Alaric Saltzman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ricsaltzman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2012-04-06 02:31 pm
ricsaltzman) wrote in bakerstreet2012-04-06 02:31 pm
Birthday Meme!
THE "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" MEME
1. Post!
2. Tag!
3. RNG: 1-10
4. Have at it!
1. Post!
2. Tag!
3. RNG: 1-10
4. Have at it!
1. Forgotten Birthday
Did everyone forget your big day? Were you really hoping for some company, or just a damn present? If only one person remembered... It'd be okay even if they're late.
2. Secret Birthday
Birthday? BAH HUMBUG. You don't want to be reminded that you're turning 50 or 500 this year. It's just another year of receding hairlines and sagging breasts. Seriously. You don't have a birthday. (Or hey, maybe you just forgot to mention it. That happens too.)
3. Expensive Birthday
Time to splurge! You only get to do this once a year, right? So everyone better bring some damn good presents for how good a bash you're throwing. Getting thrown, maybe, with Daddy and Mommy's money.
4. Double Birthday
There's nothing quite like the kinship of being born on the same day. Maybe you're twins, maybe you were cloned, maybe you just budded off asexually or something. Or, you were just lucky. Better figure out who gets to blow out the candles.
5. Surprise Birthday
Did everyone forget your birthday? This is the wrong number, isn't it? Hey... isn't it awfully quiet? Where did everyone go?
6. Senile Birthday
Birthday? Whose birthday is it?
7. Unbirthday
It's not even your birthday, but the hell with it, you want cake. And balloons and streamers and maybe a fucking pony. Well, you're going to get them. And some tea, if that's your thing. Either way, this is going to be the BEST RANDOM DAY EVER.
8. Romantic Birthday
Nothing says I love you like actually remembering when your significant other started existing. After all, this is only one of... 5? 10? Occasions of the year where you get tospend too much moneyspoil them.
9. Crashed Birthday
Who the hell are you? This is a private party!! Wait, what do you mean poisonous hamsters from Zanzibar are in the pantry?!
10. Deathday
Hell yeah, the day you were released from the ties of the living world. Nothing quite like it. This is an absolutely festive occasion. It's a great day to haunt someone you know! Or something.
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W3 F1GHT TOO MUCH TO B3 M4T3SPR1TS, BUT NOT SER1OUSLY 3NOUGH TO B3 C4L1GN1OUS, 4ND 1M PR3TTY SUR3 1D FL1RT 4 LOT L3SS 1F 1T W4S SOM3TH1NG P4L3R
TH3 S4M3 PROBL3M 4PPL13S TO BOTH OF YOU
OR M4YB3 1M JUST B31NG STUPID B3C4US3 1 N3V3R H4D 4 MO1R41L B3FOR3
DO YOU 4ND G4MZ33 FL1RT???
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NO, WE DON'T, THAT'S GROSS
WAIT
ARE YOU CLAIMING THAT I FLIRT WITH DAVE TOO.
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H4H4H4 NO, NO
1 W4S D3SCR1B1NG *MY* PROBL3M
YOUR 4ND D4V3S PROBL3M 1S TH4T YOU DONT 1NT3R4CT
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YOUR3 L3TT1NG H1M G3T TO YOU
STOP TRY1NG TO H4V3 S3RIOUS D1CUSS1ONS 4ND TRY TO G3T UND3R H1S SK1N 1NST34D
1TS L1K3 'M3SS1NG W1TH P3OPL3' 1S H1S ONLY FORM OF COMMUN1C4T1ON
H3 ONLY T4K3S P3OPL3 S3R1OUSLY 1F TH3Y C4N K33P UP
YOU UP FOR 1T??
4R3 YOU 4 R4D1C4L 3NOUGH DUD3 TO B34T COOLK1D 4T 4 M1NDG4M3???
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I WAS DROPPED ON MY PAN AS A GRUB AND NOT ONLY DID IT STUNT THE GROWTH OF MY HORNS, IT ALSO SQUASHED OUT MY "MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLERY" GLAND.
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WAIT
YOU WANT ME TO LET YOU ADVISE ME ON HOW TO GET ALONG WITH DAVE
SO THAT DAVE AND I CAN GET ALONG
AND THEN YOU AND I CAN GET ALONG
AND WE CAN ALL GET ALONG
OR WHATEVER???
