bakerstreet | body heat

It's not that bad, but I wanted better for you.

[ and no matter who or what inevitably comes after Otonashi's end, this much will always be true. Ruca's first foray into love had been genuine, not a prank, not a test of limits, not a mockery. and for Otonashi, that would be enough. it should be.

the redhead is taken aback by the light use of force, though he quickly complies (not that Ruca's greater strength couldn't force him to either way, really). his breath catches as a dusting of pink appears over his cheeks, more stark against the skin still pale from cold. with more determination, different from the distant brush of his hand against Ruca's, he settles his hand against the other boy's.

words don't come to him immediately, but neither does avoidance. he doesn't look away, brushing his lips against Ruca's, but not pressing. ]

[His weight is right on top of the other, pressing Otonashi into the bed. Ruca can't help but smile a little bit when he sees the blush on the other's cheeks. And he returns the brush of the lips, gently at first, then with a little more force than usually, but it's still loving and slow.]

...And I want better for you, too. [He says when they part, his lips ghosting against the other's with every word. He's trying to catch his breath, his heart is beating fast.] I want you to have the best experience...

[ as words continue to elude him, his breath coming in staggered waves against Ruca's lips, Otonashi drags his free hand down along the other boy's side and over his back. a gentle encouragement to stay close, to stay like this. even if he could come up with something to say, spoken language feels inadequate in ways he can't quite place.

when Ruca finally pulls away to speak, Otonashi doesn't protest. he doesn't dismiss it, or insist nobody should worry. feeling Ruca's heart pound against his chest, dulled by the fabric of their shirts, the redhead leans forward and cradles the back of the other boy's head with his hand, finally whispering against his lips. ]

You did it... you actually kissed me. [ without Otonashi leading it, or guiding it, or worrying about if it was right or wanted. "I'm so glad," comes to mind, with "thank you," and "more of that," close behind, but he doesn't voice them.

he opts instead to press in for another kiss, pulling Ruca closer.

words fail. ]

[Ruca wants to reply, but instead he lets himself be pulled into another kiss. His hand runs up and down Otonashi's side, tracing soft patterns and at some point stopping at the rim of the other's shirt as if hesitating. But since Otonashi reacts so well to him, Ruca actually acts and lets his fingers sneak under the other's shirt.

When he finally pulls away from the kiss, Ruca breathes in then suddenly laughs lightly.]

...Was that what you wanted? You could've just told me!

[And he chuckles, then gives a quick kiss to Otonashi's lips.

It feels so strange - like all his worries are suddenly gone. His heart is jumping in his chest and he's unsure what to do with all the energy he has now.]

I'm telling you now...

[ his flimsy whine ends in a shiver as Ruca maneuvers his fingers underneath the redhead's shirt. as much as he pulls Ruca in close, he stops a moment, cants his head to the side, then tugs gently at the other boy's shirt just as Ruca leans into to leave another quick kiss on his lips. ]

Take this off? Skin contact is warmer, you know. [ he isn't asking to remove everything, nor would he necessarily, but he feels comfortable enough to request this much. ]

[A warm blush spreads on his cheeks, but Ruca still nods with a soft smile. He pulls away a little and slowly starts working on the buttons of his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders eventually. The scar on his stomach seems to be a little smaller now, thanks to his rapid healing, but it will likely never vanish completely.

Ruca grabs the blanket and lies back down on Otonashi covering them both with it.]

...Anything else?

[He puts both his hands on Otonashi's sides and waits with a gentle, curious smile. His cheeks are still red.]

[ as Ruca begins working on his own shirt, Otonashi pulls his own relatively thin sweater and shirt off together, gently setting them aside. it's fair, he thinks, if he's requesting Ruca to do the same.

skin on skin and sharing a blanket will indeed be warmer, but he'll be good this time. he won't make it a lesson. ]

That's kind of up to you too, you know. I just want you to come back.

[Still smiling, Ruca shakes his head and presses himself close to Otonashi. He can already feel warmer when they touch like this, skin against skin. It feels nice.]

No, today everything is up to you. So go on. I promise I will do everything you want.

[He closes his eyes and gives Otonashi's neck a small kiss, then one more.

It's all okay. He's happy to be doing this.]

Then I want your input. I like it.

[ in something of a huff, he pulls Ruca in closely (as the other is moving in to be close anyway) and moves the both of them to lay on their sides.

he's choosing to face away from the window, focusing only on Ruca and biting his lip to keep any pleased whimpers or vocalized breaths contained. for someone tasked with the welfare of so many others, and someone who insists on handling things alone, he's incredibly sensitive.

not ticklish, not like Ruca, but sensitive enough even to gentle kisses peppered along his neck. carefully, he traces a line over that shrinking scar. the scar that exists due to his own negligence. his failure. his fault to own up to.

without a word, he sinks beneath the blankets, his lips trailing down Ruca's chest towards his stomach, light enough to be felt but ideally not enough to tickle. ]

[Ruca smiles a little against Otonashi's skin.]

