bakerstreet | Phone sex & Sexting

( still in act 3. please avoid spoilers for end game; happy to avoid spoilers
as needed otherwise. canon, cross-canon/medium, assumed cr all welcome. )

So do you try at being effortlessly sexy and distracting or does it take actual effort?

An excellent question. Let me ask you one of my own. Do I distract you, mon chéri?

I am often full of excellent questions. It's rather my finest trait. Heh. You do distract me. Almost every time you swing that weapon. Like I said, effortlessly sexy.

You certainly have plenty other fine traits as well.

Is that so? Then, let me reassure you I've a skilled hand with many swords. Perhaps one day I can show you.

Tell me. How else do I distract you?

Not sure it would be particularly gentlemanly to brag about them all the same. It is indeed so. I suppose I'm having a rare moment of honesty. Are you now? Perhaps one day you should. I'm sure camp wouldn't miss us for a few hours if we did. Your eyes. Actually. You have this...gaze that makes it feel like the world stops for a few seconds. Or like you could get lost in them. Well, that and the way you have a little swagger of that walk. Though that normally directs my eyes downward.

Between us, I wouldn't mind if you were a little less gentlemanly.

Perhaps we could. But I don't know if it's a good idea. I can't promise I could keep things... Casual, as they say.

I had no idea you watched me so closely, Gustave. I admit, I'm not blind to your charms, either. How genuine and captivating you are when something has caught your eye. The way you speak with such reverance about your passions and interest. A distraction is a good word for it.

Between us- are you sure you could handle me if I was a little less gentlemanly? Oh. You're something of a stayer, are you? You know the world could end tomorrow. You really think casual or not matters? You draw the eye, Verso. It's hard not to. Seems you have noticed quite about me. I'm quite flattered.

I think I could manage.

Something like that. The world might not end tomorrow. Perhaps knowing someone will stay until the end speaks to the romantic in me.

Then should I keep to myself all the things I'd like to notice about you, given the chance?

I suppose there isn't much you can handle. Well...It's certainly not like I'm going anywhere. If that changes things. I'd rather you tell me those things. If we can't be honest with each other now- what's the point? Though, you do have the chance. If you want it.

Is that a promise?

Want it is putting it lightly. Where do I even begin?

I've wondered how you might look at me, the first time we kissed. All those little details I could memorize to have you so close. The real color of your eyes - everything from the rings around your iris to the freckles of color, however dark they might be. How your lashes might flutter, the little sounds you might make as to steal your breath away. Even the tint of your lips after I've kissed you over and over.

I am a man of my word, Verso. It's a promise. My... You truly are a romantic. Not sure I've ever had someone wonder what my lips would be after such a passionate kiss. Even reading that has made me forget to take a breath, I hope you know. Almost makes me feel guilty for more of my sinful thoughts I had about you. Though I thought about how your hands might feel on my hips, the pressure of it. The...strength you'd have. The way you might ground someone while you did it. The taste of you of your lips, of...so many parts of you.

Oh, I have plenty of sinful thoughts, Gustave.

Consider it foreplay.

But trust me, I've thought about it plenty. The warmth of your body under my hands, feeling every way you move when I touch you just right. How my hands would fit just right on your hips, holding you down, listening to all your breathless pleas for me to take you.

And your mouth. I wonder if your lips and tongue are as skillful in other ways as they are discussing your passions. If your moans are as alluring as the rest of you. Would you cry my name or whisper it as I take you apart?

You match my own in equal measure apparently. It's...certainly thrilling, as far as foreplay goes. And it's certainly getting the job done. I think the manner of my moans would depend on what exactly you were doing. Would you be rough and all consuming? Or slow and gentle to make me feel every last inch and moment of what you were doing? If you played me right, I'd make sweeter music than your piano would. Would you let me tease my tongue along your cock or would you take my mouth in desperation till I could barely take a breath? Fast or slow? Would you be sweet and presence or... strong and intense. It's hard to know what I crave more, if I'm honest. I think I just ache for you in ways...I need.

Edited 2025-05-21 16:39 (UTC)

Live as long as I have and you start collecting fantasies.

Is it? Am I exciting you, Gustave?

I could be anything you like. Give you anything you need. I could hold you down, pin your arms above your head and make you beg for it while I take you, nice and slow. Watching you come apart under me, pleading for more while I take you apart one thrust at a time. Or I could flip you over. Hold you down as I whisper against your ear what you do to me while I fuck you. Hard and deep, leave you so breathless you can't even say my name. And oh that mouth of yours. I would love to feel your tongue along every inch of me until I hold you down on my cock, leave you breathless all over again.

So tell me what you need. Let me give it to you. What do you want to hear, mon beau? And tell me, are you hard thinking about me now and all the ways I'd have you?

Well now I know a walk around your mind would be quite the eye-opening experience. Though I always assumed so. ...You are indeed, Verso. You know you speak like this...write like this to me and how could anyone, even the strongest among us, only want you for single night? You worry about the inability to keep things casual and yet I find myself already aching for night, after night, after night. And I wish so much that I can be greedy, that I could have every single one of those experiences. And to make choose is rather cruel. I need it all, Verso. Want it all. But if I must choose... Take me. Hold me down. Fuck me with a passion so much I can hardly find my breath. Fuck me till I know is you and your cock. Fuck my throat till I swallow you down like you're finest wine I've ever tasted. I...

[ Instead of an answer, a picture comes though on the others device. He'd clearly taken a moment to set it up but Gustave already looked almost sinfully ruined. His dark curls falling over dark, lustful eyes as he leaned back against a smooth rock of the cliff face of camp. His expedition robes untangled and unbuckled, his pants unbuckled and a hand sliding into his pants to squeeze at the outline of a cock still trapped by his underwear. A moment later another message comes though-]

You could say that.

Among other things.

Then allow me to continue. I've plenty to say.

I'll give you anything, night after night after night, if you'll have me. You've captured my attention in such a way, I don't know if I'll ever have enough of you. I want you to be greedy, to let me be as well.

