ｌｅａｄ ｆｉｓｈ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ldfsh) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2025-07-11 11:35 am
ldfsh) wrote in bakerstreet2025-07-11 11:35 am
Entry tags:
1. Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Maine. Come ovah.
2. 10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel.
3. I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
4. When you wake up don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias.
5. [ text her! misfires/assumed cr welcome! ]
[ info & permissions! ]
2. 10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel.
3. I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
4. When you wake up don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias.
5. [ text her! misfires/assumed cr welcome! ]
[ info & permissions! ]
1. In his defense, you did say 'bite me' before he bit you.
2. No, I can't do that day. The farmer's almanac advises against it.
3. I have like twenty pounds of eggplant to get rid of. Suggestions?
4. It's so fucking hot I might declare the rooftop clothing-optional. Sun's out, buns out.
5. Or text him!
2. No, I can't do that day. The farmer's almanac advises against it.
3. I have like twenty pounds of eggplant to get rid of. Suggestions?
4. It's so fucking hot I might declare the rooftop clothing-optional. Sun's out, buns out.
5. Or text him!
1. Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
2. It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
3. Oral sex and brunch. The perfect Sunday morning.
4. So apparently I’m into choking now
5. Never underestimate the power of titties
2. It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
3. Oral sex and brunch. The perfect Sunday morning.
4. So apparently I’m into choking now
5. Never underestimate the power of titties
1) I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
2) You're completely useless in the revolution.
3) Very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
4) When asking how much alcohol he had, he answered "A college amount" and I couldn't control my facial expression in time.
5) After telling him his STD results were negative, he proceeded to ask me out. Timing.
6) [Text first? Assumed cr / misfires / etc all okay, just let me know!]
2) You're completely useless in the revolution.
3) Very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
4) When asking how much alcohol he had, he answered "A college amount" and I couldn't control my facial expression in time.
5) After telling him his STD results were negative, he proceeded to ask me out. Timing.
6) [Text first? Assumed cr / misfires / etc all okay, just let me know!]
[ooc: Just doing young Alfred this time]
1.) The weather is perfect right now. Warm enough for birds to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
2.) I'll give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, donuts.
3.) It's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
4.) Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
5.) Text him
1.) The weather is perfect right now. Warm enough for birds to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
2.) I'll give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, donuts.
3.) It's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
4.) Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
5.) Text him
1. Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
2. You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. You're a dedicated wingman.
3. I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
4. We are bad people. This is why we are friends.
5. I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
2. You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. You're a dedicated wingman.
3. I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
4. We are bad people. This is why we are friends.
5. I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
1. I think I stole someone's jacket.
2. Were you bitten by a balverine or did you meet someone you like?
3. You seem surprised that I'm trying to bake a pie at 3 in the morning.
4. Run that by me one more time?
5. Text him! Misfires and assumed CR welcome.
2. Were you bitten by a balverine or did you meet someone you like?
3. You seem surprised that I'm trying to bake a pie at 3 in the morning.
4. Run that by me one more time?
5. Text him! Misfires and assumed CR welcome.
1. According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
2. I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
3. There's still a lot I don't remember, like why my iPhone's nailed to your wall
4. I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
5. I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
2. I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
3. There's still a lot I don't remember, like why my iPhone's nailed to your wall
4. I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
5. I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
1. Just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
2. So here I am, sexting at work.
3. I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
4. My lack of Taco Bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
5. I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
2. So here I am, sexting at work.
3. I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
4. My lack of Taco Bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
5. I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
1. I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
2. You know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
3. I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
4. If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
5. I'm always down for nudity.
2. You know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
3. I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
4. If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
5. I'm always down for nudity.
1.) It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
2.) Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
3.) It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
4.) The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
5.) Text her
2.) Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
3.) It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
4.) The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
5.) Text her
1. I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my chest...
2. due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron.' please b.y.o. apron. extra prizes for most creative apron!
