bakerstreet

[And, seeing as how he's on the side with the arm that could literally be cut off without causing him anything more than some minor inconvenience, Steve gets a wry, half amused glance.]

You're right.

A dog would be a lot less work.

[Steve does it again anyway. Maybe with just a bit more force to it.]

You calling me high maintenance, you jerk?

What I'm saying

[He grabs a piece of gravel again and chucks it off the roof with a careless air, one he'd had so, so long ago, before he'd been drafted to fight in a war half a world away]

is that calling you high maintenance is an insult to high maintenance people. They're much easier to handle.

[Steve sounds annoyed, but there was the first hint of laughter in his eyes for the first time tonight. And he's eyeing Bucky in a way that says 'trouble incoming'.]

Those are fighting words, Bucky. [In other words, there's consequences coming if you go on.]

[He grins a little and throws another piece of gravel.]

What I'm saying is that going to war would practically have been a rest cure, if I didn't know you'd be getting into all sorts of dumb shit without me there to keep an eye on you.

I don't get into dumb shit, as you put it. It's other people who won't stop doing or saying dumb shit. If they did, then I wouldn't have to stop them.

[In other words, totally not his fault.]

Steve, you were the one who volunteered as a military lab rat after I left you alone for about five minutes. I don't care that it worked. Stuff like that is why I can't leave you anywhere.

[It totally is, Steve, and stop trying to deny it.]

[It is NOT. Steve 'stubborn-as-a-pig' Rogers will deny it to his last breathe.]

That was NOT dumb shit! That was for the cause! The reason was valid!

There, you see?

[He gestures, somewhat indignantly.]

[Steve picks up one of the gravel pieces and tosses it at Bucky.]

No I don't 'see'.

[He chucks another back.]

And that is exactly what I'm talking about.

[If there were pillows Steve'd be smacking one in Bucky's face already. There isn't so he's tossing another stone back at Bucky.]

Hmph. It's not like you haven't done your fair share of stupid.

[He grins again, and there's more cheer in the expression than there has been for a while.]

Sure I have. For one I took up with you.

[And Steve's so happy, so happy to see that there. Still not stopping him from elbowing Bucky in the side.]

Jerk.

[He shoves back at him with his shoulder.]

And you're still a punk.

[Then he pauses because wait, still? This conversation is the same, or that part of it is the same, but he can't remember why.

He hates this. He wishes he could just remember outright, that he could look back through his life and know what he was looking at.]

[He was about to retaliate with with another elbow to the side but once Steve saw the look in Bucky's eyes, he paused.]

Bucky....it's alright. There's no rush. [He can wait, forever if needs be. And even if Bucky never remembers, that was alright too.]

[He huffs a frustrated sigh and sort of aggressively sprawls, forcefully taking up more space.]

We've had this conversation before, haven't we?

I wish I could remember.

[Steve takes the blanket that's now scrounged up nearby and throws it over them both.]

We have, lots of times. The fact that we fell into it again like this means it's still probably in your brain somewhere.

It has to be. I know that things are still there, I just can't get to them. I only get pieces, if that.

[He curls up unhappily, putting his head on his knees. When he speaks again his voice is very soft.]

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'll ever get it all. Or any more of it.

[Steve puts a hand on Bucky's shoulder, squeezing sympathetically as his friend speaks.]

If you don't get it all, are you okay with that?

I'm not quite sure I know what I am anymore.

I just wish I could remember so I could figure it out.

[Steve doesn't speak for a long moment.]

You'll figure it out. I know you Bucky. You're too much of a stubborn jerk not too. Just...whatever you figure out, it should be what you're happy being and not what you think will make me happy. Alright?

[He turns his head without moving the rest of him and looks up.]

I might as well be something, right?

[He tries to offer a half-smile and doesn't really succeed. He's used to being what he's made to be, not what he makes himself to be. He doesn't know how to build himself from scratch anymore.]

You're already something, Bucky. You're just...adding on to it or discovering old pieces to it.

I dunno. I was what someone else made me, so what am I supposed to be now?

[Especially if Steve didn't want him to be something for Steve.]

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