As you wish, then. I'll take you apart piece by piece, learn every part of your body and all the ways I can make that pretty mouth of yours sing for me. All before I slide my cock between those lips of yours, let you get just a taste before I fuck your throat. Over and over until those dark eyes of yours are pleading for me to give you what you want. Until you're begging in whatever way you can.

( The picture is a surprise, but a welcome one. Gustave's always attractive, but seeing him on display like this, ruined and wanting, is truly a sight. An inspiration that makes his fingers long to play his body as easily as he does the ivory keys of a piano. And there's another urge, thought long forgotten - a realization that he feels as if he could pick up a brush, spill pigment across a canvas in an attempt to capture the lust he feels looking at Gustave.

He breathes out, wets his lips, and palms himself through his own pants slowly.)

Touch yourself. Touch yourself and close your eyes, and imagine I'm there with you. Imagine my hands are slipping under your clothes, learning the lines of your body as my lips caress your neck.

( canon and cross-canon/medium all good. assumed cr absolutely required. spoiler: he's going to suck at this. )

you know while I appreciate a free meal anytime, I wish you would have stayed a little longer for dessert.

( If that's meant as flirting or innuendo, Sam doesn't pick up on it. )

you could just ask next time. not like i got a lot of places to be these days.

( thankfully for them both, barnaby was rarely ever coy. )

you’re right, I should have spoken up. I was just worried our last time together was a one time thing.

I was hoping it wasn’t, because you tasted amazing, far better than dinner.

( Ah. )

i don't do casual. never have. it wasn't just a one time thing for me unless that's what you want it to be.

( But he has feelings for Barnaby, regardless of what comes out of their, ah... Encounter. )

can't say I'd be too interested in a one time thing, no.

( whatever came from it, whatever it lead them to, all he knew was he needed more. they were both similar in a lot of ways, but barnaby was always more open to admitting what he wanted and needed when pushed in the right way.

and sam had certainly done a great job at that. )

in fact I was hoping you'd be interested in knowing just how hard you've made me, remembering that encounter.

i gotta be honest, i'm not really good at this kinda thing

( There's only ever been Lucy. And, well, everyone knows how that turned out.

And it takes him a minute to realize where Barnaby's going with this. There's a couple minutes delay. Not for a lack of interest but mostly trying to figure out the best thing to say.)

yeah, i wanna know

[A message pings in Sam's inbox, much the same as the myriad others coming from grateful recipients of his deliveries.]

Remind me next time, I can open the door for ya, let you in out of the rain
Show some gratitude in person

[Accompanied by an image file with an artful angle on a scruffy face and a sharp canine biting on his lower lip. Whether Sam can read innuendo after so long alone is anyone's guess.]

( If that's supposed to be innuendo, it goes right over Sam's head.

But the picture does earn a raised eyebrow.)

thanks. wouldn't mind getting out of the rain once in a while

you got something on your lip?

I've been thinking about it, Sammy, and I'm gonna make* you choke on something and leave a handprint on the inside of your chest, since I notice you ain't got no allergic reaction to me touching you on the outside. Touchy-feely? Are you itchy? Not lonely, probably. Do you ever jerk off?

* if you ask ✨

( Read 37 minutes ago. )

( This is not what he was expecting when he was woken up from a much needed nap. :| )

The hell kind of question is that?

( Which question? All of them. )

Edited 2025-05-27 16:20 (UTC)

Nearly 40 minutes to meditate on little old me? Should I be flattered, knowing I sent the Great Deliverer a request he's struggling to mount, or disappointed at your return time?

They're all very pressing, burning questions. 💖

i got better things to do than answer your dumb questions.

( Except he does offer, almost immediately after: )

No.
No.
Why the fuck are you asking?

You don't have shit to do. Wandering around bringing people trinkets and socks and going along with a mission even though I already told you how it's gonna end. You don't believe in this country or this fake government and every little bit of truth you learn makes you feel worse. Don't it?

[ A mocking stab in the dark or the product of having once been Sam, who knows. ]

Noted, noted, who do you think about when you get yourself off?

( He hates it. He hates how absolutely right Higgs is. And the last thing he wants is to give him that satisfaction of knowing he's right. )

you don't know anything about me

( A very original, very defensive answer. )

all this talk about the end, and you're wasting your time asking about stuff that doesn't matter. maybe you're the one who doesn't have anything better to do.

Prove it. Answer my invasive questions.

Man, I can teleport and manifest nuclear warheads, I've done all my busywork for the fucking week. I got plenty of time to jack off thinking about you, Sam.

( The only reason he doesn't get ~~the silent treatment~~ left on read is because his comment earlier.

And he'll just breeze past that last part. Just like he does people's attempts to touch him. )

i don't. i'm not really interested in that kind of thing

( Not without the right person to think about, anyway. )

I keep hearing that. Mr Allergy, had to get taken advantage of by his therapist to get anywhere.

[ Does no one else find that weird??? Higgs finds it weird. ]

Did you break out in hives from me? Didn't look like it. Want to hold hands?

go fuck yourself

( If Higgs was trying to hit a nerve, he definitely did with that. ~~He knows it was kind of weird and inappropriate.~~ )

no. but i'm not interested in helping you get off on whatever twisted game it is you're trying to play here

( At least take him to dinner first, goddamn. )

So easy, Sam.

[ Too many sore spots out in the open. A dozen articles about poor Sammy, his poor dead wife, their poor dead baby, and oh-so-sad President Mommy. (And then of course there's what Amelie's told him, but she's not a real person, she's an Extinction Entity, as Higgs has already explained, apparently Sam just thinks he's nuts and lying or something.) ]

But funnily enough, that probably is what a therapist would tell me. Practical mechanical advice in a world confused about reproduction and continued existence. I don't think there are too many left, though. Therapists. If there were maybe we'd each have our own pet authority figure to endure experiments from, and life would be just a little less lonely. Still fucked, but with company, you know?

I don't believe that. From you. I think I make you feel something. Even if it's just rage.