3. does going down on me count as a religious experience?
4. [Text him! Misfires, etc welcome!]
2. due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron.' please b.y.o. apron. extra prizes for most creative apron!
3. does going down on me count as a religious experience?
4. [Text him! Misfires, etc welcome!]
Brief bio- A shapeshifting warrior poet alien, who splits his time between superheroics and many human lives, as he tries to find his place on Earth.
1. This is a mass text. Someone is breaking into my apartment. Please send suggestions for the best retribution.
2. You are the fourth person to compare me to Mr Miyagi. If this means you will wax my car, please do.
3. I have been cursed by Morgaine le Fey. Again.
4. I’m pursuing a viral supervillain named Rage Bait. I think I may give up on humanity.
5. Not enough calories. Meet me in the cookie isle.
6. It’s only a small invasion. We can repel it and still catch the movie.
7. Do you have this shade of lipstick? [ What follows is an image of his face, impassive, covered in kiss marks. ]
Or text him! Feel free to direct tags to a particular secret identity.
1. This is a mass text. Someone is breaking into my apartment. Please send suggestions for the best retribution.
2. You are the fourth person to compare me to Mr Miyagi. If this means you will wax my car, please do.
3. I have been cursed by Morgaine le Fey. Again.
4. I’m pursuing a viral supervillain named Rage Bait. I think I may give up on humanity.
5. Not enough calories. Meet me in the cookie isle.
6. It’s only a small invasion. We can repel it and still catch the movie.
7. Do you have this shade of lipstick? [ What follows is an image of his face, impassive, covered in kiss marks. ]
Or text him! Feel free to direct tags to a particular secret identity.
1. It will be an insanely irresponsible summer. The only things I plan on not doing are dying and losing my memory again. And even those are negotiable.
2. Somebody had fun out in the field last night. There's butt prints in the dirt between the corn.
3. Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
4. [Text him!]
2. Somebody had fun out in the field last night. There's butt prints in the dirt between the corn.
3. Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
4. [Text him!]
1. I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
2. I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
3. There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
4. Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
5. location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
2. I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
3. There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
4. Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
5. location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
[ Character info. OTA canons/mediums/ages and assumed CR, but no shipping please. ]
1. You're overreacting. It was just one little assassination.
2. What's stopping you from buying them all if you can't make up your mind. Are you poor?
3. I have videos of last night. Make your best offer before someone else does.
4. I should have known better than to open a package from you while in the presence of polite company. My reputation might never recover.
5. Don't be ridiculous. What kind of world would it be if everyone who committed a crime went to prison.
6. [ Text her! ]
1. You're overreacting. It was just one little assassination.
2. What's stopping you from buying them all if you can't make up your mind. Are you poor?
3. I have videos of last night. Make your best offer before someone else does.
4. I should have known better than to open a package from you while in the presence of polite company. My reputation might never recover.
5. Don't be ridiculous. What kind of world would it be if everyone who committed a crime went to prison.
6. [ Text her! ]
1. Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
2. She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life
3. I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
4. Are these your boobs on my camera?
5. Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
2. She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life
3. I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
4. Are these your boobs on my camera?
5. Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
1. You wanna help? I got shelters with open volunteer shifts.
2. You kissed me, slapped my ass, and then promised to father my babies if I made a beef brisket for you. Bet.
3. Holy shit, how bad was I hurt? These are the good drugs.
4. Got the Intel, but there's a problem.
5. Did anyone else hear that explosion? Cause no one here is reacting and I can't tell if I'm stroking out or if people are just done with Gotham's bullshit.
6. I was told never to touch fine art, but someone's gotta nail you to a wall.
7.[Text him! Misfires, assumed CR, cross canon, batcest, OTA!]
2. You kissed me, slapped my ass, and then promised to father my babies if I made a beef brisket for you. Bet.
3. Holy shit, how bad was I hurt? These are the good drugs.
4. Got the Intel, but there's a problem.
5. Did anyone else hear that explosion? Cause no one here is reacting and I can't tell if I'm stroking out or if people are just done with Gotham's bullshit.
