bakerstreet | I'll keep you my secret

I'll keep you my secret

SECRET relationship;

The fact that you're in a relationship with this person isn't public knowledge. Actually, no one knows about it except for the people involved. Maybe you guys are just private like that; on the other hand, it may be a necessity to keep things a secret from others. Maybe you're both team mates, and others on the team would give you grief, or you're not suppose to be dating, or you're not the type to usually date and you're only testing the waters. Perhaps it's the combination of you two, possibly an odd couple, that would bring some controversy or some teasing. Or, you know, you could not want to deal with friends and relatives being busybodies. Your reasons are your own.

Are you content with stealing moments to be together as a couple? Do you want to make your relationship known and the fact that you can't drives you batty? Remember, there are lots of benefits to dating in secret. You can be yourselves completely, away from prying eyes, and get to know each other better as potential longterm romantic partners. In a way, it's ideal.

...still, do you ever wish you could scream from the rooftops how much you care for your significant other?

how to play.

★ Comment with your character, preferences, and information.
★ Reply to others.
★ Play out stolen moments (◡‿◡✿), secret dates (◕‿◕✿), secret handholding (⊙‿⊙✿), and secret kissing ( /)w(\✿)!

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Cassian’s smile faded slightly at her words. General Draven hadn’t told him that he was sending Jyn on a mission. Not that he should’ve been surprised - of course Draven wouldn’t tell him. He outranked Cassian and, besides, while Rogue One had been pardoned, they were never really celebrated as heroes. They were outlaws that broke all of the rules and got lucky and it was only that luck that kept the two of them from being court martialed. Draven had kept Cassian at a cool distance since Scarif and was now apparently moving pieces around without further discussion.

Except this was Jyn.

Cassian squeezed Jyn’s hand, finding solace in its warmth and solidness. There were times after Scarif he had to remind himself that she was real and he was truly alive. “I didn’t know they had assigned you another mission. The General keeps me at arm’s length these days.” Although he understood why, it didn’t soothe the sting. Cassian had devoted his life to rebellion. His body and mind had been the rebellion’s for twenty years and he’d used them to do terrible things to other people and himself. Whatever the cost, the job got done. And now the man who’d demanded so much of him was giving nothing in return.

“Will you tell me about it before you go? The mission?” Cassian supposed he could abuse his powers a bit and find it on the data pad himself, but he preferred hearing it from her. “You don’t have to tell me now, just…” His voice trailed off. He didn’t like the thought of her going somewhere he couldn’t follow.

Better to admit to what she was doing than deliberately keep it from him. He'd find out eventually, anyway. It did mar the moment, but only for a fraction of a second, and then Cassian relaxed against her all the more thoroughly, even though she knew by now what he was thinking. All the sacrifice, and the loss that they both still felt so deeply, and for the most part, they were seen as nothing more than troublemakers - and that was putting the sentiment as lightly as possible.

And after everything that Cassian had done for the Rebellion, to be treated as though he was untrustworthy was an insult of the highest degree. Although he might not ever say as much out loud, Jyn thought that she knew Cassian well enough by now to know that he was hurt by the freezing out. She returned the reassuring squeeze, suddenly leaning close to press an equally soft kiss to his cheek.

"It was only assigned today, I hadn't known about it, either." It had been strange, at first, sharing even the smallest bits of affection, but now, the habits were as natural as breathing. Only within the confines of their respective quarters, though, where they could be alone. "Of course", Jyn answered, her voice hardly louder than a murmur. "Everything you need to know."

She'd tried and failed to demand that Cassian be allowed to attend her briefing. And while she wasn't very hopeful that he'd be allowed on her team, either, she'd fight for his inclusion, anyway. The most difficult part of any assignment was being away from each other - she was constantly torn between concentrating on her tasks at hand and worrying about him.

A comfortable silence fell between them. His data pad beeped, but he made no move to reach for it. He’d been dismissed for the evening and had no plans to think about debriefs and mission assignments for the rest of the night. Cassian would be unrecognizable to his old self. Only a few short months ago, he hopped out of dead sleeps for minor updates. Scarif… Jyn had changed everything.

“When all this is over, I want to go to Lah’mu.” Cassian didn’t want to dwell too long on Jyn’s mission. “I think we could be happy there.” He offered her a small smile, reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Leaning closer, he pressed another kiss to her temple, though he lingered for a moment. Affection wasn’t his strong suit, but dammit, he was trying.

“It won’t be so kriffing cold there.” He managed to let out a soft laugh, which was more laughing than Cassian ever really allowed himself. His hand slipped out of hers and tentatively snaked around Jyn’s waist, pulling her closer. “Who knows? We could try our hand at farming.”

Silence hadn't always been so comfortable, but, like with most things, they'd settled into patters and routines that soon felt as natural as breathing - at least, with each other. Jyn couldn't imagine sharing moments like this with anyone else, and, if she was being truthful with herself, she didn't want to. Something profound had happened on Scarif, not just their shared near-death experience. Navigating it in the aftermath wasn't always easy, and did sometimes end in frustration, but ...