( Yeah, he knows. People know a lot more about him than he'd like, and dealing with people like Higgs just reinforce it. He wishes he could just take Lou and live a quiet life somewhere, running some errands, with no one to bother him. )

some of us don't need company.

what's it to you what i feel, anyway? you have plenty of your homo demens pals you can talk about your feelings with.

Oh yeah? Put the baby in the incinerator.

[ Higgs knows he won't. He should, because bridge babies are tortured slaves just like their comatose mothers. But Sam's that lonely, isn't he? Willing to coddle the most grotesque thing humanity has ever done to survive so he's not alone. ]

I already know them. We're in the same place. Spiritually, I mean. It's the last big party before the end, so why shouldn't I spend my last hours having fun?

[ Suicidal euphoria on a massive scale. Pain will finally be over. Not just for him, for everyone. Wouldn't it be nice to tear into someone he wants to fuck (wants to kill) (wants to do both) right before the fireworks go? He's not the type to end up having someone to share a tender kiss with before it's dark. No one gives a shit about Higgs. It's got to be this. ]

leave her outta this

( Talking about Lou is a fast way to get clocked in the face. But Higgs is probably into that. )

and for some reason, you thought of me. you must be desperate.

( Tender kisses required before and after all encounters. )

You're the one who keeps bringing her along. Even with guns and monsters and timefall. I ain't got nothing to do with that.

[ Oh boo hoo Higgs blew up a few cities. He's freeing people, YOU GUYS are the psychos, with your magic gps babies and chiral network. ]

* Receives multiple messages explicitly about masturbations
* "For some reason"

Sammy.

[ Tender kisses sounds fake as fuck. Old world movie nonsense. Not like real life, where everyone is horrible. ]

( Just going to leave Lou outta this. But also, the more important part: )

so what, you want me to help you get off? it's not happening

( Everyone can be horrible, but he needs someone who is his type of horrible. )

I want to watch you get off.

[ Big difference. ]

( He shouldn't be as surprised as he is, all things considered. But he does take a few minutes to answer because he's too busy staring at that message like it's in some code he has to decipher. )

you're out of your damn mind, you know that?

As I've heard, from time to time.

But not about this. You're my job, I'm sure a quick guy like you has noticed that. I've got Amelie, and you're coming after me, and I'm trying to stop you. A classic scenario. ‼️ Stands to reason I've been watching you a fair bit, and more than that, it stands to reason I'd like to see something more than dragging cargo boxes and pissing on mushrooms.

[ Though he has, for the record, absolutely seen Sam pissing on things, and taken photos of this for his Helga Pataki stalker shrine. ]

You're a little funny and you're a little cute and I can tell you're listening, even when you turn your mind off to it all.

So I want to watch you come.

( At this point, he's come to accept that someone is always watching him. Doesn't mean he likes it, and doesn't mean he's thrilled to have confirmation that Higgs is, too. )

if you know so damn much, you know it's not that easy

( Not for him, anyway. He doesn't have anyone he's emotionally connected to, doesn't have something deep and emotionally stimulating enough to even spark that kind of need. And any fantasies he used to have died with Lucy. )

[ Sam accepted literal big brother handcuffs and is letting government engineers harvest his poop, Higgs' telephoto lens might actually be the least invasive bit of creeping going on, here.

But: interesting, he thinks, that this message from Sam sounds like a complaint. It gives him pause.

Higgs' turn for a delay, and then, beepbeep. A voice memo, with a return codec number attached. There's a warning on it. Private channel, unstable, won't be recorded. A shuddering little thing, like perhaps somebody technically-minded enough to put together a nuclear warhead is able to email a UCA-monitor dodging chat worm.

No surprise, when played, that it's Higgs' voice. A little scratchy from tiredness, and missing the ominous filter of his mask, but it's him, drawling and dark-warm. ]

Why don't you talk to me about it? [ —sounds much less mocking than it should. ] Our secret. Nobody's gonna believe me if I say we had a bored midnight heart to heart, anyway.

[ Call back? y/n? ⚠️ ]

( A moment of relief and then... a message. Course he wouldn't be lucky enough to be left alone. And he'd ignore it if it weren't for knowing that things won't end here whether he listens and responds or not.

So he listens. Even if he is a pain in the ass, Sam can admit that the guy has a... nice voice. More so when he doesn't sound as annoying or mocking as he expected. He has a point that no one would believe him. Not that Sam has anything to hide by talking to him. There's a long sigh, and despite the whisper of a thought that he shouldn't, he calls back. He can hang up if it gets too ridiculous.

When Higgs does answer, he gets a low, tired: )

Nothing to talk about.

( There's plenty about that particular topic, really, but he's not going to volunteer it. )

[ A bad tactic to take with Higgs. He doesn't have any meaningful experience with positive interactions, hostility and endurance are his normal— even Fragile, their sainted lady of optimistic suffering, is pushy and only hears what she wants to, and they were just as annoying together as you might imagine. Still, despite all the warped pieces he's made up out of, if he got told No, stop, and didn't get a response, he's more likely to accept it (for now) (like he's still going to try and kill him a bunch) than not.

But Sam calls. 💖 ]

If you say so. [ A little surprised. He stares up at the transparent ceiling of his current bolthole, a printed bubble inside a crumbling west-coast city, too tired to make the jump back to the action in the midwest. ] But since you're saying so— anything you want to get off your chest while your owners ears are all plugged?

[ A gentle, curious poke. If he were there he'd be leaning too close, big eyes observing Sam closely with near-manic intensity. ]

( The sound of Higgs's voice makes Sam realize - yeah, this was a mistake. He's trying to figure out if hanging up with do anything or if he'll be stuck dealing with Higgs until he gets bored. He can't say he knows him well enough to make the right choice to get a reprieve. All he knows for sure is that he's annoying.

But instead of disconnecting, there's just a long, thoughtful moments of silence. It's an awkward drag of time, seems like he might not say anything at all. He's not a talkative sort on a good day, even less so when he's in conversations with people he doesn't have any deep or meaningful connection to. If Higgs wanted to talk to fill the silence until he got bored, Sam could work with that.

But he does, finally, manage: )

Why me?

