bakerstreet | body heat

You're having a nice time, so just... have a nice time, and I will too. I keep telling you that I've got this.

[ raising a hand to brush through Ruca's hair, he places one final kiss along the scar before the other boy begins to shift underneath him. as Ruca moves, Otonashi keeps his fingernails along the other's side, letting them drag up the length of Ruca's waist, the side of his chest, finally settling firmly on his shoulder. ]

Hey... [ as Ruca grazes the skin with his teeth, the redhead's face flushes with a rush of heat, but he's quick to turn his head, trying to meet Ruca's lips instead. though he might be acting difficult, he's smiling, ruffling the hair he'd only just fixed. ] What, you're trying to slip out on me now? I guess I could kiss you like this and let you eat dinner at the same time if that's what you were after.

[ it's a playful sort of joke as he tries to redirect, to get Ruca comfortable again. ]

Edited 2020-02-07 01:39 (UTC)

[The kisses and the feeling of Otonashi's fingernails against his body are pleasant, but it all feels so wrong right now. So... unfair.

The joke is not lost on him, but he doesn't smile. Instead he starts shaking his head more, wearing a frown on his face.]

Please, stop doing this. I know I can trust you, I know it's going to be fine... so why do you keep on reassuring me? Why can't I do anything for you? [He reaches up to touch Otonashi's cheek. His eyes start to shine with tears.

It's really making him sad and frustrated that Otonashi just won't let him do anything.]

...It's because I ruined everything, right? Yesterday, I was so happy... so proud of myself that I can do something for you...

[At that time he finally felt that he can be enough for Otonashi, that he can make him happy. Now he doesn't feel like that at all. He loves the gentle affection, the careful kisses, but Otonashi's words "don't worry about me" that go along with it are breaking Ruca's heart.]

No, I...

[ his smile vanishes at the sight of tears brimming in Ruca's eyes, and his gaze flickers to the window again in a subconscious plea for consolation. darkness has overtaken the sky in the late evening hours, but he can see it. it's something, it makes sense to him and reminds him of where he is. still, he can't help himself; he raises one hand to brush his thumb under Ruca's eyes, trying to gently take some of those tears with each swipe.

even if Otonashi was born a liar, the ways his expression changes from strained, to worry with the way his brows knit together, then to bittersweet acceptance would sell him out. ]

I want to say I thought you'd like it, but... I guess I was reassuring you for myself. So- you... want me to stop.

[ he pulls his hand off Ruca's shoulder, but keeps it hovering there. it's a shift from his complete removal of himself from the other teen. ]

[Ruca blinks a few times, not realizing how close he was to crying. But then his own expression changes, becoming gentler. He shifts a little again, then wraps his arms around Otonashi's neck and hugs him close to his chest.]

I love it when you kiss me like that. You're so kind and so caring. [He brushes his fingers against Otonashi's hair.] But it makes me sad when you keep on reassuring me all the time and when you're making it all about me. I don't want that. I want to make you happy. I want... I want us to be equals.

[He takes a moment to think, unsure how to word his thoughts.]

It feels like you want to show that you love me, but you don't want to accept my love for you. [It feels like rejection. And it hurts.]

...Does that make sense?

[He's not sure. But all he wants is for both of them to be happy together.]

[ as Ruca pulls him in close, Otonashi goes still; not fighting it, not trying to redirect and refocus the energy. just as he had when Ruca wrapped him in blankets to stave off the bite of bitter cold, he takes a staggered breath, closes his eyes, and accepts it.

he doesn't try to be anything more than a confused teenager quietly listening to the steady, grounding beat of Ruca's heart. finally, after a minute of silence, he nods. he understands. he wants to. ]

I really... have no idea what I'm doing. I must look pretty dumb to you, but... I promise, I wasn't trying to reject you.

[He sighs a little, still combing Otonashi's hair in hopes that it would be relaxing.]

I know. You always mean well.

[He closes his eyes and actually smiles a little now.]

