bakerstreet | cuddle meme .

[ He thinks he's understanding his point, that it's unlikely for someone to understand his priorities. But Akashi has always been popular with girls, so even if he agrees to one or two, it's unlikely that he's going to have a lasting relationship with anyone who can't understand when they need to be put second to Akashi's responsibilities, to basketball, to the general need to adhere to public image because of who his father is and who he would eventually need to become. Midorima had thought about all of this, and determined that was one of the reasons that he at least needed to be equal to him in something merit-based before he could ask. ]

Do you understand why I can't ask you yet?

[ His voice is quiet enough that Akashi is probably the only one who can hear him. He doesn't like that this conversation is in public, but given how little they can see each other, he wants to have this conversation before Akashi has to leave. ]

[ It's a question Akashi actually has to think about. As various drums play in the distance, he plays some scenarios in his head. He seems to lack some insight to properly answer Midorima's query.

He thinks it must be because of his lack of experience. Everybody starts there, though... no, that can't be it.

Despite wanting to watch more demonstrations, he leads Midorima to a more quiet room. There's a small cafe that isn't full of people, most of the visitors busy with the actual tour. ]

I won't know unless you tell me.

[ He's not sure if he's surprised or not that Akashi led them away from the exhibits into a more private area. The action showed that Akashi was taking the conversation as something more than a passing interest. Though Midorima's instinct was to craft a reason that sounded less shameful than the truth, to hide his feelings behind a firm expression, the small gesture made it clear they were beyond that whether it was an intentional gesture or not.

He sits down, not answering Akashi's question until they're both seated and he works up the nerve to look Akashi in the eyes again. ]

If we do this and you decide it's not what you want, we're going to lose what we already have because I already...

[ His brow furrows slightly and he swallows, trying to tame the tightening muscles in his throat. It's difficult for him, and he's hoping he doesn't have to spell at least that part out now. ]

[ That does make things difficult... Akashi looks back down from meeting Midorima's gaze, finding comfort by putting his hands in his coat pockets even while seated.

His quiet lingers, and it might even become awkward the longer it lasts. Akashi doesn't seem to be interested in speaking just yet, though.

He would rather not lose his friendship with Midorima just because of a possibility of something developing. Akashi's said enough hurtful things to Midorima to last a lifetime-- from not listening to him during their Teikou days once he had changed to telling him he would much prefer they become enemies. It would be such a dick move to hurt Midorima even further.

He can feel his chest sink a bit, and it hurts. He finds that he doesn't like this feeling but he's unsure on how to get rid of it.

Still silent, he looks over at a waiter who's come to their table to ask for their orders. Akashi merely cants his head to the side and places a hand up as if to tell him he won't order anything. They're already here though and are seated... so he orders himself a kiddie hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows, and sprinkles. It doesn't match his diet at all but it's the first thing he was able to think of. ]

[ As awkward as the silence is, Midorima doesn't try to break it. He knows this is a difficult situation, and if Akashi needs to stay quiet and think, he isn't one to devalue the quiet. Even after the waiter comes over, he finds he doesn't particularly want to talk even after the silence has already been pierced. When he comes to him he simply asks for a water.

He has more to say, even if he wanted to wait until Akashi had time to think about that. Something that requires even more of a hit to his pride to admit than the previous statement, and he waits until the waiter leaves to say it. ]

The other reason is that I'm not your equal. As long as I am unable to stand level with you in anything, I and part of you will always know you don't need me.

[ It's something he'll never give up on trying with, but realistically speaking, he can't think of anything that he's actually equal at Akashi in. Even if he's forgiven Akashi for everything, it doesn't mean he's unaffected by it. Midorima has decided he isn't good enough, even if he knows this Akashi won't hold that against him. It isn't even something he can entirely blame the other Akashi for- he hasn't been able to stand up to either of them, even if he puts in more work than anyone, even if he relied on others and did everything in his power. He still isn't good enough to stand on equal ground with him. ]

[ Akashi continues to remain quiet after the waiter leaves. Midorima admitting to this is not shocking, but still surprising, though. It's why red eyes that give off no indication of what they're thinking look at Midorima's behind his frames. ]

Being with an equal is of no concern to me. And you must hold me in too high regard to be able to say that.

[ Akashi doesn't crave to be treated like a normal person. People just have such high expectations of him and that's why he cracked in the first place. It's why despite being surrounded by so many people, he feels alone at times. Akashi only seems like he has it all, but he's also somebody with fears and insecurities, as little as they may seem.

What is left unsaid is that Midorima makes him feel like he can't be with anyone.

You've lost once so I know you know what it feels like. It has nothing to do with how high regard I hold you in. [ It is pretty high but it's not insurmountable. He isn't worse than, he just needs to be better than he is. ] I have feelings for someone who makes me feel like that constantly, in everything we do. I understand why. I understand that my ability to keep up isn't anything to laugh at.

[ It's not like he has self-esteem issues- but when your best friend stops listening to you because his other half decides that anything he has to say is irrelevant because he can't beat him, It's hard to get over when he's already extremely competitive by nature. ]

I'm fine with that, but I need to earn this for myself. [ And a little more firmly, because despite that this is a difficult confession and he can tell Akashi isn't any more pleased with it than he is. ]

I will earn this, because it's something that I want.

[ His voice doesn't hold the hesitation and it isn't as quiet as it was. His eyes are still on Akashi. Especially knowing that flat-out rejection and ruining their friendship upon suggestion are no longer fears, he can say this more confidently. ]

I never assumed it always will be impossible, Akashi. [ Just for today. ]

[ Those are big words, but Midorima is more than welcome to proclaim them. Akashi says nothing regarding it, merely humming in acknowledgement. What should he say when the guy in front of him claims that he will earn Akashi's interest and affection someday? It's not posed as a challenge or anything.