( Why is Higgs so interested in him? Why so interested in seeing him get off? A little funny and a little cute don't make sense to him for wanting something like that. )

[ An odd question, he thinks at first; but the thought rolls around, and, no, he understands why Sam doesn't see it. Higgs, after all, isn't going to be keen on the depressive porter for the same reasons his government pals are going to be. Everyone loves a pushover who'll do stuff for them, and Sam isn't doing Higgs' bidding.

(That he knows of. Peter thanks you for the pizza.)

An exhaled laugh, soft. ]

You're awake, Sam.

[ This world is a dead dream. It's rare, finding someone who sees through it and does his own thing. Well. Mostly. He should really ditch the UCA, in Higgs' opinion. ]

( Far as Sam's concerned, what the UCA and Higgs want from him are two different things. One intending to create and unite and the other to destroy, and he's just caught in the middle. An unfortunate truth that annoys the hell out of him for all that he goes along and does what he's been contracted to do. But the biggest difference here: he isn't obligated to do anything for Higgs (at least that he knows of).

All that to say, makes his eyebrows crease. He's not seeing the humor here. )

Something funny? ( Even if Higgs tells him, he doubts he's going to find the humor in it. Two different wave lengths in that regard, just like so much else about the two of them.

The silence that follows the comment, though is considerably shorter. )

You made sure of that.

( Literally and metaphorically. Higgs had woken him up tonight, but he'd also been an eye opening experience. A clear look at the world he'd been dragged into. )

Something not funny? You throw shit grenades at ghosts.

[ Like,,,

what's going on with their existence, man. ]

Mm. I do wonder if you believe me about all of it, though. Have you decided what you think?

[ Amelie isn't real. It's not DOOMS, with her, it's something else. Fragile is an instigator. The UCA is poison. Better, to be headed to the final end. ]

( There's a soft heh as he shakes his head. He'd never thought he'd see the day where he was using his own piss and shit to ward of BTs, but here they are. For all that it's effective, it is kinda funny.

The more pressing thought is the question that's turned his way. Sam doesn't know what to think anymore. He knows he wasn't thrilled about getting roped into all this in the first place, but he's started to see the importance of connecting with others on his journey. Can't say he really knows how he feels about Fragile or that he even understands things with Amelie. Their constant dreaming meet ups. What he settles on is a gruff:)

I dunno.

( Lots of questions, not enough answers. He feels like he starts to understand one thing only to end up with a dozen more questions. But he knows, at least, that Higgs is onto something. )

There's a lot of shit to think about. Especially with people like you asking weird ass questions.

'I am alone in the midst of these happy, reasonable voices,' [ he says, and it has the air of a quote. He knows movies, and video games, and has read so, so much; nothing else to do, growing up buried in a hole. Maybe Sam will look it up later, read Sartre's Nausea, have a laugh. Maybe he'll gloss over it, because who fucking cares, Higgs. ]

If you think it's weird, then I think I'm the only one asking you normal questions. [ Unseen, he raises one of his hands and splays his fingers, watching them flex and curl. ] Guess I could just go back to working out enriching ways to derail your long decaying ethernet walk, but I'm attracted to you, so hitting on you seems more productive. At least for now.

[ The faintest hint of something glum, on the tail end of that remark. Amelie will have something new for him to do, soon, and she's not going to like the way he critiques what's obviously half-hearted busywork. He can tell she's undecided. But how can she be, after everything she's shown him? ]

( The hell is that supposed to mean? It's hard to tell if Higgs is trying to be a poet or if he's reciting something. Either way, he's quiet as he sits there, turning the words over slowly. Not that he voices his own wonder about what they're supposed to mean. Let Higgs decide for himself if the stretch of silence is him thinking or just Sam being, well, Sam. )

I think it's weird you're asking me about jerking off. ( That's the biggest puzzle he's trying to figure out here. If Higgs is actually interested or if this is some dumb ass game. Either way - Higgs is definitely the only person who has had the nerve to ask him anything like that.

But the idea of Higgs getting in the way of his work is met with a low, unamused groan. Another little stretch of silence before he offers a low, thoughtful. )

You sure know how to pick 'em.

( He can't wrap his head around what appeal he has to someone like Higgs. Especially not when the guy clearly has some sort of sexual interest that Sam doesn't even know what to do with. )

[ Not to be overlooked: the comedy of Sam reacting to this like he's trying to puzzle out Higgs' motive, instead of telling him he's sexually harassing him and to fuck off. It just makes Higgs all the more curious about him, and his weird, sad brain, walking around with his cute butt in his dorky jumpsuit. He wonders if he peeled Sam halfway out of it, if he could get him to make a mess in his uniform.

Maybe not? Maybe his dick doesn't work. Pretty common in this day and age. Higgs is an outlier.

But this is, of course, no reason to not continue to hit on Sam. What else is he going to do with his time? ]

I think you'd look good, I think you'd sound good. I think you might like it, if you could get there. I know I'd like watching you. So, it ain't that weird, actually.

[ Reasonable. ]

You've met my ex. I've moved on. Trying new things.

( If Higgs had tried to talk to him about something like this before, he would have shut it down. Disengaged at the first chance or not answered at all. But Sam's changed with time. The only thing he'd cared about for a long time was living to see another sunrise, but that's not the case anymore. He's learning to live again. Patching the holes, changing the parts to make a life worth living while he's got the chance. And he's curious just how far Higgs will push this. Trying to figure out his angle, understand him a bit more, really get himself thinking.

And weirdly, Higgs is making him look at the broken parts of himself, the ones still hung up on the past and regrets. Even if it's through a weirdly sexual lense he's not sure how to use. So he considers, turns over the words. Something in particular, though, does get his attention: )

My dick's not broken, man. ( No, it works well as far as he's concerned. What he doesn't say is it's his head that doesn't work quite the same as most people's. ) I can't say I've ever really been someone's type.

( There'd only ever been Lucy, and he knows how that looks on paper. What people say.

And that answers a question he's had about Higgs and Fragile's relationship, anyway.)