Moments like this made the others well worth the hassle.

For a moment, Jyn's breath caught in her throat, and she was certain that she might never breathe properly again. Normally, neither of them tended to think about much less bring up what they'd do after everything was said and done with, if it ever would be. To know that Cassian wanted to take her home felt almost overwhelming in its entirety. But, truth be told, nothing could ever sound quite as good. She couldn't do much from her current position other than nuzzle all the closer, but there was no hesitation in doing just that, and squeezing the fingers linked with hers as if to reassure that she was more than content with the idea.

Maybe they weren't great with the ins and outs of intimacy and affection, but they were learning, together.

"I think so, too", she managed, breathing out her own soft chuckle as positions changed, and they found a way to lessen whatever space remained between them, aways more content to exist together. "It still gets cold there, but I'd keep you warm." She paused, and laughed a bit louder, and raised an eyebrow just so. "We'd have to - there's not much else there. The black sand and the sea and the rocks that pass for mountains. It wouldn't be a bad life, with you."

Edited 2017-02-18 04:22 (UTC)

Warmth bloomed in Cassian’s chest as Jyn curled in closer, her fingers squeezing his reassuringly. Both of them had been starved of affection their whole lives. By the age of six, Cassian had lost his entire family. He spent his childhood throwing rocks and sticks at invading ‘troopers until he was recruited by the rebellion. Rigorous mental and physical training followed – there was no time for love or feeling good when the galaxy was being threatened. And when he became old enough, the bits and pieces he did learn of affection and seduction were only ever used to benefit the rebellion, just another tool he had at his disposal to wrench what he wanted out of people.

It still didn’t feel real to Cassian. To be curled so close together, to touch and kiss and explore with no ulterior motives was a luxury he’d never been given. Sometimes he felt like an outsider looking in – it seemed almost impossible for him to be capable of genuine affection and to want it in return.

“It sounds absolutely boring to me. Perfect,” Cassian said, forcing out another breathy chuckle. He’d lived in the sticky, hot jungles of Yavin IV, had lived on frigid Fest and now Hoth. He’d traveled to bustling trading posts, had been the temperate but crowded Coruscant, had completed missions on an impressive number of planets and moons – none of them boring. Cassian thought he’d grow to love boring. “I think we could happy. And, if you’re offering to keep me warm… I’m pretty cold now. You could get some practice.”

Cassian’s lips curled into a larger smirk and he leaned in closer so their foreheads were touching. He caught her lips in a quick, soft, almost chaste kiss.

How could she not want the steady comfort that being close brought the pair of them? How could she ever keep from curling in all the closer now that she knew what it felt like to sit practically melded to side, knowing that he wanted her there as much as she wanted to be there? It had been so long - too long - since either of them had experienced simple, genuine affection that maybe it just made sense that they gravitated toward each other, their soft touches, and surprisingly sweet kisses. Maybe.

All Jyn really knew was that sometimes, she almost convinced herself that all of this was one long, vivid dream, and she was soon going to wake, and find herself alone, and know that none of it had been real all along. But the more time and opportunity they were blessed with, the easier she settled into believing that she could have something reminiscent of what her parents had, and that she could let her walls down and be so soft, too.

She hummed her agreement, lifting her chin just enough to be able to meet Cassian's eyes, always surprised to see the fondness that he held for, what, her, these moments, or both, clearly written out for her eyes only. "It is. I just hope that you never get bored with me, too."

Because once the action and uncertainty of the lives they've led for so many years was stripped away ... what else was there? The thought absolutely terrified her, and yet ... she still wanted it with everything that she was. "You're always cold", she teased gently, biting her lip to keep her smile from spreading all the wider. "Practice makes perfect, as they say."

And then he rested his forehead against hers, and for a moment, they were breathing in time, and then kissing, however gently. There was no reason to hurry just yet, and her smile slowly grew in turn. "I would love to keep you warm."

Cassian furrowed his brows – bored with Jyn? Hell, their first meeting was in a debriefing room after her jailbreak from Wobani. No moment after that had been boring. Even now that they were stationed on a frozen wasteland of a planet, she’d hardly been boring. Every moment between them was electric and exciting; in the rebellion, any day could be their last. There was no time for boredom. And if the day ever came that they could everlasting peace on a remote planet, he would welcome it with open arms.

“You know I would never get bored of you…” Cassian clucked his tongue in disapproval. His relationships with women before Jyn was purely sexual, mostly used as a tactic to extract whatever information he needed. To have a constant partner at his side, to wake up to a mess of tangled limbs and a warm body curled into him – he could never be tired of that. Loneliness had carved out a hole in his chest that Jyn was slowly but surely making whole again.

