bakerstreet

1. The weather here is the kind that makes you want to lie naked in a dark room.

2. How the fuck am I supposed to make breakfast with Spaghettios and mustard?

3. If I sang I'm On A Boat at karaoke night would you join me?

4. Ice cream and tacos are an important aspect of any friendship.

5. I can't believe you gave me a high five with your hand covered in blood.

6. We're in the kiddie pool eating marshmallows and drinking wine. Please dress casually.

7. Text him!

1) Any plans for tonight, cancel them. I have a better one instead.

2) If you thought nearly dying would stop me from collecting the payment on time, I’m rather disappointed in you.

3) I don’t want to hear any complaints about the passport you’re getting this time.

4) Closing your door doesn’t stop the smell coming from it, you know.

5) He sang during the interrogation. Literally. Haven’t had that done in awhile.

6) Message him! Misfires, crosscanon, and assumed CR are welcome.

not dying again**
the night is still young

Every time I smell smoke I think of Pokémon.

1. If you want a lobotomy just lmk.
2. I can't hang out tonight, I have a bit I need to commit to
3. There's actually a very simple solution to all of your relationship problems.
4. He asked me if I can "take the dog in him out for a walk"
5. Text him!

1. if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night i was actually just checking you had a pulse.
2. as you were leaving, you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "it's cool i came in with this". they did not believe you.
3. i reject the description of "just a natural disaster: a real bundle of powerful magic and poor judgement". considering i have to borrow power typically, only the poor judgement part is marginally fair.
4. no idea where i am, but i'm sure i'll figure it out! don't send help.
5. i can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret.
6. you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
7. ( s1 only or au. ota canon, crosscanon, ocs. -- other long lived creatures? idk. can normalize for aus. misfires encouraged, knowing his luck... )

1. I don't know why he's complaining, I'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.

2. He chose me to be his birthday sex... theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang.

3. hey i'm sure you are probably asleep because you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?

4. I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your dick in a warm banana peel.

5. So, I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt and lube. Not awkward or anything.

6. (or send one.)

001. i'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
002. i might need your help faking a death later...
003. for the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
004. i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
005. you are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence i've ever met.

I'm intrigued. Let me put down the sledgehammer.

Edited (remembering numbers lulz) 2023-09-15 16:44 (UTC)

Now do you think that's because Alfred is too much of a gentleman to say 'fuck buddy' or because he loves mocking you?

I did tell you he'd figure it out.

1. Yes, that's all I found you with this morning. Butt-ass naked with MY robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.

2. I tried to explain to security how we all have "skeletons in our closets" but he wouldn't listen.

3. Text her.

Was that person attractive?

1. I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went inside to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a beautiful woman there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

2. Well I scaled a 3 storey building last night to get laid. What have you done for your penis lately?

3. If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes.

4. Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through the wake and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it. There was a musical number, be glad you missed it.

5. Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has every kind of sex organ that looks cute and sounds like a femme Antonio Banderas and likes to get very strange?

Edited 2023-09-15 16:20 (UTC)

We are going and we are entering you in it.

1) Would you like to stop in to look at a cupperty?
2) What are you meant to do with the pin after you'll pulled it from the fire extinguisher?
3) How are you meant to keep the peas frozen? They've gone soft in my pocket.
4) Someone called me a cinnamon roll, then laughed when I asked if they were going to eat me for breakfast.
5) Is part of the hobby observing humans mating? The blinds are drawn so I can only see the shadows.

And here I thought we were just going to get pizza

How good are these new plans?

1. I'm locked out of my room for the third time this week, because my roommate is getting lucky. Would you mind if I bunk with you?
2. Beer Pong champions win free drinks the rest of the night.
3. I wouldn't normally ask, but there's only one shower in the locker room open, and we're both gross from the specialist pond...Did you want to shower with me?
4. What kind of vibe am I giving off tonight. I have gotten no less than three dick pics since we got here and that was less than 15 minutes ago.
5. I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think they're clean so that's a plus.

1. your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
2. we’re making bets on your personal life
3. His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
4. I tried to tell her I love her but it came out something like “We’re both fucked up and it works.”
5. [text him!]

what's the bit?

Short version- Kafka is a blue-collar kaiju corpse cleaner who has mysteriously started turning into a kaiju himself. Now trying to live his dream as a kaiju killer.
Assumed CR, positive or negative, is encouraged!

1. This old lady on the bus keeps staring at me, I'm gonna throw hands in a minute.

2. Wow, cool, I'm going to beat your ass.

3. Sorry about your door.

4. I said you're terrible, not that I don't like you.

5. Need backup.

6. You ask way too many questions about my dick, but I will answer them, so who's really to blame?

7. Can you please send me a picture?

8. Wildcard! Anything!

Now why would you want me to do that? Do you not enjoy our conversations?

1. You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.

2. Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all I've accomplished is 5 new poke wars, which I will most certainly continue after this weekend.

3. Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me?

4. I have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every Taylor Swift song!

5. When you come home, I just want to let you know we are cats now.

1. Did it hurt when the cum got in your eye...
2. I thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until I sobered up. Sorry.
3. I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him All Might...
4. Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
5. Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's party and somehow left with his best friend. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
6. Rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
7. Thought a girl was checking me out today. Took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin.

tfln

Sanji | One Piece (live action)

Kaz Brekker | Grishaverse | OTA

2

3

fyodor dostoevsky / bsd

xie lian — tgcf / heaven official's blessing

Yuri Plisetsky | Yuri!!! On ICE

boy blue | fables

1

1

1.

Sister Imperator | Ghost

4

Luka Forrester —OC— OtA

1

Muriel | Good Omens

3.

1

no subject

dick grayson | dc | ota

2

Kafka Hibino 🦖 Kaiju No.8 - OTA

2

euphemia li britannia | code geass

todoroki shouto | my hero academia | ota