So what - I get off and all you do is watch? Sounds weird as hell to me.

[ Fragile will probably not appreciate being so specifically designated, given her current animosity, but such is the way of Kojima games. Never a need to say what's obvious. But Higgs will go ahead and say it, because they're talking about jerking off. So.

He laughs a little, but it sounds like a response to Sam telling a funny joke, not like he's making fun of the porter— ]

How would you know, if you don't use it for anything?

[ Some teasing. Crazy that Sam doesn't think he's anyone's type, too, given the twitterpated response of so many off-grid survivors ordering useless junk just to stare at him lingering on their doorsteps through security cameras. ]

I can do whatever I want with myself any old time. I wouldn't want to squander it and miss something, if I was watching you.

( In this context, hearing about Higgs' ex isn't really doing it for him. Hope that helps, Higgs.

The question, though, earns a soft scoff, and he shakes his head. Suddenly, he feels like he's being grilled by the Heartman, Deadman, and Mama about his bodily functions. And he sounds just as unenthused about answering Higgs as he does answering them.)

I still gotta piss. ( That's... not what Higgs is asking, and Sam knows it. Mostly, he's debating how much to say. It's not that he never jerks, has had his (small) share of lewd dreams, and wakes up regularly with a morning boner that's a real pain in the ass sometimes. But it's rare that someone hits the right buttons to get him going. And right now? Higgs sure as hell isn't hitting those buttons. Way too physical, not enough emotion.)

Sounds like you already watch me plenty, Higgs.

( Again, not in the context Higgs means, but he figures it's true enough. )

[ Not much at all seems to be doing it for Sam. Understandable, given his options. ]

We been over why. You fishing for more compliments, now? Not very stoic and mysterious of you.

[ Whatever each of them are looking for, they seem to be shooting past each other, tonight. Not uncommon for Higgs, who has never properly connected with anyone. Too fucked from the get-go and too unlike anyone else still alive. ]

Hey, Sammy.

[ A brief pause. Gear change.

Nevermind, tangible in the silence. ]

See you later, alligator.

Never said I was stoic and mysterious.

( That seems to be everyone else's impression of him, anyway. He prefers quiet. Private.

It's Sam's reality that he doesn't connect with people easily. Part of the whole reason he'd gone to therapy in the first place. And after Lucy and Lou, the hell was the point in trying to connect with anyone? He's working on it, now. Doing better one step at a time. Still easy to miss someone else's wavelength.

But there it is - that nickname that gets his attention for all that it annoys him. He can hear that shift in his voice, the kind that tells him it wasn't his original intention.)

Yeah.

( As close to a good bye as he'll get. )

[ A bzzt, a click, and they are disconnected. An all-too-common occurrence in this world, in every way. Sam's interface will flicker as though rebooting, and he'll most likely be subject to questions from his ever-present observers over what looked like an outage on their end.

Still, their little secret, and to that end there's something left behind. A number, with the same warning icon next to it.

If Sam's ever bored, maybe. ]

[ up to date, canon point flexible, misfires etc welcome. ]

I heard you’re spending an unhealthy amount of time in the Cap Cave. So clear your evening because we’re going to do something else you can focus on.

define unhealthy - lotta work to do, I'm spending a normal amount of time on it
also who ratted me out?
also also: define something else

I don’t believe for a second that it’s a normal amount.

Also, who do you think?

Also also, I thought that was obvious: me.

I get sleep and I get shit done. perfectly normal.

[ UH HUH SAM. UH HUH. ]

you know, maybe I don't need a baby falcon after all. maybe redwing is all I need in life.

well, maybe redwing and something else. I could be persuaded.

[ see it's funny 'cause she just established herself as something else. aaahhhh, sam's brain is truly not firing on all cylinders right now. ]

How much sleep?

I like that he cares enough about you to tell me. That’s a good person to have at your side and watching your back. You’re not getting rid of the baby falcon. And I bet Redwing will back me up on that.

As that something else, I should tell you that I’ve been missing you a lot.

enough sleep

[ don't question it, shhhh... ]

he's a good man. can I pawn him off on you, by any chance?

missed you too. been a while... and I know that's on me. look, all deflection aside, I'm sorry I've kept so busy with work

Mmmmhmm.

And as much as I like Joaquin, I already have Kamala. I think it’s a one-very-energetic-protege per person thing.

I know. It’s not easy to build a team and wrangle lawyers and problem solve on top of kicking ass. It’s why I only do the last one.

Someone very wise once told me if we don’t take breaks and rest, we burn out.

[Yes, she is going to use that forever, Sam. You never should’ve been so insightful on her life.]

don't you mmmmhmm me, it's rude

we should trade for a day. I did that with clint once. clint thought he got the better end of the deal, but joke was on him - he under-estimated how much I appreciate some chaos gremlin energy. kate and I got along like a house on fire, while clint had to suffer joaquin's non-stop babbling energy.

I'd just use redwing's laser like a laser pointer and keep your girl entertained all afternoon. easy.

.... did you just use my own counselling advice against me? not cool danvers, that ain't how we do things around here. take that back.

What's rude about shorthand for 'I know you're not getting enough sleep but that's not the point I'm going to press right now'?

If you think that a laser pointer is going to keep Kamala entertained, then I cannot wait for this trade. However, I would love to borrow Redwing to keep Goose entertained...

Legitimately though, I would be up for that. It'd be good for Kamala to shadow someone else for a little bit and I can give Joaquin some flying tips.

Yes I did. I'll consider taking it back after sitting on your handsome face for a bit.

[ Up to date through CABNW. Not Thunderbolts compliant. TFATWS to CABNW era canon points preferred. ]

The gesture you have just made with your hand is inappropriately lewd for a public venue.

Edited 2025-05-20 23:15 (UTC)

I’ve never been much of a reader, but I heard that some of those books can get really sexy!

Got any suggestions?

feels like you shot an arrow straight to my heart, haven't been able to get you off my mind kate.

You know what I'd really like right now?

what's that?
i'm all ears.

Your mouth and hands on me.

