bakerstreet | Angst Meme

Angst Meme

ANGST MEME

Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters will fall.
- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.
- Go to random.org and roll.
- Play!

1. just depressed.
Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.
You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.
Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.
You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.
You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.
For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.
You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.
Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.
You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.
This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.
You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.
Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.
You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.
Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.
You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.
It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss
You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.
Combine some options or make your own!

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[ fear is what it's always been about for Jason too. that's what lead him down this path in the first place. fear of being let go, fear of falling and failing, fear of being a disappointment. fear of being cast aside and a fear of being too weak. fear of loving and losing. but none of that matters anymore. he can't feel a thing.

that's what he tells himself when that drug enters his body, but there are pockets of clarity in between filled with fear and guilt. tonight, they're filled with the truth of what Bruce threw at him. he's weak, he's being used, he's better than this. or he used to be. used to be, Bruce says, and it's enough to convince himself to leave that tip for his former mentor. but is it really a trap? Jason supposes they'll all find out tonight.

Jason up high in the rafters when Bruce shows. he's setting up the last of the explosives while Crane tinkers down below. ]

( He knows Jason's up there. Of course he does. He's Batman. He knows and yet, he still lets himself walk towards the pump station — to the mess he knows is inevitable, just hopefully in a way that doesn't harm the citizens of Gotham; that may of course be up to Jason in the end.

Like a shadow, he recedes into the darkness of the night, something Gordon has simply accepted by now in how abrupt their conversations can end sometimes; maybe he's just awkward at saying goodbyes. Funny. This right here in itself could possibly be considered such a thing with Jason depending on how things go. Is he up for that? Who knows.

What he does know is that Jason doesn't need to go down this path and if he can bring him off it — even if he doesn't want to come home with him, it's enough, even if a goodbye.

He's trained Jason to know when another approaches him and so he expects him to know that he's up here with him, but. Then again. With how messed up he seems to be on that drug and the way his mind is constantly in a state of confused whiplash from what he can tell, maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he doesn't want to. So, from the shadows, comes his voice. Low — not a growl, but soft despite its conviction. )

Why are you doing this, Jason?

[ they already said goodbye a long time ago, didn't they? maybe that's all in Jason's head, though. those nearly final words ring in his ears every day. I don't want you to be Robin anymore. I've made up my mind. that was enough of a goodbye for Jason. and then he died.

he knows Bruce is going to come tonight because he won't be able to resist. Jason doesn't want him to. maybe they can put an end to this once and for all.

he doesn't expect Bruce to be hiding in the shadows behind him though. despite all his training, he's never been good at detecting Bruce. it's that, and the drugs, though he hasn't taken his heavy does of them tonight. Bruce being up here wasn't part of this plan, though... but Jason should know how single minded Bruce can be when he has his head in something. he should've known.

he spins, facing the darkness, gun pointed out in front of him. ]

Is that really what you wanna talk about? This place is about to blow and you're up here with me? You're supposed to be down there with Crane.

( Was being Robin really more important than being his son? Was that his fault — another him — for not conveying to Jason more earnestly that he still had worth as just his son? That he was still wanted? Bruce being unable to tell the people he loves that he loves them — that he needs them. Sounds about right. Then he wonders why things unfold— why they fall apart the way that they do. When will he learn, he wonders. Maybe never. But he's here right now. In the rafters with Jason — with his son.

He doesn't flinch when Jason spins — when he points that gun at him. It's not that he's banking on the other to not go and shoot him. He will. He's shot at Dick. Tried to kill him and seeing The Batman of all people up here with him now... he knows it's a recipe for potential disaster with how triggering he might be for the other.

Doesn't mean he's going to walk away though. Not without Jason. )

Crane will be dealt with.

( He says from the darkness, stepping out into what shadowy light is given. )

I came here to get my son.

[ Jason wants to shoot him, because he isn't afraid. he isn't afraid of anything anymore. those words should've been a red flag, the very last time Jason said them to Bruce, then ran off after the Joker. but it wouldn't have mattered then. it matters now.

Jason didn't anticipate this, and now he's itching for his drug, because as much as he tells himself he isn't afraid, without the intensity of that drug getting inside his head he's faced with Batman and he doesn't know what to do. he invited him here tonight, didn't he? he did, but not like this. Bruce was going to face Crane and take him down, and he was going to take care of the rest, alone. ]

Don't fucking call me that. I'm not your son. I'm not anything anymore!