Cassian kissed her again, his lips lingering a bit longer. Before Jyn, everything was rushed and frantic and rough, teeth knocking against each other as he battled to always keep the advantage. He was learning – they both were – to be slow and patient. There was time for rough later; he was more interested in learning what he didn’t know. “I know I’m always cold. Maybe because we’re living on a ball of ice.”

He pulled back slightly, his mouth curved in a half-grin and his eyes dark and gleaming with mischief. “So as long as we’re here, I’ll be in desperate need of your help…”

There was a vast difference between the life they've lived since their first meeting on Yavin and the sort of quiet existence that they'd have on a planet is remote and uninhabited as Lah'mu. But honestly, the thought of living that kind of life with Cassian didn't sound ... undesirable. In fact, she'd keep the hope that they'd be able to live it together with her as incentive to return from whatever mission she was sent on from here on out.

Although ... coming home to him had become incentive enough.

Jyn couldn't help the way that her smile widened just so, despite the teasing disapproval of her words. It's not that it was a pressing worry of hers, not really, although it did take root in her consciousness from time to time. All of this - intimacy, having a relationship, sharing herself with him in all ways was ... terrifying, sometimes, and she made her own fair share of mistakes, but ... going to sleep together, and holding each other tight, and waking up to soft kisses and even softer whispers and ... not being alone anymore was worth it, she thought, in spending life with the only person that's ever made it feel worth living.

"Good", she murmured, leaning into the kiss, returning it as eagerly as possible while at the same time, not rushing into deepening it just quite yet. There was definitely something to be said for taking their time, when they didn't give in to impatience. There was always something new to discover about each other and the way they fit together, and Jyn loved learning those particular lessons. "I hate it here", she laughed, lips brushing his with every word. "So much."

Her only joy was stealing these moments together when they could. "Desperate need, huh?" she answered, teasing right back. "Well, if you ask nicely, I'm sure I can assist somehow."

“It’s not all bad here,” Cassian countered, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. Hoth was a frigid wasteland on the Outer Rim, sure, but they found more privacy there than they ever had on Yavin IV. The cold kept people clustered where there was warmth – in the mess halls, the hangars, or their own rooms. It allowed him to be unseen as he roamed the intricate maze to get to Jyn’s room every night. “Everyone is too cold to bother us…”

If this continued (and Cassian desperately hoped it did), they would eventually have to admit what they were doing, that they were… together. Calling Jyn his girlfriend seemed incredibly trivial, but saying she was his partner seemed too professional. Kaytoo had been his partner at one time, and the droid and Jyn couldn’t be more different. For now, with the trauma and tragedy of Scarif still fresh for them both, it was easier to figure each other out in secret without prying eyes.

“Please, Jyn, warm me up…” Cassian crooned, going along with the game they were playing. He was nothing if not a control freak and, before Scarif, before Jyn, he wouldn’t have played along. He would’ve been the one setting the pace. Somewhere between Eadu and that damn beach, he’d learned to trust her. Now there was no one in all of the rebellion he trusted more with his life.

He untangled his fingers from hers, moving his hand up until he cupped her cheek. The pad of his thumb swiped carefully along her cheek before he leaned in again for another kiss.

"Here", Jyn began, nodding gently, "... is not so bad. Right here, right now. Out there, on the other hand ... I could do without." Still, thank goodness for the awful cold, and the way that it kept people too occupied with getting and staying warm to wander, and to perhaps catch Cassian in the act of entering her quarters in the evening, and leaving them in the morning. The privacy, she felt, was at least mostly worth the discomfort of the frigidity. "I do like it when it's just you and I."

Understatement of the century, that.

While she and Cassian had never put into words just what it was that they were doing, Jyn often found herself hoping for much the same. How does one go about voicing that hope, though? She was afraid that if she came out and said as much, he'd, what ... bolt? And she'd lose everything that they'd begun building together. And that wasn't worth the risk, in her opinion. For the moment, she was perfectly content with these, the quiet moments, soft kisses and gentle caresses, and the knowledge that this was theirs and theirs alone.

However teasing the comment, it still stoked the fire burning low in her belly, and although her smile stayed much the same, the glint in her eyes shifted from playful to heated in the space of one heartbeat. If nothing else, their time together had taught Jyn that no matter what, she could trust Cassian in all things, and she wasn't going to let go of that easily, ever. She didn't feel complete, not yet, and maybe she never really would, but that knowledge absolutely filled in one more missing piece.

"Captain", she murmured, nuzzling against his fingers, easily leaning closer to meet the kiss halfway, "We should adjourn to bed, don't you think? We'd be much warmer underneath the blankets ... "

Cassian didn’t have to be told twice, especially when she’d had the audacity to call him Captain. Jyn had to know it sent a jolt of electricity straight to his groin when she did that, even if he would die before he admitted it out loud.

Grin still plastered on his face, he rose out of his chair a bit too quickly, grimacing as he put too much weight down too quickly on his bum leg. When he’d fallen from the comm tower, his back and his leg had taken the brunt of the damage. Bacta had gotten his back mostly back to normal, though if he stood for too long or lifted something too heavy, he felt a twinge in protest. His leg, however, was presently held together by a complex system of plates and pins that were particular sensitive to the freezing cold of Hoth.