[F/F and of drinking age for anything real, OTA otherwise, send your own text or react to...]

hey, i'm workshopping a new pickup line, give me your opinion:

wanna come back to my place and get your cunt ate?

Please know I spit my drink all over the counter and my phone and was so red my coworker thought I got another unsolicited dick pic

yes.

hey, if i had a dick, i'd probably have sent a couple of those. i've done dumber things when you get me wasted.

oh, wait, did it actually work? nice.

I'm not sure I'd call that unsolicited

Wait, was that supposed to be a joke? Should I be embarrassed now?

it would be when you got one at around three in the morning
that's usually when i'm at my least inhibited

uh well
it's not really a joke
but i was expecting a "that'll work on someone" or "you're gross"
not a "yes, come eat me out"
caught me a little off guard

you can try it :) but like. boob pic or pussy pic please don't send me someone else's dick

I guess a dildo would be okay??

Why were you asking if you didn't think it would work??

I'm really bad at dirty jokes. I feel like I should be up front about that.

see but everyone loves getting boob pics
shit, i'd be delighted if a stranger sent me their tits
same with pussy pics
little more shocking, though, gotta give you that

hell, you're assuming i think any of this through

i just thought that might be a good line and picked someone i thought it'd be fun to use it on

mission accomplished

do they??? I wouldn't know what to do with a stranger's boob pic

guess we don't have that problem :)

i guess i do assume people think things through. I don't know how not to!

( misfires loved! )

You know I heard some scandalous rumors of you at that new school of yours- Should I be jealous?

That depends.

Will I get punished if I say yes, you should be jealous?

( prefs + info on journal. )

( info, permissions. pitch; edo period travelling woman poet getting in trouble everywhere. )

Are you slithering around nuDe on the shoreline or have there been sightings of an even stranger fish?

[ Romance. ]

Edited (guess i'll die) 2025-05-20 17:12 (UTC)

I wanted to swim. Whose sensibilities should I have taken into consideration?

( Or: which prude reported his naked ass to Daemon? )

How tedious, sensibilities.

I'm just wondering if you've gotten sand between your toes.

Why not come down to the shoreline and find out for yourself?

Far be it from me to interrupt your basking. Toes or not. Have you lured in anything curious from the depths?

Not from the depths. A young fisherman stopped a while on the shore — I remembered his face from our afternoon at the inn.

He was not displeasing to the eye.

Oh, fishermen are very much from the depths, though the young ones may not have acclimated just yet. Still growing gills. Do you think you've inspired tales of an ivory mermaid?

If I have, I hope the tales remember that this particular mermaid has sharp teeth. That it hunts in these waters for hot, sweet flesh.

Could I lure you out to me, I wonder?

Enticing. Sharp teeth dug into sweet flesh, and yours, even sweeter, bare in the obsidian shining sea.

Did you jerk off for the pretty fisherman?

I showed him all he could have, should he find the courage to step into the seafoam.

He was tempted. I think he would have enjoyed decorating me in pearls of his own.

No wonder someone tattled.

[ Some fumbling spy, uhm, my prince, the other prince is daring smallfolk to bang him, help.

Hot. ]

What treasures would I find, if your luring song is successful?

( Don't these spies know Dragonstone is called Fuck Island in High Valyrian— )

Another pearl — a pink, smooth morsel fit for a prince's tongue. I have plenty of treasures to offer, but that is my favourite to be found.

Would you try a taste?

As eager to be devoured as the first moment you set your now-sandy toes on this isle.

[ The spies probably just think this new variable is still at risk of being a fantasy Catholic agent of King's Landing. Rudely underestimating Daemon's (aging, in shambles) game. ]

A siren on the shore, you are.

But a lonely siren, with only the sea and cowardly fishermen for company.

Your little informant could have tried their luck, at the very least.

Edited (tfw when u p align instead of courier new am i right) 2025-05-21 09:22 (UTC)

They fear the lovely sharpness of your teeth.

And am I to try my luck? Get sand somewhere more unpleasant than between my toes?

Would your knees survive it? A bed is one thing, but fucking on the sand is quite another.

( Ha. Old. )

How would you know?

[ A month ago you were a virgin who couldn't drive. ]

But no, they wouldn't survive. And you'd get a single grain of sand stuck under your foreskin and want to end it all quite dramatically. Avail yourself of my ancient experience.

Training on the sand is much more taxing than training on solid ground. I assume it extends to the rest.

Hm. Then I suppose you will have to wait and experience this mermaid's delights from the comfort of your bath.

Going to have to be concerned with your own knees soon, with too much of that.

I have a better idea, if you've any patience.

Go on. I'm listening.

I'll collect you shortly. You can stay sandy or not.

You had best hurry, before I find another fisherman to sink my teeth into.

If you do, I'll be happy for the show. Until it ceases to please me.

[ Violently ripping someone away from him might be its own kind of fun.

But, ]

Is your old girl lurking nearby?

She always is.

Does your plan involve her in some way?

Just wondering if you'd need a lift. But she knows where we're going.

She knows, but you aren’t planning on telling me?

You could ask her. See if she remembers the way to the hot springs.

Hm.

Alright. If she does, I may have to start without you.

From the way I hear it, you've been started for quite some time now already.

I am fortunate, then, to have a husband who understands that my appetites cannot be bent to his schedule.

( This is your fault Daemon, you gave him s-tier dick and now look 😔 )

I wonder. Would you like to hear about it less, or more? I could arrange for either in future.

Else your appetites would be my schedule.

[ Heavy lies the penis :/ ]

Ask me in the future. Perhaps I would. Perhaps I wouldn't be in the mood. For now, I want to see you in volcano-warmed water making yourself come.

Edited (slept and realized i fucked up the already shitty joke) 2025-05-25 20:40 (UTC)

And what of what I want to see?

You could tell me, or you could smother yourself and just hope, I suppose.

( Aemond has always found showing a lot easier than telling, and so there's a moment's pause as he hesitates over typing out his most recent desire.

... Ah, fuck it. He's been showing off his goodies to scared fishermen, so why the hells not at this point. )

I would have you close, that I might taste you while I make myself come.

