bakerstreet | YOU JUMP, I'LL CATCH YOU

Rosie can't wait for her hedgehog to meet Bumble. She asks if you think they'll be friends? ;)

There's no response. Not too big a deal. He knows how much Sherlock despises emojis. He should be glad he didn't add 'lol'.

She also wants to know if the hedgehog already has a name before she gives it one herself? lol

That time he adds it, hoping for a reaction.

Two days go past with no reply and John does start to worry that Sherlock might not want to see him again. Signals are so mixed. He knows it was awkward, what they confessed, and it would be difficult to 'just be friends' after that...But he had hoped Sherlock would want to see Rosie one more time before they go.

A thought comes to mind and he needs to test it.

Is it Alli? Is he not too fond of me? He just wants an answer.

Sherlock is in the middle of his dish. Chicken paramasan and tiramisu.
No. He isn't. I love him too, John. This is very difficult and I had hoped to not do it over text. Goodbye, John.

He really shouldn't have sent that.

John is standing on the balcony when he gets the text. It feels like he's being stabbed through the heart with those two words. So familiar. Scarred into his memory.

"No. Don't...SHERLOCK!"

It's not until Rosie calls for him, needing help with her puzzle, that he pulls himself together and goes to her.

He doesn't tell her yet. Not ready for that when he's still wounded himself.

He sighs. He makes the dish and he's quiet and just wants to keep his head down. He deletes the text. He doesn't want Alli to know that either.

He smiles and tries to attend the party on Alli's arm. He's still a little sore.

The food goes down a hit and a lot of the guests praise Sherlock via Alli, who loves to show Sherlock off on his arm like a trophy husband.

There's a lot more alcohol at this one.

Stefan moves in on Sherlock again and puts his hands on his hips; "Oooh, I swear this one gets sexier every time I see him."

The others just laugh and hoot. Including Alli.

Sherlock just blushes, looking at Alli for reassurance, moving away a little.
He doesn't like this.

"Alli?"

"Go on, me amore." Alli strokes his hair; "Stefan's wife has left him...Just do him a favour, yes? It is my fault. I tell them how good you are. Now I have to prove."

Stefan will unzip his flies.

Sherlock won't cry, but mumbles that Alli doesn't have anything to prove, but he moves to obey.

He tries fumbling, not being as good as Alli knows he is, not liking it.
Despite Alli's accusations, he's not a slut.

He almost wants John to take him home, to - no. It's not like he deserves John anymore.

They all watch and jeer as Sherlock takes Stefan into his mouth, calling out Italian profanities and slurs.

After he's done with Stefan, Alli gives him a pat 'well done' and a kiss. Then plies him with more alcohol.

And half an hour later Sherlock is to 'do a favour' for three more men.

Sighing, he complies. As long as he doesn't have to take off his pants. The swelling and pain has gone down a little, but it's still pretty livid and he knows they're going to laugh.

He doesn't think he can bear that.
Besides, instead of scars of ... something he's already ashamed of, they won't know the difference.
John would. John would know...

Stop thinking about John.
Stop it.

That night Sherlock gets away with just sucking the room off and not taking off his trousers. But not every night may be so lucky.

Alli is good to him afterwards, caressing and praising him and feeding him chocolate.

A bit like rewarding a show dog.

"Bravo ragazzo." Alli whispers after making love to him after they get home, whether Sherlock is in the mood or not. Alli will take it.

Sherlock really isn't in the mood, but he doesn't fight Alli this time. He would have fought Victor but he knows better now.

After one party, barely a couple nights later, one of the guys comes too early and the blame is put on Sherlock. Or another fails to get hard at all despite Sherlock being ordered to dance and get him in the mood. Again, the fault is Sherlock.

So Alli gives him another dozen lashes with the belt - except this time the guys are there to watch.

Whip the little prostituta into shape.

Sherlock might hear some 'snaps' as a couple take pictures and videos on their phones.

