bakerstreet

I feel like I have too many directions and not enough feet.

If you want to answer it that way. You don't have to.

Ah. That sounds overwhelming, to be honest. Are these directions contradictory, or could some be consolidated?

… I don’t entirely know. [The worst words to ever be tasted on a tongue and spat out, with a lingering aftertaste of vulnerability.] Something quiet. Someplace safe. [Even just speaking from a sense of what is appealing in general when connecting with someone, feeling safe and secure to let down some walls comes to mind first.] Not the most exciting, I imagine.

They feel contradictory, but a lot of them fall under bigger umbrellas. Survival, connection, helping my Sisters... Can't have all of them at once.

Excitement is in the eye of the excited beholder, Kaz. [ Birdie's tone is neutral enough, without judgement or pity. She can guess as to a great many reasons why quiet and safe are the first things that come to his mind, and none of them deserve derision. ] Some of my most memorable excitements were quiet and safe.

Just an idea, without knowing the intricate details, but perhaps start by looking at the underlying causes for why you can’t have connections and you and your Sisters safe at the same time? Figure out what blocks there are and work to systemically remove those barriers. … or at least, that’s what I would do, but I’m not you, and I find taking on ridiculous odds appealing, apparently. I also have the bad habit of hearing a problem and leaping to try and fix it, so if this isn’t a brainstorming session, feel free to tell me as much. Many times I’ve heard ‘I just want you to listen, Kaz.’

Perhaps someday it’ll happen. Or maybe it’s something that can be worked towards. [He vastly prefers the thought of having some control over the matter, and at least as far as working on himself, that is in his control.] What about you, what do you find appealing? In whatever sense you want to take the word.

Edited 2023-08-14 12:10 (UTC)

The problem comes when they're at odds with each other. Chasing one puts the other at risk or leaves it out to dry on the vine, so to speak. I have a good connection with someone, it puts the rest in danger. I chase after what could help me and my Sisters, and I won't be able to have those connections anymore. [ She smiles, but it's something sadder than usual. ] Might just be a lose-lose scenario, but I don't mind solutions, or you in particular trying to fix something. I've been told I have a bad habit of letting other people fix things for me, though, so tread with caution.

There's no real rush on that, no matter what anyone else might say about it. If they ever dare say something about it. [ Which, in her opinion, they shouldn't. ] And I find a lot of things appealing. So long as me and the other person, or persons, are enjoying ourselves and no one is left hurting, I'm very adept at having a good time. The best part of the experience is always the chance to experience the person I'm with.

What is it that could help you and your Sisters? Broadly speaking. Is it similar issues to what happened in Denver?

No one's really said anything to my face. At least not in recent years. Those are good parameters to have, speaking of yours.

What happened in Denver is definitely something that's a concern, but... The bigger issue is what you could call control, I guess? They say it's going Banshee. Losing ourselves so completely all we do is sing and kill whatever's in front of us.

Good, because it's a shortsighted way to see things. And thank you. It always felt like a good baseline to have, considering how prone to temptation I am.

That makes more sense to me with regards to the fear of isolation, then. Does anyone know what causes it? You made it sound particular to your Sisters rather than all Kindred.

It probably helped that I never talked much to many to begin with. So I can dare you to do all sorts of things, then?

Nope. We've got guesses-- the Fugue we hear, a curse, another elder doing it to us on purpose. But we don't even know our own origins for certain, so finding anything that looks like an answer is frustrating. And asking other Kindred can lead to them seeing it as a weakness to exploit us.

And here you are, talking to me and proposing dares. You probably can get me to do a lot. What would be your first dare, then? To test the waters of my temptability, as it were.

It makes me wonder if it's just that nobody thought to properly record things at the start, whether they weren't in a state to be able to, or whether someone made it murky on purpose.

I'll have to think on it, I'd hate to make the first date unmemorable. That would just undermine the saying about never forgetting your first.

Well, we do have music playing in our heads at all times to distract us from things like accurate record keeping. The others are just as likely, even if they're more unfortunate.

