Birthday Meme!

[ricsaltzman]

 THE "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" MEME
1. Post!
2. Tag!
3. RNG: 1-10
4. Have at it!

1. Forgotten Birthday
Did everyone forget your big day? Were you really hoping for some company, or just a damn present? If only one person remembered... It'd be okay even if they're late.

2. Secret Birthday
Birthday? BAH HUMBUG. You don't want to be reminded that you're turning 50 or 500 this year. It's just another year of receding hairlines and sagging breasts. Seriously. You don't have a birthday. (Or hey, maybe you just forgot to mention it. That happens too.)

3. Expensive Birthday
Time to splurge! You only get to do this once a year, right? So everyone better bring some damn good presents for how good a bash you're throwing. Getting thrown, maybe, with Daddy and Mommy's money.

4. Double Birthday
There's nothing quite like the kinship of being born on the same day. Maybe you're twins, maybe you were cloned, maybe you just budded off asexually or something. Or, you were just lucky. Better figure out who gets to blow out the candles.

5. Surprise Birthday
Did everyone forget your birthday? This is the wrong number, isn't it? Hey... isn't it awfully quiet? Where did everyone go?

6. Senile Birthday
Birthday? Whose birthday is it?

7. Unbirthday
It's not even your birthday, but the hell with it, you want cake. And balloons and streamers and maybe a fucking pony. Well, you're going to get them. And some tea, if that's your thing. Either way, this is going to be the BEST RANDOM DAY EVER.

8. Romantic Birthday
Nothing says I love you like actually remembering when your significant other started existing. After all, this is only one of... 5? 10? Occasions of the year where you get to spend too much money spoil them.

9. Crashed Birthday
Who the hell are you? This is a private party!! Wait, what do you mean poisonous hamsters from Zanzibar are in the pantry?!

10. Deathday
Hell yeah, the day you were released from the ties of the living world. Nothing quite like it. This is an absolutely festive occasion. It's a great day to haunt someone you know! Or something.

Comments

[bl1nds33r]

[She resists with the cane for a moment, but eventually gives up. For now.]

1M NOT L34V1NG W1THOUT TH3 TRUTH
WH4T 1S K4RK4TS D4RK S3CR3T??
UNCOV3R1NG 1T SH4LL B3 MY N3W L1F3 GO4L

[But merely refusing to leave isn't much of a threat unless you want her to leave first. So she'll just be trying to walk as pair of fingers up your arm, their eventual goal the top of your head.]

[candyhorns]

TEREZI, FUCK OFF.

WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO KNOW ABOUT MY "DARK SECRETS", ANYWAY, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ONLY SECRET THAT EVER MATTERED AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

[bl1nds33r]

NO

AND OTH3RW1S3 YOULL BROOD 4BOUT 1T
BROOD1NG 4BOUT TH1NGS ON YOUR OWN 1SNT PRODUCT1V3
1T JUST M4K3S YOU F33L S1CK
1 DONT W4NT YOU VOM1T1NG 4LL OV3R C4N TOWN

HOW MUCH SH1T DO YOU W4NT M3 TO G1V3 4BOUT 1T

[Fingers keep walking.]

[candyhorns]

[You're tickling him, and he really wants you to stop, but he's doing his best not to swat your hand away because, well, even being bothered is better than being ignored in favor of Dave.]

IF I VOMIT OVER CAN TOWN IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I'M DISGUSTED WITH ITS RESIDENTS, IT WILL NOTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER I'M BROODING, WHICH I'M NOT, OR IF I AM, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, OK?

I DON'T KNOW.
HOW MUCH SHIT ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE ME.

[bl1nds33r]

4S ON3 OF C4N TOWNS C1V1C L34D3RS, VOM1T FLOODS 4R3 V3RY MUCH MY BUSIN3SS
BUT F1N3, W3LL K33P TH4T PROBL3M ON 4 PROF3SS1ON4L L3V3L

YOU C4NT H4NDL3 TH4T MUCH SH1T
YOU WOULD B3 CRUSH3D UND3R 1TS W31GHT

[The fingers have reached your neck. Do you react?]

[candyhorns]

DO YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE ANSWER.
OR DO YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOSY MOTHERFUCKER.

