bakerstreet | Phone sex & Sexting

Prove it. Answer my invasive questions.

Man, I can teleport and manifest nuclear warheads, I've done all my busywork for the fucking week. I got plenty of time to jack off thinking about you, Sam.

( The only reason he doesn't get ~~the silent treatment~~ left on read is because his comment earlier.

And he'll just breeze past that last part. Just like he does people's attempts to touch him. )

i don't. i'm not really interested in that kind of thing

( Not without the right person to think about, anyway. )

I keep hearing that. Mr Allergy, had to get taken advantage of by his therapist to get anywhere.

[ Does no one else find that weird??? Higgs finds it weird. ]

Did you break out in hives from me? Didn't look like it. Want to hold hands?

go fuck yourself

( If Higgs was trying to hit a nerve, he definitely did with that. ~~He knows it was kind of weird and inappropriate.~~ )

no. but i'm not interested in helping you get off on whatever twisted game it is you're trying to play here

( At least take him to dinner first, goddamn. )

So easy, Sam.

[ Too many sore spots out in the open. A dozen articles about poor Sammy, his poor dead wife, their poor dead baby, and oh-so-sad President Mommy. (And then of course there's what Amelie's told him, but she's not a real person, she's an Extinction Entity, as Higgs has already explained, apparently Sam just thinks he's nuts and lying or something.) ]

But funnily enough, that probably is what a therapist would tell me. Practical mechanical advice in a world confused about reproduction and continued existence. I don't think there are too many left, though. Therapists. If there were maybe we'd each have our own pet authority figure to endure experiments from, and life would be just a little less lonely. Still fucked, but with company, you know?

I don't believe that. From you. I think I make you feel something. Even if it's just rage.

( Yeah, he knows. People know a lot more about him than he'd like, and dealing with people like Higgs just reinforce it. He wishes he could just take Lou and live a quiet life somewhere, running some errands, with no one to bother him. )

some of us don't need company.

what's it to you what i feel, anyway? you have plenty of your homo demens pals you can talk about your feelings with.

Oh yeah? Put the baby in the incinerator.

[ Higgs knows he won't. He should, because bridge babies are tortured slaves just like their comatose mothers. But Sam's that lonely, isn't he? Willing to coddle the most grotesque thing humanity has ever done to survive so he's not alone. ]

I already know them. We're in the same place. Spiritually, I mean. It's the last big party before the end, so why shouldn't I spend my last hours having fun?

[ Suicidal euphoria on a massive scale. Pain will finally be over. Not just for him, for everyone. Wouldn't it be nice to tear into someone he wants to fuck (wants to kill) (wants to do both) right before the fireworks go? He's not the type to end up having someone to share a tender kiss with before it's dark. No one gives a shit about Higgs. It's got to be this. ]

leave her outta this

( Talking about Lou is a fast way to get clocked in the face. But Higgs is probably into that. )

and for some reason, you thought of me. you must be desperate.

( Tender kisses required before and after all encounters. )

You're the one who keeps bringing her along. Even with guns and monsters and timefall. I ain't got nothing to do with that.

[ Oh boo hoo Higgs blew up a few cities. He's freeing people, YOU GUYS are the psychos, with your magic gps babies and chiral network. ]

* Receives multiple messages explicitly about masturbations
* "For some reason"

Sammy.

[ Tender kisses sounds fake as fuck. Old world movie nonsense. Not like real life, where everyone is horrible. ]

( Just going to leave Lou outta this. But also, the more important part: )

so what, you want me to help you get off? it's not happening

( Everyone can be horrible, but he needs someone who is his type of horrible. )

I want to watch you get off.

[ Big difference. ]

( He shouldn't be as surprised as he is, all things considered. But he does take a few minutes to answer because he's too busy staring at that message like it's in some code he has to decipher. )

you're out of your damn mind, you know that?

As I've heard, from time to time.

But not about this. You're my job, I'm sure a quick guy like you has noticed that. I've got Amelie, and you're coming after me, and I'm trying to stop you. A classic scenario. ‼️ Stands to reason I've been watching you a fair bit, and more than that, it stands to reason I'd like to see something more than dragging cargo boxes and pissing on mushrooms.

[ Though he has, for the record, absolutely seen Sam pissing on things, and taken photos of this for his Helga Pataki stalker shrine. ]

You're a little funny and you're a little cute and I can tell you're listening, even when you turn your mind off to it all.