But I want you to be happy. I want to be the one to make you happy. I think I told you this yesterday - you don't have to be perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. So let's both make it better. Let's try to... keep things balanced?

[He laughs a little.]

Besides you also promised me today that "you'll be busy with me and I'll be busy with you". And I'm still waiting for my turn, you know?

Yeah, I know I said that, but I kind of...

[ it sounded like the right thing to say at the time, and it flowed well when he said it. and he meant it, he remembers meaning it, but he made a mistake, he faltered, and he got nervous.

so he had proceeded carefully. too carefully, it seems. ]

W-well..!

[ and he falters again. ]

You...

[ and again. ]

Maybe I don't know what I want, but I kind of know what you want. Nobody's ever asked! I've just been doing it when you're, you know, farther... gone.

[Ruca starts blushing, but he hugs Otonashi closer and smiles.]

I-I know... We... didn't really get to be with each other like this a lot.

[He sounds embarrassed, but he doesn't think it's something to be ashamed of.]

I was asking you before. I want to know what you like... and if you don't know we can try to figure it out... I guess?

[He gives him another embarrassed smile.]

I told you before - be selfish. I'm all yours, I promise.

... You're going to laugh at me.

[ as soon as he says it, he knows it's a lie. he knows Ruca would never, not in a way that was anything less than good-natured and sweet. it's easier, though, to think of confessing a weakness as something to be ashamed of.

he never learned another way. ]

But... grab my hip bone. I'd say squeeze it with all you've got, but I've seen you break someone's arm doing that, so maybe not... like that.

[ he's rambling. it isn't easy to admit a weak point. ]

You can't really leave marks on me, so... try that.

[He blinks a few times. He obviously didn't expect this kind of request, but he doesn't laugh or try to argue. Surprise passes quickly and so, Ruca releases Otonashi from the hug and tries to shift again.

He settles his hands on Otonashi's side and very gently feels for his hip bone.]

I'll try but... [He frowns a little.] I'm not going to hurt you.

[He'll be very careful not to overdo it. And usually he's good at that.]

Just... let me know if I'm doing this right?

[And he squeezes.]

I know you're not going to hurt me, that's not why I said it.

[ finally, he cracks a genuine smile, shrugging one shoulder to ease some of his own tension. ] I'd just... probably say "as hard as you can" to anyone else. Because most people... nevermind, I'm talking too much again...

[ because it wouldn't be anywhere near what Ruca could manage, and it would drive the point to go ahead, to be firm. even as the other boy searches for the sharp curve of Otonashi's hip through his clothes, he looks aside to obscure some of the dusty pink blooming in his cheeks. for a fleeting second, he hesitates, considering calling the whole thing off and pushing Ruca onto his back. that would be easier, comfortable. he would know what to do.

Otonashi never gets the chance to backtrack, jerking upright and quickly moving to cling fiercely to Ruca once he feels fingers biting into the bone. his leg parts, giving the other boy ample room to move in closer. if a button exists to force Otonashi to physically open up and abort his brave front, that would be it.

he presses firmly to Ruca's bare chest, breathing against it, digging his fingernails into the other boy's back in a plea for more. ]

[Ruca can't believe how well that worked. Just one firm squeeze was all it took to make Otonashi cling to him like that. Ruca blushes with hot red and tries to shift a little again to settle his head next to Otonashi's neck to kiss him there as he squeezes once more. He falls easily between Otonashi's legs, bringing himself closer and soon his entire body flares up with need to be even closer than this.

Still, he tries to keep his kisses firm but gentle while he squeezes the bone with enough force to be felt but not enough to do any actual damage.]

