bakerstreet | is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

Just share the damn bed with me.

For whatever reason, the floor is an unacceptable place to sleep. It's messy, the dog is there, THE FLOOR IS LAVA, there's flooding, feels weird, or it's too dirty to walk on. Who cares why it's not acceptable, it just isn't! Normally, that's not an issue, but tonight you have a friend over. Maybe it's the safest place, maybe it's hurricane season and your house is the only one out of the path of the storm. Are they mooching off you? Stop trying to figure out the details! Just get over it and share the bed with that person! Sexy times are not required. Intimacy is not required. Just share the damn bed already.

Do you need options? DO YOU? Here! Have some options!

1. It's late. You're tired. Too tired to drive and THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
2. It's late. You're drunk. Too drunk. Honestly, how did you drink that much and not die? Should we take you to the hospital? Here, just stay in this bed with me. No, you can't sleep on the floor. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
3. It's early. You thought you'd just come by and visit but you can barely function. The bed seems inviting. Guess what, you're invited into the bed! Yes. The bed. Not the floor. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
4. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE? CUDDLING IS OKAY. And yes, the floor is lava.
5. WILDCARD. Just figure out a reason why you need to share the bed. But don't forget: the floor is lava!
6. The Crack Fun Insane Option - Actually play the Floor is Lava Game!! Move about the room without touching the floor... because the floor is seriously lava.

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Yeah, uh...ridiculous. Definitely need to get you something that fits.

[Okay, he does not need that mental image. Good thing he's facing away from Valmont...although the red ears are probably still visible. Of course, that also means he doesn't notice Valmont dragging all the blankets to one side of the bed until he flops down on the other side-still facing away.]

Uh, Valmont? I kinda need some of those. It's not like they don't cover the whole bed.

[ At least the more blankets he has on him, the less Finn'll be able to see? ]

But I'm cold.

[ He does loosen his grip, but only slightly. If you wanted to grab some blankets before they're lost to the blanket cocoon, Finn, now's the time. ]

[True, but the same thing can be accomplished by laying on his side and staring at the wall.]

Yeah well, so am I. It's not like I just keep the blanket for decoration.

[Yes, he is definitely reaching back to try to pull part of the blanket over him, rolling over just enough that he can reach and vaguely see what he's doing out of the corner of his eye. He needs that.]

Well, I should hope you don't keep it as decoration. It's pink.

[ Luckily for Finn, though, Valmont's too tired to argue the point much further. Even luckier, he's also too tired to question why Finn isn't really looking at him as he wrests away part of the blanket. It might even be a big enough part to keep most of him covered. Valmont considers this a very generous concession. ]

There. Satisfied? Will you let me sleep now?

[ He'd better get a yes soon, or we'll be here listening to him complain all night. ]

Hey, I happen to like pink.

[Grumble grumble. But at least he can get mostly covered, it'll do.]

I guess this'll work. Night, Big V.

[ It's an... unusual feeling, being wished good night so naturally. That's the sort of domestic gesture that Valmont's incredibly unused to, especially in the past few years, but all the same, he feels he ought to respond in kind. ]

Mm. Good night.

[ And with that, he rolls over and falls asleep almost instantly. Ill-fitting pajamas and all. ]

[It's a bit strange to be saying it to Valmont. There'd always been a bit of a professional distance between them before, enough that their personal lives rarely seemed to cross. But putting his old boss up for the night is really the least of the strange things he's been through in his life.

By the time Valmont wakes up, the other half of the bed will be empty. Although he might be able to hear a kettle whistling from downstairs...]

[ There's maybe a minute between when the kettle begins whistling and when Valmont appears in the kitchen doorway. His eyes are bleary and his hair is rumpled, stray locks sticking out at all sorts of interesting angles. He says one word. ]

Tea.

[ This is the face of a man who hasn't so much as smelled a proper cup of tea in months. It's difficult to put into words what Valmont's feeling right now, but whatever it is, it bears an uncanny resemblance to a positive emotion. He hasn't had one of those in a while. ]

[Finn's standing in the kitchen, wearing a pair of pink bathroom slippers, and filling a mug from the kettle. His hair doesn't look nearly as bad, but you might be forgiven for mistaking him for a zombie. Especially since he doesn't speak, so much as make vague noises.]

Mhm.

[Just going to gesture toward a cabinet full of cups as he dumps some sugar into his tea and shuffles over to the fridge for milk. Help yourself.]

Edited (Apparently I'm also forgetting how words.) 2016-02-17 06:11 (UTC)

[ You don't have to tell Valmont twice. All right, yes, he's a little perturbed once he realizes no one's going to serve him (honestly), but this indignity doesn't stop him pouring himself as full a cup of tea as he can. With appropriate room for milk and sugar, of course, he's not a barbarian.

It's a good thing Finn doesn't seem to be much for conversation in the mornings. Valmont won't be capable of sentences longer than one syllable until he's finished his first cup, at least. ]

[Sorry, if Valmont wants Finn to pour him some tea, he's going to have to wait until Finn empties his own cup. His willingness to do things for other people takes a while to wake up in the mornings, much like his ability to speak coherent words. Really, Valmont should consider himself lucky Finn remembers to leave the milk out for him, he doesn't normally share morning tea.

With tea fixed up and milk left on the counter, he manages to shuffle over to the table and drop down into a chair. Try not to need anything for a moment, his awareness of the world is going to be blocked out while the mug is in his face.]

