bakerstreet | its the freakin' weekend

1. so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside

2. But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point

1) Any of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?

2) It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball

3) ((Text him!))

Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.

((OR FREE FOR ALL TEXT!))

uhhhhhhh dare I ask how you got there?

you know I don't actually know how I got here. I feel like I was looking for something and here we are...

okay then, suppose the best question to ask then is if there's anything that you recognize in the room?

A. I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"

B. The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

C. How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

[ Or text him! ]

Uhm... Boss..... That's not exactly reassuring....

no, but you have to admit that it's really accurate.

Shouldn't you have more confidence in yourself?

that's what my assistants are for!

You can't expect your assi--

[Wait a minute.... This didn't surprise her in the least....]

Just try to help out at least.

sure, sure. i'll supply the doughnuts.

Well... doughnuts aside.... Actual help would be better.

doughnuts are actual help. if i don't supply the doughnuts, then who will?

[SIGHS.]

Will you at least bring real orange juice too?

man, now you're asking a lot of me. next you'll expect me to wear a suit to court or something.

but i guess.

[Wait... Didn't he already? Well, whatever.]

Good, because nothing beats good OJ.

[ Shhhhh, time shenanigans. ]

i dunno, i'm pretty fond of grape juice myself.

[Good enough for me.]

Hmm... Grape juice isn't bad, but orange juice is clearly better.

you obviously haven't been drinking the right grape juice.

Okay. Fine. I'll give the "right" grape juice a try.

[Machi may not understand english that well, but he can at least sort of understand him...]

And how you manage that?

well, the fire bit was because i was setting off fireworks and one of them, uh, went wrong. and i managed to put it out with a split-second panic reaction of throwing myself on top of it.

Wasn't that painful?

nah. i'm basically indestructible. i mean, belly-flopping on the ground kind of stung, but the fire didn't even burn through my clothes.

You a robot?

[ He almost says no, but then: ]

yes. i'm a robot. you caught me. my secret is out.

[It's not nice to tell lies to a poor foreign boy... ~~Lol says the person who lies all the time.~~]

I knew it!

you did? i guess my human disguise is lacking. what gave it away?

Is good. You are just stiff. Especially with piano.

darn. i guess i'll have to work on that.

Maybe you should improve piano first.

i'm too busy roboting. robots can't multitask well.

What exactly do you do?

How exactly do you fall up a flight of stairs?

i'm not sure. i think i broke gravity.

You can break gravity?!

i guess! i dunno. maybe we should talk to ema. i bet she'll know.

She knows everything scientifically related.

exactly. and gravity is scientific.

I'm sure she'll know!

i'll ask her next time i see her.

Aside from breaking gravity, I'm sure you've been up to something else lately.

not really. breaking gravity takes a lot of energy.

Oh come on, Nick. There has to be something new. Like say taking an old friend to get some hamburgers.

maya fey, are you trying to persuade me into buying you lunch?

Mayyybbbeeeee?

That may be true, but It would be nice to have a mother.

[She's never going to let that go.]

you can have a mother without me having to reproduce!

But what if I want siblings too?

[ Trucy you are killing him. ]

apollo's your sibling.

[She wants a family and--- WAHHHA?! It's about time you've told her. She dropped her phone in shock, hastily picking it up to reply.]

You mean he's like a sibling...

[ Apparently he's not great at revealing this eloquently. Oh well. Now's as good of a time as any. ]

well. something like that. i guess.

....Are you serious?

yeeeaaah. maybe you should call me. this isn't how i meant to do this. there's not a chapter in the dad handbook about revealing surprise siblings to your child.

[Trucy was silent for a while before answering.]

Where are you? I think we need to talk about this in person....

in my room.

[ He feels really bad. :( He's not cut out to be a dad. At least not a good one. ]

[Don't say that. She still loves you. In a few minutes, she arrives to his room. Considering they live in the same household, it doesn't take long.]

Talk.

[ He pats the edge of the bed, waits for her to sit down, and tucks an arm around her. There's really no good way to start this conversation, and he's basically already ruined any chance of approaching it gracefully. So he's just gonna say it. ]

Apollo's your half-brother. You have the same mom.

