bakerstreet | (no subject)

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ANGST MEME

Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters will fall.

- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.

- Go to random.org and roll.

- Play!

1. just depressed.

Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.

You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.

Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.

You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.

You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.

For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.

You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.

Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.

You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.

You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.

Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.

You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.

Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.

You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.

It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss

You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.

Combine some options or make your own!

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There is always a choice!

[ She glowers at him, her frustration, anger and despair boiling over until she turns and punches the wall instead of beating onto his face. She probably broke a fair few fingers in the process, but she didn't care; she was a fugitive, now, just as much as he was, and while that part was mostly her own fault (she made the choice to support the Circle over the Templars) Anders was the catalyst.

She cradled her hand, barely noticing the pain among her other stinging wounds, the cuts and gashes through her armour and along her body, before she finally turned back to look at him, lifting her head to glare eye-to-eye. ]

You spent the last decade trying to protect innocents from being killed at the hands of Templars and today you were no better than them, Anders! You killed an innocent woman and the Sisters and Brothers that had done nothing more than their vowed duty to their faith! Worse than that, any mages that dare stay near Kirkwall will now fall victim to an army from Starkhaven tearing it to pieces!

[ Walking over, she grabs his shoulder, feathers and all, and jerks him back. ]

No. You're not getting out of this that easily, Anders. Do you think Merrill and I will be safe anywhere? Everyone knew my name - everyone, from here to Orlais. Once they find out what I've done I will be hunted until my head is on a spike. You're not alone in this anymore.

Mages do not get a choice.

[That was the part he knew she couldn't see and would be unable to understand. Her father was a fugitive mage. Her sister had never known the Circle. She would not understand that for all he could call down fireballs he was powerless. All mages were.]

They would not help us! The Mother was supposed to control the Templars. She and the other Sisters stood by and let Meredith run rampant. She said nothing in the face of atrocities. If you want me to feel guilty for their deaths I don't. Sebastian has always been more of a royal than a faithful man.

[It's only the innocent lives that were around the Chantry and in it that weigh on him. He wouldn't go back and change things but he will always feel guilty for those lives.]

Antiva is a city filled with outlaws. It's the safest you can get without being in the Wardens. It is the best choice. You can claim I had you under the thrall of blood magic. Everyone will believe you.

[The instinct to heal is too much. He lays his hands gently over hers where they hold him and works a quick healing spell over her. He wouldn't leave her healing to Merill or anyone else.]

They certainly won't one now!

[ She's furious, voice echoing in the cave; if she wasn't so sure they were capable of defending themselves she would've forced herself to be quieter. ]

Do you think your actions will only damage the Circle in Kirkwall, Anders? Don't you understand anything? Mages will be put down like rabid dogs for sneezing from now on, just to avoid another 'disaster'! They will have no freedom, less education, less chance to be actual people instead of beings tied to their magic!

[ Rubbing her eyes, Hawke grounds out a sigh, swallowing back her fatigue and breathing out again, hard, before she lifts her head. Her fury has it's place, of course, but there's no point in breaking what was left of Anders; even if there was, she cared about him. He was her friend and she had spared his life for a reason, one that didn't mean suffocating him with guilt and despair. ]

I fought for you, Anders, and all the mages. I was talking to the Grand Cleric and I had Sebastian urging her when I was busy elsewhere. I had Meredith calmer and Orsino, the bastard, as under my thumb as I could get. I was fixing things! Then you blow up the bloody Chantry! You should feel guilty about all the deaths that will be your burden to bear after this, all the mages that will be slaughtered in their beds because people wet themselves at night thinking about what happened here.

[ She watches absently as he takes her hand before he breathes out, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. Blast his stupid, martyr spirit. ]

I'm not going anywhere. Merrill can go if she wants - I expect she'll stay with us, seeing as her clan are... Well, her clan - but I'm staying with you. This is my fight too now. I'm not going to abandon you to whatever is going to happen if anyone finds you.

[He raises his chin, for a brief moment that spark of his back in his sunken eyes. He's the Anders he was when they met all those years ago.]

People will rise up and support the mages. The crimes of the Circle will be revealed. Everything the Templars have hidden behind their stone walls will come crumbling down and the world will know. And they will fight for the mages and the mages will finally fight for themselves.