[it's a trigger, much like the one that's now in his other hand, his finger moving over it as he holds it up and holsters his gun. one glance down at Crane below, then back at the Bat. back at his father. there'll just have to be a minor change in plans.]

But if this is how you want it to go. I'll be more than fucking thrilled to take all of us out tonight. And then who's going to save Gotham, huh? Let's go.

[he jumps, free falling for a moment before he shoots his grapple, swinging enough so he can land down below. Crane notices the commotion up above and yells angrily when he sees who's here to ruin his plans yet again.]

Blow it up! Jason blow it!

[he yells, and runs to take cover. Jason blows it alright, but when he detonates the explosives it's the large canister of the fear toxin that explodes, sending fumes quickly throughout the building and splashing across the ground below.]

( I'm not your son. Words that cut sharper than any knife or bullet could and yet, he doesn't let it show on his face. He can't. Not when Crane is here — not when Jason is as he is, with threats to even off himself in all this. If he wants to get him out of here, he needs to be Batman through and through. Bruce needs to just not be here.

So he does what he does best: he becomes vengeance.

This song and dance is familiar to him in ways it shouldn't be but because it is, he always comes prepared for the worst. Reaching into his utility belt, he grabs a small tube with a pointed tip and jabs it into his leg, growl on his lips as he does. Tossed aside, he takes off along the rafters, his own grapple shot as a means to help him swing down, if even harshly. He doesn't pursue Jason — not yet. It's Crane he goes for. Crane he means to apprehend with his grapple — even if it shoots through his shoulder in doing so, means to grab and shove against the wall and pin there in a way that's more violent than necessary. Or maybe it's not. Who's to say, really.

Either way, it's Crane who will end up on the receiving end of his anger and frustration The Batman feels right now. )

[ must feel like how sharp those words were when Bruce told him he was weak. Jason hopes it hurts like hell.

Jason's equipped for the explosion with his helmet on when the toxins are released. but it happens quickly and it starts to spread even quicker. it was a plan B kinda thing. if Crane was coming out on top, the canisters would blow. but it doesn't matter anymore. as long as it doesn't go into Gotham's water, it doesn't matter what happens to them in the end.

maybe this really will be the final goodbye.

Crane is livid under Bruce's hold, but that anger slowly starts to turn to fear as the gas surrounds them. by the time Jason is making his way through the explosion to see what's going on, Crane is yelling and trying to claw Batman's eyes out. ]

( This would be why he'd wanted to pin Crane the second he got hold of him— well. One of the reasons why.

When the toxin starts to take hold of Crane, Bruce wastes no time in tying him there — keeping him from both trying to claw his eyes out and hurt himself in the process. Much as he doesn't care what happens to him — much as part of him wants to punch his face in for having used and manipulated Jason as he's done, he doesn't. He can't. He can... but he can't. )

You're going to rot for what you've done. For playing on his insecurities and using him to get what you want.

( He's in the process of tying Crane up tight when the toxin brushes along him and the vial he had jabbed into his leg hadn't been enough to ward himself from the ways of the toxin and so it clings to him and The Batman stumbles back. He coughs — frantic, reaching for his cape which he used to shield his mouth and nose with, but he can feel it seeping into his very pores, caressing along his mind and he shakes his head, trying to fight off whatever fears he knows will try and pull him under. )

[ he doesn't hear Bruce's words just yet, but seeing Crane start to freak out... it feels good. for all the times he's told Jason that he still stunk of fear... that he was afraid of Nightwing, of Bruce, of doing what needed to be done. now here he is, doing exactly that while Crane is groveling.

maybe this was the best decision after all.

it's then that he decides this is his exit. Gotham won't be gassed, Crane is down. he can get the fuck out of here while he still can. he doesn't want to risk Bruce catching up with him again. what's done here is done.

he's about to go when he notices Bruce doesn't have any sort of gas mask on. that should have been the first thing when he saw Jason exploded the canisters of fear toxin though, wouldn't it have been? maybe Bruce was too distracted. too emotionally compromised. stupid. well too fucking bad for him.

Jason moves quickly, a swift kick to Bruce's back to send him flying forward against the wall, right up against Crane. he pulls his gun and aims at Bruce, then decides to aim at Crane instead. ]

I never was good at following orders.

( He's taken hits before — harder ones, at that, but it still doesn't feel good when it's delivered to his back and his footing is lost on him. The crunch that comes with hitting the wall is sharp and heavy and he grunts at how hard the hit is against the wall. He's suffered worse — much worse. Still hurts. Still takes him a second to try and get his bearings about him.