[At the gesture, she took a seat next to him.]

Who is she? Why didn't you tell me before? Does Apollo know?

[Sorry. He's going to get 20 questions.]

How did you fix that?

[She may have to input this in Little Theif to test this now...]

i sat on it :D

Wait! That works?!

if you do it right!

How do you do it right?

it's kind of like stop drop and roll but reversed. just down throw yourself on any house fires. it doesn't work if the fire is bigger than you. then you just die probably.

Oh! It's a good thing I have Little Thief with me! I want to see this!

[Would you like to see it? Of course you would. Who wouldn't?]

let's see it, then.

[ Yes, of course he does, who do you think he is?

I'd have to be where you are to properly show it. I can meet you somewhere.

[Of course. It's like showing your badge. Who doesn't want to see that all the time right?]

come over? i'm supervising fireworks. gotta be around to put out anymore lawn fires.

Send me an address and I'll be there in two shakes.

[ He shoots her a text with his address and then: ]

i'm timing you. how long is a shake, anyway?

[And with that, she's on her way!]

Now now, if I told you that it wouldn't be a secret anymore.

he could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. he gets doctor of the year.

hate to break it to you, kid, but i don't think he was a doctor.

Edited (wow ellie don't look at me i don't brain fart words ever) 2014-05-24 06:30 (UTC)

he is in my book. i'm suitably impressed. or delirious.

is "blinded with lust" an option? i'm not a betting man but if i were, that's where i'd put my money.

Edited (ok i give up on tagging you) 2014-05-24 17:16 (UTC)

not an option because i went home like a responsible adult and didn't take him with me. there's being hot and there's actually running a temperature. shame on you, barnes.

hold on now, don't try to pin this on me. i'm not the walking contagion that's letting questionable doctors fondle me.

[ granted, he can't get sick, but that's besides the point. ]

watch who you're calling a walking contagion. i can still kick your arse.

you can still try. barely.

your bedside manner is rubbish.

it may come as a surprise to you, but waiting on the sickly wasn't exactly part of my training. sorry.

stop making me sound frail and invalid. i just want someone to fetch me pizza.

is that doctor's orders?

mine. i can only trust his word so far.

good. pepperoni or cheese?

whatever you fancy. you'll probably end up eating most of it.

What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs

no

I JUST GOT BEAT UP BY SWAT JESUS CHRIST DOESN'T THAT DESERVE SOMETHING

laudanum maybe

not breasts

Edited 2014-05-24 05:04 (UTC)

it doesn't have to be YOUR boobs

[DUH GINNY]

That seems like an odd request

i think it's a p fair request

Well I guess one picture wouldn't hurt.

[ Five minutes later he gets a picture text of her breasts. ]

[HE TOTALLY DIDN'T EXPECT THAT FUCKING SCORE.]

you just made my night babe

Well it seemed like you needed a little pick me up.

babe that was definitely a pick me up

Glad to help <3 It was fun anyway

which tree did you think you were barking up again

dunno i was hoping you'd tell me what stick's up your ass first

I didn't think that we were moving this far in the relationship already, Dante.

it's never too soon for boobs

and dare i ask how you got covered in blood?

i got in a fight with a bunch of thug scum

and what did we say about letting punks have it too much?

[ Covered in blood at the hospital.... Covered in blood at the hospital........ At the hospital, covered in blood.............

Bleeding to death. ]

Why didn't you tell Juvia sooner!! What hospital are you at?!

Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.

Are you actually asking, or are you thinking out loud again?

Also, I believe, a fair question.

I guess... both!

[Good thing there's no tone in text, right?]

What is it that you want?

[Consider your answer care- well, consider your answer.]

[Japan's hard to read in person, let alone text. Fuck.

Come on, America, don't screw this up.]

We could go on a date and then have sex in the bathroom because it was a good date! :D

[S... smooth...]

on my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.

I know someone who might object to the cuddling. A few someones, in fact.

I love you. Have I told you that recently?