[ when he tilts his head towards Ruca to cover his neck, it's more of a defensive reflex. enough incidences with blades being pressed to his throat or near it gets him to react on instinct at first, but he breathes through it and turns his head away to give access, nuzzling into Ruca's hair as he does. ]

You didn't laugh... [ he whispers close to Ruca's ear, his breath catching, his voice already heavy. of course he knew the other boy wouldn't. it had never truly been a question. when he follows it up with a laugh of his own, it's light and airy, and he drags his fingers through Ruca's hair, down the length of his neck, trailing his fingernails along the skin with a little bit of firm pressure. it isn't enough to break the skin, but it's clingy, needy.

this only becomes more apparent when Ruca moves in closer, grabs at his hip again. if the aim was to keep it quiet and discreet, Otonashi blows that cover immediately with a cry, quickly scrambling to try to bury his head into Ruca's shoulder, grab a pillowcase to shove in his mouth, something as he parts his legs, wrapping Ruca up in them. ]

M-maybe I'll make... something I can bite on..? [ so he's less of a noisy nuisance? ] Hah... I don't think I have time for that now. I don't think you'd let me, after all that. [ after he'd tried to pull away twice. no more. ]

[Between the kisses, Ruca breathes against the skin, making noises at each touch. He's not holding himself back anymore. He wants to show Otonashi that it's okay to be a noisy mess.]

Of course I didn't laugh. [He mutters almost breathlessly against Otonashi's neck. When he tries for another kiss, he lets his tongue touch the skin, feel it, taste it. He doesn't do that for long - it's mostly just a short moment, but he wonders if it was weird.

They're close, but still so far, and so much is keeping them apart. Ruca slowly sneaks his hands under Otonashi's shirt, enjoying how warm and soft the skin feels to the touch. His fingers are seeking, exploring, carefully trying to find a sensitive spot.

Ruca is good at learning and what he wants to learn now is - what to do to make Otonashi happy?]

Go on. [He breaths as his lips travel closer to the other's ear.] ...Would my shoulder be okay for that?

[He almost sounds like he's a bit drunk with joy now. He can make Otonashi feel like this - isn't this great?]

[ Otonashi's stomach and middle feels smoother than Ruca's despite its history. there are small dips in his skin, patches where his abdomen sinks into the empty space—spaces where pieces of him had been taken, given away to those who needed them more than he would. Ruca is too close to him now for him to hover a hand over it, so he takes advantage of the offered shoulder.

he is dead, he is weird in ways a living person can't be, and there's nothing he can do for it. the feel of Ruca's tongue grazing his skin provides enough of a distraction for him to laugh, burying his face as he does. ]

I was going to do that, over those marks I put on you... I thought it'd be weird, but... it's really not, huh?

[ he doesn't think so, anyway. raking his fingers through Ruca's hair, he idly works his knuckles over the other boy's shoulders, looping his ankle underneath one of Ruca's to link them. it isn't quite close enough for his liking, but it'll work for now. ] Y-you want me to use your shoulder? I'll end up biting you. You know that, right?

[He takes his time to explore the skin noting the differences but never thinking too much of it. He isn't bothered by missing parts, but he's more careful when touching Otonashi's stomach. His fingers are still searching for sensitive spots, caressing or pressing a little firmer, yet still with love and a tad bit of curiosity.]

Really? [He asks with a soft laugh. The thought of the tongue on his skin is... thrilling. Appealing. He shifts just a little more, trying to be even closer.] Then go on. I... want to know how that feels. [He lets his tongue slip past his lips yet again, light against the skin, but more daring than last time. He moves to give attention to the spot right under Otonashi's ear.]

I know. But that didn't stop you earlier. [From making the marks on him, he means.] If you really need to bite something, then do it to me.

[His breathings is heavier and it feels like a terrible effort to speak now, but Ruca smiles against Otonashi's skin. He may already be feeling too warm, but he wants it to be the beginning. A beginning of them figuring all of this out.]