Sherlock sighs and ducks his head.
He will never get better than Alli, At least he's not a naive college student anymore.
He doesn't like it, of course, but struggling makes it worse, so he doesn't.

After all, he probably deserved it.
It doesn't mean it hurts less.

He starts to drift off.
Serbia. They beat him and liked fucking him in Serbia...

At another party, Sherlock might pass out from the pain. He pays for it when they get home and Alli makes him sleep in the cold cupboard again, bottom stinging badly as he tries to sleep in the cramped space.

Meanwhile John knows it is coming to the end of the holiday. Rosie still asks about Sherlock even after he tried to explain to her they might not be able to see him again for a while. She still hopes, poor child. He doesn't know if it's crueller to take that away or let her keep it blindly.

On the day before they go, he leaves Rosie at the creche to spend some last time with the new friends she's made, and John goes to Alli and Sherlock's flat.

He knocks on the door.

Alli isn't at home.
Sherlock is trying to cook something to please him.

Just not tonight please.
He can't take anymore.

He goes to answer it, not opening completely.
"John?" Leaving. They're leaving and John wants to say goodbye.

He probably doesn't look as well as he should. "I'm in ... I'm in the middle of dinner."
He seems nervous, really.

John has a million things prepared on his lips for what he wants to say. All of them are thrown aside when he sees the state Sherlock is in.

"Jesus...Are you okay?" He frowns, "You really don't look well."

Alli is obviously clever enough not to mark Sherlock's face too badly, other than the odd bruise now and then from a slap Sherlock 'forces' him to do. Something that can be excused away by a feeble excuse.

The recent marks and scars are all on Sherlock's lower half, a few scattered on his shoulders.

Edited 2017-03-12 15:10 (UTC)

"I'm fine," Sherlock says. "Alli isn't here, I'm in the middle of making him dinner, he won't want to see you here, I - he forbid me from seeing you and - I am honoring his wishes."

Sherlock doesn't dare walk away. But then again, John might not notice ... his limping. He didn't notice Sherlock's hurt shoulder.

John frowns; "Sorry, he forbade you?! So you didn't choose to cut me or Rosie out, it was just because Alli TOLD you to?"

He knew something was up. Even Rosie didn't seem to believe that Sherlock wouldn't want to see them again.

"Sherlock are you...afraid of him?"

"I'm more afraid of what his friends think of him. He can be persuaded if - he has certain benefits and reason..."

Now it sounds stupid even to Sherlock.
"You may love me John, and I may love you, but it wasn't meant to be, so... if you would leave before he'd find out you've been here I think that would benefit the both of us."

"Why would what his friends think matter...? Are they hurting you?" John feels more uneasy by the second.

Sherlock is scared. He reminds him of the characters on the videos Ella showed him. Actors portraying abusive domestic situations and seeing if John saw himself or Sherlock in either character.

He does now more than ever. And John is not the abuser. But he could also be an enabler if he chooses to walk away.

"Come home with us. Please."

Sherlock frowns a little. Like a coward, crawling back in shame?
He doesn't know.

Maybe he shouldn't want to go so badly...

"Let me rephrase that," John corrects himself; "Our plane leaves in twelve hours. Come back and go to Baker Street, let Mrs. Hudson and Molly and even your brother if need be look after you - you don't need to have anything to do with me. I'll stay away if that's what you want. But any idiot can see you are not happy here."

Sherlock sighs. Hating it. A choice he has to make again. "You said ... anyone but me..."

"Oh, Sherlock." he cringes, feeling like Sherlock has struck him back and he deserves it; "I...I meant the exact opposite of what I said. Both times...You are the ONLY one I want. You are the only person I want to help me...the only person I want to help me raise Rosie, if you consented to it...You are the only person I am in love with. And the only reason I said I didn't want you around was because...It was so difficult being in love with you and not being able to act on it that I became more and more frustrated...to the point that I would just explode."

He bites his lip, taking a seat on the arm of the sofa.

"That's not an excuse from me. Just...an explanation. Everything I did to hurt you...was a way of hurting myself...and I was so wrong to do that."

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