Little hard to do when the toxin from a fear gas is caressing along the depths of your mind.

The seconds it takes for him to realize what Jason is doing are few and when that gun is pointed at him, it stays there in his mind, even after he directs it over to Crane. The toxin makes him think otherwise — makes him see otherwise and despite his telling himself that what he's both seeing and hearing isn't real or a mere fabrication of what's really going on, it's still difficult for him to fight it; Batman isn't immune after all.

Movements quick, he goes to knock the gun out of Jason's hand. Maybe seen as a means to spare Crane from being shot by Jason, or maybe due to whatever he sees of Jason in that moment. Regardless, he pushes away from the wall and stumbles, eyes blinking as he reaches out blindly in an attempt to try and balance himself against whatever he can find. Try to shake off the toxin he can feel inside him. )

Edited 2022-03-20 03:15 (UTC)

[ Jason's sure Bruce is going to try and stop him from killing Crane. but isn't this death deserved? hasn't Crane been pulling all their strings for long enough? wouldn't Bruce let Jason have this final escape?

of course he doesn't though, and Jason shouldn't be surprised with that either. he shoots, but his aim is off when Bruce tries to knock his gun away. the bullet hits Crane in the shoulder instead, blood flying out against Bruce's face. Batman's cowl.

and that's when Jason sees it. Bruce is going under. he's starting to curl into himself and his eyes are wild when he looks at him. Jason wants to laugh at irony of it all and maybe even leave Bruce here to suffer too- but then what?

maybe it's his own fear that's steadily seeping back into Jason too, because he grabs Bruce by the collar, holstering his gun. he can hear sirens nearby, a reaction to the explosions no doubt, and it all takes less than a second to decide. ]

Let's go, B. We're getting the fuck outta here.

[Crane is on the ground, wailing and bleeding, and Jason figures that's a pretty good end to this. he drags Bruce with him, out of the building and heads for the Batmobile. Jason's counting on Bruce being a sentimental asshole, never revoking his access to the car even after everything that's happened. it's a safe bet, because the Batmobile opens up to him like fucking Sesame, and he practically throws Bruce into it before climbing into the drivers side and takes off, away from the scene of the crime.]

( In the moments it takes from leaving the wailing and injured Crane to getting to the Batmobile, it all feels like a psychotic sort of blur to Bruce as he's guided — dragged by Jason from it all. It takes a great deal of willpower within him to keep himself from pushing Jason away from him — in convincing himself that what he sees isn't real. It leads him to stumbling, to choking on words he can't quite get out, and it helps that Jason is the one dragging him along through the shadows and the mayhem left behind.

The ground splits open beneath him and bats — so many bats — throw themselves out from the depths of the darkness and surround them with their screeching. But they're not the usual bats that linger underground with him. They're feral and twisted and out for his blood. This is all in Bruce's head of course, the toxin working its way through his system — clinging tight to his mind and he stumbles through the swarm of imaginary bats, thrown into the Batmobile that still opens up for Jason.

It's only when they've driven off from the scene that Bruce goes and pulls his mask off, black smeared across his eyes and face with the blood from Crane, hands trembling as he watches them twist and become deformed and turn into hands of a demonic sort of bat. He balls them up into fists, presses the heels of his palms into his eyes and hunches over some in the seat of the Batmobile, trying to force away the things that he sees — reassure himself that they're not real. )

Antidote— ( He croaks out, still hunched over, fists still at his eyes. ) Need an antidote.

[ the thing is, Jason's not done.

as much as he wants to leave Bruce there to rot, he also doesn't. but that doesn't mean he won't carry with him the anger, the betrayal, the twisted up shit in his mind. whether he took a hit of his own drug this morning or not, it's still with him. now Bruce gets to experience the opposite of that.

and yet, it's the realization that if he leaves Bruce behind, then it'll never be okay. it'll never be over. this person he claims that he wants dead could actually be gone, and he's not ready for that.

once he drives, he doesn't head back to Wayne Manor. he has no intentions of going there, antidote or not. they're in his realm now, and Jason fully intends on keeping it that way. ]

No.

[Jason tells him, plain and simple, and decides if they're going to get away from this tonight, it's going to be on his terms. so he keeps driving, far into the outskirts of Gotham. it's a quiet place that he set up away from Crane during one of those moments of clarity. a place no one knows about but him.]