You may have thought you were fixing things, Hawke, but you weren't. Meredith was under control of that cursed sword. Orsino was lost to blood magic. They played you, like a hand of cards. You saw what you wanted to see but none of the truth. When you're born a mage you can lecture me, but you know nothing of it so spare your lectures. I know what I've done and why.

[He lets go of her hands when she's healed and steps away from her. He doesn't deserve such kindness or such loyalty.]

You should have killed me, Hawke, it would spare us both a great deal of trouble.

[ Hawke shakes her head, pursing her lips before she breathes out. She's trying to reign in her anger; she doesn't want to curse at him or shout him to pieces. She wants to assure him that she's by his side, for better or for worse - even if, right now, it's worse. ]

Do you think I didn't know that? That each of them were using me for their own game to try and outdo the other? I might be a brutish warrior, Anders, but I'm hardly an idiot. I was doing the best I could, which was far more than anyone else was doing. [ She hisses out a sigh through her teeth, wallowing. ] I know enough about the mages and their struggle to understand! I may not have been born with magic but I empathise with you. My sister and my father were mages! Bethany was terrified or the circle, so much that she risked the Deep Roads instead - and she died anyway. My mother managed to hide my father and sister for years, but nothing stopped Orsino's pet from getting to her and taking her apart in front of me.

[ She swallows, staring at her hand and shaking her head. Everything hurts, like all her emotional scars have been stuck and reopened in front of her. She steps closer and puts both her hands on his shoulders, to calm herself as much as force him to look at her properly. ]

You know I'm not capable of that, Anders. Besides. [ She shrugs. ] Trouble always seems to find me, with or without you. It's just another day for Lady Hawke.

Even you couldn't save Kirkwall, Hawke. And you certainly can't save me though I know your crazy enough to try.

[He finds a suitable bolder and sits down, hanging his head. The mental weight pulls at his shoulders, making him droop. The years once again show on his face. Even though she spared his life, he figures he'll be dead in a few years from Justice if the Templars and Mage Hunters don't catch him first.]

I was a child when I was taken. Barely four, I think. There was a little mage girl we picked up on the way to the Tower. She was dead at sixteen. Hung herself. It happens quite a lot in Tower. Rape does as well. We are no more than cattle to them. A mage is less than human, so it doesn't bother the Templars to do such things to us. There are some that are... decent. At least they're not cruel. They still look at you with fear, like there's a demon right under the skin.

[He runs his hands through his hair, squeezes his skull tightly in his fingers before he lets his hands drop.]

Your father probably knew of these things. It's a blessing Bethany never ended up in the Tower, though older she stood a better chance. If what I've done causes one mage to fight back the next time a Templar corners them instead of cowering I have done something right. If one mage stands up and tells people of what they lived through, I have done something right. More mages are going to die but we were dying already just very, very slowly.

I gave up on saving you a long time ago, Anders. That doesn't mean I'm going to kill you.

[ Hawke sighs softly, walking over and kneeling before him as he speaks. It's hard, honestly, to sit and listen to the things that happened - the things that could have happened to Bethany. In some way it's a blessing that she died before she was dragged away - and Hawke hates herself for thinking it, her stomach feeling as though it's twisting and curling inside of her at the very thought. ]

I'm not going to tell you what you did was right. I'm not going to tell you what you did was good, either, because we both know that you have done a horrible thing today, Anders. But I understand your cause. I will not be the one to kill you and absolve your guilt - that is something you have to deal with, even if I am going to be by your side. Your crimes are for your shoulders to bare and you must know I disapprove.

[ She squeezes her eyes closed, trying to breathe. Her life may not have been on the same level as those mages that have been hurt and driven to taking their own lives, but it's been rougher than anyone could dare imagine. ]

But you're right. While today may lend itself to more hatred towards mages it will also inspire courage. People will hate you for what you did to the Chantry, but our choice to protect the Circle, the innocents, will change things. I can't deny that. [ Reaching out, she tugs his hand away from his face. ] I'm still furious with you, you rat bastard, and I'd like to punch you in the face enough times that a little healing magic won't be enough, but I'm not going to leave you for a Templar to skin alive. Sorry - [ she smirks. ] - you're stuck with me now.

Hawke, there's no absolution from this.

[He gives her a look because he isn't seeking absolution. He'd never find it and didn't deserve it. He was aware of that. He still didn't think it was wrong, what he did, but he knows it was a tragedy.]