[ he closes his eyes, plagued by the feeling that he ought to be doing more than keeping still and letting Ruca trace along his skin. just minutes ago, he had been active, peppering kisses, nuzzling into the other boy's stomach, calmly talking to him: making a difference. but, balance. Ruca had asked for balance. reminded of his own emptiness, his own awkwardness, he guides one of Ruca's hands up to his chest, where there's nothing. no feedback, no answers.

he squeezes Ruca's hand, brushing his thumb over the other boy's. please understand, he asks in holding Ruca firmly here. there is an innate imbalance. Ruca's body will give feedback in ways Otonashi's cannot. Otonashi had gone with it, giving no answers of his own, playing safe, chasing the feedback from Ruca.

to grant Ruca guidance, Otonashi pulls his hand down along the redhead's collarbone, shivering, then down along his ribcage, the hipbone weakness he'd already disclosed, and his own clothed inner thigh, which nets another shiver as he bites his lip. really, he's pretty tender everywhere, with smaller areas that function as reaction levers. it would be—and had been, for Fujimaki—a pretty easy weakness to exploit and make fun of him for. ]

Yeah. Really. [ he tilts his head to bump Ruca's, using a free hand to ruffle his hair fondly. ] And now you come right out and say you want it, after I was working up to trying it somewhere else first just a second ago. You wouldn't have had to ask if you'd just left me down by your stomach.

[ he really doesn't mean to fluster Ruca, but if Otonashi's going to be honest about what he wants, then he's going to be honest about his intentions for Ruca, too. he gently tugs at Ruca's unbuttoned pants, trying to speak without using specific words. he had been a little unsure about tracing his tongue along the marks, worried for the other boy's reaction, but had no issue with the idea of trailing down Ruca's stomach and lower still. maybe he's weird for that?

with a small, clipped whine as Ruca trails his tongue beneath the redhead's ear, he tightens the vice grip his legs have on Ruca, reaches up to tug gently at that silver hair to expose some of Ruca's neck, and drags his tongue along one of the older markings, tracing it. ]

Remember I was being mindful then. I can't promise I wouldn't... ah, get into it and bite pretty hard. [ still, the idea of being taken up so completely and reliant on Ruca to even balance and quiet himself is both worrying and a little thrilling. so, on the back of a heavy breath, he speaks into Ruca's ear: ]

Are you really sure?

Edited 2020-02-08 13:02 (UTC)

[He lets his hand to be guided by Otonashi and traces his fingers around the spot on the other boy's chest. He understands, but at the same time he doesn't think any less of Otonashi for it. Even with no heart, the other can still give him feedback in other ways. It's okay. Besides, Ruca will happily share his heart with him.

His body is trembling a little when his hand is led along Otonashi's form and ends up placed on his inner tight. Just giving attention to Otonashi makes him warm and his heart is bumping like crazy in his chest. His skin is tingling and he feels so excited.

And then Otonashi speaks and with that alone Ruca whimpers, breathing faster.]

Y-you... what? Ah...

[He doesn't get too much time to think about the possibly of Otonashi using his tongue on his stomach and lower. His face becomes extremely red and he feels dizzy. But then he moans against Otonashi's skin when he feels the tongue over the mark on his neck. His neck is sensitive but the marked patch of skin seems even more sensitive to the affection.

Ruca presses himself closely and firmly to the other, not caring much about the sound he's making.]

I-it's fine... I-if you need it... [He's gasping, trying to breath. Yet, at the same time he presses some kisses against Otonashi's neck and drags his hands up again to pull the other boy's shirt up and remove it from him.

He's stuck between wanting to slow down and starving for more.

When Otonashi breathes into his ear, Ruca whimpers and presses his hips closer, then realizes he's feeling completely overwhelmed with all those sensations and ideas that Otonashi gives him. It makes his head spin.]

[ maybe it shouldn't, but Ruca maintaining consciousness and continuing to not only speak and understand, but enjoy the experience makes Otonashi feel a twinge of pride. this is such a far cry from how completely and utterly withdrawn and timid Ruca seemed when they'd first met.

pulling Ruca in closely once his own shirt is pulled free, he breathes into Ruca's ear, nearly panting between attempts to speak, false-starts, until he calms and quiets enough to manage: ]

Yeah... I-I might need it. [ "might" is almost laughable, but he bites it back, dragging his tongue across another one of the marks. ] But... I definitely need you.