So I want to watch you come.

( At this point, he's come to accept that someone is always watching him. Doesn't mean he likes it, and doesn't mean he's thrilled to have confirmation that Higgs is, too. )

if you know so damn much, you know it's not that easy

( Not for him, anyway. He doesn't have anyone he's emotionally connected to, doesn't have something deep and emotionally stimulating enough to even spark that kind of need. And any fantasies he used to have died with Lucy. )

[ Sam accepted literal big brother handcuffs and is letting government engineers harvest his poop, Higgs' telephoto lens might actually be the least invasive bit of creeping going on, here.

But: interesting, he thinks, that this message from Sam sounds like a complaint. It gives him pause.

Higgs' turn for a delay, and then, beepbeep. A voice memo, with a return codec number attached. There's a warning on it. Private channel, unstable, won't be recorded. A shuddering little thing, like perhaps somebody technically-minded enough to put together a nuclear warhead is able to email a UCA-monitor dodging chat worm.

No surprise, when played, that it's Higgs' voice. A little scratchy from tiredness, and missing the ominous filter of his mask, but it's him, drawling and dark-warm. ]

Why don't you talk to me about it? [ —sounds much less mocking than it should. ] Our secret. Nobody's gonna believe me if I say we had a bored midnight heart to heart, anyway.

[ Call back? y/n? ⚠️ ]

( A moment of relief and then... a message. Course he wouldn't be lucky enough to be left alone. And he'd ignore it if it weren't for knowing that things won't end here whether he listens and responds or not.

So he listens. Even if he is a pain in the ass, Sam can admit that the guy has a... nice voice. More so when he doesn't sound as annoying or mocking as he expected. He has a point that no one would believe him. Not that Sam has anything to hide by talking to him. There's a long sigh, and despite the whisper of a thought that he shouldn't, he calls back. He can hang up if it gets too ridiculous.

When Higgs does answer, he gets a low, tired: )

Nothing to talk about.

( There's plenty about that particular topic, really, but he's not going to volunteer it. )

[ A bad tactic to take with Higgs. He doesn't have any meaningful experience with positive interactions, hostility and endurance are his normal— even Fragile, their sainted lady of optimistic suffering, is pushy and only hears what she wants to, and they were just as annoying together as you might imagine. Still, despite all the warped pieces he's made up out of, if he got told No, stop, and didn't get a response, he's more likely to accept it (for now) (like he's still going to try and kill him a bunch) than not.

But Sam calls. 💖 ]

If you say so. [ A little surprised. He stares up at the transparent ceiling of his current bolthole, a printed bubble inside a crumbling west-coast city, too tired to make the jump back to the action in the midwest. ] But since you're saying so— anything you want to get off your chest while your owners ears are all plugged?

[ A gentle, curious poke. If he were there he'd be leaning too close, big eyes observing Sam closely with near-manic intensity. ]

( The sound of Higgs's voice makes Sam realize - yeah, this was a mistake. He's trying to figure out if hanging up with do anything or if he'll be stuck dealing with Higgs until he gets bored. He can't say he knows him well enough to make the right choice to get a reprieve. All he knows for sure is that he's annoying.

But instead of disconnecting, there's just a long, thoughtful moments of silence. It's an awkward drag of time, seems like he might not say anything at all. He's not a talkative sort on a good day, even less so when he's in conversations with people he doesn't have any deep or meaningful connection to. If Higgs wanted to talk to fill the silence until he got bored, Sam could work with that.

But he does, finally, manage: )

Why me?

( Why is Higgs so interested in him? Why so interested in seeing him get off? A little funny and a little cute don't make sense to him for wanting something like that. )

[ An odd question, he thinks at first; but the thought rolls around, and, no, he understands why Sam doesn't see it. Higgs, after all, isn't going to be keen on the depressive porter for the same reasons his government pals are going to be. Everyone loves a pushover who'll do stuff for them, and Sam isn't doing Higgs' bidding.

(That he knows of. Peter thanks you for the pizza.)

An exhaled laugh, soft. ]

You're awake, Sam.

[ This world is a dead dream. It's rare, finding someone who sees through it and does his own thing. Well. Mostly. He should really ditch the UCA, in Higgs' opinion. ]

( Far as Sam's concerned, what the UCA and Higgs want from him are two different things. One intending to create and unite and the other to destroy, and he's just caught in the middle. An unfortunate truth that annoys the hell out of him for all that he goes along and does what he's been contracted to do. But the biggest difference here: he isn't obligated to do anything for Higgs (at least that he knows of).