Sorry I deleted out from under you >_<
W1THOUT MOR3 1NFORM4T1ON, TH4TS TH3 MOST V14BL3 P4TH 1 C4N S33
4S 1T W1LL, 1N TURN, 4LLOW M3 TO G4TH3R MOR3 1NFORM4T1ON
OR TH3R3S 4LW4YS PL4N B
WH3R3 1 4SK FOR 4NOTH3R SW33P TO TH1NK TH1NGS OV3R
3V3RY WR1GGL1NG D4Y UNT1L 1 G3T TH1NGS F1GUR3D OUT ON MY OWN
WH1CH M1GHT WORK
BUT W1LL PUT YOU 4T 4 S1GN1F1C4NT D1S4DV4NT4G3
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WHY CAN'T WE JUST.
I MEAN.
OK, UM, ALL MY CONVERSATIONS WITH DAVE ARE KIND OF THE SAME? I SAY SOMETHING AND HE LIKE ROLLS HIS EYES AT ME AND ASKS ALL DISMISSIVE AND BASICALLY IS A SMUG FUCK ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF ALWAYS, AND HE DELIBERATELY PROVOKES ME INTO FORGETTING WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY.
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S33R OF M1ND STUFF
1F 1 TRY TO F1GUR3 SOMETH1NG OUT 4T 4LL 1 OV3RTH1NK 1T
HMM
H3 USU4LLY H4S TH3 UPP3RH4ND TH3N
...
ST4RT 4 CONVERS4T1ON W1TH NO GO4L OTH3R TH4N P3ST3R1NG H1M
DONT 4CT 4NNOY3D--OK, 1 M34N MOR3 4NNOY3D TH4N USU4L
ROLL YOUR 3Y3S 4ND 1GNOR3 WH4T3V3R H3S S41D OR D1D TH4TS D3S1GN3D TO 4NNOY YOU
4ND CONT1NU3 P3ST3R1NG H1M UNT1L H3 LOS3S H1S COOL
WHO3V3R LOS3S TH31R COOL F1RST LOS3S TH3 ROUND
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4T L34ST 1 C4N M4K3 1T H4PP3N
4ND NOW 1M T34CH1NG YOU
BUT YOU C4NT US3 MY M3THODS, TH4T WOULD T1P H1M OFF...
HM
...
WH4T 1S SOM3TH1NG R34LLY 4NNOY1NG 4BOUT YOU...
WH4T 4BOUT YOUR ROM4NC3 NOV3LS?
GOT 4NYTH1NG P4RT1CUL4RLY 4WFUL??
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WOW FUCK YOU, NO I HAVE NOT, MY TASTE DOESN'T RUN TO 'AWFUL'.
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TH4T WOULD H4V3 B33N R34LLY H3LPFUL
...
H4V3 YOU 3V3R NOT1C3D 4NYTH1NG YOUV3 DON3 4NNOY1NG H1M?
4S 1N H3 R34CT3D TO 1T W1TH MOR3 TH4N 4N 3Y3ROLL
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MAYBE.
I GUESS THE CAPE THING SEEMED TO BOTHER HIM.
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WH4T C4P3 TH1NG
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TH4T M1GHT B3 4 GOOD PL4C3 TO ST4RT
TRY F1DDL1NG W1TH TH3 3DG3 OF 1T SOM3T1M3 4ND S33 WH3R3 TH4T T4K3S YOU
JUST R3M3MB3R NOT TO G3T UPS3T, 4ND TO T4K3 NOT3 OF 4NYTH1NG TH4T 4GG1T4T3S H1M, HOW3V3R SL1GHTLY
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HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WASN'T UPSET.
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MY GLANDS B1G 3NOUGH TO SH4R3 W1TH TH3 L3SS FORTUN4T3
HOW 4BOUT 4 CR4SH COURS3
T3LL M3 4BOUT 4 CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T W3NT SH1TH1V3, 1 C4N 4DV1S3 ON HOW TO D34L W1TH S1M1L4R TH1NGS 1N TH3 FUTUR3