1. The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.

2. I woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"

seemed like the polite thing to do.

I'm a man who appreciates politeness but there's something about having to go buy more of what I didn't eat that was supposed to be mine.

[He'll go get it anyway tbh but why tho he was passed out]

think of it this way. we're showcasing your kind, caring, and giving nature. you're the best wingman a guy could ask for.

I can't argue that one, no. How many people ate my food again?

if i give you a list of names, does that make me a traitor to my country?

Barnes.

me, steve, nat, and clint. mostly clint. his appetite won out over our super serum metabolism, it was almost impressive.

Alright how did Clint get involved in this party?

I still haven’t seen this Twilight, but is it really that good to actually go ahead fight for it?

If there's one thing that's worth fighting for, it's not Twilight. Believe me, man, the times, they are a changin'.

So should I take that from my list? I was told I should check it out since it had vampires and werewolves.

Maybe keep it so you know what they're talking about, but it shouldn't go higher than the end of your notebook.

I was told those movies were based on books, maybe I should try those first since I do enjoy reading more.

If you feel like braving some very questionable things, then I can't stop you from doing it.

Yes you know I think that’s enough to make me rethink the whole deal.

I'd never want you to compromise your list, I'll be very honest.

I might check one of the books and then decide if I should try the movies or not.

I would blame Nat, but we both know she would probably hurt me.

I wouldn't believe it was Nat anyway. At least not by herself because my entire fridge has been cleared out.

Hey there's still SOME stuff left in there. I just...got really, really hungry. I'm sorry.

Running as fast as you do, I can see that.

I can't help that my metabolism is so high. I blame it on the serum.

What a great excuse.

Hey when they finish fixing up my place you can come and clean out my fridge.

Can you record it? That sounds fun to watch.

You are a dangerous woman. I like you.

You don't know the half of it, sweetie. ;)

Now I've popped some popcorn, so don't keep it all to yourself. Facetime me so I can watch!

This is happening too fast and I want to keep it to myself.

[Several minutes later, she should get a ping for a video.]

You're no fun.

[And when the video comes on...]

I knew you wouldn't disappoint.

Oooh, look at that hair pulling!

Edited 2014-05-25 05:43 (UTC)

That is a cop for the people.

I see teeth, darling, I see teeth. I did not know normal people could be so vicious.

Actually, that was a lie. I've known for a while. It never stops being interesting.

Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?

.... Why am I not surprised this is something you have a reason to ask?

It's been a rough night Felicity.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Tell me what you need and I'll make sure to have it waiting for you at the arrow cave.

Edited 2014-05-24 14:26 (UTC)

Ice packs. Bandages.

[He's pretty hungry but he's not about to go request food, he can do that on his own.]

Done and done. I'll be there to check on your injuries and make sure you're alright, so come on home.

[ She'll probably figure he might be hungry and get big belly burger for him just in case. Total excuse to get it for herself too. ]

1. What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many? 2. In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"

Three: flavoured, ribbed and glow-in-the-dark.

Very creative. I like you.

Depends. I'd say two or three, four if you really want to push it.

What about back-ups to the four in the wallet?

I'm rather sure she's telling the truth in that matter.

I wouldn't doubt it at all either. She was astoundingly good.

If you're trying to embarrass your daughter, it won't work.

Such a shame, but perhaps another day I will find a more suitable subject.

You're welcome to keep trying. I can see that I get my sense of humor from you.

Where else would you get it from, my daughter?

Could be something I caught from one of my lovers.

Perhaps so.

1) I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.

2) This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".

do you think laying on the floor pouring whiskey into your mouth is the most pathetic thing you've heard all day or can you beat that

you have whiskey though. I'm not even allowed to have whiskey. or anything i want.

well, i'm sure nobody would mind if i gave you a sip? i like to think i'm a cool surrogate dad. and what do you want? i can try to help. unless it's a pony

How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

1. this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.

2. You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"

3. Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.

A. Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later.
B. This creepy guy was following me and I hid in the bushes. I could say I was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
C. Threw a lawn chair at the neighboor's dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this.
D. As a general rule of thumb, wait until the claw marks have healed.

Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.

I call it 'the bachelor killer'. It means you're growing up.

Been there, done that, decided it was vastly overrated.

[Okay, so Jack knows perfectly well that's not what happened before. Shh.]

[ Thinking about that's not fun and totally kills the mood. Shhhh. ]

It has its perks, but I don't think I'm willing to trade in my card just yet. You, however, might want to start looking at who to turn it in to.

...The options are pretty fucking bleak, I'm afraid. Which is pretty depressing for a charming, good-looking bastard like me.

A. no no no omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of ur dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job
B. this is even worse then that time i fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning
C. ur surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i dont feel bad 4 u
D. idk but i have u stored in my phone as "guy with beard doing body shots"

daughter of mine, you lack a certain faith in the beneficence of your fellow woman. in a society as ravaged by the wretched beast of capitalism as ours, we have no choice but to rely on the inherent ethics of the free market system. she betrayed not only my trust, but thomas paine's, and yours by way of modern feminism.

fuck r u on speed again. how long did this take u 2 type. im not getting u a ride downtown i have work 2nite

what? no. no. ecstasy, it's better for you. some guy with a save the whales t shirt, great guy. going to be a doctor some day. are you really going to leave your POOR and DISABLED father to the animals on this city's public transit? is everyone a judas?

ur not disabled until a limb finally falls off. and when that day comes im still not picking you up with my NO CAR and NO GAS MONEY jump the turnstile like everybody else frank

no come on what happened to that fine young man you were defiling the one that looks like justin bieber he has a car

hes gone

WHICH MEANS NO CAR

already? christ

well fuck him then you can do better. you're a gallagher you are chicago royalty and larry from the alibi has a car, he got divorced last month

he stuck around 4 3 years frank

larry from the alibi room uses the alibi room for actual alibis

I hesitate to suggest that you may have the wrong number, but I'm afraid that I'm only halfway to fulfilling those requirements.

we can fix that u know

the guy i thought was u just texted me with "lesson plan" mispelled so yea u win wrong number ha ha

Well, I suppose he might still teach mathematics. What is a body shot, if you don't mind my asking?

[oh wow she's in hell? she's in hell.] its when u drink tequila off someone else. like at a bar. with lime and salt and everything. id give u more details but right now im distracted with dying of embarassment and all

[ Look on the bright side, Fie, by this point in your career you probably get a frequent flier discount. ]

Ah, that makes a deal more sense, thank you. We usually call them something a bit different. Honestly, a beard makes it more difficult, your friend must be skilled.

Would you prefer cremation, or a coffin?

[Hell is so pleasant this time of year. Enough so that she can extend an olive branch, of sorts.]

i saw a documentary where u leave the body up in the mountains which sounds really cost affective so go with that

I'm afraid that we'll need to find you a yak first. Tradition holds we set it free after the ceremony.

2 expensive just get snape to do it they have the same expression most of the time

2 yaks i mean

dont tell him i said that

Of course not. His newfound independence ought to come as a surprise, like forgotten bill collectors, or shingles.

[Oh, Dumbledore, you made her laugh. Or maybe that was the tequila.]

b sure 2 take a pic of his expretion when u free him u can sell that sucker 4 millions. rare sighting caught in the wild [Big Nose.]

[ He'll take what he can get. ]

They can use the proceeds to cover my own funeral, minutes later. TRAGIC MAULING CLAIMS LIFE OF QUESTIONABLY-BELOVED ACADEMIC.

ill take the cheapo funeral u can have the big million dollar fiesta. closed casket build a cathedral around the body. thrift stores will fly theyre discount signs at half mast 4 u

Can't be a cathedral, has to be an ivory tower; more in keeping with theme. It'll be a joint affair. Mourners can scour the jumble sales for all the best fake silver to lay at your grave.

Who are we inviting?

that sounds like a dig but i deserve it

my family isnt here so u can just bring ur cult of personality

Six feet of digging, Miss Gallagher. But no one puts out real sterling in a churchyard, it'd be gone within the hour. Only pharaohs and utter ponces are buried with their wealth.