You're going to feel this. You're going to go through the whole fucking thing. And then we'll see if you ever call me weak again, Bruce.

( Jason's words are nothing more than a distorted whisper against the shell of his ear. One which he can't quite grasp with all the noise ringing in his head, yet he knows that it's there — that Jason himself is there. He chances a glance over to him, knuckles dirtied with the smear of black from his eyes, and he sees Jason as a bloody beaten mess of a monster there draped in reds and blacks and he has to look away.

In doing so, he's met with the zombified face of his deceased father crawling through the windshield of the Batmobile and Bruce feels a mix of panic laced with fear on top of an ache that still lives within him. Only now the ache is for different reasons — reasons that have been brought to light to him recently, and he doesn't know how to really fend it off in the moment.

Fists are pushed into his eyes again and he tries to block out the things he sees and hears around him — in front of him, but he can't quite seem to. What he feels is that he's sinking into the shadows of himself — the ones surrounding the car that they're in and he lets himself sink into them. Deeper and deeper, a means of becoming the night which claws at him from every which way.

And then everything seems to go black for him and he slumps against the door on his side. Hands falling away. Unconscious and knowing Jason could see to it that he never wakes up again. )

[ Jason doesn't care what Bruce sees right now. besides, he's sure he already knows. he's had constant nightmares since he went flying off that rooftop, and then when he died, there was nothing there. an empty hollowness where dreams used to be... but there weren't any nightmares either so maybe it's worth it.

the thing of it is, he's never seen Bruce this out of it either, and it's unsettling. Bruce shifts around in the seat next to him and Jason can't even imagine what he's seeing. it must be bad though, because Bruce eventually passes out, and Jason's left along to his own devices. he never though the night would end like this.

And so he panics, but only for a moment as he gets them where he's going and hauls Bruce inside, setting him down on a cot. he doesn't have an antidote, but after mulling it over he realizes he does have something. the anti-fear toxin he created, which might work wonders on this overly fearful state.

Jason grabs it from his pack, pressing the inhaler over Bruce's mouth and pushes down as Bruce inhales. ]

( The thing is... he doesn't inhale. Having slipped so far into the darkness that surrounds him, he lets himself sink until he hits the bottom of that darkness and there's nothing but empty hollowness to be found. No Batman, no Bruce. Nothing. No one. And in that nothingness, he lets go of the very last things he holds to. The faces of those he cares about and he lets himself go in that moment. The thought that the people he knows and cares about would be better off without him in their life.

That Jason here would be better off if they never met that first time.

Except he does inhale when Jason presses that mask over him. Seeing himself slip away into the darkness in a more permanent sort of way had only been in his head as a result of the toxin. That fear of losing the people he cares about... of drowning in the darkness that he himself tries to be.

He hadn't slipped away. Hadn't left Jason there in a panic and not knowing what to do - what to feel in finally being free of Bruce forever. Just in his head he had. Right up until he tastes that chemical Jason pumps into his lungs.

Eyes flutter open and it takes him a moment to realize that he's awake - that he hadn't drowned in the darkness and when he does, he sees Jason there and he stares to him, blinking slowly, until he turns away from both the other and the mask and coughs over the side of the cot. )

Where are we? What happened? ( More importantly: ) Where's Crane?

[ Jason would understand the want to be gone more than Bruce would ever imagine he could. he's been there more than once. on the edge, in the darkness, even without the drugs or the fear toxin. it's the makings of his own head.

maybe that's why he was so susceptible to Crane's drugs from the start.

Bruce inhales, and Jason almost can't believe that this worked. it may have been Crane's formula, but in the end it was he who revised it and created it to make it work in his favor. and now... now it's being used in a different way entirely. Jason's haziness is Bruce's focus, and course that makes sense somehow.

when Bruce comes to, Jason moves back, giving him some room to breathe. also putting space between them. ]

You got dosed with the fear toxin. Crane's gone.

( Crane's gone could mean a lot of things, especially coming from Jason. Tight with his grip at the side of the cot, he huffs, still coming out of the toxin and things he'd seen and felt, pushing himself up to lean on his elbow. )

Gone how?

( Even as he asks — demands, in a sense, for clarification, he struggles some to get himself up, disoriented in trying to gather his bearings. )

How did we get here?

Gone like I left him bleeding out in a building full of his own toxin so maybe he's fucking dead right now, is that really what you're worried about?

[there's more anger in his tone, but there's fear in his eyes as he watching Bruce, moving back to him to harshly push him back down onto the cot.]