It was easy for him to forget his injury. Cassian had always been a very active man with little need for rest. Now he felt almost like a shell of himself, some crippled thing he had trouble recognizing.

No, he wouldn’t let those thoughts ruin their precious little time together. Cassian recovered smoothly, fixing his face as quickly as it’d scrunched in pain. He unzipped his blue parka, inviting in more cold for the moment, and shrugged it off, tossing it near the bed. “I might freeze to death if we don’t hurry,” he teased, his voice deepened with desire and pain all at once.

Slowly, he hobbled the short distance to her bed, carefully easing down before pulling off the khaki tunic he’d been wearing underneath. His teeth began to chatter and goosebumps instantly prickled his skin. “Although… hypothermia in Jyn Erso’s bedroom wouldn’t be the worst way to die…”

It was less an order, and more a suggestion, but it was one that Jyn had the feeling that Cassian wouldn't mind fulfilling. Of course she knew the effect that using his title would have - just because he never said how much he liked it didn't mean that it didn't show in his expression. And Jyn has learned that she liked to tease.

For a moment, just one moment, Jyn's smile faded. She would never forget watching Cassian fall, and the helplessness that came when she'd had to leave him there, thought him dead, couldn't even attempt to save him. But he'd come right back from the brink of death and saved her life again, and what had she done to properly thank him? She'd certainly stayed with him through a long recovery in medbays on Yavin and Hoth both. She'd tried to encourage him when he was at his lowest. And even though he bristled when she offered her assistance when the pain was too much, she persisted and wouldn't stop persisting because really, everybody needed help every now and again.

Even stubborn spies.

It wasn't pity that fueled her actions, it was another emotion entirely, something deep-seated and all-encompassing that she hadn't yet put into words, and didn't know how to, but was very real all the same. Jyn almost offered her assistance then, but he caught himself, began the process of undressing, and she decided it was her turn to follow. She toed her boots off, but left thick, heavy socks on, just so that she didn't freeze her toes before getting into bed. "Don't want that, now do we?"

Her fingers were a bit cold, but she was eager to be rid of her layers and with him, so there was no hesitation in removing heavy jacket, and thick sweater, and long-sleeved shirt she had on underneath all of that. Immediately, Jyn was freezing, but she knew she wouldn't stay that way for long. "You know, the best way to keep that from happening - "

She began, hurrying to join him in bed, working at the fastenings of her pants, cheeks flushed and pink, and not entirely all from the cold. " - is body heat. I'd prefer keeping you with me for a long time to come, you know."

Cassian grinned, wetting his lips with a quick flick of his tongue. He could die a happy man in Jyn Erso’s bed, but not that night. His eyes greedily watched her strip for a moment before he leaned down to unlace his boots and pull them off. By the time he looked up, she was already half-naked and was fumbling with her pants.

As she moved closer, Cassian’s fingers joined hers in helping her get her pants off. But his mouth had a mind of its own, and his lips placed a trail of sloppy kisses across her stomach. He’d mapped Jyn’s body with his mouth countless times, but he never tired of it. From the first time they’d fallen in bed together, he’d made sure to commit her body to his memory. If he managed to make it to old age, Cassian swore he would remember every inch of Jyn’s body.

“Well, I don’t plan on going anywhere.” Cassian finally looked up to meet her eyes, sly grin still on his face. “You have me for as long as you want me.” His teeth began to chatter again, though he imagined Jyn had to be even colder. He still had his pants on at least. “Tell me what you want, Jyn…”

Hopefully, not that night. Hopefully, not for a great many nights to come. Hopefully, not until they were both old, and content with the lives that they'd lived, warm in their bed. And hopefully, she would follow soon after. Ever since the beach on Scarif, Jyn had known that she didn't want to go a day without Cassian by her side.

At the moment, she only wished that it was warm enough so that she could slow down, really give him a much better show than how hasty she was to get undressed, get into the bunk, and pull the covers up and over them. The good thing was, despite her haste, he still looked like he enjoyed what little she was able to offer in the way of clumsy seduction.

She breathed out a thankful noise once his much more nimble fingers joined hers, helping push her pants over her hips, down her thighs, past her knees, until they were pooled at her feet, and she was shivering, partly because the little room was frigid, but also partly because of his lips and the trail they took across her stomach. Just as he'd never get tired of exploring her this way, she'd never get tired of being touched and kissed and memorized. And, when given her opportunity, she'd never tire of doing the same for him. After all, she wanted to know him as well as she did herself, in every way possible.

She sighed hotly, threading her fingers gently through his hair, returning the smile that he offered her, even though her eyes were already dark with her want. She had to bite her bottom lip gently in order to keep something stupid from spilling forth from them entirely. "Yeah?" she asked instead. "Promise?"