All that to say, makes his eyebrows crease. He's not seeing the humor here. )

Something funny? ( Even if Higgs tells him, he doubts he's going to find the humor in it. Two different wave lengths in that regard, just like so much else about the two of them.

The silence that follows the comment, though is considerably shorter. )

You made sure of that.

( Literally and metaphorically. Higgs had woken him up tonight, but he'd also been an eye opening experience. A clear look at the world he'd been dragged into. )

Something not funny? You throw shit grenades at ghosts.

[ Like,,,

what's going on with their existence, man. ]

Mm. I do wonder if you believe me about all of it, though. Have you decided what you think?

[ Amelie isn't real. It's not DOOMS, with her, it's something else. Fragile is an instigator. The UCA is poison. Better, to be headed to the final end. ]

( There's a soft heh as he shakes his head. He'd never thought he'd see the day where he was using his own piss and shit to ward of BTs, but here they are. For all that it's effective, it is kinda funny.

The more pressing thought is the question that's turned his way. Sam doesn't know what to think anymore. He knows he wasn't thrilled about getting roped into all this in the first place, but he's started to see the importance of connecting with others on his journey. Can't say he really knows how he feels about Fragile or that he even understands things with Amelie. Their constant dreaming meet ups. What he settles on is a gruff:)

I dunno.

( Lots of questions, not enough answers. He feels like he starts to understand one thing only to end up with a dozen more questions. But he knows, at least, that Higgs is onto something. )

There's a lot of shit to think about. Especially with people like you asking weird ass questions.

'I am alone in the midst of these happy, reasonable voices,' [ he says, and it has the air of a quote. He knows movies, and video games, and has read so, so much; nothing else to do, growing up buried in a hole. Maybe Sam will look it up later, read Sartre's Nausea, have a laugh. Maybe he'll gloss over it, because who fucking cares, Higgs. ]

If you think it's weird, then I think I'm the only one asking you normal questions. [ Unseen, he raises one of his hands and splays his fingers, watching them flex and curl. ] Guess I could just go back to working out enriching ways to derail your long decaying ethernet walk, but I'm attracted to you, so hitting on you seems more productive. At least for now.

[ The faintest hint of something glum, on the tail end of that remark. Amelie will have something new for him to do, soon, and she's not going to like the way he critiques what's obviously half-hearted busywork. He can tell she's undecided. But how can she be, after everything she's shown him? ]

( The hell is that supposed to mean? It's hard to tell if Higgs is trying to be a poet or if he's reciting something. Either way, he's quiet as he sits there, turning the words over slowly. Not that he voices his own wonder about what they're supposed to mean. Let Higgs decide for himself if the stretch of silence is him thinking or just Sam being, well, Sam. )

I think it's weird you're asking me about jerking off. ( That's the biggest puzzle he's trying to figure out here. If Higgs is actually interested or if this is some dumb ass game. Either way - Higgs is definitely the only person who has had the nerve to ask him anything like that.

But the idea of Higgs getting in the way of his work is met with a low, unamused groan. Another little stretch of silence before he offers a low, thoughtful. )

You sure know how to pick 'em.

( He can't wrap his head around what appeal he has to someone like Higgs. Especially not when the guy clearly has some sort of sexual interest that Sam doesn't even know what to do with. )

[ Not to be overlooked: the comedy of Sam reacting to this like he's trying to puzzle out Higgs' motive, instead of telling him he's sexually harassing him and to fuck off. It just makes Higgs all the more curious about him, and his weird, sad brain, walking around with his cute butt in his dorky jumpsuit. He wonders if he peeled Sam halfway out of it, if he could get him to make a mess in his uniform.

Maybe not? Maybe his dick doesn't work. Pretty common in this day and age. Higgs is an outlier.

But this is, of course, no reason to not continue to hit on Sam. What else is he going to do with his time? ]

I think you'd look good, I think you'd sound good. I think you might like it, if you could get there. I know I'd like watching you. So, it ain't that weird, actually.

[ Reasonable. ]

You've met my ex. I've moved on. Trying new things.

Phone sex & Sexting

is there some other way people ask

he hears being direct is pretty informative

or, hear him out: stalking

how about no

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magic gps babies fjkdisj

shit's weird, sam!

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sorry sam has the sexual energy of a wilting cabbage

doing his soggy best

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