[ Good boy, he might say, if he wanted to lose a limb. ]

My fingers in your mouth, making you impatient for my cock?

To feel them pressing into my tongue, growing wet, as you hold me steady for you — I have imagined it, when I am alone and my cock is hard in my hand.

When you come while I map your mouth, feel your teeth pressing into my fingers as you touch yourself, will it be enough?

How could it be? To come like that will only make me want you more — to put my tongue to your cock and taste your need.

Will you let me?

( Info sheet here! Nadryn is a 110 year-old Lolth-sworn Drow trained in illusion magic. As the second son of the noble House Mizzrym he was raised in sumptuous luxury, which was sharply contrasted against the vicious and violent "training" that Drow are put through to cull the weak from society. He's a daydreamer with a great love of fiction and no real interest in scheming and politicking, however he's learned how to dissociate himself enough that he can play the part well enough to keep up appearances for the family. Don't ask him about how many people he's tortured 8')

He is intensely afraid of Lolth, spiders, and Matron Iymniss Mizzrym herself, and he's struggling to balance his eagerness for actually having companions with his fear of displeasing the Spider Queen. Still learning how to best use pleases and thank yous, can come across as totally divorced from reality at times. Nadryn is gay so M/M 18+ for shipping, gen and misfires open to everyone else! )

You seemed flustered, hearing about my studies among the celestial druids. I apologize if it was too graphic, despite the content being largely incorporeal.

Incorporeal or not, it was—

( P h e w, nope, not gonna think about it too hard. It's Too Much. Instead: )

I am surprised you saw fit to share it with me in such detail. You do not consider it to be one of your more private experiences?

Of course not. It was largely academic, and what wasn't was all fumbling and learning on my side of things.

I thought you might find it interesting, as a wizard.

As a wizard, it was very interesting.

As myself, it poses the unique problem of wanting to learn more whilst feeling it wholly inappropriate to do so. I imagine you can understand my frustration.

I've been familiar with all kinds of frustrations over the years, but that one— no. I can't imagine at all why it would be inappropriate.

You druids are a truly odd people. Do you share everything so freely?

I'm choosing to embrace "truly odd" as a boon.

Only when it pleases all involved to do so. It's certainly not expected, it's just that those of the First Circle do not teach shame, nor do they put any particular veneration on modesty. We are each as nature wills us. Sometimes that's very open, and sometimes it's not.

The Grove often felt like a cold place, to me. One of my failings, perhaps, or just the way of things.

One would think that the blood orgies of Menzoberranazan would have similarly desensitised me to ideas of immodesty. No doubt they would have been easier to tolerate, if they had.

Will you tell me more of the celestial druids, at some point? Now that I know what to expect, I might find your explanation of their magic a little easier to follow.

Edited (fuck words you know?) 2025-05-21 20:03 (UTC)

[ Unseen: the slightest of pauses. ]

All cultures are to be celebrated, but I've always preferred more joy than blood in my orgies.

Gladly.

Joy is far from a priority among my people. A fact which seems to be well known on the surface — and one of the reasons I am reviled by all I have met here, I suspect.

Does your agreeableness in the matter mean that "nature wills you" to be open with me?

Do you feel reviled by me?

No. You have been kind to me from the start, for all I cannot figure out why.

I had initially assumed you simply found me weak.

I see no weakness. Kindness pleases me, and you lean towards it like a flower too long held in the dark.

( Well now it's his turn for an unseen pause, before: )

You should not say such things, Halsin.

Have I offended you?

Yes.

... No. I should have found such a statement offensive, but I did not.

It bothers me.

[ HMMMM horny responses on pause while we investigate feelings. ]

Will you tell me about it?

( Incorrect, actually, get Uno reversed instead? Maybe?? )

I could. Or, we could consider a more enjoyable way to ... un-bother me?

( Talking about feelings, ew, gross. )

[ MAYBE. ]

We could consider such things, yes.

But would you really be comfortable?

( Oop. This time the pause lasts long enough to be noticeable. )

I have spoiled this, haven't I.

Not at all. There is intimacy in honesty, even when you might feel an instinct to find it awkward.

I desire you. I have no wish, in that desire, for you to silence yourself. About anything.

I am not uncomfortable with you. Your presence is a balm to me, and I want you, badly.

I find it difficult to reflect on why that is. You speak of kindness, or some other tender thing, and I am reminded that I should not wish for such things at all. They will punish me for it.

Nature is not as uniform as any society would like to force it to be. You wish for what you feel starved of.

Will you go back, and tell Lolth all of your transgressions?

I do. Such starvation makes most of us cruel; it is harder when it makes us like me.

She may already know, and my family's standing may have been lowered for it already. I cannot return to the Underdark without something to prove the sacrifice to have been worth it, to Her and to everyone else.

It may be harder. And I don't wish you to suffer. But I'm glad you are the way you are, Nadryn.

Are you happy there? Believe me, I understand it's your home. I don't mean to follow this line if inquiry up by trying to entice you to abandon your culture and your family. I just ... want to know, because I want to know you.

[Would you like an Astarion?]

( Heck yeah, lay him on me! )

[Any preference on timeline? Post-cazador death or post-game is usually my go to for astarion if that works]

( Happy to go post-game! Nadryn will be staying at the Elfsong indefinitely because he's worried about getting a place of his own and committing to Surface Life (just for some Lolthsworn Drow baggage lmao) - so let's go from there 8) )

((Hilarious since my go-to idea for Astarion post-game is he becomes a mushroom hunter for Bonecloak so he can be underground a lot and make fat noblestalk money. Instead, he can just be visiting...the siblings...))
--

It takes a godsforsaken century to travel to all my siblings. I had thought at the time it was a smart suggestion, to have them all separate, live in different areas of the Underdark. Be a little less harrowing than they would need to be to those that lived nearby if they divided into thirds. Logical, right?

But now I can only curse our folly of a suggestion for how long I must be away.