Logically, Jyn knew that nothing was promised to them, but just hearing it would make her feel better nonetheless, more positive about what the future might hold for them. "I want you", she murmured, only breaking away long enough to slide in beside him, to use her stiff fingers to work at his pants then. "First, I want you underneath this blanket with me, then I think I want you to use that lovely mouth to taste me, and then I want - ", her voice lowered then, tinged with her growing desire, "I think I might want you to fuck me. That good?"

Cassian had always been a man of control. Even as a teenager, he’d remained intensely focused on his training and never got distracted from his missions. The closest thing to a friend he had was Kaytoo, an Imperial droid he’d personally formatted and reprogrammed. But Jyn… Jyn made him feel so out of control. Even Kaytoo had mentioned to him, briefly, that Jyn Erso was causing him to lose his edge. Kaytoo would certainly disapprove of what was happening between them.

It wasn’t just that she was beautiful; after all, Cassian had seduced beautiful woman before and still maintained control the entire time. Jyn had found a way to crawl under his skin – he had no way to explain how it had happened. All he knew was that his chest ached at the sight of her, that he longed for touch nearly every moment he was outside of those durasteel doors. He could almost hear Kaytoo’s voice in the back of his mind, telling him the odds were that this attraction was related to a shared near-death experience. Seventy-three point six percent.

“That sounds so fucking good,” Cassian said breathlessly, his cock already half-hard just from the suggestion. Fuck the odds. He lifted his hips carefully so the two of them could hurriedly finish getting him undressed. As soon as his pants were off, his mouth found Jyn’s in a more rushed, hurried kiss.

Ever so happy to be obliging, Cassian’s hand slid between Jyn’s thighs, fingertips slowly teasing a trail right to her center. His mouth got to work, attaching to her neck next as his fingers finally found their target. He rubbed slow, small circles against her clit as his teeth nipped at the sensitive skin on her neck. “I want to hear you, Jyn… I want the whole damn base to hear you.”

Well, perhaps not really. Cassian was a man drunk off lust.

That was also where they differed. Jyn had never been a paragon of patience, and even now, still tended to act without thinking first, which she knew frustrated him to no end. But in this, she could take a breath, steady her nerves, and attempt to draw out their mutual pleasure for as long as possible before she snapped. She never actually lasted as long as she would like, but she was learning.

Jyn would like to think that Kay would approve of their growing relationship, but at the same time, she knew that she would have had to work hard to prove that she had Cassian's best interests in mind, that she wasn't interested in loving and leaving, that whatever this was, it was for the long haul, no matter what came their way. Even now, she was adamant about proving as much. However nerve-wracking the prospect, she couldn't imagine living a life without him by her side. It hurt to think otherwise.

Just because it started with a shared near-death experience didn't mean that what they felt wasn't real.

She breathed out a sharp, harsh little breath, careful even as they tried to hurry the undressing along. Now was not the time to hurt his leg, no matter how inadvertently. But once they were free of what little clothing remained between them, they were free to come together in a heated kiss, to touch and tease and explore each other for the hundredth time, to come together in the best way that they knew how.

Her legs parted easily, offering him all the access he could ever want when it came to touching her, to readying her for what was to come, and she moaned wantonly underneath the sweet onslaught of fingers and mouth all at once, her own trailing a path from his shoulders down his chest, down down until she was able to close slim, calloused fingers around his cock, adamant upon pleasing him, too, making Cassian make noise for her, just as he was adamant upon pulling from her.

She shuddered, laughing, her voice deep and dark with her ever-growing desire, rocking her hips against his fingers restlessly, forever craving more. "No, you don't. You want me all to yourself, don't you? You don't want anyone to know what we do behind closed doors, to be jealous of us, how we make each other feel.

I'm your little secret, aren't I?"

They were a tangle of limbs, hands and mouths desperately seeking contact. The chill had left Cassian’s body – now, he could feel a burn from the top of his head to his toes. There was a white-hot sear in the pit of his belly as Jyn started to stroke his cock. Cassian let go of control and moaned her name, his voice deep and low.

Cassian was sure that Jyn’s mouth was going to kill him one day. “…you want me all to yourself, don’t you?” she’d asked, and Force it was true. He hated the simmering anger he felt when a young recruit gave Jyn an up and down look, as if she was free. “I’m your little secret, aren’t I?” she’d asked, and Force, that was true too. There was something he did love about their illicit rendezvouses. General Draven would disapprove, Cassian thought, if he knew, but that only made it all the more exciting.

Since when had he become such a bad soldier? Since Scarif, he figured. Since Jyn.

Jyn’s legs parted easily for him and Cassian rewarded her by sliding further down the bed, settling his head between her legs. He pressed a kiss to her inner thigh, his dark eyes cutting up to read her expression. A smirk played on his lips as he carefully nipped the sensitive skin, teasing her. She’d said she wanted his mouth on her and Cassian would never refuse Jyn anything, but no one said he couldn’t have his fun first.

