[Steve doesn't know what to say. He has no point of reference for this, doesn't know even remotely how that would feel like.]
You were fighting back. Even confused, even if you didn't know who you were then, you were fighting back against people who did hurt you, did terrible harm to you. It's normal.
And Bucky. If I am ever the one to do something like that to you. I'd WANT you to fight back. To stop me.
[Steve shrugs. For him, the choice was an easy one back then. He had nothing left to lose after all.]
I was thinking the Red Skull needed to be stopped. It was crashing the plane into the arctic, or crashing it into a place like New York.
I know that. What I mean is, if I was doing something that was hurting you, you need to stop me, not let me continue just because you don't want to hurt me.
[He wished there was more he could do.]
No parachute, so the end result would have been the same. And I definitely need to be sure it went down for good so...
You notice that we're kinda going in circles her? I tell you not to worry about me, you ignore me and do it anyway, and I worry about you and you tell me not do it, but I can't help but worry about you.
[He wasn't sure sometimes, just how much Bucky remembers. But he'll take what he can get.]
No, you stop that right now. Stop saying 'I'm not really worth it' or 'Just worry about yourself.' You ARE worth it and I'm always going to worry, got it?
[He studies him for a moment before climbing up again and giving Steve what he'd asked for, because that was what he always did.
He wasn't particularly comfortable with touching people, being touched, and he felt like he was pounding his fists against the walls of his brain that this wasn't safe, that he wasn't. He walked over and leaned in for a hug anyway, and tried not to focus too much on how suddenly wrong it felt for Steve to be taller than him, for Steve not to fit neatly under his chin. That was the old him, he'd seen it in the museum exhibit, how the serum had changed Steve Rogers into what he was now. This was how it was supposed to be.]
[When Bucky gets up and leans in for a hug, he was surprised. But his arms opened automatically to wrap around his friend anyway. He could feel that bit of stiffness in the body he was hugging and so he was very careful as to not hold on too tight or too hard, to try to convey that Bucky was free to pull away any time. (He knows first hand what his own careless actions could do and he won't repeat that mistake.)
What Bucky wants to give him, he'll always accept. Whether it's a punch or a hug. It's the least he could do.]
[He shudders hard, once, and then is still again, and presses his face into Steve's shoulder. It feels wrong that he's tall enough to do that, still, but he wraps his arms around his friend hard (not too hard he's not here to damage him again gently gently gently), fingers curling into his tshirt, and tries to fix in his mind that the mission is to make Steve happy again. He can feel himself hovering near that place that the mission is everything, is all his mind and all he knows, and so he might as well use that.
If the mission is all there is then the mission is make Steve happy. Even if he's not sure how to do that anymore. It's the mission, and he cannot fail those, if he does-
No.
It doesn't matter.
Protect. Make him happy. That's all that matters.]
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no subject
You were fighting back. Even confused, even if you didn't know who you were then, you were fighting back against people who did hurt you, did terrible harm to you. It's normal.
And Bucky. If I am ever the one to do something like that to you. I'd WANT you to fight back. To stop me.
[Steve shrugs. For him, the choice was an easy one back then. He had nothing left to lose after all.]
I was thinking the Red Skull needed to be stopped. It was crashing the plane into the arctic, or crashing it into a place like New York.
no subject
I don't want to hurt you, you idiot.
Sometimes I'd remember things. I... I think. I can't remember it exactly.
[The inside of his head was a tangle of memory fragments.]
So why didn't you point the nose down and jump out the tail? Don't act like you couldn't have.
no subject
I know that. What I mean is, if I was doing something that was hurting you, you need to stop me, not let me continue just because you don't want to hurt me.
[He wished there was more he could do.]
No parachute, so the end result would have been the same. And I definitely need to be sure it went down for good so...
no subject
I would have been fine, but I was losing track of where I was. That... happens, sometimes. You don't need to worry too much about me.
no subject
You notice that we're kinda going in circles her? I tell you not to worry about me, you ignore me and do it anyway, and I worry about you and you tell me not do it, but I can't help but worry about you.
no subject
[He's not actually sure if this is true or not, in fact it's probably a lie. But that's what Steve needs to hear, he thinks, so he says it anyway.]
I'm not really worth worrying over. You, on the other hand, would make anybody worry.
no subject
[He wasn't sure sometimes, just how much Bucky remembers. But he'll take what he can get.]
No, you stop that right now. Stop saying 'I'm not really worth it' or 'Just worry about yourself.' You ARE worth it and I'm always going to worry, got it?
no subject
He wasn't particularly comfortable with touching people, being touched, and he felt like he was pounding his fists against the walls of his brain that this wasn't safe, that he wasn't. He walked over and leaned in for a hug anyway, and tried not to focus too much on how suddenly wrong it felt for Steve to be taller than him, for Steve not to fit neatly under his chin. That was the old him, he'd seen it in the museum exhibit, how the serum had changed Steve Rogers into what he was now. This was how it was supposed to be.]
no subject
What Bucky wants to give him, he'll always accept. Whether it's a punch or a hug. It's the least he could do.]
no subject
If the mission is all there is then the mission is make Steve happy. Even if he's not sure how to do that anymore. It's the mission, and he cannot fail those, if he does-
No.
It doesn't matter.
Protect. Make him happy. That's all that matters.]