So it would be a date, then?

Opposites attract? I have endless record keeping running through mine, and rarely music aside the occasional earworm.

It can be, some dare and danger could make a memorable date night. Although in our case, or at least mine, that is a pretty common night in general.

That very well may be. The Fugue is a little more than an earworm, though, since we all hear it kinda collectively.

Dare and danger is certainly more interesting a date than whatever the kids get up to these days. Do people still go for coffee?

Interesting, so is it the same song all the time? ... I'll stop myself from keeping up the questions if it's getting annoying. You know my mind leaps to trying to figure out what it doesn't know.

I like that you think I know what people do, I'm the one with a cane ready to shake at kids to get off my lawn. They probably mix red bull with their coffee.

I don't mind the question. And it's... It changes, but from what I've been able to tell without being able to just read their minds myself, we're usually hearing the same thing. Different volumes at different times, different tones maybe, but the same notes.

Yeah, but you're observant. You observe while you scare the children away. And that sounds absolutely disgusting. Worse than the time someone tried to get me to drink a chocolate martini.

Always the same notes, it makes me wonder if there was ever at any point a song outside your heads that someone played that went by that tune. One that somehow shifted or became used in this manner.

I think coffee is still a thing. Also streaming shows or doing some sort of activity together. It does sound disgusting, and I eat and drink anything. A chocolate martini also sounds like someone's just asking for a hangover.

Entirely possible. We don't even know how we started as an offshoot of other Kindred, so it wouldn't surprise me if a specific song was part of it somehow.

Ah, yeah, they're classics. Even the streaming thing used to be just listening to the radio and making out in someone's car. And there are few drinks I can think of that would deserve that hangover more.

And here I just came about because Ketterdam found profit to be fit.

[A running joke for him that holds some truth, that Ketterdam is his mother and profit his father.]

There are definitely some drinks that deserve a hangover more, although after a few bad ones when I was young I'd rather just avoid them entirely.

I'd buy it. No stranger than "vampire stolen by the fae because she was too attracted to a singing voice she heard in the woods and sires a bloodline of more weird singers." You, I can see emerging fully formed and be-suited from some fog.

That's understandable. It's been a while since I was hungover, but it was always really unpleasant. Especially when I still had to go to work.

I’d say a demon being spawned in Ketterdam is far less eyebrow raising than a fae and vampire coupling in the woods, but at the end of the day, sometimes the strangest tales end up holding the most truth. Do you believe it? Or perhaps a better question is, has there been any evidence you’ve come across to fae having existed?

Exactly. Not worth being off one’s game, in my opinion. Although I’d be hard pressed to think of a time when that isn’t true.

Oh, fae absolutely exist. I haven't met any directly, but I've met some who were stolen and came back. They're probably more shy about public knowledge than Kindred are, so keep that under your nicest demon hat. Otherwise, though, there's other theories. Blood mixing between two other clans, a curse, that kind of thing. All of them are just believable enough that it's hard to be sure of any one of them.

Sometimes it's very nice to be off your game, but I only ever smoke for that.

I don't think anyone would believe me even if I did talk about it, but I won't. So the tales of them stealing people are true, then.

[He just gives a wrinkled nose look at the thought of being off one's game for any reason.]

Stealing, tricking, all that. I don't know how accurate the details are from other stories, but overall seems harrowing.

Hey! [ Does it count as looking defensive if she's smiling? ] If you time it right to where you don't have anything else to do, getting high is very enjoyable. A time-honored tradition, even.

Stealing, tricking, you know if that didn't involve stealing people I'd say they almost sounded relatable.

[He gives a faux admonished look in response so she can feel it counts.] You lost me at not having anything else to do. However, there aren't many traditions in general that I uphold.

You know, that might make me worry if I didn't know you so well already.

See, you can plan for it. Give yourself a day and a night and buy some really good weed to enjoy. Wouldn't even start you off with much, just like one of those gummy bears or something.

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