bakerstreet | body heat

[ it would be so very easy to drift out of consciousness in Ruca's grasp. the other teen radiates warmth, both body heat and comfort. his very personality is a warm one.

but Otonashi recalls the memory shared with him, the sobbing Ruca leaned over the redhead's lifeless form, and thinks better of letting his consciousness slip. he should keep talking. for a little longer, he should hold together. ]

Nah... [ he knows Ruca can do this, he just doesn't believe he should. ] The only thing I forgot was that tiara you liked... I could at least look the part, don't you think?

[ no sound manifests when he laughs, but the intent is there. ] My brave knight, right..?

[He blushes softly when Otonashi says that, ye he still gives him a worried look. When they arrive in the room, Ruca carries the other boy to bed, then quickly wraps him in all blankets that are available.]

I'm going to bring you something warm to drink, okay?

[He slowly moves away and towards the door.]

I'll be back soon.

[ he would fight Ruca on some of the doting, on all of the blankets being wrapped around him rather than shared, but he's been enough of a nuisance already.

for once, he stays where he's set. ]

Get something for yourself, too? [ since Otonashi's trying to be cooperative, he won't insist on doing so himself. ] And, hey... Ruca?

I will.

[He smiles a little with a small nod. But before leaving the room, he turns around and tilts his head slightly.]

...Yes? Would you like something else?

[ the redhead looks aside, shaking his head. ]

Did they... keep you warm enough? [ the small things he'd put together in a hurry. the hat and scarf.

the question comes easier than the real one lurking underneath: had he been useful? ]

[Ruca is silent for a moment, then he smiles brightly, fixing the hat that is still on his head, then touching the scarf.]

Yes... thank you.

[With that said he leaves the room to get something warm to drink for Otonashi. On his way the owner tells him that the boy will have to stay here since trains and buses are down due to the snowfall.]

...We'll have to stay for the night in here.

[Ruca says once he's back. He sets two mugs of warm cocoa on the bedside table.]

The snow surprised everyone and the trains aren't working.

[He finally takes the hat and the scarf off, putting them neatly aside. Then he removes his jacket.]

... Okay.

[ obscured underneath layers of blankets, his shoulders relax as his breath leaves him. even if just this one thing, he'd gotten it right. despite the frustration it must have caused, the confusion, he'd done something right.

by the time Ruca returns, Otonashi had almost nodded off to sleep. hearing the other boy's voice, he shakes his head quickly, forcing a little more awareness. ]

The- the trains are down? [ honestly, he wouldn't trust a train in these conditions anyway. one miserable, prolonged death due to faulty transit is more than enough, the worry evident in his tone. ] As long as they aren't trying to run anyway...

Edited 2020-01-15 12:56 (UTC)

It's safer like this... I don't think it would be wise to let the trains run in this snowstorm. But a lot of people probably got stuck...

[He walks up to the bed and sits down next to Otonashi.]

How are you feeling? Warmer? I got you something warm to drink...

[He reaches to Otonashi's hair to brush them lightly if possible and check if the other boy feels cold in touch. Since Ruca was outside to get the cocoa from the last open cafe (that now enjoys many, many customers who are seeking shelter and warmth) his own hands are a bit cold.]

[ as soon as Ruca is near enough to fuss with Otonashi's hair, the redhead squirms out of some of the blankets to pull Ruca into it. there's no need for him to have all the covers for himself.

and he can feel some of the chill in Ruca's hands. ]

I'm fine, Ruca... What's it going to do, kill me?

[ it likely isn't a very funny question, but it's an easy one. ]

[He moves closer, wrapping his arms around Otonashi and burying his head into the other boy's shoulder.]

...I wouldn't want that.

[That's all he has to do say for that joke.]

So please stay warm.

I know, I know...

[ the redhead moves back a little, making enough room for Ruca to get comfortable and close and letting his own head rest against the other's. hearing Ruca speak so earnestly about the matter—even knowing who and what Otonashi is—deters him from insisting it shouldn't matter.

just for now, he can cut the poor attempts at humor. ]

I'm surprised you showed up. I wasn't exactly planning on anyone looking out for me.

[He stays as close as possible, eyes closed.]

Ah, I... [He suddenly remembers how it all started. It's funny. It feels like the conversation he had with Yui and Fujimaki happened long time ago.]

I... didn't know where you are... but I wanted to find you.

[He's silent a moment longer, hiding his face against Otonashi's shoulder.]

Yuzuru... I... Am I enough for you? I-is there anything you'd like me to do? A-anything I'm doing wrong? [He starts blushing intensely.] P-please, be honest with me! I-I really need to know!

[ someone wanted to find him. it's familiar now, given how often he's called on for missions and to help others, but it's a little surprising coming from Ruca.

Ruca, who is so much more self-sufficient and rational than the SSS. ]

... What? [ he thinks he can feel the heat of embarrassment coming off the other boy, though he can't be sure. ] Where is this coming from? What do you mean, "enough" for me? I don't...