Finally, he dipped his head, his tongue taking over the work his fingers had been doing. He teased her clit with slow, languid circles as his hand traveled up to her chest. His fingers teased her nipple, pinching and tugging in time with the strokes of his tongue.

Jyn loved every second. She loved the way they've settled into naturally gravitating toward each other, and she loved every kiss and every touch they shared, and sometimes she even loved the way she craved those things from him, and more, but couldn't indulge anywhere other than behind this closed door. And stars, how she loved the way that he reacted to her, so fully and with abandon, and she would say that she was addicted to the way that he made her feel ... except she knew, deep down, that it was so much more than that.

How she ached to tell him so.

Cassian wasn't a bad soldier in the slightest - he'd just found out that there were other things to live for. Just as Jyn had - and there was no way that she was ever going to give this up. Or Cassian himself. Even if they were only together in the privacy of her quarters, she'd never take any moment for granted, no matter how small.

She could admit to moments of jealousy, too, although it took a brave person, indeed, to try to get close to her Captain. And although Jyn had never much been a paragon of patience or thinking before acting, thus far she'd managed to keep from publicly staking a claim ... barely. But, oh, how she wanted everyone to know that they were together in every way that people could be together.

Cassian could ask most anything from Jyn, and she wouldn't hesitate in acquiescing. Good thing this was for the best reasons she could think of, and she sighed sharply in the moment that he pressed that kiss to her inner thigh. It didn't start quivering, though, until he nipped at her, all sharp teeth, even in his teasing. She hissed out something - a breath that could've been the hint of some word, darkly dirty and encouraging all at once. As impatient as she was, she still loved the way he initially took his time with her, the way he had his fun, too.

There was no holding back the shudder that wracked her body from head to foot and the low moan that escaped her lips under the ministration of fingers and tongue all at once. And although it took everything she had to keep her eyes open in order to meet his, to watch as closely as possible, she managed. And even if she couldn't express it in words quite yet, she thought the way that she carded her fingers through his hair, gently tugging, was all the encouragement he'd need to just keep going.

Cassian shivered under Jyn’s touch – his hair was a weak spot of his, they’d found out. Not even Cassian had known that about himself. One night of exploration, a simple thread of Jyn’s fingers through his hair had turned him into putty in her hands. He’d never had anyone touch him in such a tender, intimate way before Jyn – maybe his family, a long time ago, but Cassian couldn’t even remember his mother’s face, let alone anything that happened before the ‘troopers came.

Cassian could feel his skin flushing, could feel goosebumps rising as Jyn let out a low moan. Her sighs of encouragement had become music to his ears. His eyes glanced up, meeting hers for a fleeting moment, and, Force, he could feel his lips spreading into a wide, genuine smile. She could make him smile, could pull out the small bits of warmth and happiness that had lain dormant inside of him for twenty years.

His hand slid down her body once more, slowly, taking its time in feeling every curve, every scar. Carefully he lifted her hips slightly, pulling her closer as his tongue continued its ministrations. Tentatively, his finger circled her entrance, slowly pushing in and curling. He wanted to draw those beautiful sounds from her again.

“I want to hear you,” Cassian murmured, lifting his head for only a brief moment, his accent thicker than usual. His tongue went back to work on her clit, swirling enthusiastically. He let out a low moan of his own and shifted slightly to try to ease the pressure on his aching groin.

It had been as much a surprise for Jyn as it had for Cassian, but it's become one of her favorite activities to indulge in, even when they were doing little more than trying to find some sense of rest and relaxation together in a bunk that was verging on being too small for the both of them at the same time. Jyn could be careful and gentle and sweet and lull him into as much peacefulness as he would allow ... and she could tug sharply and scratch her nails against his sensitive scalp in order to urge him on all the further, or to render him completely at her mercy, and at time, she did that, too.

There was so much to learn, after all, when it came to intimacy, to being fully open and honest, just being with another person, and truthfully? She couldn't imagine sharing any of this with anyone else.

She never could have known how the way that he responded to her could be so pleasurable, but there was something so satisfying in the noises that Cassian made for her, too, every emotion that flickered across his face, oh, and his eyes, she could read so much within their depths when he allowed her, and now was no exception, he was so clearly pleased with her reactions ... even if she was holding back a bit. When he smiled like that, though, all she wanted was to give him everything he wanted out of her and ore. Anything to be privy to that smile and more like them every day for the rest of her life.

It scared her - to want something that badly, and yet, she still held out that hope. One day, an end to the fighting and the beginning of something new entirely, a happiness that neither one of them had really ever known. And that hope was worth fighting for.

Jyn shivered under the slow, tender ministrations of Cassian's hands, the way that he explored every inch of her, never seeming to tire of committing her to memory, quivering gently by the time he lifted her hips and shifted her all the closer still, unable to keep from taking a softly stuttered breath as he pushed one long finger into her, grateful that she was more than slick enough to take it without any resistance whatsoever.