Akashi closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Despite all this, he still looks as collected as ever. ]

Thank you for your honesty, Midorima.

[ At the very least, Akashi needs to say this. ]

[ Midorima stays quiet again as the waiter comes back with their drinks, sitting with perfect posture as he stared the guy down, as if he was interrupting despite that he's just doing his job. They should probably tip him well when they leave.

Once their drinks are settled, Midorima finally answers, as if he's been unfrozen. In the end, he's still.. surprisingly shy, and saying all of that did take a lot out of him.

In the end, there's really not much else he can say. He turns his focus to his hands for a moment as his fingers wrap around either side of the cool glass of water he received, looking a little timid to suggest it after he just confessed to.. well, a lot of things he's sure Akashi didn't want to hear beyond that he's being honest. He's well aware that the situation isn't ideal, especially since the other boy practically told him it was fine to ask him out. ]

I wouldn't mind spending more time with you to try in the meantime.

[ It's not as cold in the museum as it is outside but Akashi places his hands around the mug straight away for some solace. He can feel some life in his fingertips thanks to the heat and he takes a quick sip. The whipped cream gives him a small sprinkled moustache which he wipes off immediately with the table napkin. It's a bit too hot, he finds, and he also decides that the hot chocolate is too sweet for his tastes. ]

Aa. We still have a holiday to plan for.

[ More like he'll be planning it but it's still their thing! ]

[ Not irreparable. That's good. He's sure he'll enjoy whatever holiday Akashi ends up planning regardless of how that goes. ]

Is it good?

[ The hot chocolate, he means. He regrets just asking for water now that he can smell Akashi's drink but it's a little late now. ]

[ Akashi pushes the mug and saucer Midorima's way. ]

You're free to try it. It's a bit too sweet for my tastes.

[ Which doesn't necessarily mean it's bad! Just... sweet. And he's not used to super sweet things. He isn't Murasakibara. ]

[ He'll trade him then, if he wants the water. It's not hot, but at least Akashi will still have something to drink. Midorima, on the other hand, appreciates sweet. Chocolate may not be his favorite (he prefers traditional Japanese sweets) but it's still good in his opinion. Even if he's much more in favor of moderation than certain of their shared former teammates, he's still going to enjoy this. Even if there's a sprinkle on the corner of his mouth that he has to take a napkin to. ]

I imagine if you had wanted it less sweet you could have ordered one without sprinkles.

It was the first thing I saw when I read through the menu.

[ He also kind of... ordered it without really paying attention to what he was saying. Sometimes people get careless! Besides, he was clearly thinking of something more important then. ]

Do you like it?

[ Midorima has the same reason for asking for water, he can't really say anything about that. ]

It could use a little cinnamon, but it's fine.

[ After holding it for a moment, he puts it back in the middle of the table. It was warm after all, and he noticed Akashi holding it before. ]

Do you want to hold it?

[ Akashi is already reaching for it when Midorima slides it back to the middle of the table. He could order something else now but he wants to reserve his appetite for the ramen later. It's why he just places his hands on the mug again. ]

I really should have worn gloves.

[ He's not sure if it'll be a welcome gesture anymore, but Akashi hasn't indicated that he has an actual problem with anything Midorima's said today. At least, not enough that Midorima suspects he'd rather have his hands freeze. He hesitates to do it, but after a few seconds pass he reaches out to put his hands over Akashi's around the cup. ]

It will warm you faster if there's warmth from both sides.

[ There it is again-- some sort of warmth that feels really comfortable. Akashi's been wanting this for some time now.

He doesn't look at Midorima, more keen on keeping his eyes closed to relish in the moment of all this. ]

That does help. Thank you very much.

[ Midorima can't... drink the rest of the hot chocolate this way, though. ]

If you'd still like to drink some more, let me know.

[ Midorima's hands are fixed on the cup, and his hands over Akashi's. Despite that he knows Akashi doesn't feel the same way yet, if Akashi knows how he feels and is still okay with this, it's something he's much more willing to indulge in. It feels lighter somehow, like his enjoyment of this isn't something he needs to keep secret- at least not from Akashi any more. ]

I will in a minute.

[ He's going to enjoy this moment first, the first time he's gotten to do something all day without feeling like he had to shove anything he felt about it downward. ]

Let me know when you want to go back to the exhibits.

As soon as possible, hopefully. I've actually gotten a bit hungry already.

[ He would rather not rush Midorima, though, so he adds: ]

But you needn't feel pressured.

I'm not pressured. It's your hot chocolate.

[ Midorima hadn't expected anything from the beginning. ]

We can go after I take the next sip. Let me know when your hands are warm.

[ Truthfully, Akashi already feels warm like this and the loss of warmth would be difficult to get over after this. He'll have to eventually tell Midorima it's okay to let go, though. May as well do it now ]

I'm warm now, thank you. I should probably go pay now, too.

[ Akashi...... ]

Today is supposed to be my treat.

[ Now he's not letting go until Akashi relents to let him pay. Or Akashi flat-out tells him to, because he's not actually going to hold his hands hostage. ]

[ Guess who totally forgot? Akashi did. ]

Oh, I'm sorry. [ He laughs amiably. ] It is, isn't it? Then I'll let you do that.

[ He gets up then, finally letting go of Akashi's hands though instead of going outward he lets his gloved fingers slide along Akashi's as he pulls them back toward him, a vestige of warmth before they're back to being friends again and he stands up to go pay. ]

I'll be back.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject