be my penance.

I owe you a couple at this point.

Yeah. Find something a lot more distracting to do on V-day.

[Or just take a sleeping pill and zonk out for the entire time. Stay up all night the day before if that helps.]

If you can get the right ones. And the delivery people don't fuck up.

[Ever the ball of positive sunlight, he is.]

No thanks. Not big on sweets.

Or maybe take the initiative and ask someone out next time. Even if it's just a night out with friends.

[Though 'Dora might be tempted to do the "stay up all night and sleep through it" route too.]

Oh, I'm sure I can sort it out. And if I have to, I'll come clean about what I did. As long as I confess she can't get too mad, right?

But I'm only using that as a last resort.

I don't mean cupcakes, silly! Just a favor of some kind.

[Just gonna give such a flat-faced look at the screen.]

Better not all come back to your place for a cupcake-and-wine drunk fest...

Hah, you're funny. Depends on what kind of person she is. Some people'll blow a damn gasket over anything, confessed or not.

[Making it more difficult for people to want to confess to them in the first place.]

You know her; you make that call.

Sure. A favor. I'll call it in if I need it.

I don't know, it might be fun with a group of friends. Maybe less cupcakes. And less wine per person. And I'll need to build up a better tolerance to alcohol...

[Congrats Zero. You've given her a new terrible idea.]

I'll be cautious. And if not, I have the puppy dog eyes. She's told me the puppy dog eyes work all the time.

Most of the time it is, from what I've heard. Until you all get drunk and something lights on fire.

[Then it gets pretty wild. Hey, he's been an enabler a few times in his life. No regrets.]

Seriously? Her loss then...

I'm not worried. I've lit more than a few things on fire in my time. And not all of them were on accident, either!

Wait, is it better if I did it on accident or on purpose?

[There are good reasons why Pandora is no longer allowed in the kitchen.]

Don't underestimate the importance of puppy dog eyes! It's almost a natural defense mechanism. If nothing else, it keeps you out of trouble.

[Although at the same time, she tries to imagine Zero actually acting cute and innocent. She's thankful this is all text and he didn't hear her snort-laugh.]

You better be talking about matches and candles and campfires and shit...

And that depends on what you light on fire.

[Because he can't see her setting things on fire in any sort of way that falls outside of Ms. Nice-n-Sweet Obeys the Rules.]

Last person I saw do the puppy eyes got sand thrown in them.

[DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING IMAGINE HIM LOOKING LIKE THAT! SICK! He doesn't even know she's thinking about it and it still makes his skin crawl and his fur stand up.]

The campfires were on purpose! Well, and there was one bonfire for a special ceremony but that's something else entirely. Everything else happened as an accident.

[In effect she just admitted there were multiple accidents, but... y'know. Wine.]

Well, that's just mean! And uncouth! It's a legitimate social strategy.

[She can't help it, she loves to see the world through rose colored glasses. But a poor fit is a poor fit, and cutesy Zero feels about as poor a fit as Pandora being dark and edgy.]

Thought so.

[His curiosity's perked though and he deliberates on asking. Fuck it.]

"Everything else" covers a lot of ground. What the hell've you burned down?

[He does think "kitchen" being a prime answer, but he'll wait.]

So's sand throwing.

[Mr. Negative, back at it again. And no, he doesn't want to think about Pandora being a pessimistic goth. Ugh.]

I never said it completely burned down! Well, once we had to replace an entire wall in the kitchen but it really needed to be remodeled. And the workshop fire absolutely wasn't my fault, there was a miscommunication there.

[Look, everyone has bad luck with something. Pandora just doesn't do well around fire. No clue why, it's just A Thing.]

Okay. I'll give you that one. Even if it's REALLY rude.

[~~Mirror Universe Pandora would probably be an emo kid.~~]

Neither did I...

[Ugh. He's still going to snirk a little over here. Barely a smirk, but still making that snorting noise cross between scoff and snicker.]

A kitchen. A workshop. Fuck, you're just a walking bonfire waiting to happen.

[Mental note: if he's ever around her, leave his lighter behind. And don't let her in the kitchen. Precautions are never wastes of time. Normal, precautions. Not going hogwild crazy with them.]

Rude's just an opinion.

[Says the jerk who's rude like a second language.]

I wouldn't go THAT far. I mean, what's the average number of fires a person accidentally starts in their lifetime?

[...it's probably one or less, 'Dora.]

Though I'll admit I've never gone to a fireworks show out of an abundance of caution.

It would probably be the popular opinion in this case. Don't you know that sand is coarse and rough and irritating?

One or two. Probably. But not burning down walls.

[Dropped a match, set the poptart foil on fire, lit a toilet roll on a dare, that kind of shit.

Accidental arson? Not so much.]

You can watch those on TV. Saves on the hassle of driving and finding a spot.

Yeah. It's sand.

ONE wall. ONE.

[The workshop needed new pegboards installed but that hardly counts as a whole wall, now does it?]

Some people have told me the experience isn't quite the same, but the festivals in Emejre territory are so crowded. And noisy. Surely I'm not the only one with sensitive ears...

I guess that IS the point, if you're trying to be rude. I guess I'm not terribly experienced in that area.

One wall. And what else? A storeroom?

[It's a simple matter to scroll up and he's not bothering to scroll up. Sue him.]

Too many people around for my comfort. The noise doesn't help either. I'm fine watching it on TV.

[Though the carnival food is missed...]

I don't think you need to be.

All the furniture in the workshop needed to be placed. And a kitchen counter. And the stove needed some repairs. But no one was hurt, and that's the important thing, isn't it?

Crowds are still a bit overwhelming for me, so I'd much rather avoid them if I have the option. Between the noise and all the smells blending together, it's a nightmare. Oh, and there are no mosquitos on television either.

[She wouldn't disagree with that, but given this whole conversation started in part because she was fiending on cupcakes, it probably isn't surprising.]

If it's all the same, I'd rather not ever be. I can't judge anyone else's behavior but I don't want to make anyone else feel bad if I can help it.

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