Stay down. You've got a shit ton of drugs in your system. Just calm the fuck down.

[easier said than done, he knows it. because he knows full well what a hit of those drugs does to him too. at least one of the side effects it's being a blank canvas, fully suceptible to coercion, so maybe Bruce will actually listen to him for once.]

I drove us here.

( With the harsh push comes a grunt from the man without his mask, but he complies with the demand and drops back down to the cot. Eyes fall shut, black still smeared across his face from the paint he rubs on always and he tries to push away the things he’d seen, grasping to focus on the here and now and the fact that Jason is, in fact, here with him. )

Where?

( It’s not as tough when he asks, more strained as he swallows thickly and eyes still remain shut. It’s strange for Bruce - for Batman to be like this and yet, it’s simply another reminder that he is, at the end of the day, still just a man. Still human. Still capable of feeling fear and pain.

Again, he swallows, breathing steadying out a little as he lays there and he slowly lets his eyes flutter open, staring up to the ceiling above him. A place he doesn’t recognize. )

Where did you take us?

Nowhere you need to be concerned about.

[it's strange seeing Bruce like this and just the same as he felt earlier... he oddly doesn't like it. maybe it's strange, but despite everything, Jason still has Bruce built up in his head. he's still bigger than life. maybe that's part of the reason why he's so angry.

Jason watches Bruce struggle and he realizes that he could end him here if he really wanted to. leaving him back there with Crane, it wasn't enough. it's not how he would have wanted to see Bruce go. but here and now? he could end Bruce on his own terms. be done with it all. he really could.

instead he moves back, stepping over a few broken floor boards and sits against the wall, trying to steady his own breath, his eyes never leaving Bruce's horizontal body.]

Sleep it off. No one'll find us here.

( It would be more than easy to end him right here and now. Bruce — Batman so disoriented there on the cot, not knowing where he is. If Jason truly wanted to, he could end him. Be rid of the father figure and mentor he's had this past year and more. There's nothing and no one here to stop him. Not even Bruce himself could.

He knows this. Knows Jason could take advantage of the moment and yet, he holds out hope that he won't. That even despite their differences currently, he won't succumb to the temptation to simply feed whatever anger boils within him as a means to bury the hurt and fear he has beneath it.

Despite the disorientation, he looks over to Jason there across the way, eyes glazed and finding it difficult to try and keep them open. )

You saved me. ( He says then, soft. ) Why?

[ Bruce called him weak, but he really has no idea how much strength it's taking for Jason to be here like this. with Bruce, without his drug, without Crane feeding lies and directions into his ear.

it's all that he's done since bringing Jason back from the dead, and somehow through the haze, Jason's fighting against it. even now, with all the anger and fear bubbling under his skin, he wants to be clear of the rest of it. he wants to be clean. too many people have died by his hands now, and that's never how any of this was supposed to go.

maybe Bruce telling him he's weaker than he thought was the catalyst. or maybe it's what should have sent Jason down a deeper spiral of destruction and death. but instead he's here, eyes murky but somehow still focused on Bruce. ]

You deserve worse than this, that's why. Why would you get death when I'd still have to be alive?

Edited 2022-03-21 01:34 (UTC)

( The accusation of Jason being weak was done as a means to try and get through to him — to get through to the boy he took in and saw potential in. That he, himself, had come to care for and look at as a son. To see him fall as hard as he had and become the very sort of person he protected Gotham from... it had been a failure on Bruce's part to let him— to let his son fall as hard as he had and not do anything to stop it.

Seems pressing a finger into that open wound concerning being weak had maybe done something in the end.

Jason's words bring a tired smile to his face, hand resting there against his chest, just below the bat symbol. )

You're right.

( Words soft— strained. )

Losing everyone around me that I care about is a fate worse than death to me.

[ when it comes to Jason, there are a lot of wounds that could be pressed into, but that one's one of the deepest. it's the reason why Jason was convinced Bruce had thrown him away. that he wasn't good enough, that he was too weak, that Dick would always be better than him. the better Robin. it had overtaken everything in the end, even that fact that Bruce had once called Jason his son, his family.

and yet even now, something of it remains, because as much as he says that Bruce deserves worse than death, there was something else that made him drag Bruce away from that wreckage tonight.

he's quiet for a long moment, just glaring at Bruce before he looks down at his hands.]

Is that what you saw? When you got pulled under, is that what you saw?

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smh at work

what time zone are you in? i went to bed so early last night haha