[ truly, he had every intention to make this about Ruca, to keep the noise down this second time to spare the other boy's feelings if the innkeeper's daughter honed in on them again.

but intention never quite makes it beyond just that: intention. the reality is much more desperate, needy, and just as messy of a whirlwind the second time around as it had been the first time as two selfless teenagers set out to prove their devotion to one another.

-- ]

[He wraps his arms around Otonashi, not sure if it's because he needs him close or because he wants a moment to calm down. He takes a few deep breaths, then almost laughs.]

I-it's okay... I-I'm all yours...

[He's breathing heavily, but he wants this. He wants Otonashi to be happy.

But his thoughts stop mattering soon afterwards as he's too focused on making sure that Otonashi knows how much he's loved.

----

The night leaves Ruca completely exhausted so he keeps on sleeping for much longer than usually, arms wrapped around Otonashi's middle and head pressed close to his back. He's sleeping peacefully without a care in the world.]

[ in retrospect, there had been no "might need you," no "maybe I'll have to bite you," just as he figured there wouldn't be. markings from his teeth and more loving, deliberate points along Ruca's shoulder might still be apparent hours after, if the other boy's healing hadn't already cleared them away. no matter the situation, they would be easy to keep hidden for as long as they lasted.

nightmares never come to him as he's pressed up comfortably between Ruca and a pillow (the very same one he had used as an inferior substitute to cling to the previous evening whenever Ruca himself was absent). it isn't a bad dream that wakes him, but a sense of unease, a startle he can't quite place. he sits up, turns aside to see the sleeping Ruca, and carefully slides out to clean himself up and get dressed. Otonashi is in desperate need of that much.

after wearing his thin sweater long enough for it to be warm, he slides it off to lay over Ruca, a sort of gentle reminder of his presence. fixing Ruca's hair and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead, he takes off to sort out returning dishes from the night before. maybe he shouldn't, but he helps himself to a some of the cake slice—despite its unfortunate sentiment—before disposing of the rest. hopefully, the girl won't misunderstand... he really had tried to be honest and let her down gently.

eventually, Otonashi quietly returns with a rather small breakfast. it isn't nearly enough for two people to eat and get satisfaction from, but it will have to suffice, so he sets it on the table and peers out the window at the heavy accumulation of snow. Otonashi considers heading out in it to scope out the situation alone, but thinks better of it—Ruca truly might panic and go out searching for him. ]

[Even though the marks on his skin are less obvious by now, they're sill there. He stirs a little when Otonashi leaves his side, but doesn't actually wake up. He mumbles something incoherently and curls his body, wrapping himself into the covers for warmth.

He continues to sleep peacefully, then he feels those soft touches and the gentle kiss.

He wakes up long time after that happens and his eyes widen when he realizes Otonashi is not with him in bed anymore. But he quickly notices the other boy and relaxes again against the pillows.]

Yuzuru... Good morning.

[He smiles a little, wrapping himself tightly into the covers to stay warm.]

Hey, there you are... [ trying to keep things even and calm, he moves closer, tugging up some of Ruca's cover to tuck him in and leaving him with another kiss on his forehead. ]

Did you sleep well? I... scrounged up some breakfast. I know it's not much.

[ but there just isn't much, with the way the snow has been. he's getting to that. ]

[Ruca laughs softly, giving Otonashi a bright smile.]

I slept really well... And it's okay. I'm sure it's good.

[Still wrapped into the covers and blankets he tries to move closer.]

It's... kind of all they had.

[ watching as Ruca scoots closer, Otonashi moves in to close the distance, loosely draping his arm over the other to grant him room to move as he wishes. ]

You should probably try to contact your family. The storms have been pretty bad still, so... from what I've heard, everything is still backed up. They aren't recommending travel.

[ which is, of course, precisely why he had the brilliant idea earlier to go out in poor conditions without proper cold weather attire to see about aiding the inn. Ruca and Otonashi both been camping out here longer than either of them really intended.

that, and dying in poor conditions had certainly left its mark on him. he wants to help, he should help. ]

Edited 2020-02-10 22:40 (UTC)

body heat

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