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1: Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2: I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
3: Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
4: And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
5: [Or text her!]
2: I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
3: Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
4: And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
5: [Or text her!]
( 1. ) He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me hard thinking about it.
( 2. ) I'm like, not good at living.
( 3. ) How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
( 4. ) Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again.
( 5. ) What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention.
( 6. ) Text him.
( 2. ) I'm like, not good at living.
( 3. ) How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
( 4. ) Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again.
( 5. ) What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention.
( 6. ) Text him.
1. I'm like, not good at living.
2. Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
3. Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank?
4. So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
5. [text him!]
2. Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
3. Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank?
4. So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
5. [text him!]
1. She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Captain America blanket.
2. Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again.
3. just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
4. Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess.
2. Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again.
3. just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
4. Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess.
1. People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
2. Does this mean I have to put a bra on now?
3. Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
4. It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
5. [text her!]
2. Does this mean I have to put a bra on now?
3. Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
4. It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
5. [text her!]
1) U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
2) having a vagina does not stop me from believing my balls are bigger than yours.
3) I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
4) God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
2) having a vagina does not stop me from believing my balls are bigger than yours.
3) I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
4) God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
- She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
- I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
- I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset.
- Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
- I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
- I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset.
- Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i. Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ii. Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
iii. This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
iv. Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
v. text her
(f/f for shipping, au's, misfires, everything else utterly welcome)
ii. Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
iii. This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
iv. Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
v. text her
(f/f for shipping, au's, misfires, everything else utterly welcome)
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my boobs?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you're really drunk, toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you're really drunk, toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A. She bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
B. Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left.
C. I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
D. Just watch out - there's quite a bit of broken glass in your bed. Sleep tight.
B. Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left.
C. I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
D. Just watch out - there's quite a bit of broken glass in your bed. Sleep tight.
1. i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
2. He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
3. You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
4. Text her!
2. He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
3. You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
4. Text her!
1. I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
2. He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3. of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
4. Text him!
2. He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3. of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
4. Text him!
I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently having her hold an open police report in front of me while eating her out doesn't count as research...
I think I sorta joined a cult last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently having her hold an open police report in front of me while eating her out doesn't count as research...
I think I sorta joined a cult last night
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