6. I was told never to touch fine art, but someone's gotta nail you to a wall.
7.[Text him! Misfires, assumed CR, cross canon, batcest, OTA!]
1. I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you.
2. Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
3. I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
4. YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
5. text her!
2. Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
3. I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
4. YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
5. text her!
1. No, I can’t stop. That’s when the never ending dread will get me.
2. I didn't really have time to eat today, so tell me what you ate. Drinks don't count.
3. Are you trying to pick a fight or are you trying to flirt with me? I can't tell.
4. Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
5. When the interviewer asked, 'sex?' I said, 'yes'.
6. These guys told me they were going to bury me alive but they didn’t even bring any shovels? Isn’t that undertaking 101?
7. I refuse to believe that the "$1.99 sex shop" is seriously our next mission location
2. I didn't really have time to eat today, so tell me what you ate. Drinks don't count.
3. Are you trying to pick a fight or are you trying to flirt with me? I can't tell.
4. Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
5. When the interviewer asked, 'sex?' I said, 'yes'.
6. These guys told me they were going to bury me alive but they didn’t even bring any shovels? Isn’t that undertaking 101?
7. I refuse to believe that the "$1.99 sex shop" is seriously our next mission location
( currently voicetesting. canon point is usually neo year and neo gothic but. yanno. w/e. )
1. i can feel you judging me through the phone.
2. i'm bleeding from my lower lip, and i have bruises around my neck. it was just easier to say i got mugged.
3. can you confirm that you aren't dead?
4. i'm stuck listening to this guy's sexual fantasies concerning batman. send help.
5. wildcards and misfires go here.
A: death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life.
B: Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me.
C: dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
D: If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
E: Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
F: [ Wildcard! Text Sami. OTA shenanigans, F/M for anything shippy. Misfires, crosscanon, assumed CR all good. Younger version also available withirishwhips by request. ]
B: Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me.
C: dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
D: If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
E: Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
F: [ Wildcard! Text Sami. OTA shenanigans, F/M for anything shippy. Misfires, crosscanon, assumed CR all good. Younger version also available with
irishwhips by request. ] [AS JINX] a. listen, who are u going to believe? the genius and the greatest engineer who EVER walked on earth, or some fatso schmuck with a peg leg who says i ALLEDGELY set his boat on fire and wrote "don't get so fired up" on the deck?
[AS AU POWDER] b. I got it! How about for Saturday night for the Last Drop, we call the hour "Jiva Jive"? Pretty sweet, right?
[AS JINX] c. lets play a game! i start. theres something in the apartment thats broken. can u guess what it is and what caused it?
[AS AU POWDER] d. Hee hee, I knew it! My senses were tingling and told me you'll text me. Out with it, what do you need from me? You're having trouble with question #8 on the homework, aren't you? 😊
e. (text her // either version is good!)
[info! ota gen, especially misfires — canonmates, crosscanon welcome. 25+ for ships.]
1. you left me a note that said the world is blowing up, being the wine.” wtf
2. i need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell.”
3. i just watched him chug a literal gallon of coffee. my condolences to his kidneys.
4. rich men love me! i remind them of their trophy wife!!
5. it’s done, i’m done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
6. everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
7. text him!
1. you left me a note that said the world is blowing up, being the wine.” wtf
2. i need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell.”
3. i just watched him chug a literal gallon of coffee. my condolences to his kidneys.
4. rich men love me! i remind them of their trophy wife!!
5. it’s done, i’m done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
6. everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
7. text him!
Edited 2025-07-11 17:00 (UTC)
- 1. Think about it. You really need to raise your standards.
2. I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
3. I am sorry for being vulgar. Can cookies make up for it?
4. I'm out of breath and my thighs burn, but at least it's over.
5. ( text him! )
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