( PERHAPS HE CAN BE CONVINCED to return to the Underdark once he realises it makes way more sense for the both of them, but for now ... )

Bring something small back from each of your siblings' locations, and I will prepare a stack of Scrolls of Teleportation for you to use next time.

You are right. It is difficult, being here without you. I miss the shape of you in our bed when I shut out the sun each morning.

Oh ho, steal from my beloved siblings? How odious. I'll do it.

Ah, our bed, how I miss its not-straw filling. But moreso, I long for the warmth of your arms around me. It's so cold here.

It doesn't have to be a possession of theirs, Astarion. Even something so small as a pebble from the ground will help you get to the right location.

Is this the part where I confess how I am longing for the return of your ice-cold feet, and how you use them to sap the warmth out of mine? Because I am. Terribly. By all accounts, it makes no sense.

Alas, it's too late, I already have targets in mind.

[It is too bad they're apart, because that makes Astarion titter loudly.]

What a strange thing love is, making you long for even the worst aspects of your other half. Such as, the melody of your snores. Little did I know how I depend on them to fall asleep!

[Beat.]

Aside from the myriad of ways you know how to exhaust me, of course.

( He's lucky he made it sexy JUST IN TIME because how dare he insinuate that he snores— )

You've been gone for so long I fear I've quite forgotten them. Perhaps you could remind me of your favourites?

[He didn't say he did all the time at least.]

Darling, how you must be suffering if you've forgotten! It will be so hard to choose. . . .

I adore when you use my mouth, burying yourself so deep in it I have to stop my breath because I can't breathe. But is that as delicious as when you ride me while looking down at me with your wild, hungry eyes? Or when you're holding me close as you fuck me so achingly slow, whispering wonderful things in my ear as I moan?

Hm. Yes ... I think bits and pieces are coming back to me now.

And I think, if you were here, nothing could stop me from climbing atop you and sitting astride your face. You're at your loveliest when you're lost between my thighs with your lips around me, my heart — and I will need you terribly when you return.

[His intention of messaging Nadryn wasn't for this, but Astarion is quite pleased it has. He would be lying if he didn't say he had missed his touch, in more ways than one. He sinks back against his shite bed's headboard and let's a hand slip over his crotch. Not quite hard, but Nadryn has piqued his prick's interest with that image alone.]

You found it! That is my most favorite way to be tired out. My most favorite place to be. At least, in this moment.

Can you see me, under you? Completely at your service? I would urge you higher, lap down your cock, your balls, and spread your arse so I can reach your hole with my tongue...

For a man who doesn’t need to eat, your appetite for making a meal of me seems near insatiable.

( And Nadryn loves it. He crosses his legs, then takes a moment to recross them the other way, before finally standing from his desk and moving to the bed so that he can lay down on his front. The pressure against his crotch is pleasant, to say the least. )

I can see it. Would you allow me to sit there properly, my love, after taking your mouth deep and slow? I could spend all morning with my arse spread open for your lips and your tongue; I could ride your face until your jaw aches and my hole is as wet as my cock.

Would you like that?

What can I say, you're just far too tempting for even the vampire--and that doesn't even take your blood into consideration.

[Just yet another aspect of Nadryn he misses. Hook horrors just could not compare.

Ah, that vision, so perfect in his mind's eye. Loosening the ties on his trousers, he finally eases his hand under the fabric, the underclothes, to wrap around his hardening length. He sighs out a moan, shuddering as he imagines the scenario again.]

Oh, yes, I would... Your weight above me, knees cradling my head as I work diligently to make you gasp and moan. I would start so lightly, just simple darts of my tongue over your waiting hole to make you quiver, your breaths growing faster, silently begging for more until my patience ends and I have to taste you more. My tongue easing into you, as deep as I can, and you start to roll your hips...

When the time is convenient, I would request additional clarification into the method behind the creation of your most recent pictos. There are several tangentially related avenues of study this diagram has opened and your insight would be appreciated.

[ Is this sexting? We just don't know. ]

Happy to hear my work's appreciated. I sent over all my research notes on the initial plan and prototype as well as the framework for the finished unit. You should find them... exhaustive.

[ it's sexy as hell, that's what it is. ]

Your notes are indeed extensive. This is a welcome reprieve from the typical documentation Expeditioners keep.

[ #flirting ]

I know. 'If it's not documented, it's not considered done'. I always finish what I start.

[ #nerds ]

A commendable philosophy. On that subject, have you yet experimented with the grafting of multiple completed Pictos upon a stable base?

[ #hugenerds ]

[ Info/prefs in journal. ]

( mcu peeps welcome, u cannot spoil anything I don't know already, misfires are fine, so is assumed cr and crosscanon. )

[Any MCU spoilers are okay, but please mark them for others. Otherwise, open to canon, cross-canon, AUs, OCs, assumed CR, misfires, legit texts/calls, or whatever else!]

Hey.

[Simple, easy to do. They’re dating. It’s not out of the ordinary to send a text. ]

How’s your night going?

Hey babe! Night is going good. Lots of calls but nothing too bad.

[Wow, she wasn’t expecting a reply so soon but she’ll take it. ]

Thats good! Hopefully it’ll be a non-eventful night for you.

I wanted to let you know the other night…it was really great. And I miss you and…

I’m wearing your shirt. Just your shirt.

Phone sex & Sexting

verso | expedition 33 | ota

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sam | death stranding | ota

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/canon balls in here

late with ☕🍕

1 / 2 https://tenor.com/yXOX.gif

2 / 2

😇

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if u wanna know if he thinks about u licking him, u could just ask, higgs!!!

is there some other way people ask

he hears being direct is pretty informative

or, hear him out: stalking

how about no

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magic gps babies fjkdisj

shit's weird, sam!

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sorry sam has the sexual energy of a wilting cabbage

doing his soggy best

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Xiao Xingchen | The Untamed | M/M

Halsin / BG3 / ota

Sam Wilson | MCU | OTA

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omg I love that cap cave is catching on

The phrase cracked me up. I love it!

yesssss good :3

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Carol Danvers | MCU | OTA

Joaquin Torres | MCU | OTA

Bucky Barnes | MCU | OTA