[He's trying not to react, but the touch of fingers on his bare skin makes him flinch anyway. Terezi you don't understand what you're doing to him! Probably because he hasn't told you, and has only complained to himself about it. But still. ):B]

repost for FORGETTING SHE IS BLIND -_(\ ugh

[bl1nds33r]

1TS H4RD TO C4R3 WH3N 1 DONT KNOW WH4T TH3 ANSW3R 3V3N 1S
BUT 1F 1TS R34LLY BOTH3R1NG YOU TH1S MUCH 1LL M4K3 MYS3LF C4R3 PR33MPT1V3LY
1 W1LL CONT1NU3 TO C4R3 3V3N 1F 1TS STUP1D

[SHE FEELS THAT FLINCH. Suddenly both hands are actively tickling your neck! >:D]

oh oops

[candyhorns]

DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

[and then--]

AUGH FUCK! STOP!
STOP!

[cue flailing]

oops indeed >_<

[bl1nds33r]

Y3S

[The tickling only continues.]

T3LL M3!
T3LL M3 YOUR S3CR3T!
H3H3H3H3H3

[candyhorns]

TEREZI STOP, YOU'RE TICKLING ME.

[his attempts to push you away aren't very coordinated. He may just have grabbed a boob by accident. Who even knows.]

[bl1nds33r]

ONLY 1F YOU T3LL M3333
4ND STOP F33L1NG M3 UP, WH1L3 W3R3 D1SCUSS1NG T3RMS

[Because she noticed that grab. Not that it's influencing her to stop the tickling in any way.]

[candyhorns]

I'M NOT FEELING YOU UP.

[bl1nds33r]

TH3N TH3 T3RMS 4R3 H4LFW4Y M3T 4LR34DY!
BUT!
YOU ST1LL H4V3N'T TOLD M3 YOUR S3CR3T...

[She's tickled the side of your neck enough for now--time to try under your chin.]

[candyhorns]

[OK, that's too much, and his voice is an embarrassing squeal of frustration.]

FUCK, FINE, FUCK! FINE, I GIVE UP, I GIVE UP
DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?

[bl1nds33r]

[She pauses in the tickling to allow you to answer unimpeded... but keeps her fingers ready.]

1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG SP3C14L 4BOUT TOD4Y??

[Tickling: effective interrogation technique - noted.]

[candyhorns]

[He hesitates, not sure how to answer that question. It's not like his wriggling day was ever a cause for celebration, but on the other hand, it is significant? If nothing else, in that it's the anniversary of the start of a long run of increasing worse worst nights of his life.]

NOT IF 'SPECIAL' IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD THING.

[bl1nds33r]

...
IT C4N B3 4NY K1ND OF TH1NG

[She looks less inclined to tickle you at the moment. Her fingers are still at the ready, but she seems a lot less manic than usual suddenly.]

[candyhorns]

OH.

IT'S MY WRIGGLING DAY.

[bl1nds33r]

[She blinks.]

1T 1S??
1 H4V3NT R34LLY B33N K33P1NG TR4CK OF TH3 D4YS
TH4T SOM3HOW JUST S33M3D MOR3 LIK3 D4V3S TH1NG...
1 WOND3R WH3N M1N3 1S...

[She pauses, considering. Her hands are back to resting on her cane.]

YOUR WR1GGL1NG D4Y 1SNT 4 GOOD TH1NG?

[candyhorns]

NO.

[bl1nds33r]

WHY NOT
4ND DONT S4Y 1TS B3C4US3 1TS YOUR WR1GGL1NG D4Y
1T WOULDNT 4NSW3R TH3 QU3ST1ON 4ND WOULD B3 F4R TOO M3LODR4M4T1C

[candyhorns]

[He'd already opened his mouth to say exactly that, so it takes him a second to come up with a better answer.

Except, because he's Karkat, he ends up just saying it anyway.]

BUT IT *IS* BECAUSE IT'S MY WRIGGLING DAY, IT'S A DAY SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO COMMEMORATE THE INCEPTION OF MY NUMEROUS FAILURES AND FAULTS AND I FUCKING HATE IT, IT'S THE WORST DAY OF THE SWEEP, AND THAT WAS ALL TRUE EVEN BEFORE I TURNED SIX AND WE STARTED PLAYING A STUPID FUCKING GAME THAT KILLED--HALF OF MY FRIENDS, AND--BASICALLY EXPANDED THE HORIZONS WITHIN WHICH I COULD SHOW OFF MY ENDLESS CAPACITY FOR RUINING EVERYTHING, AND IT ALSO MEANS WE'RE A SWEEP CLOSER TO WHATEVER COMES NEXT, AND WHAT IF IT'S JUST THE SAME THING, BUT WORSE? LIKE.