[ he doesn't understand. ]

[Ruca is silent for another moment, then quietly confessed:]

At the party I... met Fujimaki. We talked about you...

[He bites his lip not knowing if he should say something more. He can't say that Yui told him things. He promised he won't tell on her.]

[ with only a light, lingering tremor, he pulls away enough to face Ruca directly. Fujimaki is a jerk, but not outwardly violent, not quite like Noda.

Otonashi doesn't suspect physical harm, but he wants to get a better look at Ruca anyway. ]

I'm sorry about him, too. [ in so many ways, he's sorry about a lot of the SSS; another heavy sigh escapes him. ] I hope he wasn't too mean to you. I'm pretty sure he had nothing good to say about me.

Huh?

[Ruca blinks, then shakes his head.]

No, no, that's not...! [Ah, but Fujimaki wasn't exactly nice when he spoke about Otonashi. Still, this is not the case.] Yuzuru, he... he told me about... [He looks away, blushing again. He can't look Otonashi in the eye.] ...About you... kissing him...

... Ah.

[ resting his cheek against the blankets and pillows set behind him, he glances towards the window, the nagging tell of discomfort. except instead of the comfort of an open sky, the view only offers him more concern, more ache as the winds howl and snow swirls about in droves.

Otonashi would love to wipe that incident clean of his memory. ] ... So you want to know why. You think it means there's something wrong with you.

Edited 2020-01-16 18:41 (UTC)

[Ruca moves to be right in Otonashi's view and gives him a small frown.]

...I know you had some reason, but... It did make me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I... I don't know what you like. [He blushes, glancing away then back at Otonashi.] ...I don't know what you need. Now that I think about... you always make sure to keep me happy, but... but I want to do the same for you!

[He's not sure if he's making the point, but he's trying.]

[ he swallows audibly, tempted to close his eyes to block out input, but he manages to retain his focus on Ruca. ]

... You should know that that happened before I met you. Before I had a name. [ before he could remember, or understand himself, or how he fits in. ]

You shouldn't worry about it.

[ because it doesn't matter, it shouldn't matter. so little of Otonashi himself matters. ]

[Ruca starts shaking his head.]

I guessed that it happened long time ago. I mean... I trust you. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

[He tries to find Otonashi's hand and grasp it.]

But I still want to know what you want. Please, it's okay to tell me.

[ Otonashi glances down at his own hand clasped tightly in Ruca's, brushing his thumb over the other boy's affectionately, the touch feather-light, slow, and a little distant. ]

I wanted you to have a better experience than I did. So... I think I succeeded. It's enough.

[He would enjoy that light touch, but right now it only makes him frown further. Ruca moves closer until his nose bumps against Otonashi's.]

...I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had a bad experience... But you don't have to make this only about me. [He tries to look at Otonashi all the time. No looking away, he wants to show him it's really okay.]

If there's anything you want to do, please tell me. Or maybe there's something I can do? You don't have to worry about me. You can be as selfish as you want, I really don't mind.

[He gives Otonashi's hand a squeeze.]

I'll be more than happy to do anything for you.

Don't be. [ don't be sorry, especially not for something that had never been Ruca's fault to claim. ] It's not like I'm some victim. I let people get me upset enough to act, I kissed him. He taunted me, took me back to his dorm. Dared me to do a few things for him. He wouldn't look at me, called me a piece of shit a few times, said I looked pathetic. Weak, I think.

[ he's recalling it all evenly, speaking flatly and without affect. between trying to be outgoing to make others happy, nearly freezing, and his weakness during the winter, he doesn't have the energy to fake happiness, not even for Ruca. ]

You don't do that. That's... pretty nice.

[He shakes his head again and again.]

...Yuzuru. You were treated horribly... [So much that Ruca's heart almost hurts.] And I'm nothing special. I just do what I think is right. I want you to be happy. You really deserve that!

[He falls silent for a moment, then decides to do something bold. A decisive look appears on his face and then he suddenly forces Otonashi to lie on his back while Ruca lies on top of him. He looks down on the other, blushing, hand pressing to Otonashi's face, stroking his cheek softly.]

...I want you to be the happiest in the world. But how am I supposed to do that when you won't tell me what to do or what you like?

It's not that bad, but I wanted better for you.

[ and no matter who or what inevitably comes after Otonashi's end, this much will always be true. Ruca's first foray into love had been genuine, not a prank, not a test of limits, not a mockery. and for Otonashi, that would be enough. it should be.

the redhead is taken aback by the light use of force, though he quickly complies (not that Ruca's greater strength couldn't force him to either way, really). his breath catches as a dusting of pink appears over his cheeks, more stark against the skin still pale from cold. with more determination, different from the distant brush of his hand against Ruca's, he settles his hand against the other boy's.

words don't come to him immediately, but neither does avoidance. he doesn't look away, brushing his lips against Ruca's, but not pressing. ]

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