bakerstreet | is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

Just share the damn bed with me.

For whatever reason, the floor is an unacceptable place to sleep. It's messy, the dog is there, THE FLOOR IS LAVA, there's flooding, feels weird, or it's too dirty to walk on. Who cares why it's not acceptable, it just isn't! Normally, that's not an issue, but tonight you have a friend over. Maybe it's the safest place, maybe it's hurricane season and your house is the only one out of the path of the storm. Are they mooching off you? Stop trying to figure out the details! Just get over it and share the bed with that person! Sexy times are not required. Intimacy is not required. Just share the damn bed already.

Do you need options? DO YOU? Here! Have some options!

1. It's late. You're tired. Too tired to drive and THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
2. It's late. You're drunk. Too drunk. Honestly, how did you drink that much and not die? Should we take you to the hospital? Here, just stay in this bed with me. No, you can't sleep on the floor. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
3. It's early. You thought you'd just come by and visit but you can barely function. The bed seems inviting. Guess what, you're invited into the bed! Yes. The bed. Not the floor. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
4. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE? CUDDLING IS OKAY. And yes, the floor is lava.
5. WILDCARD. Just figure out a reason why you need to share the bed. But don't forget: the floor is lava!
6. The Crack Fun Insane Option - Actually play the Floor is Lava Game!! Move about the room without touching the floor... because the floor is seriously lava.

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[ Punching a lot of things he shouldn't have, mostly.

Of course the toothbrush isn't green. Why would it be green. Nothing ever goes right in Valmont's life. He can't actually make himself be too upset about this, though. Sweet, sweet dental hygiene, how he missed you. ]

[So he should just be glad it's only your off hand, shouldn't he?

The toothbrush isn't green, but the mouthwash is? And while Valmont's taking care of that, Finn's going to take the time to quickly change into his pajamas. Showering is definitely a thing that can wait until morning.]

[ All mouthwash is green, that doesn't count.

It's a few minutes and several repeated brushings before Valmont emerges from the bathroom. His teeth were probably clean after the first one, but he's not taking any chances. He doesn't knock before opening the door to the bedroom, although for once that's not him being a jerk - it's just been so long since he shared living space with anyone that he's kind of forgotten knocking was a thing you're supposed to do. Hope you were done changing in there, Finn. ]

[Not true, some of it's blue.

Valmont taking so long brushing his teeth means Finn has plenty of time to get changed and is just sitting on the corner of the bed waiting when Valmont walks in. As promised, there's a second pair of pajamas lying out.

Of course, Valmont walking in is Finn's cue to get up, with a stretch and a yawn.]

Haven't you ever heard of knocking, Big V? Lucky you took so long in there...

- Oh.

[ This is where a person with basic manners would probably add "sorry". All Finn's going to get is a vaguely guilty glance before Valmont changes the subject. ]

Are those silk?

[ He crosses the room to where the pajamas are laid out, appraising them with an almost approving expression. They're a lot classier than he would have given Finn credit for. Except for the monogram. That's about exactly as classy as he'd have given Finn credit for. ]

[He doesn't really expect manners from Valmont. Just as long as he remembers what closed doors mean.]

Hmm? Oh, yeah. About the only thing from back when I had money that isn't worn half to death...

[ He'll probably remember next time? Maybe. We can always hope. ]

I wasn't aware you owned any clothing that was actually fashionable. There may be hope for you yet.

[ Pajamas in hand, he turns to look at Finn impatiently. ]

Well, go on, then, you don't expect me to change with you in the room.

Real cute there, Big V.

[But as much as he'd like to argue the backhandedness of the complement, he is tired. So he heads for the bathroom, closing the bedroom door behind him.]

[ He was being serious, Finn. :|

Now alone, Valmont begins the arduous process of trying to fit into Finn's pajamas. It takes only a few moments to confirm that, as he'd suspected, no way in hell is he going to get the shirt to close completely. He manages to get a few buttons done up before realizing that it'll look even stupider that way and probably get stretched out faster. With a sigh, he unbuttons them and leaves the shirt to hang loose from his shoulders. If he freezes to death tonight, he's blaming Finn.

The trousers fit just fine, thank god. So at this point, all he has left to do is take out his earrings, undo his hair, and wait for Finn to get back so he can go to sleep already. ]

[He knows, but he's going to pretend you're joking. He's full of himself like that.

Valmont's not going to have to wait long for Finn to finish brushing his teeth, and he makes a point of knocking when he's done.]

Yo, Big V. You done changing in there?

[ Oh, look at you, with your fancy common courtesy and ability to knock on doors. ]

As done as I'll ever be, I suppose. Come in.

[He opens the door and walks in with a yawn, only to pause when he actually sees Valmont. He wasn't expecting him to have his hair down...or to just leave the shirt open. Even with the scruff and dirty hair, it's pretty obvious that if he hadn't been in such a squalid situation...no, no, he should not be thinking about how attractive his former boss will be after cleaning up, that's really not a thing he should be doing.

Is he blushing? He's blushing. Hey, that thing away from Valmont is very interesting right now. Just going to clear his throat a bit...]

We should, uh...head out shopping and get you some new clothes tomorrow.

[ Valmont's blessedly oblivious to the struggle going on in Finn's brain right now, but it's hard not to notice the way he's staring. ]

What? Have I got something on my face?