...Well, if you really want that so much.

[But suddenly the other slips lower and Ruca can't help but make a small sound:]

Ah.

[His arms wrap around Otonashi as he inhales slowly. The kisses against his skin don't tickle - if anything they feel really good. Ruca closes his eyes, trying not to make any more noises, but it's difficult.]

G-go on. [He mutters, then lets a soft nervous laugh, before he sighs. He wants more.]

You really don't have to worry about making noise, either... Just signal me if I need to stop something.

[ a tap, a shove, a poke, anything works. he may not need to say as much, but he wants to be very clear about Ruca having equal control over the situation. he isn't in it for anything less.

as much as the small, faded scar appears like an insignificant mark now that it's had time to heal, to mend, Otonashi recalls it at its worst. letting a breath of warm air dust over the skin of Ruca's stomach, he presses his lips to the mark, slow, delicate, mindful. it starts with one, then another, then a few circling around it, little wordless apologies and bits of gratitude that this is all that remains.

the wound, as bad as it once had been, hadn't claimed Ruca's life. ]

O-only if you won't worry about it, too.

[About making noise, he means.

Ruca shivers when the scar is kissed, his skin tingling under the affection, enjoying it, needing more. He keeps his arms around Otonmashi's neck, hands reaching to his hair, softly brushing them as Ruca breathes.

His entire body moves closer, curling lightly.]

...Don't stop. [He says quietly, breathing those words out.] Just... go on. Do anything you want. I-I'll let you know if it's not fine...

Yeah?

[ though he pauses to arch up into Ruca's hands, letting the other boy's fingers entangle through his hair and drag along his scalp briefly, he's quick to return to peppering small kisses along the faded scar.

tilting his head so that his cheek nearly touches the skin of Ruca's stomach, he flutters his eyelashes, dusting them over the scar in a tiny butterfly kiss.

that might tickle, but he won't drag it out. ]

... That was sappy, I know. [ the breath that follows his gentle laugh dances over the scar as well, tapered off with another kiss. ]

[Ruca keeps on brushing his fingers into the other's hair, letting his nails drag along the scalp lightly. He's breathing slowly and enjoying the attention that Otonashi gives him, loving every single kiss. Yet, he can't help but chuckle when he feels eyelashes against his skin.]

No, it's okay. [He moves the blankets aside to reveal Otonashi and he leans in to plant a kiss on the top of his head.]

...I love you. [He murmurs, still smiling.]

Of course you'd say that. It's exactly your kind of thing.

[ sweet, sappy romances, happy endings. obviously, Ruca enjoying things of that nature had been precisely why Otonashi had chosen to do it. Otonashi's mention of it even is little more than a fond tease.

nuzzling gently into the scar as he feels the press of lips atop his head, he glances up for the first time, laughing quietly, breathlessly. ]

I love you too, Ruca. [ he tilts his head back down, pressing another kiss to the old wound. ] I'm glad you're here.

[ here, and not in an afterlife limbo-state with him. ]

Of course it is.

[Ruca laughs. He's a dreamer, he enjoys sappy romances and he's extremely happy that he can actually experience one. Otonashi is making all his wishes and dreams come true when it comes to love... so how can he not be happy?]

And I'm glad you're here with me.

[He wishes it could always stay like this, but he knows it will end eventually. So for now he just wants to enjoy it and give Otonashi everything while he can.

He leans closer to kiss the top of the other's had again.]

Edited 2020-01-18 00:13 (UTC)

I think it's sweet. [ and how could it be anything but? Otonashi moves one of his hands to rest on Ruca's hip, settling his cheek against the other boy's stomach for a moment, likely giving a few less-directed butterfly kisses with his eyelashes in the meantime. he has no intent to stay still forever, but he takes the time to appreciate the warmth, the proximity, the lack of noise and pressure from the outside.

it's always such an internal struggle to block it out that he takes the moments of reprieve he can get. ]

... And thank you. For not letting me freeze to death. [ because as much as he knows he would have been fine, and how close it could have been had he remained out there, this is undeniably better than collapsing in the snow, potentially forgotten by some of the others.

"it's winter, he's always scarce," some might insist. "he's probably off sulking somewhere." Hinata, Yuri, and Hisako might notice something amiss, but not immediately. not the way Ruca had. ]

[Ruca is smiling quietly, watching the other boy and gently stroking his hair. His fingers brush against the ear and run lightly against Otonashi's cheek.]

I would never let you freeze. [He says.] And I'm so happy I found you. [If he didn't find Otonashi before the snowstorm... he doesn't want to think about that. He just doesn't. The idea that the other might have ended up frozen and abandoned out there somewhere is hurting his heart.

So right now he wants to give him all the warmth, all the "it's all okay now"s. He wants him to feel cared for.]

If I didn't find you, I would be running all around the place until I did. You're so important to me.

[His hand moves a little lower, to Otonashi's back, tracing soft loving patters into the skin.]

And I don't mind getting hurt for you. [He closes his eyes.] If you're going to kiss all my scars like this, I really don't mind.