"I want to hear you", he repeated, and Jyn thought she'd held out long enough. Another half-broken breath, and then there was no helping or muffling the moans that followed, moans that grew in length and intensity and volume with every swipe of his tongue, every press and curl of his finger, the combination more than enough to draw her deeper into her own particular ecstasy.

"Wanna - ", she started, breathlessly giddy, "Wanna ... taste myself all over your mouth. Want you to fuck me ... I want you so much, Cassian, sometimes it's all I c - can think about. I need - please, I need ... "

Hearing her voice, moaning and begging for him was indescribable to Cassian. It wasn’t just the lust. Oh, sure, he burned from the pit of his belly to the tips of his fingers and toes – but there was more to this, more to Jyn. It wasn’t just his cock aching as she felt her hands slide across his body, her body writhing underneath his ministrations. His chest ached too.

But this ache wasn’t what he was used to. He’d felt the pain of his family’s death for a nearly decade, his chest always heavy and making it impossible to smile until the Rebellion taught him to bury it away. And his chest had ached from then on from sheer emptiness, of the demons that chased him in the nights, shaming him for everything he’d ever done in the name of the Rebellion. With Jyn, the ache felt oddly like his heart was beating again after being dead for so long. There wasn’t a cold emptiness, only warmth that sometimes threatened to bubble over even when they were only sparing each other a passing glance.

Cassian wasn’t sure how to deal with that ache. He wasn’t sure how to deal with Jyn.

Except to have her pinned beneath him.

And, Force, he needed her too. Her words caught his attention and, suddenly, it seemed as if they didn’t have the time to tease and play. His breath hitched in his throat as he crawled back on top of her, leaning down to give her a rough kiss as his free hand positioned himself. “Look at me, Jyn,” he said, his voice hoarse with want. His dark brown eyes bore into her light ones, his forehead rested against hers as he finally pushed his hips forward, taking her all at once.

His skin was on fire and Cassian idly thought he might be burning. “Jyn – fuck...” He’d never been one with words. And now there were a million things running through his head and he couldn’t sort through it all, wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to be thinking. The physical act was the only thing he could make sense of. His hips snapped into hers again as he set a hard pace for the two of them, trying not to think about how desperately he needed her too.

Jyn wanted. And what Jyn wanted, she wanted powerfully. And what she wanted most of all was Cassian, in every way that he was willing to give himself to her. It still hurt, sometimes, when she allowed herself to think about how much she'd grown to need him, too. Even just imagining living a life without him in it almost broke her completely - and while Jyn had known her own fair share of pain, nothing compared to the thought of losing him, too.

It was a distinct possibility, after all, living in this uncertain world as they did. Perhaps that's why Jyn held on so tightly in these moments.

Stars, how it terrified her, the knowledge that she was inextricably linked with him, come what may. She had lost her mother, and her father, too, and everything she had ever known, and she'd survived. Maybe she didn't feel whole just yet, and maybe she never really would, but when they were together, even in the quiet moments, Jyn knew what it was feel ... content. And she would do anything to ensure that she never lost that.

More stupid, selfish words threatened to tumble from her lips, and Jyn was thankful when he shifted positions, distracted by the feel of his familiar, comfortable weight atop her, the way he caught her lips in a kiss, just rough enough to make her lose those thoughts completely. And while she had never been very good at following directions otherwise, when he commanded her to look at him, she obeyed perfectly, even though she was fearful that he could read exactly what she was feeling, what she was thinking shining in her eyes.

And then, suddenly, he was filling her and she was shuddering hard beneath him, even as she hissed out a surprised, overwhelmed breath. Fingers that were previously occupied with his hair flew to his arm, and she held on tight, afraid that if she didn't, he'd disappear completely. "Yes", she murmured, her voice barely louder than the smallest whisper. "Yes - ", she managed, taken completely off-guard by how quickly and how ferociously he fucked her. Sometimes, when they both felt their most desperate, there was no time for soft and slow and gentle.

Tonight was one of those times.

Cassian’s hand reached up to brush misplaced bangs aside, then cupped her cheek softly, his thumb slowly and softly running across her cheek. It was a stark contrast to how hard he was fucking her, letting out a few, low grunts and moans as he did. His eyes held her gaze as their bodies moved together and he found he couldn’t look away from her. The thought scared him and made his chest start to throb once more.

“Jyn – I… I…” But he didn’t know what he was. He could feel words on the tip of his tongue, strange and unfamiliar that just wouldn’t spill over, no matter how badly he may have wanted them to. Instead, he kissed her again greedily, his tongue sliding along her bottom lip, begging for entry. He felt like a starving man, desperate to touch every part of Jyn.

Please don’t ever leave me. The thought reverberated through his mind as he moaned her name softly against her mouth, as reverant as a prayer. The words themselves were stuck far down in his throat, where he could never hope to speak them. She could never promise him that, not in their line of work. And even if she could, he imagined she was too free-spirited to ever agree. What they had would have to be enough for him.