FUCK. [he doesn't really want to talk about this, he decides.]

SO YEAH.
I'M SEVEN.
CONGRATULATIONS TO ME.
I'M SURE WE ARE ALL HOLDING OUR BREATH TO SEE WHAT GRAND NEW FUCKUPS I CAN ACHIEVE.

[bl1nds33r]

[Terezi sighs a tiny bit. It's not so much that she hasn't heard it all before, but more just... she kind of gets what you mean. Not to the extremes that you take it, but... yeah. Her response takes a while too.]

1M NOT
...
1TS 4LW4YS 4M4Z3D M3 HOW YOU C4N F1ND TH3 SM4LL3ST D3T41LS TO 'REDEEM' SOM3 MOV13 OR BOOK OR WH4T3V3R SO LONG 4S 1TS 4 ROM4NC3, BUT YOU ONLY 3V3R NOT1C3 YOUR OWN FUCKUPS. 3V3RYON3 FUCKS UP--NO, YOU KNOW WH4T? 1M NOT GO1NG DOWN TH4T RO4D. G3N3R4L1Z4T1ONS C4N B3 OV3RRUL3D TOO 34S1LY W1TH OTH3R G3N3R4L1Z4T1ONS

TH3 R3ST OF US WOULD H4V3 PL4Y3D TH3 G4M3 W1TH OR W1THOUT YOU
W1THOUT YOU, 1 WOULD H4V3 3ND3D UP TH3 L34D3R
TH1NK 4BOUT TH4T FOR 4 M1NUT3
YOU S4W WH4T 1 D1D TO YOUR H1V3

4ND 3V3N 1F 1 W4S 4W3SOM3 W3D 4LL B3 D34D 4NYW4Y
B3C4US3 L1K3 H3LL 4NYON3 3LS3 WOULD H4V3 B33N 4BL3 TO C4LM G4MZ33 DOWN
...
M4YB3 K4N4Y4 COULD H4V3 T4K3N H1M OUT
PO1NT 1S, TH3R3D B3 4 LOT L3SS OF US W1THOUT YOU

YOU FUCK UP
BUT YOU DO GOOD TH1NGS TOO
1TD B3 N1C3 1F YOU NOT1C3D TH4T ONC3 1N 4 WH1L3, 1F ONLY FOR YOU

[candyhorns]

THAT'S NOT TRUE, YOU'RE SMART, YOU THINK SHIT THROUGH, THAT'S WHAT LEADERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO AND I NEVER DID THAT, EVERYTHING I DID THAT HAD ANY EFFECT EITHER WAY WAS BY ACCIDENT, I NEVER DID ANYTHING ON PURPOSE.

[bl1nds33r]

H4H4H4
YOU KNOW WH4T 1M GOOD 4T
M3SS1NG W1TH P3OPL3
YOU KNOW WH4T 1M NOT GOOD 4T
H3LP1NG P3OPL3
1M NOT 3V3N GOOD 4T D1SP3NS1NG JUST1C3
DO YOU KNOW HOW M4NY SW33PS 1T TOOK M3 TO F1N4LLY T4K3 VR1SK4 OUT
1 HOP3 SOM3BODY DO3S, B3C4US3 1 LOST TR4CK
1 W4S BUSY H1D1NG 1N 4 TR33, H4NG1NG STUFF3D 4N1M4LS

YOU 4CTU4LLY TR13D TO H3LP
4ND TH3N, FUCK, LOOK 4T TH3 H3LP1NG TH4T H4PP3N3D
1 S4T 4ROUND 4ND M3SS3D W1TH P3OPL3
1 D1R3CTLY GOT ON3 T1M3L1N3'S JOHN K1LL3D--1 MURD3R3D SOM3BODY FOR K1CKS--1ND1R3CTLY L3T VR1SK4 G3T 4W4Y W1TH SO MUCH SH1T--WH3N W4S 1 4CTU4LLY H3LPFUL