[ Other than several days' worth of stubble, of course. But no, his face doesn't seem to be where Finn's looking, or at least where he was looking before suddenly turning his attention to the other side of the room. ]

Oh - the shirt. Yes, I'm aware it looks ridiculous, but it's hardly my fault you're so skinny, is it? I'd considered leaving it off altogether, but it's cold enough in here as it is.

[ That must be what that highly visible blush is about - secondhand embarrassment. Truth be told, Valmont can't blame him. If he had to room with someone who looked as stupid as he himself surely does right now, he'd be embarrassed too. ]

I quite agree. Tomorrow, new clothes will be first priority. Until then, if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.

[ This would be his cue to start pulling all the blankets over himself. All of them. ]

Yeah, uh...ridiculous. Definitely need to get you something that fits.

[Okay, he does not need that mental image. Good thing he's facing away from Valmont...although the red ears are probably still visible. Of course, that also means he doesn't notice Valmont dragging all the blankets to one side of the bed until he flops down on the other side-still facing away.]

Uh, Valmont? I kinda need some of those. It's not like they don't cover the whole bed.

[ At least the more blankets he has on him, the less Finn'll be able to see? ]

But I'm cold.

[ He does loosen his grip, but only slightly. If you wanted to grab some blankets before they're lost to the blanket cocoon, Finn, now's the time. ]

[True, but the same thing can be accomplished by laying on his side and staring at the wall.]

Yeah well, so am I. It's not like I just keep the blanket for decoration.

[Yes, he is definitely reaching back to try to pull part of the blanket over him, rolling over just enough that he can reach and vaguely see what he's doing out of the corner of his eye. He needs that.]

Well, I should hope you don't keep it as decoration. It's pink.

[ Luckily for Finn, though, Valmont's too tired to argue the point much further. Even luckier, he's also too tired to question why Finn isn't really looking at him as he wrests away part of the blanket. It might even be a big enough part to keep most of him covered. Valmont considers this a very generous concession. ]

There. Satisfied? Will you let me sleep now?

[ He'd better get a yes soon, or we'll be here listening to him complain all night. ]

Hey, I happen to like pink.

[Grumble grumble. But at least he can get mostly covered, it'll do.]

I guess this'll work. Night, Big V.

[ It's an... unusual feeling, being wished good night so naturally. That's the sort of domestic gesture that Valmont's incredibly unused to, especially in the past few years, but all the same, he feels he ought to respond in kind. ]

Mm. Good night.

[ And with that, he rolls over and falls asleep almost instantly. Ill-fitting pajamas and all. ]

[It's a bit strange to be saying it to Valmont. There'd always been a bit of a professional distance between them before, enough that their personal lives rarely seemed to cross. But putting his old boss up for the night is really the least of the strange things he's been through in his life.

By the time Valmont wakes up, the other half of the bed will be empty. Although he might be able to hear a kettle whistling from downstairs...]

[ There's maybe a minute between when the kettle begins whistling and when Valmont appears in the kitchen doorway. His eyes are bleary and his hair is rumpled, stray locks sticking out at all sorts of interesting angles. He says one word. ]

Tea.

[ This is the face of a man who hasn't so much as smelled a proper cup of tea in months. It's difficult to put into words what Valmont's feeling right now, but whatever it is, it bears an uncanny resemblance to a positive emotion. He hasn't had one of those in a while. ]

[Finn's standing in the kitchen, wearing a pair of pink bathroom slippers, and filling a mug from the kettle. His hair doesn't look nearly as bad, but you might be forgiven for mistaking him for a zombie. Especially since he doesn't speak, so much as make vague noises.]

Mhm.

[Just going to gesture toward a cabinet full of cups as he dumps some sugar into his tea and shuffles over to the fridge for milk. Help yourself.]

Edited (Apparently I'm also forgetting how words.) 2016-02-17 06:11 (UTC)

[ You don't have to tell Valmont twice. All right, yes, he's a little perturbed once he realizes no one's going to serve him (honestly), but this indignity doesn't stop him pouring himself as full a cup of tea as he can. With appropriate room for milk and sugar, of course, he's not a barbarian.

It's a good thing Finn doesn't seem to be much for conversation in the mornings. Valmont won't be capable of sentences longer than one syllable until he's finished his first cup, at least. ]

[Sorry, if Valmont wants Finn to pour him some tea, he's going to have to wait until Finn empties his own cup. His willingness to do things for other people takes a while to wake up in the mornings, much like his ability to speak coherent words. Really, Valmont should consider himself lucky Finn remembers to leave the milk out for him, he doesn't normally share morning tea.

With tea fixed up and milk left on the counter, he manages to shuffle over to the table and drop down into a chair. Try not to need anything for a moment, his awareness of the world is going to be blocked out while the mug is in his face.]

[ Expecting Valmont not to need things for any length of time is asking a lot. But in what's either a rare moment of consideration for a fellow non-morning person or simply a lack of desire to exert the effort that it would take to complain, if he does need anything in the time it takes to make his tea and bring it over to the table, he doesn't say so.

For a while it's just the two of them drinking their tea in silence. The look on Valmont's face, insofar as it can be seen behind the mug, is oddly transcendent. It's not until said mug's life-giving contents are thoroughly drained that he speaks again. ]

Civilized of you.

[ It's very nearly praise. ]

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