[He blushes a little. Is he being too sappy now? But it really is how he feels. Of course, he wouldn't go out of his way to get hurt, but there's something so incredibly touching about the attention he's receiving that it doesn't bother him to have scars.]

[ with a gentle shake of his head, he peeks up at Ruca through his own tousled hair. ]

Don't do that. [ a short huff follows, almost indignant. come looking for him, no matter what? ] I could have went back home, and then you'd be out here looking for nothing.

[ after giving Ruca's hip a quick, fond squeeze, the redhead almost relaxes back against him. the slow, gentle touch along his back soothes him, his back sinking underneath it, the whole of him seeming to melt into a comfortable calm.

but it doesn't last. Otonashi's grip, once light and gentle, quickly shifts into a fierce cling that is both desperate and riddled with anxiety. tension creeps up his spine, his back going rigid as he shifts himself up to hold Ruca's head in against his chest. his breath hitches in his tightening chest, the flood of anxious noise piercing him through like the stab of a blade.

seeing Ruca through this nearly fatal wound had been enough. ]

No. [ the only word he can voice is carried on the back of a weak breath, and when he pulls away enough to look the other boy in the eyes, it's with a forced, pained smile. ] No...

I guess I could've just sent you a message and ask you where you were. [He says with a soft chuckle. That way he would've known for sure.

The calm settles between the two of them, as Ruca continues with soft touches. But suddenly everything changes. He's pulled close against Otonashi's chest and even though he doesn't hear the other's heart, he can tell how anxious he is now. Ruca almost stops breathing for a second when he hears the sound of Otonashi's voice, feels the tensed muscles, sees the pain in his smile.]

...I'm so sorry. [Trembling, he presses himself close to Otonashi. Just how could he say something so cruel and insensitive?] I'm so sorry, I... I just wanted to say that you don't have to worry about that scar. I swear I'm not planning to get hurt! [He runs his hands up and down Otonashi's back, seeking forgiveness, but also wanting to calm the other.] I know you don't want to see me hurt... just as much as I don't want to see you hurt either. I'm so sorry for saying something so horrible...

I know, I— Most people don't plan to get hurt...

[ the words come hollow and haunted, almost as if he's speaking through Ruca to a vacant room. while he can feel the other boy's hands on his back, he doesn't visibly react, his shoulders still squared and rigid.

each apology of Ruca's rings just as hollow, echoes of his own nagging regret and attempts at atonement in the throes of anxiety and loss. he remembers the still, cold body of his young sister sitting limp against his back, the unresponsive Ruca slung over him in a similar fashion. ]

No, don't—

[ don't apologize. anything, anything but apologies, he wants so badly to scream. everyone had always been so sorry. sorry for your loss, sorry about your situation, sorry you couldn't do anything to save them. to tear himself free of his own head and stay the tide of impending tears, he strikes his fist against the wall with an audible crash, the skin on his knuckles breaking easily. with a low hiss as the sting sets in, he tries pushing Ruca onto his back with his uninjured hand, intending to pin and lay on him.

it's less sweet than when Ruca had done it, but Otonashi fights the instinct to slink off to be alone to remain close. ]

I said don't...

Edited 2020-01-20 23:03 (UTC)

[It startles him when Otonashi hits the wall and he doesn't protest when he's pinned down. He is just looking up at the other, feeling helpless and regretting everything he's said.

He didn't mean to hurt Otonashi, but he did anyway. Ruca bites his lower lip to stop with the apologies - they don't change anything, right? They are just words that have no meaning.

He can't believe that he messed up so badly, just because he's found that scar kissing so nice and awfully romantic. Now he knows better to ever say something like that again.

And he stays perfectly still, unsure what to say now. How can he makes this better?]

Hah... You really did it. You stopped.

[ Otonashi had cut in with pleas and lashing out at a concrete wall to distract them both from their own whirlwinds of anxiety, but indeed Ruca had ceased his apologizing. with a ragged breath as he quietly slides his damaged hand underneath one of the pillows, he tries to force himself to settle against Ruca.

it almost works. ]

Maybe my tickle torture worked after all, huh..? [ he'd be lying if he said he had the energy for that right now, in this moment. but he's trying, trying to make this easier. ]

[Ruca frowns a little, then shyly tries to reach for Otonashi's injured hand.]

...I did. [He admits quietly.] I won't do that if you don't want me to.

[He tries to calm his breathing and his pounding heart. Otonashi doesn't need him crying and panicking right now.]

And that... is almost always effective, I think. [He tries to crack a smile.]

Edited 2020-01-21 20:16 (UTC)

[ pulling his battered hand aside and decidedly out of Ruca's reach, the redhead places his free hand on Ruca's head of white hair to ruffle it, making a mess of his bangs. ]

Uh-huh. You got off easy that time, though.

[ he may be shorter on emotional reserve and energy during the trying winter, but he can appreciate Ruca's effort. if Ruca can try for him, Otonashi can reciprocate. ]

What am I going to do with you..?

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