(Naturally, I expect mine in full.)

Cult of personality, flock of hungry pigeons: synonyms. Perhaps we can cover that in class.

Edited 2014-05-28 08:13 (UTC)

thats why im going 4 the mountains. ill b buried with my 1000s of $$$$s of credit card debit

mmmmmm pretty sure thats a metaphor teach

1. The whole bar erupted in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.

2. You went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my room.

3. Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.

Dude, I'm jealous. That's on my bucket list.

It was pretty glorious. We finished just in time to see the epic finale as well.

Teach me your ways. I want my sex life to be equally nerdy.

Woman I know for a fact you've had sex during at least three Doctor Who episodes.

When someone agrees to have sex during the Shakespeare Code, you go for it.

I can't figure out if that means you disrespected Martha Jones or saluted her. Choose wisely.

Are you kidding me? Saluted her. Martha is my favorite.

You looked like you needed pears.

Still a remarkably vague answer.

You were very focused on pancakes and I still have no idea why. You kept saying they were the perfect breakfast food.

It's not a lie, Steve. There is no other breakfast food that can compare. And now I'm hungry.

One word. Bacon.

I didn't know what to do with them.

I was very drunk.

I can help you turn them into a crumble?

Yes please. Though it's going to be one mighty big bowl of crumble.

We can try to make some of them into fritters. I've never had pear fritters before, but I'd like to try it.

[It won't be long before there's a knock on Bruce's door. And if he opens it, there will be a woman with a brightly colored dress (as usual) who will greet him with a loud] Darling! [(as usual), and who will then try to rest her hands on his shoulders and kiss the air next to his cheeks (as usual). Milla, even hung over, is a force of nature. A very, very friendly force of nature. Who looks like she stepped out of the sixties.]

I think that part happened after you mentioned using alcohol instead of maple syrup on said pancakes.

Edited (forgot the number, whoops) 2014-05-24 16:11 (UTC)

I stand by my statement that hard cider on pancakes is the best 3am recipe for distaster.

I never said it wasn't. I was going to ask you for that recipe anyway.

1)All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.

2)I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?

3)this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.

4) Send your own

Edited 2014-05-24 05:06 (UTC)

I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis, but I really do need a babysitter.

I can't possibly imagine what gave that away.

I might have accidentally singed my eyebrows off.

You're doing the whole world a favor. Did your bowtie get caught in the mess?

I've got loads of bowties, I've only got two eyebrows.

Except I haven't anymore.

Too bad.

About the bowties, of course.

You're just jealous because you've only got one hoodie.

Yes, that's exactly it.

yeah, and it's the TARDIS.

If that were the case, you'd think she would try to avoid sending me into dangerous situations.

Oh? I'd be willing to volunteer for the position, if you like. ;D

[He stares at his original text for a moment, trying to figure out how Jack could possibly get any sort of potential innuendo out of it, then finally gives up.]

I'm not sure you'd be qualified for the job, Jack.

Usually I get a list of preferences with a text like this or at least a picture.

This better not be you again, Owen. I am not going to tell you the secret to picking up the blond you like down at the pub.

Preferences? Well, I mean, I suppose I want the cool sort of babysitter who lets you jump up on the beds and eat snack foods and stay up late, not the cross kind that makes you sit quietly in your room the whole time. Not that I've ever actually had a babysitter, but I'm pretty sure that's how things are meant to work.

[He's not sure what the picture is for, but he obligingly attaches one anyway.]

[Jack eyes it and considers. He's had worse really. At least it isn't Owen, and Ianto is out for the night. But, there's a bowtie.]

[As he reads the rest, Jack has to shake his head with a grin. This guy has no idea what he meant. Time to have a little fun.]

I'm the kind of babysitter that likes to give spankings. What about that?

...spankings? No, that sounds positively horrid.

[Give it a second...

...then the lightbulb pops on.]

No! I don't want anything sexy, all right?

Don't knock it until you've tried it. I'm very good at what I do.