I'm going to the Anderfels. I'm sure the Templars expect me to run off to Tevinter and seek shelter there but blood mages are worse than Templars in many way. In the Fels I can hide and help where I can. You're certain you want to come with?

[Loyalty is not what he expects at the moment. He really expected Hawke or Fenris or Sebastian to kill him. He's making up his plan as he sits there with her.]

I know. And I'm no fool - I know you don't want anyone to take your guilt from you. I've known you for years, Anders, and I know how your mind works.

[ She takes his hand in hers and squeezes them gently, a fond gesture of solitude more than anything else. She might be furious with him and, from this point forward, a hard taskmaster, but she won't abandon him. ]

I'm sure. You have to understand, Anders. [ She offers him a wry smirk. ] I have nothing left to return to. I have no family, no home and no future. It's not just loyalty that has me following you into certain danger - though, I have to admit, I am rather excited for it.

[ She lets go of his hand and stands, stretching her arms and cracking her back with a quiet groan. ]

[He manages a very strained smile.]

You are a better woman and friend than I deserve, Hawke.

[He really didn't expect any kindness from any of his friends after what he did. It's incredible that she's still willing to stand by his side.]

You could be anything. Wherever you wanted to go and whatever you wanted to do they would take you.

[ She shrugs a shoulder, looking almost flustered. ]

I don't know about that. I am a little bit of a trouble magnet - perhaps you're more than I deserve.

[ Settling down near his feet against the wall of the cave, she sighs, slipping off her gauntlets and dropping them to one side. ]

We'll see. I might end up being a mercenary between whatever it is you need me to do. At least I have enough gold in my pocket to keep us fed for a while yet.

I know how to survive like this.

[It wouldn't be the first time he had run and lived hidden away. He was older now, wiser and not as cocky as he once was. This time he wouldn't be recaptured.]

May I borrow your knife?

[He holds out a hand towards her, palm up.]

I only mean to cut my hair, not my throat.

You wouldn't get the knife close enough even if you tried. I'm nimble for a warrior.

[ She pulls out her knife, walking around and patting his shoulder gently. ]

I'll take care of it - I do my own hair and I used to do Carver's. Just do not move an inch.

[ She undoes the knot holding his hair up, running her fingers through it quickly before she starts. ]

[He would have hacked it all off at the knot, but he doesn't protest her taking over. He bows his head forward slightly to give her room to work.]

One would almost think you're a rogue with how good you are with your hands.

Perhaps I've spent too much time with Isabela.

[ She starts to cut, humming. ]

Were you going for the 'King of Ferelden' look or more of a 'broody elf in the moonlight'?

I doubt Isabela minded.

[He stays still, though he's tempted to shake his head at her.]

I have no desire to look like Fenris.

I wasn't pillaging or pirating, so I don't think she cared all that much.

[ She snorts, leaning forward. ]

Kingly, then?

She enjoyed looking at you. You must have noticed. We all did.

[He very carefully turns his head to look at her.]

I don't care about kingly. I don't want to look like myself.

Of course I noticed. I was a little too busy for romance, however.

[ She grins, lifting her hands up innocently. ]

I was just teasing, Anders.

Well, that's a rather... interesting mental picture there.

[He's not very good at jokes and teasing these days. There's too much on his shoulders.]

If we're going to hide I can't look like a mage. Merill should be alright because she's Dalish.

[ She snorts. ]

I doubt anything Isabela and I would do together would count as romance - so keep your mind on other things.

[ She goes back to cutting his hair, shorter and different from anything she's seen mages have. ]

I'll make sure she knows that we're blending in.

You never were one for romance of any kind with anyone it seemed, besides your sword.

[He closes his eyes as his hair starts to fall around him and to the floor.]

I doubt she'll be terribly good at it.

Can you blame me? I didn't have the energy - and casual sex wasn't worth the hassle.

[ She keeps her eyes steady and focussed as she works - she was going to give him a decent haircut, at least. ]

She can try. She does her best, you know.

You must not have had good casual sex.

[He doesn't care either way, as long as his hair isn't long anymore.]

Yes, I know, but blood magic. I have a hard time around her. Or should I say Justice has hard time.

I didn't have any here. Only in Ferelden and that... Is better not talked about.

[ She sighs softly. ]

I know. It's hard for me too. But she's our friend and she supported us.

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Sorry, I work on the weekends.

No worries!

Re: No worries!

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