[ Expecting Valmont not to need things for any length of time is asking a lot. But in what's either a rare moment of consideration for a fellow non-morning person or simply a lack of desire to exert the effort that it would take to complain, if he does need anything in the time it takes to make his tea and bring it over to the table, he doesn't say so.

For a while it's just the two of them drinking their tea in silence. The look on Valmont's face, insofar as it can be seen behind the mug, is oddly transcendent. It's not until said mug's life-giving contents are thoroughly drained that he speaks again. ]

Civilized of you.

[ It's very nearly praise. ]

[By the time the tea is gone, Finn's looking distinctly more there, although still drowsy. But it's enough that he's capable of conversation, and a shrug.]

Can't think of any other way to start a day. Just wish I could afford better tea.

[Not that the sentiment is stopping him from getting up to pour himself a second cup. Look, mornings are pure evil, okay?]

Well, yes, obviously, but it's black and it's hot. That alone puts your taste ahead of most Americans'.

[ The horrors he's seen this country inflict on his poor beloved beverage. We don't talk about iced tea. ]

Ah - while you're up, do pour me another, would you? Milk, two sugars.

[ This much, at least, they agree on: there's no such thing as too much morning caffeine. ]

Well, duh. I'm Irish, you ever heard of 'Irish herbal tea'?

[There's a slight rolling of his eyes, but he pauses to grab Valmont's mug before heading over to the teapot.]

And don't even get me started on the people who put lemon in perfectly good black tea, gross.

[ Don't you roll your eyes at him, mister. ]

Eurgh. Lemon. I ask you. The Irish have the right ideas about tea, if nothing else. What have you got for breakfast?

[ Let the poor man focus on one thing at a time, V, geez. ]

Uhh...

[Give him a second, you're trying to make him actually think. He hasn't had enough caffeine for that yet. He sets Valmont's tea down on the table and sits down himself, and it's not until after he drains half of his second cup of tea that he remembers what he was planning.]

Oh yeah, I was gonna make pancakes. But you wanna get scrubbed up first?

[ Pancakes. How long has it been since he's had pancakes? How long has it been since he's had anything even remotely resembling a hot breakfast? Valmont tries very hard not to drool. It would mess up his tea.

But, while he is in fact incredibly hungry, Finn's suggestion is a very, very tempting one. He knows next to nothing about preparing food, but he's pretty sure it takes at least a few minutes, after all. If he can spend those few minutes in an actual hot shower - a shower with soap and shampoo and (does he dare to hope?) conditioner - ]

Don't mind if I do.

[ He makes no move to bring his mug over to the sink when he gets up. ]

I trust you'll let me know when the food's ready.

[ And, not waiting for an answer, he heads toward the stairs. Hell yes shower time. ]

Yeah. But don't wrap that hand back up when you're done, alright? I wanna take a look at it.

Hm?

[ It takes half a second for Valmont to realize what Finn's talking about - he's so used to it by now, sometimes he forgets that having a periodically-reopening gash on your hand isn't normal for most people. ]

Oh. Suit yourself, I suppose.

[ He has his doubts about Finn's level of medical expertise, but if the man wants to take a look, far be it from Valmont to refuse. It's not likely to make things any worse, after all, and who knows? It might even help. ]

I'm guessing you'll be a bit, so I'll see what I can do about your clothes, too. Guessin' you'd rather not spend all day in clothes that don't really fit.

[And he'd rather not spend any more time looking at Valmont with an open shirt without the horrible bedhead to distract him from it.]

[ Do something about his clothes? What, like... mend them? The idea that this can be done at home takes Valmont a second to wrap his head around - isn't that what tailors are for? - but all the same, he acknowledges the offer with a slight wave as he heads upstairs. He certainly isn't going to spend one more minute in these too-small pajamas than he has to. Even if they are silk.

Luckily, he's about to spend a fair few minutes out of them, because god, yes, shower. The moment the water first strikes his face is quite possibly the most beautiful thing he has ever experienced. Hopefully Finn isn't too attached to the idea of having any hot water left over, because left to his own devices, Valmont will never actually get out. ]

[Well, at least he doesn't have to rush about the mending. Or the cooking. In fact, when he finishes both (with pre-made batter, of course) and Valmont's still in the shower, Finn heads upstairs and knocks on the door.]

Hey, V Man. Breakfast's gonna get cold if you don't finish up soon.

...Mm?

[ Finn probably can't hear that mumble, through the running water and closed door and all, but it's the sound of Valmont coming back to reality. He's been in something of a reverie for the last... actually, he's got no idea how long he's been in here, come to that. Well. At least he's definitely clean by now, and anyway, it's not like he didn't need it. ]

Right, hang on -

[ Shaving can wait. If there's hot food downstairs, he's not letting it get one second colder than absolutely necessary. So he's out of the shower, most of the way through toweling off, and thoroughly unexcited about redressing himself in those pajamas, when he remembers that he doesn't actually have to... hopefully. ]

Er... you did manage to mend my suit, didn't you?

[ Please say yes, please say yes. Finding out that his last suit is beyond repair would be more heartbreak than Valmont could take this early in the morning. ]

Yeah. Patch job shows a bit, but you're not gonna have to worry about the sleeve tearin' off or anything like that. Left it on the bed, so c'mon downstairs when you're dressed.

[Because he's heading back down now. Last thing he needs is to see Valmont in a too-small borrowed bathrobe.]

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