[Jack bursts out laughing on his end. He can just imagine this bowtie fellow all flustery like a maiden aunt being told a dirty joke.]

I wasn't the one asking for a babysitter. You were. What was I supposed to think?

That I was looking for a responsible adult! Although it was meant as a joke, and apparently went to the wrong recipient...

[But it's probably a good thing that Clara didn't get it, really.]

Jack Harkness is never the wrong recipient. Have you considered that maybe you're the wrong sender?

[See what being in Torchwood does to a person's logic? Or Jack is just being, well, Jack to who he thinks is a harmless but confused human.]

It's a distinct possibility, yes. The odd bit of temporal confusion and all that.

My favorite kind. Used to know a doctor that specialized in it.

It happens to everyone. Don't worry about it. I've had worse texted to me this time of night. Least I got a happy thought out of it.

Yes. Yes you do.

And how does one apply for this job, exactly? How many copies of my resume do you need?

I'm not looking for a sexy babysitter, Jack.

1. If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.

2. YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE

3. For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.

[ ... well. That's an odd thing for him to get from Sam. ]

Would you like me to accompany you so that doesn't happen?

Just your typical ghost that emits electricity. I'm sure this hunt will go smoothly.

It would be no trouble to make time for you. I'll be there as soon as I can.

Good luck with that, Hunter.

Do reapers even have tombstones?

That would depends on what they were before becoming a reaper. Even Crowley has tombstone.

you always say that, sammy

I mean it this time.

now you are just being hurtful. what did I do wrong this time.

I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

Edited 2014-05-24 05:10 (UTC)

1) this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.

2) Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...

3) THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.

I tried to talk you out of it, sir. You pulled rank on me.

Edited 2014-05-24 05:50 (UTC)

I did? Please, PLEASE ignore me next time. My head is killing me.

But you did so well! I was so proud of you!

Getting that drunk in front of that many people is not something to be proud of for either of us.

Well I knew you were going to get picky about that, but fortunately I'm proud enough for both of us.

Next time, no vodka. Actually, next time no drinking when there are people I'm supposed to be making a good impression on and you there to be a bad influence.

If you're going to listen to me when there's vodka involved, frankly whatever happens next is your own fault.

I'm keeping that as proof that you told me I shouldn't listen to you and next time you complain because I don't, I'm showing it to you.

Hey I didn't say you shouldn't listen to me. I'm just saying. I only made the suggestion, you're the one who did it.

Still sounds like "don't listen to me" from where I'm standing.

Yeah, well, if I had a penny for every time you said you weren't gonna listen to me any more...

You probably wouldn't notice it in your piles of money anyway?

...okay, fair. But you still say that a lot and it never happens. C'mon, admit it, you love me being a bad influence.

No I don't.

[and if he did he knows better than to ever give Tony the ammunition of admitting it]

You shouldn't lie to yourself like that

Are we blaming Tony again?

it's the easiest way to go and usually right. also pretty sure that's his jacket over there. so yes. blaming tony.

Do you need to get picked up?

Yes. probably. i'm working on figuring out where i am and then probably.

Just let me know, I'm out doing some stuff anyway.

I'll keep you posted. discovered it's a hotel. Now when I figure out where tony is I can find out how we got here and if there's a car outside.

Good luck with that.

I'm pretty sure we can agree he's okay as long as he's still breathing.

...He is breathing, right?

Don't worry, he's breathing. I wouldn't say okay if he wasn't.

Just wanted to make sure. I know Stark's got a flexible meaning of "okay" sometimes.

At my funeral they'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."

I hope I get to be the one saying it.

nobody was home so I boiled the dildo

I hear that sanitation is a good thing.

its the freakin' weekend

Rock Lee | Naruto

AkaRed - Boukenger Vs Super Sentai/Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger - OTA

Hanna Talbot | OC

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Phoenix Wright | Ace Attorney | OTA

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B

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We can make it clear that he can see if he can text WOOP

C

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C

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B

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ginny weasley | hp

Re: ginny weasley | hp

omg

hello c:

NO DON'T GIVE UP i still can't figure out who this is ;A;

always