The familiar coil of white-hot heat pooled in his belly and he knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. “Jyn… I’m gonna cum,” Cassian warned, his voice deep and wavering slightly. When the two of them became so… desperate and heated, pleading and stopping just on the verge of saying things they knew they should never say, he couln’t hold out and tease and play like he normally would. No, when they got like that, it wasn’t just sex and Cassian knew it, even if didn’t understand what they had.

There was something about the disparity between the gentle, almost tender touch of his hand as he brushed overlong hair out of her eyes and traced along the flushed curve of her cheek and the way he fucked her with such intensity that she knew she'd be feeling him still in every move she made for the next few days to come. It fascinated her, really, that difference, and he fascinated her, too, and she wanted to know Cassian as well as she knew herself, she wanted him to know her, inside and out, too, and she wanted ... so much more, too, even if she could never bring herself to tell him so.

"I know", she murmured, not so gentle as she raked fingernails down the expanse of his back. "I know ... I - m - me too ... ", and she so desperately wanted to finish that sentence, she just couldn't quite bring herself to loose them from her lips, and maybe all for the better. Maybe it was better this way, maybe less hurtful in the long run if they never put into words what they felt for each other, if they somehow clung to the belief that they could have a semblance of a happy life when all of this came to an end. I love you, she thought, as she returned his heated kisses with abandon. I love you, she thought, easily acquiescing to the demand to part her lips and let him inside to taste her, every gasp and whimper and moan dripping with words she couldn't say. I love you, she thought, as they moved together in time, dragging each other deeper into their mutual pleasure.

Please don't ever leave me, she thought, breathless and panting, her nails digging into his skin in an approximation of what she felt, urging him all the closer still, although, for them, there was never such a thing as too close. Jyn knew that she could never ask that of Cassian, though, to make that promise to her, all too aware that in these uncertain times, any moment could be their last. Run away with me, she wordlessly pleaded, hazy eyes gleaming with what could be tears, or, more likely, every unspoken emotion that she fought to hold back. Settling down, she thought, was not in either of their blood, no matter how much she needed to believe that they could, that they could live a long and happy life away from all of this. He'd never consider it, though, so dedicated to seeing this fight through. And for as long as she could, she'd be right by his side. Through it all, there was nowhere else she'd rather be. Please don't ever leave me.

Neither of them ever lasted very long when they got caught up in moments like this - in their shared desperation, in their shared need to use their bodies to say what they couldn't - or wouldn't - vocalize, to prove once and for all that if it was possible, they were made for each other. "Cassian", she managed, flushed and panting and right on the edge herself, "S - so close - just ... don't stop, don't stop ... wanna come with you ... "

Edited 2017-02-26 10:59 (UTC)

Cassian hissed as he felt Jyn’s nails rake down his back, finding a bit of excitement in the fact that he’d be able to see them later, long after leaving her side. He’d feel them during a meeting with General Draven, feel them as he shuffled recruits through the labyrinthian maze, and even feel them when he worked out later. She may have been his secret, but no secret was fun unless there was a chance of discovery.

Somehow, with a simple “I know and me too”, Cassian was assured that everything he was feeling, she was too. Was it love that he felt for Jyn? Certainly, his feelings for her went far past lust, but he couldn’t accept that he loved her. Too many people that he’d loved had been taken from him. Please don’t ever leave me. The thought burned in his mind again and his chest ached. No, he couldn’t love Jyn because the Force had willed that everyone Cassian loved be taken from him and he knew he wouldn’t survive losing her too.

It was dangerous to think about too much. He’d lost his family. He’d lost friends in the Rebellion, had lost recruits he’d grown protective of, leaders he’d respected. He’d lost the crew of Rogue One, except Jyn, and they’d been the first people in a long time Cassian felt he might be able to open up to. He’d lost Kaytoo, the droid that was the closest thing to a friend he’d had in years. He was cursed and losing people was his penance for the terrible things he had to do in the Rebellion. If he was a good man, he’d stay far away from Jyn before he got her killed too.

Cassian wasn’t a good man.

He came with Jyn’s name on his lips and buried his head in the crook of her neck, breathing in the smell of her hair. His body started to shiver again, though it wasn’t from the cold of Hoth for the moment. His lips pressed a trail of kisses along her neck as his hips began to slow, soaking in the aftermath of their frenzied fucking. Finally, he lifted his head and kissed her lips softly, slowly, gently, with all the care and control he had.

“Are you okay…?” Cassian asked because that was always what he asked afterward. He asked because they pulled feelings out of each other that neither had experienced before. He asked because the magnetism between them was so strong it nearly drove him to insanity sometimes and he knew she felt it too. He asked because neither one of them was okay, had never been okay, and probably never would be okay, but it served as a sort of acknowledgement that they didn’t have to be not okay alone anymore. He never told her why he asked.

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